Flush it Friday: An Open Letter to Red Plum

Dear sirs,

Almost every day I come home from work and check my mail, hoping that Mailmanbro has taken notice of my virtuous acts and rewarded me with a rare powerviolence 7″. Instead of validation in the form of physical goods, I am inundated with limited time offers for rare coins and Weight Watchers. These colorful pages of irrelevant ads are emblazoned with the name of your company at the top, Red Plum.

I apologize, but I believe there has been a mix-up in our correspondence. It seems that you have mistaken me for someone who asked for a wadded up pile of bullshit to be stuffed in his mailbox twice-weekly. It’s probably a common error. There must be dozens of people across the United States who anxiously await a random assortment of advertisements jammed into their mailbox, otherwise bending and obscuring any items of actual import within the box. Perhaps to ensure that those voracious Red Plum fans get your circular, you should require that they opt-in to receiving your product rather than blanketing the Austin metro area in more than 100 million pages of hilariously wasteful garbage a year.

Red Plum

This shit.

Once a week I take my recycling to the appropriate recycling center because I am bleeding heart libtard trash. Many of my neighbors do not practice the same self-loathing exercise, instead opting to deposit your circular directly into the dumpster, where it is transported at great expense to the city to an ever-growing landfill. Rather than requiring the services of the United States Postal Service and the municipal waste services, perhaps you could strive for efficiency and deposit your product directly to a garbage island?

Or perhaps you could adapt to the modern era of environmentalism and advertising standards by targeting your ads at consumers who have already expressed interest in specific products rather than continuing to blanket the earth in your wadded up piles of bullshit?

Sincerely,

Jonas P. Thrashnkill


Today is a holiday in much of the world, so we’re ending the day a little early. This is Flush it Friday. The comments below are open for you to share your success stories and vent your frustrations.

Written by:

Published on: March 25, 2016

Filled Under: Open Swim, Opinion

Views: 1479

Tags: , ,

  • Dubs

    Good: Friday. Huehuehue
    Bad: Nothing really. Today is a good day.
    ugly: Changing seasons means allergies are picking up again. Oh well.

    • Sir Tapir The Based

      Allergies mean great pains to the Tapir.

      • Dubs

        Sorry, friend. I feel your pain.

      • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

        Same here, and I don’t think my smoking is making it any better.

    • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

      And you didn’t even need your AK. Today was a good day.

  • Duuuuuuuuude! The wheels on that CAT are grind as fuck!

    • Dubs

      During one of my internships, I got to learn to operate one of these bad boys. It was a lot of fun. (RFI).

      http://image.digitalinsightresearch.in/uploads/imagelibrary/nri/mining/features/The%20biggest%20front%20end%20loaders/2-imageCat-994H.jpg

      • Rad dude!!! That would be a lot of fun for sure. I knew a guy who worked at a mine, can’t remember which kind of mine. Anyways, the guy that was filling up one of those tires with air had one explode next to him and he died. Pretty insane.

        • Dubs

          Even 18-wheeler truck tires can kill someone if they explode. Don’t ever slash a commercial vehicle’s tire.

          • Damn, didn’t know that. Fuck, I’m such a wuss. I’m afraid of balloons exploding. Derp.

          • Dubs

            When I was just a little kid, I was riding on the front of my brother’s bike. The front tire blew out, and we both flipped over. I got a concussion and broke my collar bone. He was concussed and had a lock of scrapes. Tires are evil.

          • I had something sort of similar happen to me on my bike once. I was going down a hill and had my tire pop and ended up losing control and beefing it big time on the pavement. Showering for the next week was the most painful experience.

          • Dubs

            Hopefully you were wearing a helmet!

          • I was, which reminds me I need to stop being such a dumb-fukk and start wearing one again.

          • Dubs

            As a safety-oriented engineer, I encourage you to wear one 😉

          • Boss the “Hoss” Ross

            I encourage you all to enjoy Helmet.
            https://youtu.be/f5mB9U07DT0

          • and to only drive vehicles with a … manual transmission

          • Boss the “Hoss” Ross

            In other words…

            https://youtu.be/48S2ldHK1Tk

          • Dubs

            Helmet >>

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls
          • ME GORAK B.C.™

            YAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

          • I took a really hard fall trying to avoid some asshole in a truck last week. My head slammed the pavement. I don’t normally wear a helmet but I was glad I did that morning. Helmet convert now.

          • That’s all it takes bro.

          • megachiles

            My father-in-law was in a pretty brutal cycling accident about 20 years ago.
            On his commute to work a driver fell asleep at the wheel and drove him down. The EMTs had to scoop his intestines back into his body to transport him to the local hospital. They lived in Alaska at the time, so he ended up being careflighted to Seattle for intensive care and rehab for about 6 months. He ended up with plates in his skull, a bolted up spine, and janked up motor control in one of his hands.

            The only thing that saved him from being a vegetable/dead was his helmet, which shattered during the accident. He kept the pieces for bicycle safety lectures at my wife’s elementary school. He still bikes to work in smalltown Texas 3 times a week.

            TLDR: Safety first, peeps.

          • Holy fucking shit

          • megachiles

            Forgot to mention my wife and her older sister thinks he also ended up with some undiagnosed brain damage. E.g. after the accident he became prone to bouts of anger, moodiness, and lack of coherent thought under certain conditions.

            JOE WEAR A HELMET, BBZ 🙁

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            That’s how Gary Busey ended up like he is. He dislodged a certain part of his brain when he had that motorcycle accident, and the difference between him now and him before the accident is startling.

          • more beer

            All of those are pretty consistent with a traumatic brain injuries long term effects.

          • Dubs

            Whoah

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            One of my friends drove his motorcycle while drunk back in ’99 and got thrown a good 50 feet after getting hit. Shattered the helmet, and when I visited him in the hospital, the left side of his head was shifted over. More likely than no, he’s gonna be a vegetable for life,

          • megachiles

            Damn 🙁 A trainer at my gym just lost his foot on his bike after a drunk driver hit him.

            Life can truly be a shitshow sometimes.

          • I got hit by a car while riding a bike at age 13. I’ve worn a helmet religiously ever since.

          • Lacertilian

            So only on Sundays?

          • Christmas and Easter.

          • more beer

            You should go to Albuquerque one day and watch all of the idiots crashing hot air balloons. It is quite amusing.

          • Dubs

            My oldest sister is moving to Albuquerque. Will probably spend Thanksgiving there with them this year.

