Flush it Friday: A Sexy New Look is on the Way

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Fellas, it’s Friday afternoon. The time for workin’ is ending and the time for shitpostin’ is nigh. Get in here and waste the rest of your day.

If you’ve spent any significant amount of time around this place, you’ve probably seen me frantically hawking Toilet ov Hell t-shirts like a desperate and pathetic man. Many of you have taken pity on me by purchasing one of those fine rags, thus allowing us to take the next step in metal blog game domination. Contrary to popular rumor, proceeds from shirt sales have not gone to fattening me and Franklin the pug with fine meats and beers. Instead, I spent the shirt cash on something we can all enjoy: a complete and total site redesign from a very talented and skilled designer (hi Erin!).

Sometime tonight/tomorrow you’ll come back here and see that this old trash heap has got a full-on makeover. It’ll be shocking. It’ll be sexy. It’ll be extremely functional. I’m wicked stoked about it and I hope you are as well. Big things are afoot. Thank you for being with us here to experience them.

This is your open swim for the week. Thank you for your continued support of this e-privy. We’ll see you tomorrow.

Did you dig this? Take a second to support Toilet ov Hell on Patreon!
  • Mosh Hoff

    WHAT IS THIS WHERE AM I WHAT IS GOING ON WHAT YEAR IS IT AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

    • Sid Vicious Promos

      I DON’T LIKE CHANGE!!!!!!!

      • but we could all use a little chaaaaaaaaaaaange

        • Sid Vicious Promos

          Jimmy plz!

        • Mosh Hoff

          T
          H
          E
          Y
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          A
          R
          S
          S
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          T
          C
          O
          M
          I
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          D
          T
          H
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          Y
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          O
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          O
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          I
          N

          • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

            HEY NOW

          • Sid Vicious Promos

            YOU’RE AN ALL STAR

          • Brutalist_Receptacle

            WHERE DID THAT STRAY PUBE GO??????/

    • Riboflavin dreams

      The year is 1965, and you and I are undercover detectives on the hot rod circuit

      • Maik Beninton™

        Let’s burn rubber baby.

    • Sid Vicious Promos

      The year is 1977 and I’m a time displaced music critic.

    • ME GORAK™✓ᶜᵃᵛᵉᵐᵃⁿ

      ME BEEN THERE, MR MOSH!!!!!!!!!

  • tigeraid

    Well this is nice. Good job.

    (I’ll miss the little pubic hairs though.)

  • Elegant Gazing Globe

    BAD: Pubes are gone
    UGLY: Pubes are gone
    GOOD: Cannot exist since pubes are gone

    • CyberneticOrganism

      TMI Fridays

      EDIT: Oh you meant the site background…

  • Back Jauer

    Oh nice no more pubes.

    • Óðinn

      They’re still there. It’s just more of a “Where’s Waldo” situation now.

  • tigeraid

    The Good: AAAAH VACATION FINALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLY.
    The Bad: I’ll be spending most of it gutting my shop for renovations. Sort of a Good/Bad.
    The Ugly: America’s current President is basically Richard Nixon with a hotel chain.

    • Mosh Hoff

      Upside: we’ll get Watergate but in a Trump Hotel.

    • Back Jauer

      You’re giving Trump wayyyyyy too much credit.

  • Back Jauer

    Good: Should be getting off of third shift by the end of next week so I can be human instead of a zombie again.

    Bad: I forgot what it feels like to feel rested.

    Ugly: The fate of the fucking spider that just invaded my personal space as I was typing this.

  • Señor Jefe El Rossover
  • Sid Vicious Promos

    Good: I’m seeing Todd Rundgren tomorrow, having a party in July

    Bad: Trying to find shoes in my size. Having a size 13/14 foot is very inconvenient.

    Ugly: PS1 graphics in 2017. I was playing NHL 99 and the graphics were awful although the game is so much better than any hockey game past NHL 2014.

    • KJM, Dr. Disco

      Damn, them feets do some serious stompin’!

  • thanks Erin! hope you wore gloves when cleaning up

  • Mosh Hoff
    • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

      New DT makes me forget how good old DT can be.

      • Sid Vicious Promos

        The question is when did they jump the shark?

        • 1985.

          • Sid Vicious Promos

            They formed in 1985 which means that you believe they jumped the shark when they formed? I think they jumped the shark after Metropolis Part 2. Then again I don’t like much newer prog. 70’s prog is where it’s at. Also any Marillion album released after Fish left the band can eat my ass.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            I’d say after 1999, they never made anything as good as Images & Words, Awake or Metropolis Pt. 2 again. They still had their moments though.
            I never really thought they’d ever be as terrible as they are now.

