Dario Mollo’s Crossbones – Gates Of Time: A Video Breakdown

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You’ll get caught up in the…Crossbones.

I’m not going to lie. I don’t know Dario Mollo. Simply saying “He’s the guitarist from Crossbones” is too easy and you deserve better than that. The internet tells me that Dario Mollo played on three albums with former Black Sabbath vocalist Tony Martin on three “The Cage” albums. That…that still doesn’t help me. Oh, there’s more! Mollo also collaborated with Deep Purple/other Black Sabbath frontman Glenn Hughes on three albums under the name Voodoo Hill. Yeah, I got nothing. Curse Yngwie’s puffy shirt! Well, the Italian guitar virtuoso is back with his original band Crossbones and boy, have they got a green screen for you in their new video.

0:01: First one to make a “Crossboners” joke loses.
0:05: Mollo-mar jokes are acceptable, though.
0:13: Crossbones Presents: We Saw Mad Max: Fury Road
0:21: I wonder what kind of mileage that thing gets.
0:27: It has to be pretty good since it’s not actually moving.
0:35: It sounds like an awkward 80’s love-making scene is about to break out.
0:40: SPEAKING OF AWKWARD…
0:49: They should have given him some digital sleeves.
0:58: I’m going to have to give this motel 1-star on Yelp. “Quiet, clean, but has crazy man singing on roof.”
1:04: That digital exhaust and/or dust is just beautiful.
1:11: So is he dead or…?
1:16: This is one of those times where the band would have been better off filming in an empty warehouse.
1:19: Or in front of a generic brick wall.
1:26: Or in a vat of acid.
1:33: What did those mountains ever do to deserve this?
1:42: Those sunglasses really help keep the computerized sun out of his eyes.
1:48: So they’re not in the desert anymore? Why? Budget cuts?
1:53: This is the “before” picture of the Doof Warrior.
2:11: Nothing is going to happen in this video, is there?
2:17: At least people got shot in the Civil War video.
2:26: The annoying lens flare makes me really feel like I’m in a JJ Abrams movie.
2:34: Don’t look at his crotch don’t look at his crotch don’t look at his…awww, you looked!
2:50: Wearing all-black pants and layers was probably a poor choice.
3:01: This video gets a red card for having melodramatic builds set against absolutely nothing happening.
3:13: Crossbones is not allowed to pass Go and collect $200.
3:25: They are suspended 10 games and fined $100,000.
3:36: And they have to do 500 hours of community service.
3:47: You guys. Someone got paid to make this video.
3:52: Let that sink in for a minute.
4:00: By the way, where’s that car from the beginning?
4:12: Gasp! It’s a ghost car!
4:19: Forced to aimlessly drive around the desert until it can make things right.
4:26: If he hits the band members, all will be forgiven.
4:35: Obligatory “Look what I can do” mirrored solo shot.
4:49 Video edited in Final Cut Novice.
5:01: Please forward this video to the one guy that correctly air guitars every note when they see Dream Theater live.
5:12: This guy definitely sucks on all the pillow mints at that motel.
5:17: Too bad for him, the motel aren’t the ones who left those mints there.
5:25: It’s like a bad 80’s class picture brought to life.
5:40: I’ve changed my mind. The ghost car can run me over instead.
5:55: The mountains represent something to take up space.
6:07: Sweet, sweet release.

Dario Mollo’s Crossbones’s album Rock The Cradle is out now via Frontiers Music srl.

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