          • more beer

            Nice. I need to go down there and visit some friends. That I haven’t seen in a while.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            I worked at the construction company my grandfather worked at back in ’95 (cleaning the garages), and one of the tires on the 18 wheelers burst. No one got hurt, but you could hear that motherfucker from a little more than a while away, and people about to hit the dirt.

  • Good: Quit drinking again.
    Bad: Quit drinking again.
    Ugly: The reason why I decided to quit drinking again.

  • Boss the “Hoss” Ross
  • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

    Good: Not recycling
    Bad: Human garbage
    Ugly: Being at work

    • Dubs

      I’m working today too. I’d rather be sleeping.

      • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

        I’d rather be playing guitar. But sleeping is always rad.

        • I just want to play continuous blast beats. All the time.

    • Human Garbage is a really shitty Grind album by a shit band.

      • haha, well as time has proven we like shitty Grind!

        • UNCLE BLACKBEARD

          with a poop drummer!

      • Boss the “Hoss” Ross

        Won’t be buying that cassette when it comes out…

  • tigeraid

    The Good: While I do not celebrate the Pagan holiday of Easter, it IS Easter Friday and I don’t have to work. Sikk.
    The Bad: It was 14 degrees and I was raking leaves one week ago. Now it is snowing. Climate change can kiss my ass.
    The Ugly: More and more of my friends are revealing themselves to be super far right-wing nutjobs (at least for Canadians) on facebook, despite being surprisingly normal in real life. I don’t know how to handle it.

  • Salvador Dalí Lama
  • Celtic Frosty

    See also: phone books

  • YourLogicIsFlushed

    Even worse than those friggin ads, for some terrible reason, for two years I have been receiving gossip mags in the mail constantly. I have checked my bank accounts, I am not paying for them. What terrible justice it is that the only thing I get for free in this world is a weekly update on the kardashians?

    • Dubs

      I signed you up for a lifetime supply of 12 month trials.

      • YourLogicIsFlushed

        Much appreciated, I am sure the neighbor that pulls it out of the mail garbage-can thanks you as well. I was pretty sure it was a prank at first, but now that is has gone on for so long I no longer have a clue.

    • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

      #KimKardashian’sAssBrokeYourMailbox

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    Good: Fear Factory is coming up, my last paycheck

    Bad: Old Navy gave me conflicting hours with my other job on Wednesday

    Ugly: Spin Doctors

  • Boss the “Hoss” Ross

    Good: mailmanbro, recordstorebro, Toileteers, Heavy Metal, good beer, good friends.
    Good Good: I met my first fellow Toileteers on Tuesday, Lief Bearikson and Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple
    Good Good Good: We met at a Tribulation/Skeletonwitch/High on Fire/Abbath show that was loud and heavy

    I don’t want to but I’m gonna give a Bad: I was scoping out Dark Descent’s sale this week and picked out the vinyl I wanted, but i needed to wait a few days to buy. I checked the prices everyday and when I finally went to place the order the stuff I wanted was out of stock. Overnight. It sucks.

    • UNCLE BLACKBEARD

      Happens to me all the time

      • Boss the “Hoss” Ross

        All I wanted was Mgla and Immortal… what’s a guy have to do?

        • UNCLE BLACKBEARD

          Buy them soon as you see you see them. It took me two or three times to get my Mgla for that same reason

        • Dubs

          Yo, I actually ordered Emperor’s Prometheus just the other day.

          • UNCLE BLACKBEARD

            I can’t tell you how good of an idea that was

          • Dubs

            I really enjoy the record and have for a while but didn’t own it physically.

          • UNCLE BLACKBEARD

            It is one of two Emperor and ihsahn album I don’t own yet

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Least favorite by them.

          • Dubs

            This does not surprise me. It’s the closest to Ihsahn’s solo stuff, but I dig it. it’s a very smart, dense record.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Exactly. It was essentially an Ihsahn solo album.

          • Dubs

            Oddly enough, I haven’t ever been hooked by his solo stuff.

          • Boss the “Hoss” Ross

            What format did you get? I’m curious to know what Dubs’ collection is like.

          • Dubs

            I keep myself to a pretty small entertainment budget, so I usually buy CD’s. Vinyl if I’m feeling real fancy/find a great deal.

          • Boss the “Hoss” Ross

            Cool!

        • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

          All I wanted was Mgla and Immortal, INSTITUTION!!!!!

          http://www.alliwantedwasapepsi.com/pepsi_mike.jpg

          • Boss the “Hoss” Ross

            Perfect!

    • DUDE! One of the most demoralizing things as a record collector is going to a online distro, clicking add to cart and seeing that “OUT OF STOCK” message. Total downer man.

      • Boss the “Hoss” Ross

        They weren’t even on the site anymore I messaged them and asked what happened.

        • Dayum.

          • Boss the “Hoss” Ross

            Really good prices too. Totally sucked. I’ve learned my lesson now though.

      • UNCLE BLACKBEARD

        It happened to me with blood in our wells this very morning I had to get the swan road instead

  • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

    Good: nothing in particular.

    Bad: new Lord Mantis song sucks ass. Fell 1 – Markuszewski 0

    Ugly: terrorist attacks in my country.

    • Dubs

      I’m really sorry for your people.

      • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

        Thanks man.

        • UNCLE BLACKBEARD

          i echo Ws sentiments

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            Thanks Blackbeard.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Same here.

    • Boss the “Hoss” Ross

      I was glad to read your comments after that happened, I was worried for you.

      • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

        I live in a more rural province. I seldomly ever go to Brussels, so there’s no real danger for me.

        • Boss the “Hoss” Ross

          Good to know. I figured it was a long shot that you were effected, but you can’t ever tell.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            The 2nd of May I have to take the Thalys train from Brussels to Paris. In Paris I have to take the plane because I’m going on a trip to China for a month. I won’t feel entirely comfortable that day hahaha!

          • Boss the “Hoss” Ross

            Dang! Best vibes and positive thoughts your way man. Be safe!

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            Thanks man!

          • YourLogicIsFlushed

            That’s basically the same trip I took, but replace China with Chicago lol.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            Hahaha!

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Hopefully you went off the beaten path when you were in Chicago. The touristy spots get old pretty quick, and there’s tons of hidden gems over there. Lol, I got used to tourists asking me where Obama’s house is in my old neighborhood, and they were probably pissed when they found out that that whole area is barricaded for several blocks.

