Feelings Are Stupid

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My dear, beloved Lady Stockhausen is truly better than any dead composer deserves. She is the wind beneath my ragged corpse, the light that my long-since-decayed eyeballs cherish deeply. Lately, however, I have secluded myself to the back room of our dwelling. Why, you ask (trust me, you did)? She has nostalgically taken up a dedicated viewing of probably the worst show there has ever been: One Tree Hell Hill. With that show in mind, let’s take a deep breath and say it together. Feelings are stupid.

To her credit, she knows it’s a dweeby show, filled to the brim with any excuse to violently maim the viewer’s heartstrings. In the same way, I know that watching the same episode of It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia for the fifth time probably isn’t doing me much good. We all have our things. But let’s get back to how bad One Tree Hill is. You know how most TV drama episodes end with a sappy, overly emotional song playing while the scenes shift between characters really, like, learning something about themselves, and, like, just, hurting, you know? Well, every episode of One Tree Hill is like that FOR THE ENTIRE EPISODE. HUMAN BEINGS CANNOT FEEL THAT MANY FEELINGS. Seriously, there’s a heinously maudlin acoustipop song playing from the first scene to the last. The soundtrack for a given season would cost over 100 dollars simply because they never aren’t churning out some touchy-feely garbage song under the terrible dialogue. This is a good time to get to the point, again: feelings are stupid, and if you see any, punch them in the face with metal.

One Tree Hill has motivated me to reconnect with my inner rage, and I wanted to share that playlist with all of you. What better way to start than with some fuzzy, hideous violence? We covered the release of Boddicker‘s Crime Upheaval last year, but I wanted to bring it up again. This album is nothing short of a compact ball of violent rage and distorted fury. No time for feeling things, only time for punching them.

At this point you should be listening to Teeth. If you’re not, I’ll wait. Ok. So now you’re listening to Teeth. We’ve done a few sessions of ignorant hate moshing here on the Toilet, much to my raging pleasure (not as dirty as it sounds). However, sometimes I like to branch out with my bitter hatred. The blackened, death-driven vitriol of Teeth may not immediately transport you to a circle pit, but will inspire you to find something nice and drag it through mud and bile while slowly rubbing salt in your own wounds. On that topic, look at this guy’s face.

marvinmouthfastforwardThat’s a character on One Tree Hill. Seriously. Mother Teresa would have straight uppercutted this guy. On top of that, remember that the main plot of shows like One Tree Hill revolves around having a girlfriend and feeling lots of things. So that means you would watch that guy with that face have a serious, tear-filled talk about something, probably, with a girl. Continue listening to Teeth while you imagine Mother Teresa punishing this jabroni’s terrible, punchable face. She got to be pretty old, so you better believe it would be slower and gruesome, making Teeth the perfect band for the occasion.

Speaking of gruesome, the 2015 demo from Pneuma Hagion should get the hate flowing. It’s only three short tracks, so you have plenty to look forward to from this one-man project. Dense, choking death metal is the name of the game, with growling vocals straight out of a One Tree Hill character’s nightmare. You can try moshing in the thick, heinous darkness, but you might just get stabbed by Satan.

Screen Shot 2015-06-09 at 10.12.43 PM

He’s crying because his name in real life is Chad. Srs.

More often than not, hate is spelled G-R-I-N-D. I’m definitely no grind scholar, but one of my favorite weird grind-ish acts has to be Corvid Canine. Previous releases from this lone madman border on power electronics and weird noise, and his numerous splits are just as unpredictable. The new album is a raucous mess of grind ‘n’ roll, and I would love to imagine it playing in an episode while the saps on screen talk about how things just aren’t the same, and you’ve changed, and I need you back, and DEAR GOD WHAT IS THAT HORRIBLE, WRETCHED MADNESS SHRIEKING IN THE BACKGROUND RIGHT NOW.

Last but not least, I truly feel that no bitter hate-fest would be complete without Brain Famine. Their name has been tossed around here and there around the blog and the Facebook page, but the caveman brutality of this album is everything I want when I need to rage. This fantastic album may be all we get from them, as the band is a side project of some otherwise busy dudes, but it’s enough stomping madness to last a lifetime. Ahhhhh…I feel much better.

To sum up, One Tree Hill sucks more than anything, and feelings are stupid. I hope you enjoyed the rampaging hatred, hit me with some more in the comments. She has like, a hundred seasons left.

Images VIA, VIA
  • The W.

    Yah! Let’s rage!

    http://i.imgur.com/YKmsEu2.gif

    • KJM

      Go Baby Hubert!!!

    • Howard Dean

      Goddamn goat bully picking on defenseless, wrinkled puppies. I want justice!

      Unrelated note: So I actually found two Tengger Cavalry albums on CD in a record store this weekend, Dubya. Super pumped about that, as I was a bit apprehensive about buying stuff from China (probably as safe as anywhere else, I just felt a little extra reluctance to pull the trigger on a transaction with their Chinese webstore). I was so shocked to see them in the record store.

