Danzig – Last Ride: A Video Breakdown

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A sequel to She Rides?

It’s rare, especially nowadays, for someone to be in two hugely influential bands, but Glenn Danzig has done just that. First it was The Misfits and then with Danzig. Samhain doesn’t count. Sorry, devil nerds. Thanks to having his videos in heavy rotation on MTV and being a hunk of man-cake, Danzig reached massive heights in the rock world. Alas, what goes up must come down as Danzig’s music has seen steady declines, both in sound and in sales. You can attribute it to shifting musical tastes or the fact that Danzig seems to be morphing into Joey DeMaio’s mom. Ol’ Glenn just released his first album of new music in seven years. Will the video for his new song “Last Ride” help propel him to the forefront of metal again or will it leave him sad and ignored like a pile of motherfucking bricks.

0:05: Skull on loan from Danzgi’s personal collection.
0:08: Because you just KNOW he has a whole bunch of skulls.
0:14: Yeah, that’s how humans normally stand.
0:22: The video isn’t actually in black and white, Danzig is just naturally that pallid.
0:29: The Blackest Of The Black tour featuring Danzig and Chad Devilman.
0:37: Yup, that’s certainly most of a guitar.
0:41: Ugh, I’m sick of all the Harley Quinn cosplayers.
0:47: I’m REALLY sick of Easter Island head cosplayers.
0:59: His jacket is made entirely out of old Fruit Roll-ups.
1:07: I know he has a drive-in movie screen for a forehead, but take a few steps back, camera man.
1:16: “Glenn, we just need you to stand still for 1 min…no, stand sti…stop…stop moving, Glenn!”
1:27: I hope someone uses his out-of-frame head as their photo on Tinder.
1:32: Now I’m convinced Danzig has actually shot a clock at some point in his life.
1:39: “Are you lonely? Need companionship? Call 1-900-Dan-Zig1”
1:51: With all the money he must’ve earned from reuniting the Misfits, he couldn’t spare a few bucks for this video?
2:02: I hope the “ride” he’s referring to is the teacups at Disneyland.
2:06: Now I’m just imaging ultra-grumpy Danzig sitting in a brightly colored teacup, spinning round and round, his sour expression never changing.
2:10: Someone please make this happen. You’d having the most-viewed Youtube video in history.
2:15: She should’ve just written “Chicago” on her sign.
2:24: If she calls me “Mistah J” we’ve got a deal.
2:35: Whoa, easy with the power moves, rock star.
2:41: Glenn Sadzig.
2:47: Man, Beverly D’Angelo looks great.
2:58: Seriously, was this video shot by one of Danzig’s cats?
3:06: Hold the camera straight, Mr. Waffles!
3:16: “Last Ride” sponsored by Hoveround.
3:27: Go straight to Hell. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.
3:33: I wonder how many bugs Danzig swallows in one video shoot.
3:43: I’ve heard they have great Kool-Aid there.
3:51: She must be a John Cena fan.
3:59: That’s the face of someone who gave up a long time ago.
4:05: It’s important to find humor in the little things.
4:11: O…okay, we see her. Move to a different shot.
4:25: I guess we should be happy they didn’t go with “Route 69”.
4:33: Really, they couldn’t have gone to Party City and just bought a bunch of foam skulls?
4:40: Actual height.
4:54: When this director finds a shot he likes, he stays with it. Forever.
4:55: Scrolls down “Directed by Glenn Danzig”
4:56: Well this all makes a lot more sense now.

Danzig’s album Black Laden Crown is out now via Nuclear Blast Records.

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