Crossing the Thrashold: An Introduction and Zoldier Noiz

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Perusing through the Toilet and its wealth of well written articles, I noticed one thing that is woefully missing: thrash.

This would not be so jarring if it were a super niche subgenre like funeral doom or maybe NSBM, but it’s probably the biggest and most well known subgenre of metal there is. Hell, our boss in chief is named Joe THRASHNKILL, but there are full articles on only TWO thrash bands on the site. This is not acceptable. All of the goddamn weedly-deedly and power metal wailing must have rotted away everyone’s brain cells. My first instinct was to pay a visit to Austin, Texas with a box of homemade molotov cocktails filled with napalm. But then I realized that burning down your boss’s hometown is probably not the wisest of ideas. So I decided to pick up the slack and fill the hesher void with so much Taco Bell waste.

That’s right flushkateers, your friendly neighborhood criminal maniac is starting a column about the greatness of thrash metal. The purpose is to briefly school you on a thrash band per page; whether shining a light on a woefuly overlooked old school band, or giving props to a newer band that perhaps stands out from the heavily over-saturated pile of modern thrash. For those that like to whine and complain about how neo-thrash sucks, how it’s all crappy “dad-metal”, and how the genre should’ve stayed in the 80s, would you kindly do this for me?

And we’re not just covering plain old mosh material either. No, we’re going to cover black thrash, death thrash, power thrash, and even doom thrash (yes that is a thing). No corner shall be left unturned in the darkness of the gas station bathroom that bands often have to use while on tour, I promise you that.

(Side note: I will only cover lesser known thrash bands. What this means is NO articles from me about any of the Big 4 or even the Teutonic Big 3. So don’t fucking expect a dozen articles about how Trapped Under Ice, Riot of Violence, or Live Undead are underrated songs. Look elsewhere.)

 

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With that being said, we’ll kick off this column with a three-piece from Montpelier, France, Zoldier Noiz.

Starting in 2006 and taking their name from a quote from the French dub of Full Metal Jacket, a couple of dudes, lead by guitarist/vocalist Tankvinss, opted to play nasty violent music instead of selling croissants or something. Cause that shit is lame. With diverse backgrounds and experience dabbling in genres such as industrial black metal and the French HxC scene, their sole intention was to emit chaos and noise, get drunk and high, and do all the wonderful things that rock musicians do. Releasing a five song demo in 2006 titled “Nekrofog”, they got off to a real good start. They followed that up with another demo called “Straight Down to Hell” the next year, and two even more violent full-lengths: 2009’s Schizoid Reject and this year’s Regression Process, eventually getting picked up by Dark Descent’s thrash-centered sub-label Unspeakable Axe Records to release the latter. Constant lineup changes and internal band strife within their 8 years of existence have lent a more authentic air to Zoldier Noiz’s goal of aural violence. They even had a guy named James Prick as their drummer. You can’t explain that.

“But what about the MUSIC, Simon?” you ask. Well you need to be more patient or I’m going to chop off your insolent tongue for trying to rush me. The music of Zoldier Noiz is as erratic as their lineup changes. Anti-social diatribes against mass manipulation, complacency, and authority; consisting of chaotic thrash with a more than moderate helping of crust punk, a small helping of speed metal, and a touch of oddness. Imagine if Extreme Noise Terror tried to slow down and play Motorhead tunes, or maybe if Voivod were slightly less strange and slightly more pissed the fuck off, and then tried to cover The Electro Hippies. The genres can flip-flop even within the course of a single song. Simon says BEHOLD.


Just listen to that gritty guitar tone straight out of 70s punk rock, that overly-fuzzy bass, the barely controlled drumming that possibly comes courtesy of a half dozen garbage cans. Mr. Tankvinss sounds like he’s literally going to spit acid in your face, which lends even more power to the unhealthy sounds of his comrades. The production is just above your average $10 garage demo (This is a compliment by the way.). Pop in any tune from their latest Regression Process and have a ball curb stomping the shit out of your wiener friends who listen to bands like Liferuiner and think they know what real violence is. MURDERDEATHMOSH.

Tankvinss claims it’s not easy being a thrash band in 2014. Not entirely true. Still, Simon says help these fellows out by liking them on Facebook and grabbing their latest album Regression Process off of Unspeakable Axe’s Bandcamp. You won’t regret it.

Until next time, be well flushers.

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  • Meehoineyhoin666Riot

    This is solid. I’d like to check out these tunes when I am not at the office and I am looking forward to the next installment!

  • Tyree

    Nice! Hail fucking thrash and death!

    • Meehoineyhoin666Riot

      Stay weird death forever, Tyree.

