Flush It Friday – An Elfic wedding weekend

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Hannon le, Toilet ov Hell.

This year has been a ride of madness and my adventures were many; but the beauty of the end of a journey is the beginning of another. My travels were abundant of different tales and, like every year, I sit a while in December to think and remember everything and everyone.

But, this time I have a special event in which I am enjoying with a cup of green tea. My wedding is tomorrow and I have rushes of anxiety, happiness and nerves all over my being.

I write these lines to share my feelings on this new adventure I will make, this time accompanied by such a fine magical companion. I have spent 5 years of my life with that beautiful woman by my side, and now we are going to build our own tree house to do our best in the tasks and goals to come. We have a very humble beginning but we are very grateful to have the opportunity to meet each other and be part of this long and difficult travel. We do not really know what we will have in the end, but we stick to our principles, families and good thinking as totems that will aid us in the difficult times or being part of our happy ones.

This is a titanic quest, but here we are, fighting through the adversities with high hopes to turn this sterile soil into a forest.
I am very grateful of this year for all the ups-and-downs. It was a very difficult time, but from all the lessons learned, I think I matured a little bit and I am happier with myself, too.

The Toilet ov Hell crew and readers have been more than receptive for my humble contributions and this final part of this short installment of our dear column I send to you my most sincere thanks and good vibes to all of you. I have met incredible people all over here with interesting personalities and great musical tastes and I just wish the best for all of you and your families. I also thank Papa Joe and Masterlord for their support on the blog, as well as Dr. W, Dagon, Guacamole Jim and Lacertillian for their great friendship and being there in every moment of this year.

Be thankful, respectful to each other and enjoy your adventures. Hoping you have a good December.

This is also my last article this year. Mr. & Mrs. Leonhart will enjoy a well-deserved vacation after all the wedding plans and we will be on honeymoon later. Our new journey has begun.

See you next year, friends and readers around the world!

Did you dig this? Take a second to support Toilet ov Hell on Patreon!
  • Brock Samson

    Congrats link. I’m getting married tomorrow as well. Wish the the best of luck man

    • Dubs

      Congrats, man!

    • Waynecro

      Congrats, Mr. Samson!

    • Dagon

      Nice, congrats!

    • CT-12

      Congratulations man!

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      Congrats!

    • Congratulations, señor Brock!

  • CyberneticOrganism

    Congrats ye half-elf. Enjoy marriagehood!

  • Dubs

    Yay LINK!

  • JWEG

    Kickstarter Music stuff:

    The Good:
    Metal on Kickstarter has two obvious gems:
    Torrefy (thrash metal): https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1635467459/torrefys-new-full-length-album-the-infinity-comple
    Vale of Pnath (duh): https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/ericwbrown/vale-of-pnath-is-recording-a-new-album

    The Bad:
    VOP isn’t doing quite as well as it should IMO.

    The Ugly:
    Everything else currently found in the Music section found by keyword ‘metal’.

  • COAL ROLL

    CONGRATS LINK!!!

  • JWEG

    Cheers, Link.

  • Maik Beninton™

    Congratulations Link.

  • ┼yree
  • COAL ROLL

    Good: I just scored a stack of sweet dad rock vinyl for almost no money at all
    Bad: the old man was expecting a call for a job today that did not happen
    ugly: I have to go to the fucking MALL tomorrow

  • Congrats link! Now you can battle malandros with a partner at your side!

  • ┼yree

    Good: Next Monday is my only work day of that week and then I’m flying down to Tampa to spend the week with my dad who just got a new house on the beach. I’ll have no internet connection or electronics on me at that time. It’s going to be just a week of relaxing on the beach, running on the beach, and drinking/eating beer and seafood (Drinking seafood sounds nasty). I’m looking forward to it and I’m sort of not at the same time.

    Bad: I’ll be breaking my strict diet and exercise routine that I’ve been following for the past month. I haven’t been drinking alcohol at all now for about 2 weeks and I’ve really been running a lot more; Mornings and nights every day now, 5 miles total a day. Exercise and diet has sort of become an addiction of mine just like my record purchasing addiction. Christ, 3 and half months ago I weighed about 180, now I’m down to 164. I hate to sabotage my routine during vacation. I sound like a goddamn
    pussy but it’s really fucking with my mind knowing that I’m going to be breaking my boring and healthy routine.

    Ugly: The Harrisburg airport on Tuesday morning. I’m not looking forward to holiday airport chaos at all. Also, I’m working on a third battle jacket which is looking ugly in the good kind of way. I have a Hellhammer Satanic Rites back patch and Vlad Tepes back patch already sewnon. I just have one more big patch to sew on but it’s the best one… A Mgla back patch. Shit looks so sick!

    Blah blah blah… Fuck my life and the world.

    • Stanley

      Good comment: Make sure you get in some fishing.
      Bad Comment: Don’t worry about it. It’s healthy to have some time off. Relax and let your body heal.

      • Lacertilian

        Was going to mention fishing, but wasn’t sure what Tampa was like.

        • Max

          If you’re fishing for seminal death metal acts, Tampa is THE bay. Sorry for being Kapitan Obviouss.

        • Stanley

          Very good, is what it’s like.

      • ┼yree

        Oh yeah, my dad does have a boat so, YES! Much fishing.

    • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

      Good stuff man.

    • Stanley

      Tell me of this Mgła back patch.

      • ┼yree

        I’ll take a picture of it tonight or tomorrow when I have it sewn on. It’s really awesome.

        http://shop.metaldevastation.com/images/B.%20blackwind%20(6).jpg

        • Dave Vincent’s Perm

          Metal Devastation >>>>>>>>>>>>>

          • ┼yree

            I can’t agree more. That place has so much awesome sauce.

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            If I wasn’t a paragon of self control that site would bankrupt me. I’d spend more money on guitar straps than on actual guitars.

        • Stanley

          That’s huge!

    • Waynecro

      A week off may prevent future plateaus, bro. Everyone needs to deload/refeed from time to time.

