Florida Metal Fest Announce Rad Line-up with Even Radder Poster

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The first ever Florida Metal Fest has been announced for January 30th and features a pretty righteous line-up, including ObituaryCorrosion of ConformityAtheist, and more. The line-up isn’t important, though. What is important is this sweet-ass poster.

fmf

Just look at that badass alligator shredding a bone guitar! He’s got a bullet belt! He’s got a spiked bracer! He’s got a battle jacket with patches for old-school death metal and hardcore bands! Just look at those spooky skull coconuts hanging out in the trees! Just look at that hurricane-induced tidal wave threatening to crush Florida’s dick! Just look at those swamp people zombies rising from the Everglades like a bunch of mud-soaked rednecks to feast upon the flesh of the decent! Just look at that righteous gator busting a rock-n-roll power stance upon the ravenous dead! I guarantee that gator parties! He’s the kind of gator who also brings his own cube of ‘stones to your kegger AND helps all the ladies do keg-stands! He’s the kind of gator who burns asphalt in his souped-up old Firebird to teach these young pups in their new Ford Mustangs how it’s done! He’s the kind of gator who got his education from the School of Hard Knocks! He’s the kind of gator who gets kicked out of bowling allies for disorderly conduct! He’s the kind of gator who met Dave Grohl back in ’94 and thought he was really going to be something then, ya know?

That gator’s inviting you to a party. You aren’t going to say no to him, are you? Didn’t think so.

In case you can’t read band logos, here’s the full line-up:

  • Obituary
  • Corrosion of Conformity
  • Deicide
  • Trouble
  • Pitbull
  • Malevolent Creation
  • Madball
  • Atheist
  • Broken Hope
  • Generichrist
  • Ontoten Krieg
  • Unsung Destroyer 4

If you’re in Ybor City this weekend, get your scaly butt down to the Cuban Club. You can pick up your tickets here. Keep it real.

(Photos VIA the Fest’s Facebook)
(h/t Gurp)

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  • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

    Wow, this might have been cool circa 1990.

    • COAL ROLL

      It WILL be cool if Jeremy Wagner breaks out the Hannemann guitars

      • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

        No, still not cool. Sorry.

        • COAL ROLL

          what’s not cool about it?

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            It’s a dude from a bland death metal band playing someone else’s guitars.

          • COAL ROLL

            better than them hanging in a hard rock cafe.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Yes, I get that, which was the whole point of the purchase. But still not interesting since Broken Hope is Broken Bland.

          • COAL ROLL

            I agree they are boring, but the idea of getting to see the guitars get another life, is pretty cool

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            That is a good point.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I have no problem with the Hard Rock Cafe having music memorabilia. I saw Vinnie Paul’s Damageplan drumset from the night Dimebag died at the one in Orlando.

          • COAL ROLL

            You ever see the movie Office Space? Remember the bit about the restaurant and “flair?” The gear at Hard Rock is nothing but that. The intent is not to preserve the memory of an artist, but to draw people in to spend money.

      • Janitor Jim Duggan

        I don’t know why he would buy the guitars of a man who died. Why wouldnt he let someone else buy them?

        • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

          Wow.

        • I once bought a popcorn maker… Now that I think about it, I should have let someone else buy it.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            These guitars are part of history. I just don’t want someone who isn’t Jeff playing them.

    • YEAH, OLD MUSIC FUCKING SUCKS.

      • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

        Missed the point.

        • Super Nintendo Chalmers

          No, he didn’t.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Yes he did. Being excited about seeing Deiced in 2016? Really?

          • Super Nintendo Chalmers

            We can’t all be ultra kvlt kids on the leading edge like you.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Nothing cult about a band that hasn’t been good in years. Just relax, and have a wank a or two…..

  • Wasn’t there some dumb drama between Jeremy Wagner and Glenn Benton a couple years back?

    • Dubs

      Yup. I recall them having issues on tour.

      • Thought so. Not that I care really, but I guess they got over that then.

        • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

          Or they didn’t and there will be a cage match.

          • Dubs

            Dads on dads.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Whoa, not you’re just getting gross doc.

          • Dubs

            Nothing sexual.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Whoa, hey man.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            Age In The Cage is happening at this festival.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Procreators on procreators.

          • Dubs

            Beer-guts slapping together in rage. Nothing sexual.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Dudes on dudes on dudes on dirt.

          • Bossicus thee Rossicus

            Pater familias on Pater familias

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Yes.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I’d rather see a Hell In A Cell match between them.