        • ME GORAK™✓ᶜᵃᵛᵉᵐᵃⁿ

          GORAK DIGS UP TO BLACK CLOUDS!!!!!!!! DRAMATIC TURN GETS SMAAAAAAAASH!!!!!!!!

  • Elegant Gazing Globe

    This layout should accommodate some IAB standard units pretty easily. Looks good

  • CyberneticOrganism
  • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod
  • Guacamole Jim

    Duuuuuude. New look is fantastic. Very sleek, very pro.

    GOOD: New look

    ALSO GOOD: Dope music blogs like this one

  • Waynecro

    Good: The Toilet ov Hell’s sharp new look.
    Bad: Last week, I mentioned to someone that the only thing I enjoy about life is sleeping. I’ve had insomnia all week.
    Ugly (in a really awesome way): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HyRQtl6FZGc

  • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

    GOOD: The Riffeth, They Floweth. Getting better at this Tin-deer thing. Gotta say I prefer copper.
    BAD: Meine fricken musical equipment sucketh the ass of a Guacamole-stinkin’ donkey. Need to invest in new. Which is going to be a task, because the last time I saw a greenback whale ’twas 1288.
    UGLY: Jimmy John Liautaud, humping a dead shark.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      What are you looking to buy? Also yeah, that’s definitely the Jimmy John’s guy.

      • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

        Everything, really. Gotta get new amps etc, for possible future shows, and a new guitar. Eventually gonna have to replace my bass, and get some pedals – mics… everything.

  • Leif Bearikson

    IT’S A BOWL NEW WOOOOOOORLD

    • Óðinn

      It truly is. I’m flush with excrement.

  • Óðinn
  • FrankWhiteKingOfNY
    • Waynecro

      Dude, I’ve been blasting “The Only Factor” by Crowbar so much lately.

      • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

        That song rules. I actually think Crowbar is one of the most consistent bands in the genre. Sure they have some peaks – S/T, Broken Glass, Odd Fellows Rest and Sonic Excess in its Purest Form – but as far as I’m concerned they don’t have a single album I’d call bad.

    • Señor Jefe El Rossover

      Was just turned onto Forefather this morning, my goodness that album is amazing.

      Very interesting to see Virgin Steele here…

      • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

        Yeah Steadfast rules ridiculously hard. It’s got a near-perfect rating with a respectable amount of reviews over at Metal Archives.
        (I give that site some shit at times, but in some cases they do get it right as well)

        That “Marriage of Heaven and Hell” series by Virgin Steele is superb.
        With the “House of Atreus” one they went a bit too bombastic imho. Definitely not bad, just couldn’t get into those as much.

        • Señor Jefe El Rossover

          Totally deserves that grade

          Well shit!!! Frank is getting more Power by the day it seems! I enjoy Heaven and Hell quite a bit, long but well worth it.

          What about early albums, do you like those? Age of Consent is probably my favorite.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            The early Virgin Steele albums are a bit too “Manowar” for me.

          • Señor Jefe El Rossover

            Eh, fair enough, i suppose. Some people just can’t handle STEEL!

  • Simon PhoenixKing Rising

    Wow that’s some shiny new wallpaper. I’ll try not to get too much blood on it.

  • ME GORAK™✓ᶜᵃᵛᵉᵐᵃⁿ
  • Óðinn

    The new look does so much, like remind of why I can’t stand Billy Milano. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/0f1f804d13b32b9579ab6f0953ad445a886aa4ee4c0359ec5d91595afe54ece0.png

    • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

      As much as a borderline retarded blockhead Milano is, I do give him credit for being part of one of the few crossover thrash records I consider 100% legitimately classic good.
      (though I think most of the credit for the album probably goes to Benante and Ian)

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qZSTfGIoPLc

      • ME GORAK™✓ᶜᵃᵛᵉᵐᵃⁿ

        AND LILKER TOO!!!!!! M.O.D. NEVER HAD SAME MAGIC!!!!!!

        • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

          M.O.D. kinda blows imo. Bigger Than the Devil wasn’t even half as good as Speak English Or Die either.
          The fact that Scott Ian basically saved all of his greatest riffs for SEoD might be one of the main reasons for this.

      • Óðinn

        Yeah, It’s a classic album. At certain age I did start finding it too immature to listen to. Milano should have as well.

        • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

          From a lyrical point of view, it’s incredibly immature. I do think it’s deliberately that way though: “let’s behave like a bunch of childish assholes and offend some people!”
          I mainly dig it because it’s really well put together, especially compared to a lot of other albums in this style.

