The first ever Florida Metal Fest has been announced for January 30th and features a pretty righteous line-up, including Obituary, Corrosion of Conformity, Atheist, and more. The line-up isn’t important, though. What is important is this sweet-ass poster.
Just look at that badass alligator shredding a bone guitar! He’s got a bullet belt! He’s got a spiked bracer! He’s got a battle jacket with patches for old-school death metal and hardcore bands! Just look at those spooky skull coconuts hanging out in the trees! Just look at that hurricane-induced tidal wave threatening to crush Florida’s dick! Just look at those swamp people zombies rising from the Everglades like a bunch of mud-soaked rednecks to feast upon the flesh of the decent! Just look at that righteous gator busting a rock-n-roll power stance upon the ravenous dead! I guarantee that gator parties! He’s the kind of gator who also brings his own cube of ‘stones to your kegger AND helps all the ladies do keg-stands! He’s the kind of gator who burns asphalt in his souped-up old Firebird to teach these young pups in their new Ford Mustangs how it’s done! He’s the kind of gator who got his education from the School of Hard Knocks! He’s the kind of gator who gets kicked out of bowling allies for disorderly conduct! He’s the kind of gator who met Dave Grohl back in ’94 and thought he was really going to be something then, ya know?
That gator’s inviting you to a party. You aren’t going to say no to him, are you? Didn’t think so.
In case you can’t read band logos, here’s the full line-up:
- Corrosion of Conformity
- Malevolent Creation
- Broken Hope
- Ontoten Krieg
- Unsung Destroyer 4
If you’re in Ybor City this weekend, get your scaly butt down to the Cuban Club. You can pick up your tickets here. Keep it real.
(Photos VIA the Fest’s Facebook)