    • i applaud your dietary and excercise efforts Tyree. It’s OK to get a little sloppy while you’re away as long as you get back to your routine when you return.

    • Have fun in Tampa, dude! I’m here now, weather’s great.

    • Dagon

      Seafood and beer >>>>>>>>>>

      Fried seafood, some source of spicyness and beer >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

  • Stanley

    Congratulations Link and Brock. Marriage is a wonderful thing, especially when you consider the alternative.

    • more beer

      What having your freedom and not answering to anyone, except yourself. It isn’t that hard to get laid. If you have a personality and aren’t grotesquely ugly.

  • Welcome to the club Link! The best advice I can provide as a married man is that even when your lady is wrong in an argument, she’s right. Remember this stupid saying – Happy Wife, Happy Life.

    • Stanley

      “Happy Wife, Happy Life”. Upvoted.

    • also: you DO NOT have to win the argument, or any argument. this small nugget of advice can save a man from certain doom, problem is every time a girl enters my life i immediately forget it. then once she’s gone, i remember.

      • It is very easy to let your emotions get the best of you. I sometimes need to take a deep breath and a step back so I don’t find myself up shit’s creek.

      • KJM, Shake Zula

        It’s tough advice to follow when the wife/girlfriend in question has a burning need to always be viewed as right regardless of facts. >_<

        • ┼yree

          Oooof! That’s what I try and avoid right there.

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            OTOH, we’re talking about an attractive woman who loves to get high, has a fairly casual attitude toward sex, loves Aqua Teen, Squidbillies, Game of Thrones. One of her all time fave movies is Rosemary’s baby, etc. You see my dilemma.

        • my advice absolutely falls under the category of “easier said than done”

  • EsusMoose

    Congrats Link! Let your quest rewards be many and plentiful.

  • Good: been hitting it off with a girl I met recently. Also aparrently tomorrow is my birthday, what the hell where did time go?

    Bad: still a Bears fan

    Ugly: the amount of hours left before I can murde- ahem, rescue innocent people in fallout4.

  • Good: No wife and kids this weekend (although I will see them) which means I have the house to myself and can act like an irresponsible adult.

    Bad/Ugly: Nothing, please refer to Good

  • Dave Vincent’s Perm

    Good: Deleted my facebook.
    Bad: Now I can’t get angry about how much I want Liam Dineen to kill himself.
    Ugly (?): the girl I’ve been talking to lectured me about star wars quite passionately. I’m not sure what to think.

    • tigeraid

      Star Wars is excellent, and females interested in Star Wars are also excellent. I recommend you bed her.

  • tigeraid

    This is the most metal post in the history of the Toilet.

    Congrats.

    The Good: so far this Christmas I’ve managed to only gain back 3 lbs of the 90 I lost.

    The Bad: I still have to go through at least three Christmas family dinners.

    The Ugly: the 6 hour drive up to the family in Northern Ontario next week.

    • Man I hate my job, but I love that I have to work on holidays. No small talk family partying for me 😀

    • Holy shit you lost 90 fucking pounds!? As a perpetual skinny dude, that’s fucking impressive, dude.

      • KJM, Shake Zula

        Shit, I’m dreading the 4-6 weeks of cardio it’ll take me to lose 10 lbs over the Winter.

        • i can recommend a way of losing 10 lbs! well, you have to be a binge drinker for it to work…

          • Waynecro

            I think I have a similar system. I lost 150 pounds, but I had to live like shit for ten years and spend 17 days in the hospital first. Do not recommend.

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            That method appears to have a few…side effects. I’ll stick with the stepper machine I haven’t used since October.

      • tigeraid

        Indeed. Keeping it off is going to excruciatingly difficult though, what with every fucking person I know being a self-destructive child who inhales garbage for fuel and laughs when I mention “going for a walk.”

  • EsusMoose

    Good: Semester is almost done. Gone through 18 or so albums I missed this year, a few great, some good and 2 fairly lackluster ones.
    Bad: Finals, studying, stresses (and all the fun emotions that come with it), so much to look over and due to my schedule prior to exams I didn’t have much time before my testing period started to start preparing. But in two days I can forget all that behind a wall of noise, booze and fallout/bloodbourne.
    Ugly: My expectations of my test grades.

  • Waynecro

    Congrats and best wishes, Link!

  • I hope you have a great honeymoon Link. You’ve earned it.

    Good: About to leave the office and stay out til January. Efficient vacation days usage.

    Bad: Gotta deal with the fam this weekend.
    Ugly: How I spend the next two weeks.

  • WHOO LINK

  • Stanley

    Good: Going to see Death Angel and Flotsam and Jetsam tonight.

    Bad: Raccoons going mental in my backyard digging up my lawn.

    Good: Going to Colombia next week to avoid xmas and nye.

    • If you’re a person that likes raccoons, all three of those are good things.

      • Stanley

        I like raccoons. I just don’t like them digging up my lawn. I’ve done nothing about though apart from curse loudly and shake my fist in the air.

        • My old man used to sit out on the porch late at night with a shotgun. He said it was to kill the varmints that chewed up his garden but I’m pretty sure it was to make sure I came home by curfew.

    • Waynecro

      I feel you, bro. The gophers are back and murdering the little grass I have left in my backyard.

      • more beer

        You need to contact this guy. He is an expert in all things Gopher.

        • Boss theHossRossTossGlossFloss

          Au Revoir! Gopher!

          • more beer

            If I kill all of the golphers won’t I go to jail. Having worked on golf courses for ten years. I will tell you this movie is a documentary.

          • Boss theHossRossTossGlossFloss

            Haha, that is awesome! I figured that was true.

          • more beer

            You have no idea how close it is to real life.

          • more beer

            Hey have you seen my buddy from Dallas’s band Chemicaust?

          • Boss theHossRossTossGlossFloss

            I have not.

          • more beer

            I was just wondering. The play a lot DMS promotions shows there.

          • Boss theHossRossTossGlossFloss

            Right on. I’ll have to check them out.