      • The W.

        Really? That’s pretty amazing. I think the band is trying to bulk up their distribution. I keep getting emails about new digital releases.

        • Howard Dean

          It was crazy. That was one of the last bands I ever expected to see in the shelves. It’s a pretty legit record store with a heavy emphasis on metal and fringe genres, so they carry a lot more than a typical record store, but I was still shocked to see them.

          • The W.

            Rightly so. Which albums?

          • Howard Dean

            Sunesu Cavalry and The Expedition.

            I blasted Sunesu Cavalry on my way to work today and felt like a world beater. I’m going to force my coworkers to call me Temujin.

      • Sargeant Honkey Poopypanties
      • Sargeant Honkey Poopypanties

        I’m actually working on an interview with them, btw. If you have any questions for them, just toss them over.

        • Howard Dean

          Awesome! I look forward to the interview!

          I’m very impressed with the fiddle player, and would be interested to know more about their incorporation of that fiddle and the throat singing into the death/folk metal framework.

    • Maik Beninton™
    • Jasper Ringoldsby

      RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGE

    • Sargeant Honkey Poopypanties
  • Tyree

    Pneuma Hagion is tits. Sort of reminds me of Impetuous Ritual; really menacing sounding doomy death metal with some eerie atmosphere.

  • KJM
    • Kevin Nash & Friends

      No they aren’t. Everybody has to have feelings because without them we’d all be robotic.

  • PLEASE, SOMEONE CALL THE SLAMBULANCE, THIS DEAD COMPOSER IS ENRAGED!

  • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

    So, I went and checked. The plot summary of OneTreeHill. And I could really, really use a hill with a tree right now, I have the rope, all I need is a tree, and the hill.
    (Srs, the fuck is wrong with that show)

    • Kevin Nash & Friends

      You think that’s bad? Watch the Aquaman pilot from 2006. It’s so damn bad.

    • 95% of all TV sucks. I enjoy not watching it.

      • KJM

        I have my 2-3 hours a week and that’s usually through HBO GO or Netflix.

        • I just watch baseball when I can, Seinfeld reruns and then attempt to find something on Netflix.

          • Dagon

            Seinfeld >>>>>>>>>>>>>>

          • KJM

            I’m looking forward to True Detective, Aqua Teen, and The Strain starting back up soon.

          • Sargeant Honkey Poopypanties

            This is going to be the last season of Aqua Teen.

          • KJM

            I know, not happy.

          • Sargeant Honkey Poopypanties

            Eh, it’s run it’s course for quite some time.

          • KJM

            I still like it. It’s lasted far longer for me than either Simpsons or South Park honestly. Squidbillies is starting to lose it a little though.

          • Sargeant Honkey Poopypanties

            They need to bring back Frisky Dingo and Assy Mcgee, and finally give Korgoth Of Barbaria a shot to fill the voit.

          • KJM

            12 oz mouse, although I don’t really think more of that story is possible.

          • Sargeant Honkey Poopypanties

            Never seen it.

          • Kevin Nash & Friends

            Seinfeld is going on Hulu from what I’ve heard.

      • Sargeant Honkey Poopypanties

        Last Week Tonight With John Oliver >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

  • Spear

    TEETH
    Haven’t been able to listen to anything else yet. Hoping Boddicker live up to their namesake.
    http://i.imgur.com/DZloQrc.gif

    • Stockhausen

      THEY DO RILL ANGRY

  • Shrimp in a Pizza Box™

    The most hated thing here seems to be covers that are not only black and white.
    TEETH>>>>>>>>>, Brain Famine>>>>>>

  • I’m feeling this Boddicker. D-Beat is one of my favorite rhythms to drain all the rage. Thanks for sharing and caring of your feels, Stocky.

  • I’m listening this because I was enraged this morning too. The public transport line I use to go to the work didn’t work because they’re in “protest” and I had to pay a taxi:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EcaWMa23C4M

    • FUKKBEARD

      Have you ever thought about leaving venezuela? Can you leave venezuela?

      • I’ve thought about it. But, I fear I don’t have any other place to go, don’t have the resources and I’m a social communicator/journalist, I don’t think I can find job very easily u_u)

        My only hope is my Master.

        • FUKKBEARD

          Would be very hard in america, for sure

        • Sargeant Honkey Poopypanties

          You could probably work as a translator. You have a better grasp of English than a shitload of Americans here (especially in Mississippi and Alabama, where they sound like they’re chomping on a fistful of dicks).

    • Sargeant Honkey Poopypanties

      I was listening to that almost all weekend, along with Morphine and Elderoth, and I fucking LOVE Sulphur Aeon!

  • Mood this morning while looking at acquisition costs:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RIv0S1mxRx4

    • OldMetalHead

      Very thrashy. Thanks!