          • YourLogicIsFlushed

            Oh no, I used to live there, that was my return trip home haha. On the east coast now though.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Oh! Exact same situation as me, then. I’m in VA now.

          • Boss the “Hoss” Ross
          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            Hahaha!

        • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

          That and you live in a block of cheese. #FrankFacts

          http://whatscookingamerica.net/History/LimburgerCheese3.jpg

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            Hahaha isn’t that Dutch?

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls
          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            Well, the province where I live in Belgium (‘Belgian Limburg’, which shares the border with ‘Dutch Limburg’) is actually more Dutch than it is Belgian. A lot of Dutch people live here, as well as – because it’s an old mining province – a lot of Italians, Turks… We’re way more laid back than most of the other Flemish provinces.

    • more beer

      That was some horrible shit this week.

      • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

        Yeah, what’s even more horrible is the incompetence of our politicians and our forces. The suicide bombers were already widely known to authorities. They even got a fucking tip from the community in Molenbeek who the radicalizing elements over there were. The attackers and others could’ve been arrested months before this happened. But what did they do? Nothing. It all has to do with politics. It’s some dirty shit.

        • Salmon of Knowledge

          It´s a shame that they only get people after the attacks happened.
          A senseless loss of life.
          I hope the terrorists will get caught before they attack more european cities, because for sure, they are already there.

        • more beer

          Most don’t agree with my views of the whole terrorist thing here. But your attitude changes when they kill people you know. Politicians don’t give a fuck. The chances of them getting killed by them are very slim. It is the regular people who end up dead. I am pretty sure there is space at Gitmo they could have sent them to. I was watching something last night. Where they were complaining they didn’t feel like Belgian citizens. So they are angry. This is the reason for these attacks. What a bunch of bullshit. They aren’t citizens. That’s the bottom line.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            When it comes to the “radicalization” issues, it really is more of a Moroccan problem. We also have lots of Turkish and Albanian people over here (both Muslim groups) and there really aren’t any problems with them. Some mob activity here and there, sure. But that’s the same for the Italian, Greek, Russian or even Dutch enclaves over here. Turks have their own “enclaves” with their own shops and stores, but others (including the indigenous Belgians) are welcome over there.

            With Moroccans it’s a case of two extremes. I know quite some Moroccans that are great people. When they do integrate, they integrate quite well and there are even intermarriages taking place. I know more Belgian, Dutch or Italian guys with a Moroccan wife or girlfriend than ones with a Turkish one.
            But when it comes to communities such as Molenbeek… Even way back, before the large scale immigration happened, those were always impoverished working class communities. When the Moroccans in the 70’s came to Belgium as guest workers they put lots of them in an already impoverished area after which they allowed around 50,000 people from the Moroccan community to settle in the same area. Then they allowed said area to become even more rundown and decrepit. Really, what did they expect? When you allow ghettoization with any group of people, bad news is bound to happen.

            Prime example of failed integration due to incompetent politics. The Belgian state is just as guilty.

          • more beer

            That still doesn’t justify killing innocent people. There are ghettos all over the world. Once again the politicians don’t give a fuck about these people either. But I also think. If you are going to move to another country you should try to assimilate. Learn the language and the culture of where you have moved to. Maybe be thankful that they even had you. My biggest issue with the whole middle eastern refugee thing is . None of the Muslim countries with the exception of Turkey and Lebanon are willing take any in. I think it would be much better if they went to places that shared their culture and beliefs.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            Assimilation is complicated though. It all sounds good on paper, but in reality it’s difficult to pull off, especially when a certain group comes from a completely different culture and background. And when complete assimilation isn’t encouraged right from the beginning, it’s not going to happen.

          • more beer

            It used to be done here regularly. Immigrant groups came here. Learned the language and culture. Still kept their own and parts of their culture became parts of American culture. But that ship has sailed. Now at least once a day at my job I get asked do I speak Spanish. I Can curse them out in their language but that’s about it. 10 years in New Mexico you learn all the bad words. I don’t know why they ask me this as I am as white as can be. I have to tell them I am American we speak English every time.

          • More than 20% of the country is Hispanic. Kids learn Spanish in school. The whole “This is America, we speak English” thing is a crock. It’s not 1950 anymore.

          • more beer

            The native language here is English not English as a second language. Is the Declaration of Independence or the Constitution written in Spanish? No they are written in English. When they are, I will think about learning Spanish.

          • more beer

            Nope telling the truth. Something people have forgotten how to do in the PC age.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            I always got the idea that “White” Americans (I mean “white” from an European background) and Hispanics got along well enough in the grand scheme of things. Better than whites and blacks seem to do. But I could be mistaken of course, the internet isn’t really the best source for this.

          • more beer

            I have plenty of hispanic friends. I was certainly the minority when I lived in New Mexico. I also have plenty of black friends who I actually liked more than a lot of the white kids grew up with. More than anything the media stirs shit up and make things seem much more polarizing than the are.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            True. A lot of that race related crap seems to be the most prevalent on the internet. Years ago I went to school with people from a lot of different backgrounds (as my school was often referred to as the “immigrant school”): Italians, Turks, Dutch, Moroccans, Kurds, Albanians, Armenians, Greeks…a few Chechens…and even a Curaçaoan, a Jamaican and a British guy (who don’t really have big communities over here). Most of them I still regularly talk to till this day. But even I think this “white guilt” crap we’re sometimes forcefed in the media is often ridiculous. What annoys me even more is that a lot of those PC to the bone people often don’t really have any friends with a different background. Yet they think they know those communities better than someone like me; despite the fact that I’m the one who has always actually interacted with those communities. I even was invited and went to two Moroccan, one Turkish and one Albanian wedding and I hang out a lot in Italian circles.

          • more beer

            I lived in the projects in the South Bronx for a year. The cops were afraid to go into the courtyard of the buildings. I never had a problem. Everyone knew me and just thought I was poor like them. I would love to see some of these PC people do that. But yea it is very easy for them to say things when they don’t have to live it. Growing up in New York the melting pot of the world. It is impossible to not be friends with a ton of different people of different ethnicities.

          • While I’m not from a poor neighborhood, I can say that there is quite a diverse crowd of races, religions and ethnicities in the northeast and people get along quite well. If you can’t get down with that, head down south with the Whites R Us crowd.

          • more beer

            I grew up in a very middle class neighborhood. But at the same time the projects were less than a mile away. I went to school with all of the kids from there. Many of whom are still my friends. So yea if you can’t get along with people you should leave..

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Actually, the racism here in the South is nowhere near as bad as it is in the Midwest, from my own experience.