          • more beer

            I may have to switch coming to February because they are playing on Valentines Day. With another friends band from California. He was the one I was going to come visit anyway.

          • Boss theHossRossTossGlossFloss

            Oh, okay, cool. Just let me know man.

          • more beer

            Will do.

          • Max

            That’s a cool name.

          • more beer

            Yea And my friend shreds. I was with another friend watching him a few years ago. He has toured with quite a few bands. Well he looked at me and said “don’t expect anything like that from me, I’ve been trying to shred like that my whole life and still can’t do it”.

        • Waynecro

          So awesome.

    • Dagon

      When I grow up I want to travel as much as you do. This is a compliment, btw. Are you running or just visiting?

      • Stanley

        It’s a cycling trip. A fews days in Cartagena and the ride is from Medellin to Bogata. It’s hilly and high.

        • Dagon

          The locals will probably hand you or tell you to chew on some coke leaves, to minimize the effects of the altitude.

          • Stanley

            So you counteract being high by getting high. I see.

          • more beer

            That makes perfect sense to me.

  • GOOD: Chilling in Florida with the squad and drinking tons of beer. New Star Wars is aight, might try and write a review.

    BAD: But I’m leaving soon…

    UGLY: BDubs Mountain Dew wings are still waiting for me.

    • EsusMoose

      I am still trying to figure out when I can get out to get those wings, might try monday

      • Have you called your local BDubz?

        • EsusMoose

          Not yet, but it’s within walking distance (major college campus) so I’m just gonna walk over there tomorrow and ask about it

    • Dude it blew my mind when they revealed that the emperor was actually a chick and that jar jar was the true mastermind! Like fuck man!

      • COAL ROLL

        WHY SPOILERS WHY?

      • Dude and how crazy was it when Luke showed up with all those Ewoks at the climax?

      • Max

        And that the chick was the guy from the Crying Game, dressed in Forrest Whittaker’s cricket uniform. I was bowled. They never did make movies like that anymore.

        • And that bb8 and c3po were actually Sith Lords! Totally out of left field!

          • Max

            I was expecting Hammerhead to show up, though. And Snaggletooth. That they didn’t was the biggest plot twist of all to me. But of course there’s always the next season of Big Bang Theory. Maybe that will resolve the story arc that Ep VII has left us hanging on.

          • Yea that would have been rad, but at least they nailed the solid snake cameo.

  • Boss the Hoss Ross

    Congratulations Link!

    • ME GORAK B.C.™

      LINK ROCKS!!!!!!!!

      • i vote this as featured comment

        • Boss theHossRossTossGlossFloss

          Nice! Well deserved.

  • Max

    Congratulations to Link on his impending nuptials with that most mysterious of wilderland beasts, the Actual Woman.

    GOOD: This made me laugh: I’ve been trying to form a death metal band for some time now. A potential applicant texted me with a few questions. They were perfectly logical, except for the last – “Most of the heavier bands have done some messed up stuff. I would like to be assured there isn’t going to be someone biting the head off a pigeon.”

    BAD: 44-degree Celsius heatwave this weekend. That’s 111 Farenheit for you olde worlde types….

    UGLY: …And I don’t have time to go swimming. Instead I’ve got to go Xmas shopping. Yay.

    • EsusMoose

      Did you send them a 400 page schooling on the difference between death metal and Osbourne era heavy metal, with tasteful additional content describing the multiple subgenres and additional 50 page appendix of subsubgenres?

      • Max

        That’s all in the original ad, but most of these people don’t read.

        For example, I’ve got a whole paragraph in it of “What We WON’T Be Doing” (Using keyboards, having lots of breakdowns, using clean vocals in the chorus, etc.) and I’ll get some guy ringing up saying “I hear you’re looking for a keyboardist who can also sing. My favourite band is Despised Icon.”

        • Maik Beninton™

          It’s definitely a troll.

          • Max

            These cats aren’t next-level enough for that sort of trolling.

            It’s more like the equivalent of Tinder, where guys will swipe on anything, brunettes included, even though their profile says they’re only into blondes. It’s just pure negligence.

            A lot of people openly admit that they’re looking for a band to join without pondering the specifics until I point them out in subsequent dealings.

          • Maik Beninton™

            Btw, what style of death metal are you thinking on doing?

          • Max

            OSDM / Entombedcore. Main influences: Slayer, Mayhem. Oh, and Entombed. Clandestine-era.

          • Waynecro

            If you were in San Diego, I’d apply.

          • Max

            If you were in Adelaide, I’d hire you.

          • Waynecro

            If I ever have to skip town, I know where to go to start a new life as a metal musician.

          • Max

            I need a bit of Californian sunshine in my life from time to time! You’ll play well in this town.

          • Waynecro

            I’ll try to give you a heads-up if I have to run from the law–er, I mean, relocate.

          • Max

            I can even get you a job selling my old crap. I’ll teach you the Art of The Deal. And you can live in my car. I’ll put the front passenger seat back in.

          • Waynecro

            That’s the nicest offer anyone’s ever made me. As a bonus, I can rough up people who try to rip you off.

          • Max

            Oh, I definitely need some muscle! Some people just need “convincing”, you know?

          • Waynecro

            Indeed. When I worked downtown many years back, I regularly had to “convince” druggies to vacate the office stairwells in the middle of the night.

          • Max

            Downtown. Such a den of iniquity.

          • Waynecro

            Generally, haha. At the time, I was editing a hip health and beauty magazine, so I was wearing a suit while I “convinced” people to leave the stairwells. I probably looked like a mobster or something.

          • Max

            So in other words – a turf war under the guise of “tips for a healthy life.” Gold. On several levels.

          • Waynecro

            There was a bit of a turf war going on, actually. We were a new magazine, and a competing local publication was fucking up our distribution stands and throwing away all our magazines. Our publisher sent a few of us out to catch the other publication fucking up our shit and put a stop to it. Stakeouts were not in the job description.

          • Max

            Fuck! Lifestyle publishing is a cut-throat world by the sound o’ things.

          • Waynecro

            Yeah. Who knew?