      • Beunhaas

        STAY SKRONKSKRONKSKRONK

    • Death

      Thanks.

      • Tyree

        You are fucking welcome you son ov a bitch.

  • Meehoineyhoin666Riot

    Joe may be the Commander in Chief here, but RiotAct666 is the Illuminati Council.

  • All thrash sounds the same to me.

    Now excuse me while I go listen to a 25 minute funeral doom track.

    • the riffs really have to grab you, cause the songwriting ain’t gonna do it.
      (no offense to thrashers, i do like much of it!)

      • They’re too drunk to be offended.

        • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

          I am not drunk! It’s delirium tremens!

          • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

            Who thought that would be a good name for a … whatever that is, beer? At least you know what you are getting yourself into.

          • it’s one of the best beers of all!

          • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

            I bet it goes marvelously with Delirium Tremens the band! But scuzi me for wanting my beer like my thrash. In a tankard. With a cherry.

          • Scrimm

            That is some good shit. I think I slightly prefer Delerium Nocturnum.

          • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

            Is that a beer too? Why is every beer a madness over there????

          • Scrimm

            They are both beers from the same place in Belguim I believe. Been around for hundreds of years.

          • Stockhausen

            Delerium beers are from Belgium, so you should explain it to us! Crazy name beers are the best ones (Even More Jesus, Undead Party Crasher, Dirty Bastard, Mephistopheles, etc.)

          • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

            It’ shaking frenzy, barrel fever etc. “Seizures” of sort caused by withdrawal from alcohol. In Finnish it’s called drinking madness or drunk madness. (Delirium Tremens) If that’s what you meant.

          • Cock ov Steele

            We ought name our own and submit them.

          • Lacertilian

            yeah, most Trappist brews will be Belgian if they’re any good.

          • dang Scrimm, i was unaware of this. it shall be my current week’s quest to find, obtain, and consume some of this!

          • Scrimm

            My local store always has both so I dont think it is too hard to find. There is also a christmas one they do.

          • Erin told her dad about it and he thought the name was hilarious (he’s a doctor)

          • Gurp

            Awwwwww yeah.

          • Tyree

            Stay Void, stay dark.

          • Scrimm

            The dark version is great.

          • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

            Darker the better. Rasputin? Doesn’t get any better(honestly, haven’t tried but srs, it has Rasputin)

          • Tyree

            I know you are overseas, but if you do find this definitely get it! It’s a near perfect stout.
            http://www.beeradvocate.com/beer/profile/112/412/

          • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

            I think I might have sold some of those back in the day, so I guess I could find them fer drinkin’ too

          • more beer

            That`s a tasty looking imperial stout. I just checked to see if I could get it here and they sell it at my favorite liquor store. If you can get it in Pennsylvania try Left Hand Brewing`s Wake Up Dead. 10.2 abv very good. Thanks for tip.

          • Tyree

            Dang! I’ll have to look for that. Thanks!

          • more beer

            I checked the left hand site I have it bookmarked central Pensylvania you can get it in bunch of places.

          • JWG

            A toast to (Northern Quebecois) wintry darkness.

            http://www.unibroue.com/en/beers/22/product

          • Lacertilian

            those bastards cost around AUS$8 a bottle here.

          • Stockhausen

            Jealous.

          • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

            You or me? Of what? Please, don’t confuzzle me further.
            (I confess, whatever it was, I am guilty)

          • Stockhausen

            I’m jealous that you’re drinking an awesome beer and I’m not.

          • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

            ‘Tis a good reason to be jealous. I’ll drink to that.

    • Renan Ribeiro

      This would have been way cooler if you said Sunn O)))

  • Tyree

    Extreme Noise Terror can bring the crush!
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o7dnd87ALUI

  • Death

    Thrash just doesn’t do it for me.

    • IronLawnmower

      Why not?

      • Death

        I honestly don’t have a good reason. It just don’t find myself enjoying it.

    • Xan

      I have a similar feeling with Brutal Death Metal. I hate grunting and squealing.

      • Death

        I absolutely hate Brutal Death Metal and Slam.

        • Xan

          It’s the vocals that kill it for me. I just can’t take the comical vocals (real great coming from a guy who loves power metal). The instrumentals are usually fine though I often find the drums to grate on my nerves.

  • IronLawnmower

    Someone should give me a column on war metal/blackened thrash metal/blackened death metal/Blackened crust. I know that underground like the back of my hand.

    • Meehoineyhoin666Riot

      I’m under the impression you could work that out with Joe, MasterLord, or W.