  • Let’s go to the Playa Haters Ball, all feelings will be vanquished.
    http://31.media.tumblr.com/aba92c79564b49aaabfd6fd49eb9e07c/tumblr_ms0ah8XddV1swp729o1_500.gif

  • zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    cordivar—grindcore with power electronics=great
    people using computers–and just distorting theshit out of it with their p.a.–abusing technology-to the furthest possible reaches–
    pissing on technology–piles of computer monitor bonfires—-televisions being destroyed with baseball bats on stage—-vomit—beer

  • Dagon

    This post was golden.

    New Subterror is out and it’s raging crusty stench death metal. Fucking awesome.

    https://subterror.bandcamp.com/album/antropomortum

    • Tyree

      Shit, I still need to listen to this all. Thanks for the reminder.

    • Brazilian merol is angryyyy! Good stuff here!

    • OMG, Dagon! This is so good! The drumming is massive.

      • Tyree

        You may dig Bodybag. Very similar style to Machetazo who were a grind band from Spain that had a lot of D-beat and death metal influence. Actually Dopi – Drums & Vocals was the drummer and vocalist for Machetazo. He is taking up the same duties for Bodybag.

        https://thebodybag.bandcamp.com/album/predominance-of-insanity

        • Listening. It’s more downtuned. Not bad. Reminds me of old Carcass mixed with Napalm Death, Brujería and some of your War Metal picks. Thank you!

  • Listening to Teeth and I am reminded that I have a dentist’s appointment today. Just a cleaning but I’m not looking foward to it.

    • Tyree
      • JamesGrimm

        we must extract….

      • Thankfully my dentist is a woman. Lessens the creep factor.

    • KJM
      • JamesGrimm

        is it safe?

        • KJM

          It’s a movie I’ve seen way too many times. Despite this, I have no serious issues with going to the dentist. It helps to have strong teeth.

          • FUKKBEARD

            Mine used to be near perfect. Years of abuse have left me with far fewer and in worse shape

          • KJM

            Even my wisdom tooth extractions were relatively easy. I had to wait a few weeks, but they gave me a decent supply of percs to keep me going, and I got to have both ketamine AND nitrous during the procedure(not to mention even more percs after). Oh yeah.

          • FUKKBEARD

            I’ve had mine out since I was about 16. I’ve had 4 or so more pulled since then. I’m sure more to follow

          • KJM

            Mine didn’t start messing with me until I turned 40.

      • Tyree

        Marathon Man?

        • KJM

          Indeed.

          • Tyree

            Fuck yes. This movie is underrated, plus that scene in particular is so disturbing.

  • The W.

    That Teeth album is excellent. Frosty turned me onto that.

  • Guppusmaximus

    When it comes to feelings, this is how I FEEL!

    https://fuckitiquitrecords.bandcamp.com/

  • Guacamole Jim

    These are all fantastic recommendations. Also: TEETH

  • JamesGrimm

    Teeeeeetthhh…..

  • FUKKBEARD

    I’ve gotten my old lady on a star trek phase. It’s awesome. Until she ruins it for me.

    This Teeth is fucking dope.

  • You need Backstabbers Inc in your life, let’s the hate flow freely.
    http://youtu.be/3sRrjDL_bg4

  • That Chad bro sort of redeems himself in Marvels Agent Carter.

    • Kevin Nash & Friends

      Agent Carter is a good show. It also helps that the person who plays her is pretty.

      • that is an understatement!

        • Kevin Nash & Friends

          It is. She’s beautiful is a better statement.

  • Jasper Ringoldsby

    One of things that bothered me about One Tree Hill was that there was ALWAYS background music playing. And not “setting the mood” music but the kind that is typically saved for season finales and very emotional moments etc etc.

    However, that show had the highest babe-count of any of the other shows I’ve looked in on Lady JR watching, so. Silver Linings people

  • JW(E)G

    Isn’t hatred an emotion, though? Wouldn’t it be more appropriate to feel nothing about anything?

    http://media.tumblr.com/976aa52d400031f8d8127eac68792679/tumblr_inline_mnhk94N1Uu1qz4rgp.gif

    (admittedly a bad example)

  • Mother Shabubu III 12 BRICKS

    No feelz. Only Void.

  • Sargeant Honkey Poopypanties

    Since I’ve never seen that show, since I’d rather get punched in the balls full force by the Mountain from Game Of Thrones than watch that, I got a few questions.

    http://www.toiletovhell.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/marvinmouthfastforward-150×150.jpg

    – Is this guy having a stroke?
    – Is that Steve Adler having a stroke while wearing a toupee?
    – Was he born with even half a set of synapses or chromosomes?
    – Has his chin spent more time above or below his shoulders?
    – Is he struggling to hold his drool in that pic?

  • Brain Famine’s “Die Off” sounds pretty cool.