          • Dubs

            Oh yah. The more backwards parts of Michigan/Indiana my family is from are way more regressive than where I am in Texas.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Backwards part of Indiana = all of IN.

          • more beer

            No but they make up for it by their hate of people in the navy. Even though that is what keeps their economy going.

          • Boss the “Hoss” Ross

            The South hates the Navy?

          • more beer

            No I was talking more about where he lives. Norfolk, Newport News area. I was stationed there and the locals didn’t like the navy people. To the point they had signs that said dogs and sailors keep off of the grass.

          • Boss the “Hoss” Ross

            Ah, gotcha.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Same with Chicago, even though you’ll notice very quickly how segregated different neighborhoods can get. Even MLK commented about that way back when.

          • more beer

            I think it is like that in every major city. New York is certainly like that.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Pretty sure it’s the same deal there as it is in Chicago, where you don’t go into certain neighborhoods, especially if they don’t know you. Stepping into an area like Englewood or Auburn Gresham (which is now the most violent neighborhood in America) as an outsider is begging for either an ass beating or getting shot.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Don’t forget who you’re talking to.

          • more beer

            I know.

          • Cute. The guy that likes to leave racial slurs in the comment filter thinks I’m a PC asshole.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Those are the same people that go to other countries for vacation and expect everyone to speak English, since they were too lazy to learn even a couple of phrases from the country they’re visiting.

          • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

            Semi-Related fact: There two languages that are verging on being more important that Finnish in Finland, plus you can do well with English.
            Which is to say, that’s how things are I guess. Better get used to it.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            I’m not really up to date on the immigration situation in the USA. I don’t know how the relations between the Anglo-Americans and Hispanics are, as I can’t witness it first hand.

    • YourLogicIsFlushed

      Bad times man, are you Belgian? I was lucky enough to visit Brussels for a few days back in 2013. It was a good time, we basically stayed at some random guy’s house and he was the coolest. I’d love to go back, but maybe not yet.

      • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

        Yeah, I’m from Belgium. I live in Limburg, near the Dutch border. Chances you will be the victim of a terrorist attack are always small, but of course, if it happens, you’re screwed. And Brussels is at the moment by far the riskiest destination in all of Belgium.

        • YourLogicIsFlushed

          Truth, I think staying away from somewhere you want to go because of terrorism is a stupid idea. There are still many places in Europe I need to go to first before I retrace my footsteps. Hopefully by then it will be a little better.

          • Salmon of Knowledge

            Slovenia is a must-see in Europe, I spent my best Holidays there.
            I can´t give a non-discriminating answer why this country is so clean and inhabited by nice people, but this is just the case.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Lol, that first part sounds like Randy Blythe Syndrome!

            http://cdn.meme.am/instances/500x/24053303.jpg

        • dang man, sorry i just assumed you lived in NY cause of the nickname 😉

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            Haha no I stole my name from the Christopher Walken movie.

        • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

          From what I read, Brussels is still on lockdown for the most part.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            It’s on semi-lockdown. Friend of mine works in Brussels and he still had to go to work since yesterday. But some parts of it are on lockdown. Apparently there was another police operation and shooting in Molenbeek today.

          • more beer

            New York was locked down for like a week after 9/11. Trains weren’t running highways were closed. They weren’t letting anyone into Manhattan.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            It’s not so bad in Brussels. People can still go in and out of the city. A lot of people are even gathering at the city’s main square. So it isn’t really on lockdown, but caution is advised.

          • more beer

            The reality is people have to go on with their lives.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            True. If you want to stay inside your house the rest of your life out of fear some terrorist attack may end you, you might as well put a gun to your head.

          • more beer

            Living in fear is no way to live.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Yikes!

  • COAL ROLL

    That will never happen because the cost of the advertising in this is so fucking cheap, and the response metrics that RedPlum and SmartSource drive crushes every other media out there.

  • Maik Beninton™

    Nothing to flush. My sister made our own eggs this year cause fuck those prices.

  • COAL ROLL

    Today is a holiday for sheep who believe fictional stories

    • Also those who believe in the invisible hand of the market.

    • the whole concept of a “holiday” or “holy day” needs to disappear. there are too many faiths across the globe now. and some aren’t even holy, like Presidents’ Day or May the 4th.

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      Coal Roll plz! I’m religious!

  • Good: Daredevil S2 (after episode 1), dat IV record
    Good: you fuckers
    Good: Isis and Cult of Luna

    • On episode 4 of Daredevil. Didn’t realize how gory this show was. Loving it so far.

      • Boss the “Hoss” Ross

        YESSSSS!!!!

      • yeah man, glad you’re watching! it’s good even for non comic book nerds

        • For sure, I mean I did enjoy Jessica Jones too.

          • UNCLE BLACKBEARD

            my old lady made fun of that show lol

          • I may or may not have enjoyed that show more for the sake that Krysten Ritter is just so goddamn sexy.

          • i need to finish the last two eps. her sister in that show can’t act her way out of a paper bag 🙁

          • Max

            I just Googled her; she is.

            I have a request: Guys, whenever we bring up the subject of an attractive actress, unless she’s really well-known, can we please have a convention of always including a photo in the post?

            Granted it doesn’t take too much effort for me to open another tab and find an image; but it does really bolster your argument if you can provide “footnotes” immediately to hand, y’know?

      • UNCLE BLACKBEARD

        i only made it thru Ep 1 last night

        • Shit gets much better.

          • UNCLE BLACKBEARD

            word yeh, that episode wasnt great

      • Edward/Breegrodamus™

        I’ve only finished the 5th episode of s2 but so far it’s much more violent / more gory than the first season was.

    • YourLogicIsFlushed

      Have you heard the new CoL stuff with Julie Christmas? I think I might have to sit that record out. Otherwise, Post Metal>>>>>

      • i have not heard the new stuff yet. i’ll try it today! (and watch out for a McNulty Post Metal article soon…)

        • YourLogicIsFlushed

          I love female vocals with post (like Isis had on a few songs on Oceanic) but what I have heard so far is not to my taste.

          • EsusMoose

            When is that album coming out?

          • YourLogicIsFlushed

            I didn’t write it down because I probably won’t get it haha.

          • EsusMoose

            Ah april 6th, I’ll have to try the track that’s on spotify, seemed like it could be interesting

          • Óðinn
          • YourLogicIsFlushed

            Listened to that yesterday, it’s not bad… but I think it is just not an album that I will love.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            Christmas’ vocals don’t really do anything for me either.