      • IronLawnmower

        I can show you bands from bumfuck nowhere brazil that only released one 8 song demo back in 1982 that sounded more evil than the lovechild of Venom and Hellhammer raised by Bathory.

        • Venom sucks!

          • Tyree

            Die!

          • IronLawnmower

            Bite your tongue!

          • Scrimm

            I second this.

          • Cock ov Steele

            Polarizing opinion of the week, Masterlord won it.

          • IronLawnmower

            *wrong opinion of the week.

          • Cock ov Steele

            Well put

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            He didn’t win shit.

          • Cock ov Steele

            No I hate his opinion, I just meant if we were all competing for having an opinion that would start an all out battle.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Gotcha. My blind fucking rage has caused confusion.

          • LET’S JUST HUG IT OUT.

          • Xan

            Watch this on repeat for twenty four straight hours and you sins shall be forgiven: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qTSNWfQ8k-E

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Enjoy lifeloving. I’m sure you feel life is a blessing.

          • KSOFM I thought you’d back me on this for sure. There are a handful of other bands who jump-started extreme metal that didn’t blow as hard as Venom.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Sorry, you fucked with the wrong Venom fan. They were THE first metal band I got into hard after Sabbath. Yes there were other bands and yes some were better. But they weren’t Venom. Welcome to Hell is still one of the nastiest albums committed to tape and that was 1981! Who else at that time, sounded so sick, nasty, blasphemous, etc.? Honestly I want names.

          • Death

            Well my aunt was pretty nasty in the 80s.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            I said I wanted names!!!!! Who is this whore you speak of?

          • Death

            Her name was Sirpa and she was quite nasty.

          • IronLawnmower

            Sirpa is a fun band name.

          • Cock ov Steele

            Sirpa sounds like a fun whore.

          • Death

            That’s also the name of a normal Finnish woman.

          • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

            It’s almost like “frag”, she should be a bestial war metal band definitely.

          • I’m not saying they weren’t influential. I’m saying they weren’t very good. Sure, they came before, but a difference of two or three years isn’t enough to make me want to listen to Welcome to Hell over Bathory’s self-titled or Hellhammer’s Satanic Rites.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Well, it is for me. The production on Bathory’s self-titled is thin and flat. Satanic Rites it too long and some of the songs suck, period. That being said I still love those releases, but when you compare to Welcome to Hell they fall flat.

          • Xan

            For me, I can’t stand Hellhammer. It is some of the most boring crap I’ve ever listened to.

          • more beer

            If you ever saw or read any Venom interviews in the 80`s they always said they couldn`t play and were not good musicians. That being said they did lead the way for a lot of the music we have today.

    • Tyree

      Boom.

    • Two things:
      (1) You’ve gotta write well
      (2) You’ve gotta send me something

      • IronLawnmower

        Okay so I should write a draft of a column I’d do and sent it right?

      • oh no i wasn’t aware of the first item! sowwy Joe…

        • Death

          Don’t say that bae! You write well!

          • IronLawnmower

            Probably better than whatever I’m going to send Joe but it’s worth a shot.

          • what really helps me is to write the draft one day, and read it the next day to see if it makes sense (cause i’m typically pretty drunk when composing them)

          • Samesies.

          • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

            I should propably try that. Instead of sending it right away. (None shall write sober)

          • Tyree

            Hahaha! I know this way to well.

        • yew rite gooder den me, at leest.

  • Thrash > Power Metal

    ~TrveFax~

    • During the first wave of thrash in the eighties the term power metal was never used to describe bands like Helloween. It was actually generically applied to heavier-than-Cinderella-type bands…including those who played thrash.

      For those of you who weren’t alive or don’t remember you can always Google “power metal magazine” to see who was on the cover, for example.

      Power Metal as a sub-genre is a rewriting of history sort of.

      • That’s super interesting! Thanks for sharing, I’ll read some about that. There really needs to be more stuff published about the history/evolution of metal and its subgenres.

        • Meehoineyhoin666Riot

          There are a few notable books about death metal and grindcore, I believe but don’t quote me that a regular contributor to Decibel Magazine wrote one of them.

        • Sound of the Beast by Ian Christy is a pretty good one!

          • Great read! I love his radio show too.

          • I bought that book when it first came out in hardcover. Wish I still had it 🙁

          • Mr.CustodialArts

            You can borrow mine if you memorize the lyrics to “Teacher’s Pet.”