          • Waynecro

            Back in the day, I met some of the oddest people in the world through want ads. There’s so much shit that you can’t unsee.

          • Max

            When it says “Miscellaneous”, it really does mean miscellaneous.

            On the other hand, it’s amazing how much audio/musical gear I’ve been able to sell off for hard cash within two hours of posting it online. I feel like a drug dealer sometimes. It’s rather groovy.

          • Waynecro

            Nice. I had some trouble selling my bass amp (Fender head, Cerwin Vega cabinet) that way. Everyone who called wanted me to donate the amp to their school or something.

          • Max

            How lame is that?! Musical instrument resale prices are practically giving it away as it is, unless it’s some “classic” piece of gear coveted by the Analogue Warmth Brigade. The hide on some people.

          • Especially if you wait til rent is due to make an offer. …I mean, only a scumbag would do that though, right? *cough*

          • Max

            I see through those tactics every time. No “Or Nearest Offer” deals on my shit! If it does what is says on the tin, you pay what it says on the tag.

          • Waynecro

            Yeah, really. I was selling it cheap, too. The amp was a beast, so it was a bummer to get rid of it. But I’m not playing clubs these days, and it was taking up a lot of space.

          • Max

            I have to stash my bass cabinet at my parents’ house until such time as I play bass in a band again or finally sell it off. Back when I WAS playing, I had to transport it by unbolting the shotgun seat in my sedan and removing it to fit the cab in. I live on a second story; so there was no carrying it up to my flat by myself between gigs, either. It just used to live in the car permanently.

          • Waynecro

            It’s an amp and a workout. There’s totally a marketable workout program there.

          • Max

            It would be, but it weighs more than I do. I haven’t gained a kilo since high school.

            That said, I do now carry my 7-piece drumkit up and down the stairs quite regularly; so I’m not missing out on the active life.

          • Waynecro

            Bass-drum lunges for massive quads, brah!

          • CyberneticOrganism

            Dayum! Similar story from awhile ago: I was paranoid about someone trying to steal my cab at a practice space so I just lugged it there & back each time by shoving it into my backseat. It fit, but barely. Then I walked it up a flight of stairs to my apartment because I didn’t want it sitting in the car all night. My back wasn’t happy for a long time.

          • Max

            Oh, my back wasn’t even going to countenance hauling that thing upstairs solo. I didn’t want to keep mine in the car, either. It might sound naive, but I figured anybody who would actually go to the effort of stealing that thing from my car was probably welcome to it just on the account of their industriousness, given its weight. I used to cover it in a blanket so people wouldn’t immediately know what it was unless they did actually break in. I also figured it might be a deterrent for joyriders – taking a sharp right turn when being chased by the cops might see you crushed by the cabinet since it wasn’t strapped down.

          • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

            “Analogue Warmth Brigade” lol

        • EsusMoose

          Send a picture of a flushing toilet to show your contempt

          • Max

            Unfortunately I’ve only got a dumb-phone; so no pics.

            It’s actually a plus with chicks, though. They know I can’t send dick pics or insist on nude selfies from them.

          • EsusMoose

            Fax it then

          • Max

            MORSE CODE PUNCH-CARDS OR GTFO.

          • EsusMoose

            Only pigeons, and smoke signals are older and probably doesn’t allow for you to get the meaning across like you can really punch those cards hard, can’t really smoke signal hard or have your pigeon shit on their head.

          • Max

            Ha ha ha! I should’ve known better than to get into a redundant-media one-upmanship contest with a fellow TovH IMN.

    • ┼yree

      Swim with the dolphins like Axl instead.

      http://shared.frenys.com/assets/329321554672/3652528.jpg

      • Max

        If there’s a dolphin tank in the department store instead of a Santa grotto, I’m there.

      • Lacertilian

        The oceans (Great Australian Bight) near where Max lives are one of the hotspots for Great White Sharks (along with South Africa).

        • Max

          I go swimming at Glenelg beach and there’s fucking stingrays there.

          • Lacertilian

            Can’t win eh. Go North here and there’s box jellyfish & irukandji.
            Go South and there’s sharks, rays and Victorians.

          • Max

            Fucking Victorians!

    • Maik Beninton™

      Holy shit, 44 degrees.
      That’s like some Dagon weather there.

    • 111? Damn! I personally wouldn’t mind but that’s me.

      • Max

        A day of it is fine. A near-week of it – with night-time only dropping about ten degrees cooler at best – is a shark-jump.

        • KJM, Shake Zula

          Never. I wouldn’t leave the house. It never gets that hot here, even in August.

          • Max

            Believe me, unless you’ve got pressing matters than involve the outside world, there isn’t much you can do EXCEPT not leave the house.

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            Also, in Boston, you would have the humidity to match. During July and August,you’re pretty much breathing your own sweat unless you’re inside.

          • Max

            Mmmmm. Sweatbreath. How I burn for thee.

    • Lacertilian

      Damn man, SA is oppressive as fuck. I don’t know how you manage, although I suppose the lack of humidity means it isn’t like Darwin. Trying to find a positive.
      I’m going to a wedding in Nowra today, wearing black outdoors and it’s supposed to be 38C but the groom tells me there’ll be a nice sea-breeze.
      He’s dreaming.

      • Max

        The lack of humidity IS a positive. Although, tomorrow it’s gonna drop ten degrees and supposedly start raining. I’ll be breathing soup if that happens.

        Your mate should’ve changed the wedding to a Hawaiian theme. One lay, a pair of jocks and everybody’s good to go.

        • Lacertilian

          Singo, boardies and thongs were mentioned.
          His fiancé ignored.

          • Max

            Well, she’s just satisfied because the veil on her wedding dress will act as a mosquito net.

            Hey listen – did you get through the storm okay? That looked pretty severe on the news.

        • more beer

          I really hated it when I lived in New Mexico. When it would be that hot and people would say “but it’s a dry heat”. Like that mattered. It was still hot as hell.

    • Dave Vincent’s Perm

      Was it a member of dark funeral?