          • Óðinn

            Oh yeah. When it was just a joke and I was younger, it was funny. I just mean that, since then we’ve realized that Billy Milano took the ignorant lyrics seriously. If it was just a one-off, and then he moved on, that’s one thing. But he’s still doing this stuff 30+ years later.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            Milano doesn’t exactly strike me as the brightest kid in class – to put it mildly.

          • Óðinn
          • Pierre Generic

            That picture makes it look like Billy got a boner from hugging his mom.

          • Óðinn

            It does, unfortunately.

        • KJM, Dr. Disco

          You can still listen to ‘Freddy Kreuger’ without embarrassing yourself.

      • Guppusmaximus

        Actually, most of the credit for that album should go to Lilker. I’m pretty certain he wrote most of those riffs… Still, a fucking classic indeed m/ m/

        • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

          Seems I’ve been underestimating the power of Lilker!

          • Guppusmaximus

            It’s easy to do until you realize just how instrumental (pun?) he’s been in establishing our beloved Metal scene (Anthrax, Nuclear Assault, SOD, Brutal Truth). Personally, I think Scott gets way too much credit for other people’s input. Just my .02

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            Oh yeah, his work with Brutal Truth was fantastic as well.
            It’s been stated on more than a few occasions that with Anthrax Benante writes (or at least used to write) quite a few of Ian’s riffs.

          • Óðinn
      • KJM, Dr. Disco

        The riffs make the album. It would still be good without Billy. The opposite gives you M.O.D.(yawn)

        • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

          The unbearable blandness of M.O.D. indeed speaks for itself.

  • Leif Bearikson

    Ahh hell, the new site loads faster and runs better on my work computer. So much for productivity

  • Lacertilian
    • ME GORAK™✓ᶜᵃᵛᵉᵐᵃⁿ

      FIRST U MUST PAY A TROLL TOLL!!!!!!!

      • Lacertilian

        I’ll never willingly give Randall Thor my cash!

        • Elegant Gazing Globe

          he didn’t say poser tax

      • Mosh Hoff

        TO GET INTO THE BOYSSOOOOOOLE

        • Sid Vicious Promos

          You gotta pay the troll toll to get in!

  • Mr. Clean did a heckava job cleaning this joint up. All hail the new porcelain!

  • Erin Wilder

    Hi! Erin here.

    I am currently taking requests to add secret pubes to the new layout. If you feel like the new look is awesome, but could use more stray pubes, I hear you. Please reply to this comment and if the response is overwhelming, I will hide some pubes for you.

    <3 Erin

    • Óðinn

      Yes please.

    • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

      Replying for pubes

    • Elegant Gazing Globe

      Please do

    • ME GORAK™✓ᶜᵃᵛᵉᵐᵃⁿ

      TOILET PUBEZ!!! TOILET PUBEZ!!! TOILET PUBEZ!!!!!!!

    • Waynecro

      I once had a job during which the clients asked me to use wales and dolphins jumping over a rainbow to represent radio waves, but secret pubes is still the strangest design request I’ve ever heard.

      • Elegant Gazing Globe

        you must be new here, welcome!

        • Waynecro

          Thanks! My friend told me this website is about metal. Anyone wanna talk about Slipknot and how killer DJ Ashba’s new bottled water is?

          • Guppusmaximus

            I thought Slipknot was the name of DJ Ashba’s new bottled water??

          • CyberneticOrganism

            No, you’re thinking of Buttrot

        • Óðinn

          I’m think I may have seen Waynecre here before….Not sure though. 😉

      • Erin Wilder

        my policy is deliver first, ask questions later (or in this case, never). and actually… i kinda think the dolphin/whale/rainbow thing would be magical.

        • Waynecro

          That’s a good policy. And I’ll admit that the dolphins and whales I created in Illustrator were magical as hell.

      • Óðinn
      • Óðinn
    • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

      Well if you don’t mind!

    • Óðinn

      Nice work in the web design, BTW. Thank-you.

      • Erin Wilder

        my pleasure 🙂 thanks to your readers for buying tee shirts of questionable quality.

        • the quality is great, it’s the shirt designs about which we are unsure

        • Our tees are only of the highest-ish quality.

          • Waynecro

            I bought the TovH tank top and all I got was these redneck tan lines.

          • Erin Wilder

            haha, i am so sorry. if you ever do another round, i’ll submit a design as an apology.

          • Waynecro

            Today’s events suggest that a shirt with pubes on it would sell quite well.

          • JWG

            I for one hope there’s an open solicitation for TovH shirt designs before one of them is unleashed. Not necessarily the next one though.

            I suck so I wouldn’t participate, but I do know tons of indie comic artists who could use the exposure.

