Flush It Friday: All Elves Must Die


Welcome back to Friday afternoon. It’s time for the airing of grievances so we may start the weekend relaxed and refreshed.

This week I would like to direct my ire at the elf on a FUCKING shelf. That’s a thing, you guys.

I went to Target yesterday to purchase underwear as a late-20something-single-dude is wont to do. In between the piles and piles of unnecessary holiday crap, there were MANY prominent displays on The Elf on a Shelf. If you’re a parent, you know what this bullshit is. If you’re blessedly child-free, I will explain: About 10 years ago, a woman named Carol Aebersold wrote a “book” called The Elf on a Shelf. The plot summarized: Santa Claus employs a bunch of fucking narc elves to spy on children. Groundbreaking stuff. The book came with a toy elf (because fuck reading, toy). She has since spent the ensuing decade running a furious marketing machine in a successful attempt to make this her book/toy a Christmas-time tradition for suckers families across America. Surely, all good traditions start with buying more shit. CBS is trying to make a half-hour Elf on a Shelf animated special be a thing now. Look, I may hate Christmas but if the friggin’ elf on a shelf cuts out a single showing of A Charlie Brown Christmas I will shiv a motherfucker. Stop buying shit.

ON A POSITIVE NOTE: The Toilet ov Hell is almost to 500 likes on Facebook! That is exciting! If you haven’t done so, like us on Facebook. When you’re done with that, join the TovH Facebook group and talk mad shit with me.

This here is an Open Swim in the comments, but if you wanna play along just vent your rage at the object of your ire (but be sure to follow it up with a good vibe)!

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