      • Max

        If only.

    • Boss the Hoss Ross

      Sooooo, do you actually live on Arrakis?

      • Max

        It fucking seems like that sometimes. I definitely want a stillsuit.

        • Boss the Hoss Ross

          I want one too, just because.

          • Max

            It’s a fetching design, and you can soil yourself in them, too.

          • Boss the Hoss Ross

            And drink it right back up, no problem.

          • Max

            Exactly. Save money on refreshments.

          • CyberneticOrganism

            Urine and feces are processed in the thighpads.

          • Boss the Hoss Ross

            Correct, making it prefect for when you’re on the go.

          • CyberneticOrganism

            Cross Loss

          • Keith Richards’ Itchy Gooch

            Or run out of water, a la Waterworld.

    • more beer

      You need to tell that guy that biting the head off of a pigeon is child’s play compared to what you guys are going to do. I really like fucking with people who ask stupid questions.

      • Max

        Ha ha! I should have. “We’re into humans, dude!”

        • more beer

          Like I said fuck with the stupid. Now I am not saying the handicapped or people with learning disabilities. But the actual truly stupid. That guys question puts him in this category.

          • Max

            Well, at any rate it gave me a laugh. It still beats people who ask me what the style of music is gonna be when I’ve clearly explained it in the classified.

          • more beer

            Stupid people. They are everywhere.

      • Keith Richards’ Itchy Gooch

        Tell them you’ll bite the head off a live hippo.

        • more beer

          More people get killed by Hippos than Lions In Africa every year.

          • Keith Richards’ Itchy Gooch

            Yep! Mostly because idiots think hippos are cute, slow and harmless. They can run up to 30 miles an hour, aggressive as fuck and are raw fucking power when mad.

          • more beer

            I don’t have a problem with stupid people getting themselves killed. Thinning the herd one idiot at a time.

    • Keith Richards’ Itchy Gooch

      Actual women, as opposed to artificial women?

      https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s–Ld4u5wR8–/c_fill,fl_progressive,g_north,h_358,q_80,w_636/185k1cc2vcuvujpg.jpg

      *retreats to the top bunk to hang out with my pillow*

      • Janitor Jim Duggan

        KJU plz! No anime or anime products are allowed here!

        • Keith Richards’ Itchy Gooch

          Ummmmmmmmmm, it’s not quite an anime product, bucko! More like a fuck pillow.

      • Max

        My pillow filed for divorce. I said fine, but she’s not getting the Maserati.

  • Huggy Bear OH YEAH

    … that was so beautifully said. That… oh lord ;_;

  • Boss the Hoss Ross

    The good: My top 10 list, yeah i know its late, bite me
    First and foremost, Dune by Frank Herbert. Now onto the list.
    1. Clutch – Psychic Warfare – Our Lady of Electric Light
    2. Clutch – Psychic Warfare – Sucker for the Witch
    3. Dopethrone – Hochelga – Dry Hitter
    4. Blind Guardian – Beyond the Red Mirror – Sacred Mind
    5. The Sword – High Country – Mist and Shadow
    6. High on Fire – Luminiferous – The Falconist
    7. Lady Beast – Lady Beast II – Caged Fury
    8. Kadavar – Berlin – Last Living Dinosaur
    9. Sergeant Thunderhoof – Ride of the Hoof – Reptilian Woman
    10. Iron Maiden – The Book of Souls – The Red and the Black
    11. Baroness – Purple – Chlorine and Wine
    Best Live
    Rush – R40
    Honorable Mentions
    Misþyrming – Söngvar elds og óreiðu
    Satyrasis – …of the dead
    Havukruunu – Havulinaan
    Utstøtt – Hjørungavågr
    Deafheaven – New Bermuda
    Redman – Mudface
    Czarface – Every Hero Needs A Villian

    The more good: Clutch vinyl is finally shipping out!

    • Boss the Hoss Ross

      List is band- album- favorite song

    • I love that Czarface album. I enjoyed Redman as well.

      • Boss the Hoss Ross

        Yeah, man. Good stuff.

    • Max

      First and Foremost! The spice is still flowing in 2015!

      • Boss the Hoss Ross

        It must!

  • JWEG

    Good:
    https://s.yimg.com/uu/api/res/1.2/Cua9e7yTHQhDdwNgiXVZgA–/cT04NTtzbT0xO2FwcGlkPXl0YWNoeW9u/https://s.yimg.com/cd/diminuendo/1.0/original/7108110dc9a19f03752329ab6df981d4a90e53ed.gif

    – The TovH Year-end Playlist

    – This story, which optimistically forecasts a much better relationship between Municipal governments and the federal government than existed under the last regime: http://www.timescolonist.com/trudeau-makes-first-trip-to-vancouver-city-hall-for-a-prime-minister-since-1973-1.2135494

    Although, side note, I actually also think it’s the first image of Mr. Trudeau with his future federal Opposition leader (NDP). Hopefully the good relationship they have now will carry over to when Gregor makes the shift to federal politics.

    Side side note: https://www.liberal.ca/realchange/marijuana/

    Bad/Ugly: Next week is going to be kind of busy for me. Nothing really to do with a certain holiday on the 25th, either.

    I have to invigilate another Exam on Monday in the mid-afternoon, which means I get to have effectively the same 3-hour winding walk in inappropriate shoes that I did last week (and complained about last FIF) since we’re not allowed to stay seated at the front anymore. Too many cheaters in our program take immediate advantage of not being constantly watched.

    From Tuesday to Thursday I pretty much must hunker down and get some more Thesis work done so I don’t look like I failed completely to take advantage of time off this month. I expect a few 16-hour workdays.

    Friday I have been inexplicably roped into an afternoon-long ‘family’ get-together defined as the family of the cousin who arranged it – meaning her in-laws family is included. If I wanted to go to a bland barely-party “party” with a lot of people I’ve never met I’d still be working in government.

    • Cheers, I’m interested to see what changes will happen in Canada under the new leadership.

