Every night to me is Halloween.
Happy Halloween everyone! Horror movies! Free candy! Costumes! The election is almost over! All great things. Halloween is the best because you can participate as much or as little as you want. Of course, we all know people who get way too into things. For them, Halloween is the culmination of a year’s worth of planning, preparing, and purchasing. There’s nothing wrong with having fun, just, y’know, take a step back or two. Maybe lay off the dry ice, fog machines, and cod pieces. Bands are the same way. I like a good gimmick, but there is a moment when it is too much.
Eternal Halloween is an industrial/nu metal band from…well, I’m not exactly sure. The band lists their current hometown on Facebook as Los Angeles, but their bio says they were “raised in the depths of the United Kingdom of the Underworlds.” To make things more confusing, their booking agent and general manager are from Germany. Let’s just say they’re a melting pot of a band. The band seems to love all things Halloween, so what better time to break down their new self-titled video. The band named this video “The video the church doesn’t want you to see.” I believe that, but not for the reason the band wants us to believe.
0:02: The video description says “The video that has caused great discomfort in several religious groups and fanatics.” Cite your sources, Eternal Halloween.
0:10: Oh, so this is what happens when you take bad acid.
0:14: Now is probably a good time to name the members of Eternal Halloween.
0:18: Dave Devil: vocals
0:21: Damien Schweinsteiger: guitars
0:25: Katryna Draven: bass
0:29: Markus Moretm: drums
0:32: Rudolf Dionkeldei: keyboards
0:34: And no, I did not make up any of those names.
0:37: What do I say? I say “NOPE!”
0:43: Spirit Halloween must make a killing off these guys.
0:50: Going-out-of-business Hot Topics too.
0:57: It’s like Gwar without the fun.
1:01: Still better than Lordi, though.
1:09: Welcome to Golden Corral!
1:13: You could be listening to horror punk right now.
1:26: Pause it right here and look at this guy’s pants. Please.
1:32: With all the costumes and makeup, I’m surprised they had any money left over to use editing tricks.
1:41: I can’t tell if it’s the makeup or he’s sweating through his mask. Either way, it looks uncomfortable.
1:44: I absolutely love that their bass drum says “EH!”
1:48: Father forgive them for they do not know how to be subtle.
1:57: See, there’s that dry ice and fog machine I was talking about.
2:04: Passion Of The Dave Devil.
2:07: Screenshot this, post it in a doom metal Facebook group with no context and see how many likes you get.
2:15: I can’t wait to hear their song in honor of Arbor Day.
2:24: It’s not that heavy. Do you even lift, devil bro?
2:30: The only female in the band having tape across her mouth feels wrong.
2:37: Especially when you look at the band’s newest video which seems like it promotes domestic violence.
2:41: It’s pretty much a Men’s Rights Activist’s wet dream.
2:45: Ghetto Skeletor.
2:54: 99 Cent Store Taskmaster.
3:03: La Parka should show them how it’s done.
3:09: Eternal Halloween’s last supper is mostly Banquet mac n cheese [Kraft Dinner for our Canadian friends – W.] and generic Oreos.
3:17: I give up, too.
3:24: “It’s so damn hot! Milk was a bad choice!”
3:30: To be fair, he has the same reaction when he gets a flu shot.
3:36: No utensils, no napkins, no drinking glasses. Eternal Halloween has no manners.
3:46: Why couldn’t they be named something like Eternal Tax Day?
3:54: The Bible glossed over Jesus having hairy armpits.
3:58: Eternal Seizureween.
4:07: I don’t think this counts as a trick or a treat.
Eternal Halloween’s self-titled album (That’s right Joe and Randall! Eternal Halloween has the hat trick of self-titled song on the self-titled album.) is out now via Into The LimeLight Records.