          • i liek this!

          • Óðinn
          • Dubs

            I pre-ordered it. I don’t love her vocals, but I love Cult of Luna.

          • this was a good.

      • Dubs

        I pre-ordered it.

      • Óðinn
        • Janitor Jim Duggan

          She’s pretty.

          • Óðinn

            That’s true. I have a man-to-woman, heterosexual crush on Julie Christmas.

          • you’re in a safe place, Odinn

          • My accountant, Larry Rosenblatt, just got me a huge tax refund, and tickets to “Bring in Da Noise, Bring in Da Funk”. The noise was good, but I thought they phoned in a lot of the funk.

        • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls
          • Boss the “Hoss” Ross

            Upvote for Firefly

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Never seen it, but I’ve heard a lot about it.

          • Boss the “Hoss” Ross

            WATCH IT!

          • one million upvotes (were it possible)

          • Boss the “Hoss” Ross

            And one million back to you!

      • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

        The first single sounded like a regular CoL song, with JC backing vox. The next one was much better methinks.

    • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

      Isis (the band) >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

      Cult of Luna >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

    • Maik Beninton™

      I gotta watch it when I get back home. I only saw the first of the first season.

    • Old Man Doom

      Just realized that the new Ihsahn and Cult of Luna come out on the same day. Fuck my savings.

      • dang, Ihsahn… an “After Pt. 2” would really tickle my dill

    • megachiles

      We’re 8 episodes into S2 now. I’m still unsure if I like this season more than last season.

  • EsusMoose

    Good: Had spring break, food, march madness has been fun to keep track of for once
    Bad: Snowed like crazy up in the north, felt like I wasted spring break, realized how dependent I’m on the internet for entertainment. Fell getting out of the shower and landed on the metal bar that’s on those sliding door shower things, bruised or cut most of my left shin and half of my foot.
    Ugly: Had an interstate drive yesterday and drank a lot of mountain dew. Holy shit I felt like a blob of vomit for most of it.

  • As a homeowner, Joe is right on with this. I get these stupid ads, credit card ads, car insurance ads and every other imaginable ad for utterly useless shit in the mail each day. And while we recycle by law here in NJ, the fact that I have to sift through it each day for important mail is a nuisance in itself.

    Good: Some of you are off today.
    Bad: I am not and I doubt there is any prospect of going home early. So I will sit here and do next to nothing for the next 4 hours.
    Ugly: The Easter Bunny

    • Boss the “Hoss” Ross

      I feel you. 7 down 3 to go

      • UNCLE BLACKBEARD

        fuck work. 3 jobs left and i work tomorrow

        • Work can go fuck itself.

          • Boss the “Hoss” Ross

            It helps with the music collection though… it’s a love/hate relationship

          • True, if I had more disposable income, I wouldn’t be so pissed about it all the time.

          • Boss the “Hoss” Ross

            So very true.
            My company has been slacking this year, it sucks.

          • Manowar?

          • Boss the “Hoss” Ross

            I’m not currently working for them. In due time Jimmy, in due time.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Fuck work, I just wanna bang on the drums all day.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            Todd Rundgren wrote that song. I love his work.

  • Joey’s upset because he has mastered the art of appropriate advertising after running a successful blog for almost two years and the media moguls haven’t yet with their decades of experience

  • BobLoblaw

    Good: I’m on vacation for the next two weeks and have my birthday off for the first time in 5 years.
    Bad: Having to decide whether to renew my lease or look for another place during said vacation.
    Ugly: The inside of my car. I need to clean it.

    • UNCLE BLACKBEARD

      if your lease is like ours, they keep raising rent by about 80 a year. we are going to have to move after this next one. a mortgage is way cheaper

      • BobLoblaw

        Going up by $60 to $810 which is pretty damn cheap still. Ill probably buy in the next year or two.

        • UNCLE BLACKBEARD

          810 is super cheap around here

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Lol, the 810 area code (Flint, MI) is pretty cheap! You could probably buy a house there for about $300.

          • more beer

            But I am pretty sure building a bunker to keep your family safe is pretty expensive.. Plus all of the bottled water you need to buy.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            And probably having to replace your stolen car every two weeks can get expensive.

          • more beer

            That’s what insurance is for. But the rates must be really high there. Or you can get one of these.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aLhWzMOccTg

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            LMAO!!!!

          • more beer

            That is a real thing.

          • BobLoblaw

            Im just a bit south of Richmond in Va. Its super cheap for anywhere though. Get rid of one of my bedrooms and 200+ square feet then add $600 and i could get rid of my 208 mile round trip drive to work 6 times a month. Ill keep it for now.

        • owning a home is pretty cool, but nobody told me the property manager’s phone number for when shit breaks :/

          • BobLoblaw

            Haha. Im actually fine when it comes to stuff like that and whatever home I buy will increase in value because of contacts and what i already know. Thats the pie in the sky plan anyway.

  • Dave Vincent’s Perm

    Good: strung up my Jackson again after a week of playing my old RG. As ever Jackson >>>>>>>>
    Good: anyone else think the Toilet should have a gear column?
    Ugly: fucking floyd roses

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      I guess I won’t buy a guitar with a Floyd Rose.

      • Dave Vincent’s Perm

        You can just block it off and it’ll be as easy to deal with as any hardtail, but I like having it unblocked for dem necro pull-ups.

        • Spear

          They’re an absolute bitch to restring, but I haven’t had to tune my Jackson in the last couple months. Hard to argue with that.

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            Yeah, I think never having to retune is a decent tradeoff for not being able to experiment with weird tunings. I think my Ibanez is tuned AEAEAC# right now.

          • Spear

            You know, I’ve never experimented with nonstandard tunings myself. I’m looking at picking up an 8-string in the near future (because I’m a garbage human being), which will free up a guitar for messing around. Might try open D.

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            The tuning I mentioned is pretty much a step down from open B, so it’s quite similar to drop A for playing Nile stuff.

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            I’m thinking of getting a Jackson 7 string soloist in the future as the ‘big brother’ to my DK2.

          • CyberneticOrganism

            I picked up a cheapo 8 string years back purely for messing around. I returned it because it was a garbage instrument, but I still want a nicer version in case I ever decide to do a couple songs of sludgy Godflesh industrial or something.

          • Spear

            I’m going more for a BCI type extended-range noodling thing as opposed to being just disgustingly heavy. I’d also like to mess around with low cleans and let the bass take the lead sometimes.