  • The Good, But Not Amazing: Star Wars Episode VII
    The Bad: work’s been busy AF
    Congratulations on marriage, Lonk!!! (there’s no Ugly)

  • CyberneticOrganism

    GOOD: Got a few days off coming up.

    BAD: Got a few work days coming up too, and not a lot of time for deliverables.

    UGLY: The xmas season in general. *runs off to trees & shit to be a troll*

    • Lacertilian

      Great pic Cybro!
      (knowing your talents, I’m assuming it’s yours)

      • CyberneticOrganism

        Thanks bro, yeah it’s a crappy pixelated version of one of mine.

        • Boss the Hoss Ross

          Still looks good!

      • Dagon

        This is pretty tight, as usual.

    • BLACKBEARD UNFILTERED

      Trees >>>>>>>>
      Shit >>>>>>>>>

  • Waynecro

    Good: My bench press is up 60 pounds from this time last year. My squat is up 55 pounds. Haven’t tested my deadlift yet. I’d probably get even better results if I weren’t on such a drastic cut right now–very little gas in the tank.
    Bad: This happy fucking holiday season.
    Ugly: The little pile of vomit my dog left for me to find in my bed last night.

    • Wow! Solid gains. Feels like I’ve been treading water all year.

      • Waynecro

        Thanks, man! I was really surprised, actually. I focused on building strength for only about four months this year. The rest of the year was cutting and hypertrophy. I’m really looking forward to finishing this cut and getting back to strength. If you’re stalling, maybe check out the Daily Undulating Periodization (DUP) method. I picked up a few cool techniques from that.

    • BLACKBEARD UNFILTERED

      Whats your numbers at bro? PLATES ON PLATES

      • Waynecro

        I wish! My numbers aren’t that impressive. I’m still relatively new to lifting heavy. My bench is closing in on 300 pounds, though, which isn’t terrible for a 180-pound guy.

        • BLACKBEARD UNFILTERED

          Nah, thats around where my bench is, and im around 220. Bench is def not my best rep either tho

          • Waynecro

            I plan to hit 300 before the end of 2016. The bench press is my favorite lift, though until last year, I was doing it on a 5′ bar in a 7’x7′ room. Getting the full-size Olympic bar was the best thing that ever happened for my lifting. I’ve only been doing real squats for about a year, so they suck. What’s your best lift?

          • BLACKBEARD UNFILTERED

            My OHP, which crested over 200 early this year (im having to work back up to it). I spend more time on shoulders than any other muscle group (except maybe tris)

          • Waynecro

            Nice, dude! I’m jealous. I’m trying to build up my shoulders, but one of them is kind of fucked up. I do a lot of military presses, but I haven’t been able to do more than eight reps with 125 pounds. I’m hesitant to go heavier because of the wonky shoulder. The last thing I need is to drop the bar on my ex-girlfriend’s new car.

          • BLACKBEARD UNFILTERED

            Perhaps, thats precisely what you should do.

            You would love shoulder day at casa blackbeard. Lots of arnold presses and lateral raises. Also, im working on getting my traps huge again, get that corpsegrinder neck going

          • Waynecro

            Yeah, really. I mean, what’s she going to do? Break up with me again? HA! I do lots of lateral and front raises. Good shit. What do you do for traps?

          • BLACKBEARD UNFILTERED

            Lots of carries and shrugs. I also do some isometrics. Go buy yourself some big ass concrete blockz and see how long you can hold em

          • Waynecro

            That’s good shit, man. I like carries.

          • BLACKBEARD UNFILTERED

            Try this, add a shrug to your next deadlift and hold it at the end of your motion. Or if youre brave, a calf raise

          • Waynecro

            That’s a killer tip, man. Thanks! I do tons of calf raises and never thought to incorporate shrugs.

          • BLACKBEARD UNFILTERED

            Im all about dem shoulders, man.

          • Waynecro

            Gotta get dat V shape, man.

        • That’s damn impressive. I’m at 195 (at 165 bodyweight). Squat and deadlift numbers are much better.
          Edit: for 5×5. Not sure about max lift.

          • Waynecro

            Thanks, dude! Man, you must have a really low body-fat percentage (cut as shit).

          • Really low bodyfat for the past year or so… I lost a bunch of weight when I got sick and haven’t been able to gain anything back. 2k16 goals!

          • Waynecro

            You’ll own it in 2016, dude. I lost 150+ pounds when I quit drinking and started getting my shit together, but I’ve never been as lean as I’d like to be. Seeing only four abs isn’t good enough for me, damnit.

          • BLACKBEARD UNFILTERED

            I was never lean except during the college years, and that was mostly drugs. My bfi is never low. I honestly just dont think im made to be rail thin

          • Waynecro

            Sometimes, I think the body has a mind of its own or something.

    • Tell Hegel I said CUT THE SHIT

      • Waynecro

        I hope he listens to you, because I think he’s laughing at me.

        • He made a doggie joke. You don’t get it. Your sense of humor is inferior and archaic.

          • Waynecro

            Maybe so, but I can eat delicious chicken whenever I want to. I WIN, HEGEL!

    • more beer

      My curls fluctuate between 12oz’s, 16oz’s and 22oz’s.

      • Waynecro

        Nice! I was a fan of the two-armed 40 oz curl back in the day.

        • more beer

          I have done my fair share of those too. I just prefer better beer that isn’t sold in 40’s.

          • Waynecro

            If I were still able to drink today, I would definitely be drinking better beer.

          • more beer

            But there is nothing like the sound of someone getting a forty upside the head.

          • Waynecro

            That’s so true, haha.

          • more beer

            I witnessed it many times in New York.

          • Waynecro

            I’ve been on both ends of a 40 bashing. Good times.

          • more beer

            I’ve bee hit with a 12oz bottle but never a forty.

          • Waynecro

            It always sucks, regardless of bottle size.

          • more beer

            Yes it does. I have the scar on the side of my head to this day.

          • Waynecro

            Yeah, if I shaved my head, I’d probably find a lot of scars.