          • Wow, that would be pathetic to watch.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Or amazing?

          • Fuck! My mind is boggling.

  • Still better than New England Metal/Hardcore Fest.

    • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

      Big time, very good point.

      • The one fest I can get to easily, and it constantly sucks ass.

        • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

          Shitty luck as always, bro.

  • I want a plushie of that lil gator

    • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

      Sorry I missed kwanza….

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      I do too.

  • This fest should be full up with dads.

  • Special guest appearance by Phil Anselmo during Malevolent Creation’s set.

    • What is a guest appearance of Anselmo with Savior Grohl?

      These are dark times we live in. Dark times, indeed…

    • I hope he shows up for the Pitbull set.

      • Pitbull just snuck right in there didn’t they?

      • Just saw they’re playing at the Cuban Club. How long before they cancel?

        • Janitor Jim Duggan

          Not long.

      • Malevolent Creation ft. Pitbull?!

        Fuck, that guy is everywhere…

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      These guys perform near me yearly at least twice.

      • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

        That’s terrible.

        • Janitor Jim Duggan

          I’ve never seen them. I don’t plan on seeing then ever.

          • I’ve seen them twice. Both shows were siqqq.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Well, you like being uplifted, so there’s that.

          • Bossicus thee Rossicus

            SET IT OFF!

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I’m just not a fan.

          • Bossicus thee Rossicus

            Joe, you may like this band/album

            https://spiritsxxx.bandcamp.com/album/discontent

          • I am digging it!

          • Bossicus thee Rossicus

            It’s pretty killer and garnered multiple listens so far.
            Also, the vinyl package is wicked cool

          • aaaaand purchased. You’re a hell of a salesman, Boss.

          • Bossicus thee Rossicus

            Haha! Right on!

          • Bossicus thee Rossicus

            Damn, i just sold it to myself too. I had been holding off on it, but talking about it made me realise how much i actually wanted it.

          • Joe,

            What do they call hardcore music where the persons are not “straight edge”. Because it seems at though most bands would not be “straight edge” but rather, “normal edge”.

          • No Edge

          • They just call it hardcore and it’s assumed that you partake in drinking and illegal substances unless otherwise noted.

          • If it’s a hardcore band that uses satanic imagery, you can just assume everyone is super fucked up on all kinds of stuff.

          • “Boston. The Straight Edge. Making Friends Around The World. Posi Jumps.

            XXX”

            Posi jumps. Nice

          • Good stuff Ross! Windmilling the fuck out of my cube to this.

          • Bossicus thee Rossicus

            No problem!

          • Seen them many times, usually a good time minus some of the idiots they bring out.

          • Bossicus thee Rossicus

            The unfortunate truth about hardcore shows.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            Same with a lot of punk bands.

          • I refuse to go to any show where there’s not a bar so I can enjoy the entertainment with a beer in hand.

          • more beer

            It’s more than just that with Madball. Them and and all the DMS bands bring more of a gang mentality to shows.

          • Bossicus thee Rossicus

            Ah, yeah. Can’t be having any of that, too confrontational for what is supposed to be a fun time

          • more beer

            There is nothing fun about NYHC. Just playing.

          • Bossicus thee Rossicus

            Haha!
            This looks fun though.
            https://youtu.be/9fvu951up_0

          • more beer

            Yea but not a DMS band.

          • Bossicus thee Rossicus

            My bad man, last i saw was NYHC and Sick of it All came to mind.

          • more beer

            They are most certainly a very respected NYHC band. Actually I have said it here quite a few times. They are my favorite band to go see. They always bring so much energy when they play. a truly amazing live band. If you have never seen them put them on your bucket list.

          • Bossicus thee Rossicus

            Already there. I would love to see Sick of it All. And it’s cool to know that they’re your favorite live band.

          • more beer

            I’ve seen them many times through the years. They fucking bring it every time.

          • Bossicus thee Rossicus

            Killer

            Turbid North just finished up their set. They were fucking heavy.

          • more beer

            Nice have a good show. Cephalic Carnage and Vimana for me tomorrow.

          • Bossicus thee Rossicus

            Bad ass.

          • more beer

            They are a DMS band. It comes with the territory.

          • Yup, gotta make sure you don’t bump into the wrong guy with the flat brim hat and a puffy jacket.

          • more beer

            The flat brimmed hat means nothing. It’s those black and blue beads you gotta look out for.

          • ProfoundHatred

            That kinda shit has mostly calmed down nowadays in the scene. Caution is still recommended, but crews are rarely out picking random fights anymore. Except in the Midwest. Those motherfuckers think it’s still 2006.