          • please stand for Black Crown Initiate

      • Sir Tapir The Based

        You don’t need a guitar.

        • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

          Only Kanteles are real.

      • Old Man Doom

        Avoid. If you want a subtle tremolo effect, go for a geetar with a bigsby vibrato.

        • Boss the “Hoss” Ross

          Ooh, bigsby. I want one

      • Dave Vincent’s Perm

        Tyree, you blast for Satan right?

        • When I find the time to blast. It’s for Satan.

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            Do you have any idea about decent, affordable drums? I seem to recall enjoying playing drums when I was a child, and I’ll play pretty much anything until I get it.

          • Just start looking around for used kits on Ebay and Craigslist. People sell decent/affordable kits all of the time. If you find something, let me know what it is and I can help you out.

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            Well it’s mainly for recording my own stuff, since it’s pretty much impossible to find a drummer who wants to blast.

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            Fuck, Immolation, Origin and Marduk are playing manchester in may. I’m getting on that so hard it has to lock itself in the bathroom.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            Manchester? Are the Noonans providing the security?

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            I don’t particularly want to go to Manchester but it’s worth it if I have to go there to see Immolation.

        • Janitor Jim Duggan

          I blast for Santa.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      I’d be down with a gear column. Good call, DVP.

  • Working a 14HR day because of logistical inefficiency. Void, take me now…

  • megachiles

    Good: My first publication got accepted without further revisions (suck it reviewer 2), I got a half day at work, we’re taking the dog to a bar/dog park tomorrow, and it’s a beautiful day.

    Bad: I can’t find my dopest tank top and I just found out graduate students are no longer able to take out subsidized loans. This screwed up my plan for paying off my unsubsidized student loans while back in school…

    Ugly: I ate beets yesterday, and now all of my excretions are purple.

    • your ugly sounds pbadass, like having stinky pee after eating asparagus

      • megachiles

        Haha, it is kind of similar. Although with asparagus pee I’m always waiting if the dude in the stall over is gonna make a comment.

        For the record beets>>>asparagus due to versatility

    • Dubs

      What are you studying? There are a few other academics round these parts. I finished my PhD last year. Congrats on the publication! Such a good feeling.

      • megachiles

        Ecology/entomology. The lab I’m joining is focused on wild bee ecology, pollination, and conservation. I’m excited for the opportunity to wear my hiking sandals at work and conferences again.

        And thanks! I was pretty stoked.

        • Dubs

          That’s awesome, dude. And a much needed research focus. Gotta save the bees.

    • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls
      • megachiles

        It’s srsly a legit business plan.

        10 dollar entrance fee for all dogs for one visit(must be up to date on vaccinations etc.), membership cards if you want to visit frequently, nice bar with reasonable drink prices, dog “life guards” trained by a behaviorist to recognize and mitigate aggressive behavior (they have a can of pennies and a spray bottle), a leash only patio where you can order you or your dog pub food, and no youths allowed in the dog park.

        Basically, you hang out, drink, and pet dogs. It’s fucking magical.

        • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

          And watch the dogs scoot their asses across the bar.

          • megachiles

            I mean one time this Great Dane walked up to the bar like he was about to order another round.

        • Yard Bar! Love that place.

          • megachiles

            Yup! We live right down the road, so it’s become our new weekend drinking spot. Shout out next time you go!

          • Ey, I live in the neighborhood as well!

        • CyberneticOrganism

          That sounds pretty damn cool.

          • megachiles

            Petting dogs + drinking beer = happiness

    • Old Man Doom

      Congrats on the publication, Mr. Chiles. Reviewer 2 can piss off!

      • megachiles

        Thanks! Reviewer 2 had some good points, but they were really giving off negative vibes.

  • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

    Good: Pretty chill week, and got invited to go to Lunatic Luau next week. Skipping that though for obvious reasons (the worst lineup of any concert festival so far this year. Ghost is the only decent band by far on there): http://lunaticluau.com/line-up/

    The Bad: Nothing so far, really.
    The Ugly: Audition (the movie). Good movie, but even by Japanese standards, it’s pretty fucked up.

    https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=2&cad=rja&uact=8&sqi=2&ved=0ahUKEwi0yN2SvtzLAhULdz4KHSNND3YQtwIIITAB&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DuR1DnkweK5U&usg=AFQjCNFlE_7dXMkziiOY_3R8YVHDiB56Vw&sig2=G1Sh1Zy43m1Hdgc00yzzsQ&bvm=bv.117868183,d.cWw

    • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

      That is one atrocious lineup.

      Audition rules. I have that movie on dvd somewhere.

      • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

        I got the whole movie off of Youtube a few days ago. IIRC, I think the director did one of the mini-movies on ‘3……. Extremes’.

        • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

          The director is Takashi Miike. He also directed “Ichi the Killer”, also a pretty “interesting” movie.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Haha yep!!!! I have the original movie and the anime version.

          • Ichi the Killer confused the shit out of me.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            There’s a bit of plot in there, but more than anything it’s just meant to be as violent and fucked up as possible. The plot’s pretty secondary.

    • have you seen Takashi Miike’s “Imprint” made for the Masters of Horror series? it is not a good. anyways, i fucking lost it when he had that cameo in Hostel!

    • more beer

      I wouldn’t go to that for free either.

      • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

        I thought about going for Ghost, but that means I’d have to sit through some extremely terrible bands for hours on end.

        • more beer

          I don’t really like Ghost so there would be no reason at all for me to go to that. But am going to let my friend take me out tonight for drinks and a local band I like.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            I’m pretty much just chillin’ at home for today. Might watch a movie later, but haven’t figured out which one.

          • more beer

            Well we got pummeled with snow the other day so I haven’t really gone any place for a few days. have to get out for a while.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Exact opposite over here. It’s about 80 degrees out and more humid than a Vietnamese soup kitchen.

          • more beer

            It was in the 70’s the day before. Back in the 50’s now. March is just a crazy month for weather hear.

        • CyberneticOrganism

          Ghost is apparently going to be at Lolla this year also? Fuuuuuuuck that. Paying $500 for the privilege of hanging around a bunch of damn weiner kids and getting sunburned.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            I thought about going to Lolla a few times, but I’m not up for mostly shit bands, sweating my ass off in Grant Park with the north side hipsters, and paying out the ass for bottled water. Downtown Chicago and Grant Park were usually spots I tended to skip during the summer months.