          • more beer

            My head is shaved I have a bunch.

          • Waynecro

            My best ones are on my arms.

          • more beer

            Most of mine are on my head.

          • Keith Richards’ Itchy Gooch

            I wear my chef’s sleeve proudly. A proud collection of cuts, scrapes, burns from my years in the kitchen, plus quite a few on my legs from various burns. There’s spots on my arms and legs where hair will never ever grow back.

          • Waynecro

            My chef brother has about the same setup. He’s three years younger than me, but he’s already getting arthritis and shit. Kitchens are brutal, man.

          • Keith Richards’ Itchy Gooch

            Yep! And the knees go a lot quicker than the average person as well. Chopping, no matter how good you are at it, are a major strain on the hands and joints as well.

          • Elizabeth Short

            I’ve been at it for 15 years, and my body is just wrecked. My spine and back are completely ruined (that’s mostly the scoliosis), but my knees and ankles are falling apart and my hands cramp up after about 20 minutes of carving up some poor dead animal. Thankless, punishing work unless you’re a handful of jackasses on TV. The hours don’t help either. I’m at work on my day off. Again. Stay in school, kids, unless that school is culinary school.

          • Keith Richards’ Itchy Gooch

            Yep! Culinary schools are definitely a gamble though. Even Bourdain, who’s a graduate of CIA, advises against paying up for one.

          • Keith Richards’ Itchy Gooch

            I’ve never been hit with a bottle. Knocked a guy upside the face with a glass stein though.

          • more beer

            It is pretty much the same thing.

      • Boss theHossRossTossGlossFloss

        Mmmmm… beer.

      • Keith Richards’ Itchy Gooch

        Gotta up your game, bro, and start tossing kegs!

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MdcnUdzab7E

        • more beer

          Fuck that kegs are for drinking.

          • Keith Richards’ Itchy Gooch

            Pretty sure those were empty. Then he drank 5 of them before deflowering every virgin in the stadium.

          • more beer

            Empty kegs are for returning. To get the deposit back so you can buy more beer. This is how that works. Couldn’t they just throw midgets that weigh the same as a keg?

          • Keith Richards’ Itchy Gooch

            Not without some midgets rights group demanding an apology and picketing the event.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T6S_ODNUiCI

          • more beer

            They can toss them too.

          • Keith Richards’ Itchy Gooch

            Or have him toss some guidos!

          • more beer

            That works too.

  • ME GORAK B.C.™

    GOOD: FINALLY FIND MGLA ON CD!!!!!!!!!!

    BAD: IT NOT COME YET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    UGLY: RETURN OV GORAK!!!!!!!!!!!!

    http://www.secrettoeverybody.com/images/gameover.png

    • ┼yree

      If you got it from Hells Headbangers then you should get it within 3 or 4 days.

      • ME GORAK B.C.™

        LOOKED AT TRACKING NUMBER, SHIP FROM OHIO TO KENTUCKY BACK TO ME IN OHIO!!!

        • ┼yree

          Weird, I had an order from them do the same thing. Strange.

          • more beer

            A lot of shipping company’s do this.They send everything to a major hub. Then send them out where ever they are going. I know if you ship anything with Fed Ex the packages all go to Memphis.

      • Wait mgla is on cd now?!??!?

  • TheCheezFace

    Good stuff, Link. Hope it all works out.

    I, on the other hand, got friendzoned.

    • Maik Beninton™

      We have a soldier down, needs medical assistance.

      • dr. dagon, we need a big booty girl for this man, STAT!!

      • TheCheezFace

        lol

        It’s my fault for falling in love, though. I knew what the outcome would be.

  • Óðinn

    Say what you want about North Koreans, but their children learn to shred at a young age. 😉

    http://youtu.be/gSedE5sU3uc

  • Pagliacci is Kvlt
    • BLACKBEARD UNFILTERED

      Shamans have always been p tight.

      Then again, my main was a druid. Which has always been p tight

  • Dagon

    Link, you are one of the best people I’ve met. Nothing but the best for you and your wife, my friend.

  • Dagon

    GOOD: I got my degree yesterday, and I’m gonna get my license next Wednesday. I am officially a physician now.

    SCARY: My biggest residency exam is this Sunday. Let’s get it.

    • Waynecro

      Congrats! Own that exam, Dagon!

    • Boss the Hoss Ross

      Hell to the YES! Good work man!

    • congrats fishgod!

    • KJM, Shake Zula

      Congrats, Dr Dagon.

    • more beer

      That is pretty awesome. Congratulations!

    • Keith Richards’ Itchy Gooch

      Sweet! Congrats!

  • Bad: I have no interest in celebrating Christmass, but my lady half does. No matter how close to halfway I meet her, she is not happy. I’m thinking of retracting all my proposed compromises and meeting her nowhere in the middle, just to prove some kind of point (?). I am, after all, a man of principle.

    Good: This time of year? Pfffffffft. Everything is awful to the Nth power.

    Ugly: Potentially the ugly sweater party she is trying to drag me to. I’m thinking of wearing my TovH shirt.

    • Boss theHossRossTossGlossFloss

      WEAR IT! Drive the point home.

      • Waynecro

        WEAR IT MIGHTILY AND PREPARE FOR THE RESULTING DRY SPELL!!!

        • I ain’t afraid o no dry motherfucking spell! Bring it on!

          • Waynecro

            That’s the fucking spirit!

          • Although . . . being sans arms, it will be tough to flog the ol’ bishop. Might have to hire a fluffer.

          • Waynecro

            ABSTAIN AND FILL WITH RAGE AND HATRED

          • ABSTAIN AND SATAN

          • BLACKBEARD UNFILTERED

            HATRED BONER >>>>>>>>>

          • Waynecro

            Imperative for hate fucking.

          • Boss theHossRossTossGlossFloss

            I had a buddy tell me a story about a party where some guy got pissed off and started angerbating in front of everyone. Literally whipped his dick out in anger and was yelling while going at it.

          • more beer

            I have see some fucked up shit at parties. But never that.