          • I haven’t been to any strictly hardcore shows in a while. I feel like if there’s a bar placed away from the stage, I can hang back and enjoy the music without confrontation.

          • ProfoundHatred

            I fucking love Madball, but they do seem a little out of place in this lineup. Their pit at This is Hardcore 2014 was one of the gnarliest things I’ve ever seen, next to All Out War’s pit last summer.

          • more beer

            That’s because All Out War is fucking sick.

          • ProfoundHatred

            All Out War is incredible, but that pit rapidly devolved into people literally just beating on each other. I ducked out and watched the insanity from the balcony.

          • more beer

            It happens. I’ve been in some pretty violent pits in my life. Especially at hardcore shows where there are a bunch of different crews trying to be the alpha dog.

    • Viking Dildoes In The Fire

      Loved those as a kid! (you can tell)

  • The lack of Grohl at this fest is disturbing.

    • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

      So is the lack of Disturbed.

        • LVL 10 BLACKBEARD

          That movie

          • Stanley

            I assume this is from The Bridge. I saw it a long time ago and don’t remember this shot. There were a lot of jumpers after all.

        • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

          I like watching people die.

          • Wow. Your edge is much pointier than normal, today.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            I’m so rad and pointy.

          • Death is neat.

        • Viking Dildoes In The Fire

          Wasn’t that from ‘The Bridge’?

      • Viking Dildoes In The Fire

        Or Florida’s finest: Blood On The Dance Floor.

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    I’d see Corrosion Of Conformity. Is the reunion with Pepper Keenan still going on? I’d see that.

    • Bossicus thee Rossicus

      They’re working on a new record to be released by Nuclear Blast

  • The best part of the show would be that it would be in Florida, in January. Excellent weather. I could not imagine wearing black in the dead of summer. I realize it would likely be inside in either case, but still.

    • Dubs

      Went to Mayhem in Dallas many years back. It was 108 degrees outside. Saw man black-shirted folks vomiting from dehydration.

      • Weaklings.

      • dang, bodies be doin’ it all wrong

        • I AM SO DEHYDRATED. LET ME GET RID OF THIS REMAINING FLUID FOR GOOD MEASURE.

          -The Human Body

          • Dubs

            I’m certain all the free cans of Rockstar didn’t help.

      • Janitor Jim Duggan

        When I saw Warped in 2013 there was basically a hurricane level storm that happened. They had to cancel.

        • Viking Dildoes In The Fire

          I got my jacket stolen when I saw Mago De Oz the second time around, and ended up waiting an hour for the bus in 20 degree weather.

      • I went twice to the Indy shows (in August) a number of years back.. We wore white tees each time.

        Otherwise, natural selection just might poke its ugly head, lol.

      • Viking Dildoes In The Fire

        Now, that, THAT is dedication (or really fucking stupid)! ^^^^^

    • Plus the state flower is meth, so there’s that.

  • LVL 10 BLACKBEARD

    The problem is that you actually have to be in Florida, of all god-forsaken places

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      It’s not that bad. My aunt lives in between Ft. Lauderdale and Miami and it’s a nice area.

      • LVL 10 BLACKBEARD

        No it isnt

        • Janitor Jim Duggan

          Yes it is. It’s very nice down there.

          • LVL 10 BLACKBEARD

            Maybe weve been to different flo ridas

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            No. Pembroke Pines is a nice place.

          • LVL 10 BLACKBEARD

            Then why do all the floridians come here for 9 months out of the year?

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I don’t know.

      • Viking Dildoes In The Fire

        I spent a few months in Miami after I moved from Puerto Rico, but I can’t remember much about it outside of being really fucking humid, tbh.

      • LVL 10 BLACKBEARD

        Best scene in that whole series

        • Viking Dildoes In The Fire

          I dunno, my fave was when Tuco beat that one guy to death. Then again I made it up to the last episode of season 3 before I had to take the DVDs back (2 weeks late, so the library is a no go).

    • PostBlackenedWhaleGaze

      I actually made the 10+ hour drive down there a year or so ago just to see Pelican play the Southern Darkness festival. Tampa/Ybor is actually pretty cool. Also caught ASG and Bongripper. Almost got thrown out for sparking a J during Bongrippers set, but some crusties got thrown out instead because of course they started a fight with security.

      • LVL 10 BLACKBEARD

        Seeing Pelican sounds dope, not enuff to drive the 12 or so hours to get there.

        • … and almost getting thrown out. !