          • Elizabeth Short

            Went to riot fest in chicago about four years ago to see iggy pop, the descendents, and a couple other worthwhile acts, and ended up spending near a grand for food & board, parking, (obviously) the tickets, and then beer and water, gas to get there and back. Festival shows are not my friend.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            And add to that the fact that Chicago has the highest gas prices and the highest sales tax in the nation (even four years ago), which is set to go up again. Big part of why I left there, on top of the shit economy and insane amounts of violence.

  • Dubs
    • 20 seconds in and i could have purchased the thing. <3

    • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

      That industrial metal band you showed me was pretty good!

      • Dubs

        You better believe it.

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    Listening to Thin Lizzy. RIP Phil Lynott. Also I don’t really approve of the Thin Lizzy tribute band that Scott Gorham is doing an anniversary tour of Jailbreak with. There’s no Phil, no Brian Downey, no Robbo, no John Sykes or really any important people from their past. Mikkey Dee should know better than to be drumming for this farce. I tried listening to a live album from 2012 of theirs and it was abysmal.

    • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

      And of course no Gary Moore.

      • Janitor Jim Duggan

        That’s also true. It pissed me off that Downey isn’t there because he’s a founding member with Phil and Eric Bell.

    • Salmon of Knowledge

      I saw them live in 2012 on my local festival.
      It´s always sad when a reunion fails, it killed the vobe of the old songs for me.
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LhmD2Xbd4-A

  • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

    With all those junk ads, you often get an envelope that has the postage already paid (especially with the spam credit card things). Shit, just pack all that shit in the envelope and ship it on back to them, preferably with something disgusting like photos from 2 Girls 1 Cup or Tub Girl.

    • BobLoblaw

      I rememberbmy first internet “shock” site….. BME Pain Olympics or gtfo.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Fan-fucking-tastic. What’s it been, a month since Anselmo?

      • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

        I think it’s been two months now, but goddamn if news sites aren’t still beating that dead horse, especially Blabbermouth.

    • Rob M

      Be right back…going to pop some popcorn and read the MS comment section

      • I have not seen it featured anywhere yet. One of the dudes from Squash Bowels posted it on his feed.

        • Rob M

          I figure they either ignore it completely because they completely ride Behemoths jock over there or they’ll turn on him like a rabid dog

          • more beer

            I am going with the first option.

          • Dubs

            The story is years old.

          • Rob M

            Just saw your post above…bet that comment section was loads of fun

          • Dubs

            I don’t remember there being much of a hubbub about it, but then again I never read MI regularly back then, so who knows.

      • more beer

        They will give him a pass.

        • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

          And it’ll go into the inevitable anti-Black Lives Matter and “why can’t we have white pride?” rants.

          • Rob M

            It will be extremes from both sides…pretentious douchlords talking down to bigoted asshats

    • Dubs

      Pretty sure MS was giving this a lot of coverage for a while.

      • No fucking clue, just popped up on my feed. Never seen it.

      • more beer

        That is the first I have seen that.

        • Dubs
          • more beer

            I don’t remember ever seeing it. But either way it does show their hypocrisy. As they kiss him and his bands ass on the regular.

          • Dubs

            ¯_(ツ)_/¯ I don’t particularly like Behemoth or Nergal. I just don’t know why this is being brought up now.

          • more beer

            That Sir I can not answer.

          • Sorry, you can remove it. I just never seen the image before. Thought is was new.

          • Dubs

            I can’t remove anything. Just presenting accurate information.

          • Thanks.

          • Dubs

            Sorry, wasn’t trying to come down on y’all. Was just perplexed this was getting brought up.

    • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls
  • Coprolytic

    Good: I got a second interview for a gig at Whole Foods’ headquarters, because I am the appropriate level of namby pamby for them.
    Bad: My daughter cried when she heard Electric Wizard and covered her little brother’s ears when Weedeater came on. =(
    Ugly: My post-vasectomy nuts hurt like hell. On the plus side, I’m under doctors orders to masturbate furiously to clear my pipes.

  • Edward/Breegrodamus™

    Mailers like those described in the above article should be against the law.

  • ME GORAK B.C.™

    GOOD: GOT NEW AMON AMARTH & IT ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    UGLY: SEEING NEW BATMAN MOVIE SOON!!!!!!!!
    BAD: BATMAN CAVE COOLER THAN GORAK CAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • UNCLE BLACKBEARD

      gorak cave still pretty cool

      • Boss the “Hoss” Ross

        It has a better music collection.

      • ME GORAK B.C.™

        CAVE (HAS) ROCKS!!!!!!!

    • i’m going to see Justice League Origins: Batman Begins Again this weekend as well. let’s meet back up and discuss on Monday!

  • Max

    I get junk mail stuffed in my letterbox even though it specifically has a “No Junk Mail” sign on it.

    • Salmon of Knowledge

      Junk mail crushes and buries all important letters with their worthless paper I only can use to start a fire.

  • Max

    Y’know, this is going to sound really stupid, but for some time I was under the impression that Americans don’t celebrate Easter.

    My explanation for this is that whenever you watch American TV, there seems to be no mention of it (or at least in the TV that is exported).

    Like, in any American sit-com series, there’s always a Christmas special, and there’s always a Thanksgiving special (actually I was under the impression that maybe “Thanksgiving” was what they call Easter), and sometimes there’s an Independence Day special; but there’s never an Easter special.

    There’s never an episode where the bumbling dad forgets to buy and hide Easter eggs, or some situation occurs that teaches everybody “the true meaning of Easter.”

    The only reason I now know that Americans DO celebrate Easter is because of interacting with them on the Internet and reading American online media.

    • well then… the libtard media has succeeded in taking away Easter. what’s next, Christmas?

      • Max

        They can have Christmas, but if they take away Saturday morning cartoons, I’m getting my gun.

        • Dubs

          There are no more Saturday morning cartoons here.

          • Max

            Why aren’t you rebelling? I mean, I would – if I wasn’t spending Saturday mornings shootin’ the breeze with you guys on Flush it Friday.

            Actually, that’s probably the case here too. I haven’t switched on a TV set on Saturday morning for years.

          • Dubs

            The children have been planning something for months now.

    • Hubert

      It seems to me that almost nobody is invested in celebrating Easter. Certainly not me, I just need those chocolate eggs

    • Dubs

      I think the difference between Easter and those other holidays is that it’s the most specifically Christian holiday of them all. Non-Christians still celebrate Christmas, but most non-Christians don’t really do anything for Easter. Just my hypothesis

      • Max

        But don’t the non-Christians eat the eggs? That’s as far as the celebrations go for most people here; but you certainly can’t avoid all the chocolate-hype.