          • Louder Than Hell by Jon Wiederhorn should be mentioned as well

        • Xan

          It isn’t a book, but if you haven’t already seen it, Metal Evolution is a T.V. series that went over a bunch of different metal genres. There are 12 episodes (though they spent a whole episode on proto-metal bands from the late ’50s and ’60s. They also did a Glam Metal and Grunge episodes which are totally skippable). http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metal_Evolution

        • Xan

          The books I own: Choosing Death: An Improbable History of Death Metal and Grindcore, Lords of Chaos: The Bloody Rise of the Satanic Metal Underground, Swedish Death Metal, Louder Than Hell: The Definitive Oral History of Metal, Extremity Retained: Notes from the Death Metal Underground, and Precious Metal:
          Decibel Presents the Stories Behind 25 Extreme Metal Masterpieces.

          • i would love to read Swedish Death Metal.. how is it?

          • Xan

            I’m actually reading through it right now (my ceremonial toilet book). It’s pretty good so far. I hit page 76 during the last bowel movement and I just got to the actual appearance of the early bands like Morbid, Nihilist, and Entombed.

          • awesome, bro.. happy pooping, then!

          • Thanks for the info about the tv series and these books, i’ll check them out!

          • Xan

            The T.V. series is great. I hope you enjoy it. The guy (Sam Dunn) has made Metal: A Headbangers Journey, Global Metal, Super Duper Alice Cooper, Rush: Beyond the Lighted Stage, and Iron Maiden: Flight 666 as well. He’s great at documentaries. According to an interview, the next band he’s doing a documentary of is one that hasn’t really had the origins covered extensively even though they are quite popular. No news of who it is as of yet.

      • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

        Venom used the term as well.
        VENOM FUCKING FACTS

        • Wouldn’t know. Any time I came across any article about or interview with Venom I scoffed and turned the page so hard it I almost ripped them.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Wow. Your disdain for Venom is almost comical.

          • If it makes you feel any better my older brother (the one who used to torture me with their terrible music and lyricism) still listens to them to this day. He would agree with your discriminating taste and also is not amused by my lack of respect for them.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Well, it sounds like your brother rules!

          • He aaight. He was more interested in extreme music than I was then. IDK if I’d have ever heard Leprosy if he hadn’t been always buying tapes like that.

      • Pagliacci is Kl/rke

        For what it’s worth, Wikipedia lists Helloween in the list of speed metal bands. It’s funny to look back and see what bands were considered “speedy.”

        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_speed_metal_bands

        • Yep. I remember the term being used a little. Apparently some of the wiki editors are old farts like us.

        • Xan

          For me, it’s hard to even define a “speed metal” band. It seems like a cross of thrash and power metal. The problem is, half of the thrash records have power metal vocals in it.

          • JWG

            I’m a bit confused by the boundaries and definitions of most subgenres, but perhaps most by “Speed Metal”.

            Possibly more so because Sam Dunn’s two contributions to the definition (one from “Metal: AHBJ” and the other “Metal Evolution”) actually kind of contradict one another. Especially in what are defined as the progenitors and related-genres.

          • Xan

            I’ve always heard Motorhead referred to as “Speed Metal” but at the same time I’ve heard Helloween referred to as speed metal. They sound nothing alike. I can generally pick out the genre a band is in with ease. It is harder with early power metal, heavy metal, thrash, and speed. They all sound similar.

          • Lacertilian

            Motorhead would get the nod for speed metal based upon drug use over actual music.

          • Lacertilian

            I’ve always heard people say Annihilator were speed metal.
            Mustaine sally also used to call Megadeth speed metal, but that was in the 80’s so I guess it was the trend at the time?

  • Stockhausen

    I dig this and like rough and tumble thrash in general, but it’s not something I can jam for long periods of time. I’ll keep at it, looking forward to this column!

    I mean, EVERYONE SUCKS, YOU SUCK.

    • Meehoineyhoin666Riot

      Stockhausen you might be the grvmmvst kvltvst here.

      • Stockhausen

        So grim that I’m wearing a purple shirt today while I teach 6th grade flutes.

        • Tyree

          Br000tal!

        • Meehoineyhoin666Riot

          The grvmmvst.

    • Cock ov Steele

      #Thrashsux #Primussux #metalsuxsux

    • NefariousDude

      Agreed. I am looking forward to some bitching blackened thrash.

    • Lacertilian

      Agreed, the vocals are right out of the Cavalera Morbid Visions/Schizophrenia book.

  • Beunhaas

    I like trash, even if I don’t know much of it. Though I do think that a lot of thrash bands have shitty vocals, like in that Exodus video a while back. This I like though. Reminds me a bit of Napalm Death.

    • some people like that new[/old] Exodus vocalist, some don’t. check out the Rob Dukes era albums (specifically Shovel Headed Kill Machine). best track: Deathamphetamine!!!