          • Waynecro

            That’s the funniest shit I’ve ever heard.

          • Keith Richards’ Itchy Gooch

            What’s his TOH handle?

          • more beer

            No he is on another blog his name is Axl!

          • Keith Richards’ Itchy Gooch

            Axl angerbates whenever he think of Jews, blacks, or how he’s an oppressed white male who can’t melt steel beams.

          • more beer

            Judging by the quality of his articles. That is probably the only thing he does well.

          • Boss theHossRossTossGlossFloss

            Haha, other friend, not on the almighty toilet.

          • Keith Richards’ Itchy Gooch

            I’ve never angerbated, but if I try hard enough, I might………

            https://media.giphy.com/media/y9z5G3Ji9st5C/giphy.gif

            ………. pull it off.
            YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

          • Boss theHossRossTossGlossFloss

            Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

          • Keith Richards’ Itchy Gooch

            I had a leper friend once, who was afraid to masturbate. But with a little convincing, he managed to to pull it off.

          • BLACKBEARD UNFILTERED

            Lol

          • Boss theHossRossTossGlossFloss

            That’s funny shit right there!

          • Keith Richards’ Itchy Gooch

            The mightiest boner of all!

          • more beer

            Having a fluffer my be better than having arms.

      • “Boss the Hoss Ross Toss Gloss Floss” made me do it!”

        • Boss theHossRossTossGlossFloss

          You guys keep dragging my name out…

          • It amuses us somethin’ fierce.

          • Boss theHossRossTossGlossFloss

            I had to cram all the words together to fit the 30 character limit

          • You, sit, have elicited out-loud laughter from my speak hole.

          • Boss theHossRossTossGlossFloss

            Wait, I’m Sit now? That doesn’t fit the rhyme scheme.

          • Bah, my sneak edit was not sneaky enough.

            Edit: Where’s McNulty with a screen shot to drag my shame out into the light?

          • Boss theHossRossTossGlossFloss

            Ha, no worries!
            I am glad to have provided you with a hearty chuckle today.

          • Keith Richards’ Itchy Gooch
    • Boss theHossRossTossGlossFloss

      Will we see you at the party?

    • Keith Richards’ Itchy Gooch

      Your lady half? You’re a hermaphrodite?

      • No. I’m literally half-man, half-woman. All woman downstairs, all man above deck. Like a centaur. But with hips and slender ankles instead of, y’know, horse parts.

  • CT-12

    Congratulations to you Link! My best wishes to you and your wife!

  • more beer

    Good Luck Link!

  • BLACKBEARD UNFILTERED

    Congrats, Link! Hopefully, shes as big a nerd as you!

    good: krampus is coming, and i expect everyone i bought for to enjoy their gifts. My Pale Chalice at Atlas Moth vinyls may be here for xmas partying. its actually a little cold today (not xmas tho)

    Bad: gotta work tomorrow but i only got 3 little jobs to do . . . So not terrible

    Ugly: 70 DEGREE XMAS

  • Keith Richards’ Itchy Gooch

    Congrats, Mr and Mrs. Link!

    Good: Pretty chill week, and waiting for my Christmas goodies to arrive. Oh, and got a note from La Casa Al Mare after ordering their shirt, woot woot!
    Bad: Nothing so far. Even my ever-busy bowels have been chillin’ lately.
    The Ugly: Daphne Joy. Hideous!

    http://www.contactmusic.com/pics/ln/20150322/230315_style_fashion_week/daphne-joy-style-fashion-week-2015_4646887.jpg
    http://iv1.lisimg.com/image/2101533/480full-daphne-joy.jpg

  • Keith Richards’ Itchy Gooch
  • Keith Richards’ Itchy Gooch

    Autopsy results came back, and to the surprise of no one, Scott Weiland OD’d on cocaine, booze and Ecstacy: http://www.tmz.com/2015/12/18/scott-weiland-cause-of-death-overdose/

    RIP, Scott Weiland!

    http://loudwire.com/files/2014/11/Scott-Stapp1-630×420.jpg

    • more beer

      No shocker there.

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    Good: Work, the tour of tours is coming.

    Bad: I have to miss my cousin’s baptism on Sunday

    Ugly: Tapirs

    • Sir Tapir The Based

      Ugly: Janitors, Jims, Duggans and dad rock.

      • Keith Richards’ Itchy Gooch

        As a Finn, what’s your opinion of Moonsorrow?

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    Holy mother of god. Ray Davies and Dave Davies performed together for the first time in 20 years. Can it be? Are The Kinks reuniting?

    • Keith Richards’ Itchy Gooch

      JJD, please! No dad rock allowed! :-p

      • Janitor Jim Duggan

        Surely you jest.

        • Keith Richards’ Itchy Gooch

          Haha, yeah.

  • I keep forgetting how to spell bukkake. Bukakke?
    I should drink more. Then I will remember.

    • more beer

      Drinking more the answer to life’s problems!

  • Eliza

    I hope you’ll be happy! Good luck! :,’)

  • Keith Richards’ Itchy Gooch

    Oh, and Metal Church released this one today:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=13&v=Rr0bHRjfhmU

    The new CD is gonna fucking RIP!!!!!! I’m packing a spare colon for when it comes out.

  • Keith Richards’ Itchy Gooch

    #ToiletOvHusbands

  • Guppusmaximus

    Yea, my wife and I got married after 6 years of dating and we’ve been married for close to 8 years now. 15 years with the same person takes a lot of work. Sure, there is the love that I have for her but that alone doesn’t hold it together and if you rely just on that you can actually get quite disconnected from that emotion. Whether you have financial success or not, you’ll never be shielded from Marital struggles. Just remember that working through those hard times and being that integral part of her life will allow you two to learn & grow together.

    So, congrats Link!! That’s my .02 wedding gift to you. And here’s some fine jams for you to take on that honeymoon

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gx9jIf4G-pg

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dUYTjf21GAo

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mUGBulpmKLw

    https://5fortrio.bandcamp.com/album/g-n-tiquement-modifi