        • Dubs

          Yah, I guess so. I don’t really know any non-Christians who buy Easter baskets, though. Alternative hypothesis: maybe Easter is seen by non-Christians as a holiday more “for the kids” to enjoy candy and whatnot, so the programming you watch doesn’t pick up on that.

          This is an interesting question, Max, and not one I contemplate often.

          • Max

            “maybe Easter is seen by non-Christians as a holiday more “for the kids” to enjoy candy and whatnot, so the programming you watch doesn’t pick up on that.”

            Now that is a thought. Perhaps there’re broadcasting regulations that prevent programmers from promoting candy consumption (outside of regular advertising, I mean) in storylines. And since there’s no other aspect to Easter besides chocolate eggs and the religious aspect, broadcasting ends up having nothing to say about it.

            Then again, there’s always a Halloween Special episode (forgot to mention that one!) and I take it candy consumption’s a pretty big part of that holiday!

          • Dubs

            Halloween is kind of an interesting fluke. Maybe the association with horror films sets it apart.

          • UNCLE BLACKBEARD

            halloween is THE BEST holiday

          • UNCLE BLACKBEARD
        • EsusMoose

          I’ve never once seen anyone ever eat the eggs unless it’s a plastic egg and there’s candy inside. I’d assume only churches do Easter stuff and besides non-denominational groups most churches attract only Christians.

    • EsusMoose

      To cover your question I think it’s due to the lack of topics that surround easter, as well as Christmas specials can drive home the it’s better to give than receive and other nice messages. Easter as far as I know doesn’t have a message that others can share, it’s about a religion’s messiah figure raising from the dead. As W says it’s the most christian holiday and there’s not much to say about Easter besides knocking the commercial aspect of so many holidays.

    • Count_Breznak

      Well, there is that South Park episode.

  • UNCLE BLACKBEARD

    Good: mailmanbro delivered & requested. bongzilla/black cobra/kings destroy on Easter. i guess the warm weather aint sooo bad.

    Bad: working on saturdays

    Ugly: since its “Good” (ugh) Friday, my bank is closed. i need cash so i can talk to samsonnn

    • Edward/Breegrodamus™

      fly me to the moon like that bitch Alice Cramson

      • UNCLE BLACKBEARD

        i dont know what that was a reference to, Ed. but since it was you that said it, i know its awesome

        • Edward/Breegrodamus™

          Hahaha, it’s from the film Half-Baked. The Sir Smoke-a-Lot character says I wanna talk to Sampson / fly me to the moon like that bitch Alice Cramson

          • UNCLE BLACKBEARD

            oh, i never knew that was the final part of that line
            ¯_(ツ)_/¯

          • BobLoblaw

            Noob.

          • UNCLE BLACKBEARD

            lol whatever blobonthecob, im too busy LIVIN IT

          • BobLoblaw

            You aint old enough “Uncle” zygotebeard to be “livin it”. Young enough to not get the reference though. Just aint what the gohards are into.

          • UNCLE BLACKBEARD

            wut? how old am i ?

          • if you have to ask, you can’t afford it

      • UNCLE BLACKBEARD

        so, Alice Kramden was the one from the Honeymooners where the guy was always talkin about beating her “Bang Zoom . . . youre going to the moon!”
        http://cdn.theatlantic.com/assets/media/img/mt/2014/09/The_More_You_Know/lead_large.png

    • Max

      I only JUST remembered to get to the bank on Thursday. I would’ve been fucked for the entire long weekend otherwise. I’ve got a credit card, but I use it so rarely I can’t even remember the PIN number.

      • UNCLE BLACKBEARD

        i have the exact same issue

        • Max

          Cash is absolutely my favourite form of legal tender. These days it even makes you feel like a bit of a bad-ass outlier, what with internet banking and Paywave and all.

          “Cash, Cash, CASH! Do not pay for prostitute with company credit card.” – General Aladeen.

          • UNCLE BLACKBEARD

            i also like keeping a horde of pocket change. becomes an ez mode rainy day fund

          • Max

            The ashtray of my car is loaded with change. And I have two large jars of it in the lounge-room – for the laundry and other purposes.

          • more beer

            Mine as well I love cash. I had no idea prostitutes took credit cards. Although I did know this girl who was sleeping with so many guys. It was suggested. She put a taximeter on her ass and charge by the 10th of a mile.

    • UNCLE BLACKBEARD

      so, i put in an order for Antaeus’ Cut Your Flesh and Worship Satan (bc of the VI article Lassy posted), a german flag colored copy of Midnight’s Satanic Royalty, and Drudkh’s The Swan Road

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    Yay, MRH is coming back near me with Madame Mayhem!

  • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls
  • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls
  • still
    at
    work
    🙁

    • Boss the “Hoss” Ross

      You need to bust out of there, guns blazing, hollering like a madman.

      • I should leave the truck on the side of the freeway and skip off into the desert night

        • Boss the “Hoss” Ross

          That sounds like an excellent idea.

    • UNCLE BLACKBEARD

      wuuuut

      • Elizabeth Short

        Sorry, that may have been a reply to a different thread. I’m exhausted and probably just stabbed the wrong one. I thought he was saying that he had been at work for a disgusting amount of time and I was relating. I hate using the internet on a cellphone.

        • UNCLE BLACKBEARD

          i didnt reply to you 😉 i think youve been working too much

    • Elizabeth Short

      Fellow 12+ hour day brother, I sincerely feel your pain. I hope you at least didn’t have to spend the entirety of it on your feet, running around and punishing yourself like I did. TV shows can fuck straight off, being an actual chef is still a thankless, physically destructive job. And not in a very appreciatively metal way…it just fucking hurts after 15-20 years. I hope you made it out in one piece and get some rest. Be well, or if you find it before me, point me at the goddamn void.

  • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls
  • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

    Woohoo, a little over two weeks until the new Lush EP comes out! Judging by the new song, they’re going back to their old sound and skipping over the whole britpop vibe of Lovelife.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bD4O20ePnXo&list=PLoXEjvOrNxys8POLjeBOVHGamgFfEm1tr

    • UNCLE BLACKBEARD

      ouch

      • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

        Huh?

  • Paris Hilton

    I feel you Joe-daddy! My courier fucked me over too. I mean, I did shoot him in the head but I stole that Platinum Chip fair-n-square!