      • Beunhaas

        k ty

    • Same. I was really digging Exodus until the second I heard the vocals. Eww.

    • Xan

      There are a lot of terrible thrash metal bands. If I could make a recommendation, try listening to Evildead, Rigor Mortis, Pripjat, Toxic Holocaust, Lich King, and Toxik. Kreator is good though I’ve heard some people say they hate the vocals. Sodom is a great place to start off if you are into death metal because a lot of it is almost death metal.

  • Renan Ribeiro

    I’m excited for doom thrash! Fuck yeah

    • VV.

      I am very intrigued about how that sounds.

  • CyberneticOrganism

    EXCELLENT. Loving Zoldier Noiz m/

  • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

    Nekrofrog, surely a missed opportunity?

  • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

    Solid thrash, better review. Already wet my pants for doom thrash

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Quaker Oants

      • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

        Be this a band representing the noble overlords of DT, and not Townsend?
        (Or that theater)

      • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

        Oh I see it now, you’re malevontly laughing at my misfortune, a cruel man be thee.

        • CyberneticOrganism

          No problemo.

    • gazing power metal

  • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

    That track fucking ruled.

  • Mr.CustodialArts

    I fuckin’ LOVE thrash, man…I don’t recommend listening to it while driving though…I was rockin’ this shit on the way to work and I drove like a FUCKIN’ DICK.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BesHvDDoTZE

  • CyberneticOrganism

    “…opted to play nasty violent music instead of selling croissants or something. Cause that shit is lame.”

    Win.

  • That was pretty sweet I gotta say.

  • Cock ov Steele

    Okay, I’m just gonna get this obligatory comment out of the way right now: MUNICIPAL WASTE IS GONNA…

    • FUCK YOU UP
      /cracks beer
      //tries to 2 step
      ///vomits

      • Tyree

        This comment ^ is glorious.

  • HessianHunter

    This makes me happy.

    • Mr.CustodialArts

      I clicked on it and a huge MIDDLE FINGER popped up on my screen.

    • Meehoineyhoin666Riot

      I don’t think I will ever listen to any version of The Ape of God.

      • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

        You jest! Ahahhahaa

        • Meehoineyhoin666Riot

          No, 100% srs.

          • Nordling Rites ov Karhu

            NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
            I’ve given you my everything. How can you do this to me. I GAVE YOU MY HEART!

          • Death

            Why? It’s goooooooood!

          • Meehoineyhoin666Riot

            I really wanted to hear it pre-schenanigans, but ain’t nobody got time for dat.

          • Death

            I see so much butthurt all around me and I wonder.

          • Meehoineyhoin666Riot

            I’m actually not butthurt by it to tell you the truth. It just made me lose interest in an album I was otherwise interested in, since there are so many albums I have yet to hear that I want to.

          • Death

            I didn’t really mean you (you seem like too much of a nice guy). I see a lot of butthurt around this thing while I see it as a joke.

      • I’m actually a little nervous to listen to it for the first time…I’ve learned that the only way to not get let down by a bad movie or album is to hold no expectations for it.

        My expectations for AOG are extremely high, so i’m afraid of being let down.

        • Xan

          It is for this reason that I don’t read reviews before I listen to an album or movie. I read reviews for vidya gamez because I don’t like to pirate and those bitches are expensive.

          • Totally agree. If i had waited for the review of Watch_Dogs, I wouldn’t be out $60 for pre-ordering that POS video game.

          • Xan

            I only pre-order a game if I know I am going to play it no matter what (most recently Dragon Age: Inquisition). I am very glad I held back on Watch_Dogs. What a pulsing rectum of a game.

  • Xander Crews

    Sorry, I know this off topic all together….but I just listened to Wormrot for the first time, and it’s like finding a long lost friend. Oh. My. God. Where the shit have I been? I can’t not listen to it.

  • Relavent to this post sort of http://youtu.be/TLu1BeBFTz0

  • Call the Slambulance

    I saw a fair portion of Demolition Man for the first time last night, so now I understand your name. Also, these guys are fucking siqq.

  • Xan

    I might try my hand at writing a review for a thrash album that I heard that I thought was exceptional. Here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vz74srXZEeE

  • Jormungandr

    I accept this.

  • CT-12

    I do not have enough time to check this out right now, but mark my words, I will read this tomorrow, and at some point, I will help contribute to this series. Thanks for giving exposure to this genre that seems to get overlooked as of late by most metal media outlets, THRASHARD!

    • Simon PhoenixKing

      I’d totally be down for any contribution you can provide. I’m not going to pretend I know everything.

      • CT-12

        Hell yeah man, I’ve got a few ideas cooking….