Digging Into The Past With Ghoul’s Digestor
Ghoul is a band that understands the magic and sheer stupidity of heavy metal. They dress up, have crazy back stories, and they sell us on their brand of violent nonsense time and time again. Their music has only gotten better with recent releases; most notably Dungeon Bastards is a veritable masterpiece, hell it even includes a copy of the bands own board game with the vinyl! Recently, Digestor answered anything and everything I threw at him, and Jesus Christ things got weird…
Digestor, how are you today?
A little nauseous. I ate some bad food last night in Philly. Those Philadelphians have a lot of cheesesteaks in their stomachs which makes them gassy and bloated.
What other cities are not good to eat people in?
San Francisco has a high rate of infection. New York City everyone tastes like garbage. Everywhere else is pretty good. People are fat here and can’t run. You taste like doritos and soda!
What city has the best tasting people?
Definitely in Kansas City. There’s a lot of barbecue!
Taste wise – Americans versus Europeans, talk to me about it!
Europeans are kind of bland, they taste like muesli. I prefer Americans, they have more meat on the bones.
Does it ever get weird being a band of cannibals on tour with vegetarians like Carcass?
It hasn’t been an issue thus far. We haven’t been trying to limit ourselves or anything but we’ll see what happens at the end of the tour. It’s usually customary for us to eat at least one member of a headlining band. After all, vegetarians are pretty tasty because it’s clean. It’s like a free range cow. Non vegetarians are fatter though.
So what struck me about this tour is that the other bands are fairly serious and Ghoul is obviously a bit more demented. How do you feel you fit in?
I think Carcass has a fair amount of dry humor. They aren’t a funny band but they have fun on stage. Crowbar doesn’t have a whole lot of that. There is a light bit of humor to Night Demon. It’s a nice blend. There’s a lot of variation.
When this tour was announced I couldn’t help but wonder how every band was so sick but in a different genre!
It’s pretty sick! We have a cool show but then Crowbar are heavy as fuck with no frills at all and Carcass and Night Demon are so energetic!
Are you plagued by any new aliens lately?
Not this tour but we are plagued by a couple of guys from Creepsylvania running around the audience trying to get votes. We have one candidate running on a pro-torture and death agenda and on the other hand a bleeding heart liberal who is running on a campaign of giving away college for free. Personally I believe college is a bunch of bullshit so we’re not for that either. They are fighting on stage every night.
How does Ghoul feel about the presidential election?
Oh we aren’t paying attention that we are too occupied with what is going on in Creepsylvania.
You said you think college is a bunch of bullshit…
I didn’t go to college, I grew up in a carnival and never learned how to read. Look where I am now!
Has anyone else in Ghoul been to college?
We’ve murdered some college students but that’s the closest any of us have gotten to college. Most of us were raised by half demented wine makers and stuff like that. We don’t have formal educations.
Tell me about your parents…
I was born from a syphilitic gypsy and a mad Belgian monk. They fucked once and nine months later I came out and they gave me away to the carnival where I grew up as a circus freak. I would bite the heads off chickens and stuff. I didn’t know my parents that well.
Did you have a father figure at the carnival?
Just the guy who whipped me daily and beat me when I didn’t do a good job. He is nice. I like him.
What was his name?
Ivan. No last name. Just Ivan.
You said Ivan whipped you daily and beat you when you didn’t do a good job. Was it like… you get whipped at 3pm no matter what?
It was a pretty strict schedule of whipping. 3pm whipping and then we’d have a late lunch early dinner type thing, then we’d have a show, bite the heads off of chickens. Then around 10pm there’d be another whipping, maybe a few kicks to the groin, then the next day same thing.
What lessons did you learn from Ivan?
That being whipped and kicked is not fun! At least he was paying attention to me!
Did you ever have a relationship with the female carnival people?
I banged a chick with a beard once. I think it was a chick. It might have just been a guy with a beard. It was the last time I had sex before my penis fell off.
Why did it fall off?
That guy had something. In retrospect I’m pretty sure it was a guy. He didn’t even work at the carnival. He approached me after my show and was impressed when I bit the head off of that chicken. It got him all hot and sweaty so we went behind the freak tent and did it.
So you had your own tent?
No I had a cubicle. So like you’d go through and see me biting a head off the chicken then in the next cubicle would be the fat lady or the snake lady or something.
Do you have any recommended techniques for biting the heads off of chickens?
Well you gotta pet them a little first so they calm down and then you need to hold the chickens neck tight and rip out the throat.
Oh so you didn’t stick the chickens head in your mouth?
Of course not! The chicken could bite your tongue!
Who taught you chicken biting?
Ivan, he was a pro though. He started out as a chicken biter and worked his way up. I thought I could work my way up but the carnival world is full of favoritism.
How does one evolve from eating chickens to humans and how do chickens compare to humans?
Well there’s not a lot of chickens in Creepsylvania so you gotta do what you gotta do. Chickens do taste like people though. I never bit the head off the dude as a circus freak though, that would have been illegal, it’s a highly regulated industry. Sometimes you’d get subpar chickens though. I got sick every night, biting the heads off of chickens is a terrible idea!
Do you think the permanent brain trauma that caused you led to you eating human flesh?
You’re probably right! I’ve probably got salmonella fermenting in my brain.
What do you love so much about the taste of human flesh?
It’s sweet and juicy and reminds me of pork!
Wait you said humans taste like chicken!
Pork is the other white meat!
Why do you feel that music is the best way for Ghoul to spread their message?
It just started because we were bored in the catacombs and wanted something to do. The fact that you people seem to like what we do is just a bonus. I feel like people respond to the messages behind the music and it’s easy to transfer our attitude to death metal songs.
Last question: festering flesh or fresh flesh?
Something about festering flesh is special. Especially when it’s nice and fermented.