          • LVL 10 BLACKBEARD

            Which is weird, because florida is so full of drugs

        • PostBlackenedWhaleGaze

          It was worth it to me, as they’re one of my favorite bands and hardly ever tour anymore. Plus I got to visit Cigar City Brewing.

          • Bossicus thee Rossicus

            Cigar city and pelican?!? Not fair.

          • PostBlackenedWhaleGaze

            A good weekend it was. Also brought home a case of Jai Alai.

          • Bossicus thee Rossicus

            I really want to try that one, I’ve heard nothing but praise for

          • PostBlackenedWhaleGaze

            Duuude, it’s one of the best IPA’s I’ve ever had. And I’ve had a lot.

          • Bossicus thee Rossicus

            That’s awesome to hear. If I’m ever in an area where i can get it, I’m picking it up.
            https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e1900a5439987f0f57153f1d636a83adb0e643f47fdc550df7f07b8198353944.jpg

      • Bossicus thee Rossicus

        That sounds like one helluva time!
        Pelican,ASG and Bongripper.

      • i just want to piggyback off your comment and highlight how amazing ASG is for those who don’t know:
        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0gMi3UdXOM0

        • Bossicus thee Rossicus

          They are very good

        • Lacertilian

          Bongripper Jimmy, Bong fuckin’ ripper.

          • i’ll give them a shot! historically i’ve been anti-doom. but there are a few folks here into whom i put lots of trust

          • Bossicus thee Rossicus

            Anti-DOOM?!?
            LEAVE THE HALL

          • i know it’s cray, right. though if we turn the tables, i’m sure many people in here are anti-pop!

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            Being anti-pop is a good thing, anti-doom people should be taken behind the sauna and be shot.

          • Dagon

            I’ve never been taken behind a sauna.

          • c’mon now, if you had nobody to antagonize what fun would it be??

          • LVL 10 BLACKBEARD

            What about a doom-pop band

          • Bossicus thee Rossicus

            I’m just messing, you’re cool, Jimmy, you’re cool.

          • Dagon

            I was gonna shout something too but then I saw it was Jimmy. He has… a pass. Long story.

          • aw sweetie

          • Bossicus thee Rossicus

            I couldn’t help it

          • Dubs

            Listen to Conan

          • Dagon

            The new one even has blast beats!!

          • …and i shall start with an album called “Satan Worshipping Doom”

          • Lacertilian

            Haha. I was just getting the link to that very album . https://youtu.be/MsDz5qphC3c

          • Seeing them this year.

          • CyberneticOrganism
        • PostBlackenedWhaleGaze

          One of my personal favorites
          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h6mKw-mRbX8

    • NEVER.

  • United States: sorry for all the bad latinos on Florida.

    Signed: South América.

    Also, fuck yes, Trouble! I don’t care if the new lineup doesn’t include Eric Wagner… Bruce Franklin is a legend of the melodic riffing.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V40VdPaDvYE

    • Dubs

      Link’s hatred of other Latinos always shines through.

  • COAL ROLL

    Putting together shows like this is kinda smart from a business perspective. I bet it does really well. Most of the fans of old school bands like this are probably by now established adults, have their finances worked out, and are going to go to this show and drop like $100 above the admission cost on merch and concessions. Nostalgia is a powerful wallet opening tool.

    • Indeed. It is cool that they gathered important bands of the Florida sound, like Obituary, Atheist and Deicide; which contributed with different sounds and records to the US metal music.

      They also have that badass gator. I want to be like him.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Or, more depressingly, most are parents now and won’t spend money on concerts anymore.

    • I would probably consider going to this if I lived near there.

      • Bossicus thee Rossicus

        I’d go with you.

        • That means I would have to go too. Done.

          • Bossicus thee Rossicus

            Sounds like a good time.

          • would travel as well!

          • Bossicus thee Rossicus

            Jimmy! You have redeemed yourself.

          • phew! was rill worried for a sec…
            we really are going to have to do a big TovH meetup sometime, planned far in advance so we can all save our pennies

          • Bossicus thee Rossicus

            That’d be cool

  • Viking Dildoes In The Fire

    “I’m gonna govern the fuck out of this piece of shit state!”

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iASSUSFH6yk

  • This looks familiar.

    • Dubs

      I h/t’ed you, jabroni

      • I laugh when you say jabroni, jajaja.

      • I don’t know why, I’ve never heard of any of this, much less been to Florida.

  • Waynecro

    That poster art is a catastrophic tattoo waiting to happen.