          • JWG

            TovH shirts: made from the more-or-less finest materials available.

            (hire us for all your local pest control needs!)

    • Erin Wilder

      UPDATE: Pubes are live.

      • Óðinn

        Woohoo! Thanks Erin.

      • tigeraid

        Yer the best.

    • Riboflavin dreams

      I thought my screen had a speck on it and wondered why it wouldn’t clean off. Now I know.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Great work Erin, this looks awesome.

      Are the pubes in the plastic-wrapped sink? If so, very sanitary.

      • Erin Wilder

        The pubes are in multiple discreet locations. You have to find them for yourself

    • Thank you so much for the work. You did a fine job.

  • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

    I’m re-reading my Throne articles in the new format. They look nice

  • J.R.™

    I’m on mobile. If I scroll just fast enough…i see a golden….throne room? What is glory

  • JWG
  • sweetooth0

    I am cool with this new look and normally I hate all change. I do think pubes could be added somewhere though.

    GOOD: It’s Friday! Got my American Guinea Pig: Bloodshock bluray in the mail, so disturbing gore will soon be assaulting my eyeballs. Had a killer time on Wednesday for Shannon’s bday. Took her out for fancy dining (seriously the best steak and burger(!) I’ve ever eaten). Got pretty juiced up on fancy cocktails and then went home and listened to some vintage ABBA vinyls I got her off discogs a little while ago.

    BAD: Apparently my mom still isn’t doin’ so hot. My auntie was messaging me about it. Gonna have to phone her up this weekend to hopefully cheer her up.

    UGLY: How I felt Thursday when I had to get up and go to work and then sit in a meeting with like 20 other people as soon as I got there. Ugh.

    • RJA

      American guinea pig: blood shock? I have no idea what that is but sounds like one of the more insane things I’ve heard in a while!

  • The Mighty Thorange

    Good: Just finished most of the deadlines for my degree and my brother is at mines for the weekend so it is drinking time. Currently drinking while watching Legend of the Drunken Master. New site design is sexy.
    Bad: Due to strikes by the university lecturers, my final deadline has been postponed.
    Ugly: The salaries of teachers and university lecturers.

  • atchdav

    Anyone else excited for the Bob’s Burgers album that just dropped?

    https://youtu.be/ZJCRIJFsM4A?list=PLpq9ud5PfXswmTIRMWQIHjVBeXuo1Z2E6

  • GOOD: I’m really stoked on this new Toilet aesthetic or whatever you want to call it. Opeth, Gojira, and Devin Townsend Project were great last night. Got a new recipe together and I’ll write it up today or tomorrow. The new Ulsect is quite good so far, probably not AOTY but might make it into the list somewhere. Lots of stuff.

    BAD: Not much. Some things are unpleasant, very few are actually bad. I guess I was hoping for Netflix’s series on Commodus to be better? Dunno, not much to complain about, life is pretty fucking privileged around these parts.

    UGLY: The hailstorm we got here on Monday. Hearing from a number of people who got their cars totaled because of that shit. For awhile it looked borderline apocalyptic downtown when that was going on. Fun to watch, though.

    Happy weekend, dudes!

    • super jelly about that show to which you went!
      i’ll never own a new car, due to conditions like hail. i don’t wanna be eyeballing it for scratches and imperfections.

      • more beer

        I’m not. I hang out with Vlad kind of regularly. But there is no way I would have dropped a dime on that abortion.

        • ahahahahaha! that’s fair! i really need to check out the venue, looks wonderful

          • more beer

            Not sure where they played. But I can tell you about every venue here. Both the good and the bad about each.

          • i think it was Red Rocks Ampitheatre. i’m gonna visit sometime! hopefully at the same time there’s a good show

          • more beer

            Red Rocks is not your typical venue. 15 guys farting in unison would sound good there.

    • more beer

      The hail storm ruled, I was driving during it. It was nice having all of the pussies in town pulled over to the side of the road. So I could make better time. I lost my phone last week shoot me a text..

  • Sid Vicious Promos

    Mister Roger’s Neighborhood is having a 18 day marathon of all 886 episodes on Twitch. I’m weeping tears of violent joy. I haven’t wept this violently since I heard that there was a New Monkees and that they were abysmal.

  • GrungierNine0

    Ahh, my favorite site on the web is…oh god…it’s different…

    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGHHH!!

    Kidding. It’s very nice.

  • Good: the site redesign. it showcases articles of old, which would definitely be a blast reading again.
    Bad: no bad. let’s take this feature out of the site! lolololol
    Ugly: watched Videodrome this week. that movie was amazing.

    • more beer

      Looks like MS and MI to me. Just sayin.