Contest: Show Us Your Shirt Stains

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The time has come for the very first Toilet Ov Hell Shirt Stains Contest. That’s right, fellow shirt wearer, now you can do all the hard work contribute to your favorite clothing-related ToH column. This is your chance to have some fun and let the world know that you once made a terrible mistake.

It’s pretty simple: send us pics of you wearing your worst band merch. What do you get for your hard work and embarrassment? A prize pack full of shit I don’t want anymore awesome cds, stickers, posters, vinyl and whatever else can be legally crammed into a box and shipped.

To paraphrase Sleazy P. Martini in the song ‘Slaughterama’, “When your shirt is shit, then you haven’t got much to lose.”

THE RULES

  • Put your entries in the comment section below.
  • Only 2 entries per person.
  • Use your own pictures if possible.
  • Post your shirt with a small paragraph accompanying it. Got a story behind how you got it? Tell us!
  • Make fun of the shirt. The funnier your paragraph is, the better the chance you have at winning.
  • Don’t scour the internet trying to find a bad shirt. It’s not worth your time.
  • The more people that enter, the better chances for multiple winners. For example, if we get 20 entries, we’ll split the vote into 2 groups. 2 groups = 2 winners, 3 groups = 3 winners etc.
  • Cut off for submissions will be 8pm on Thursday August 27, 2015.
  • The winner(s) will be determined by group voting.
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  • Heroic Iron Boogers Of Doom

    Honestly can’t say I have any regrettable shirts, or can recall ever having any. I did have a shirt of the movie Cabin Boy when I was younger, but that’s a proud moment. Though some would consider that a crime against fashion.

    • Dubzlinger, Malandro

      One man’s pride is another man’s stain.

    • more beer

      Not to mention a crime against film making.

      • Heroic Iron Boogers Of Doom

        Hey now, that was a film classic! Chris Elliot is like the Muhammed Ali of Hollywood actors!

        • more beer

          No he is like the Roberto Duran of actors. From Duran – Leonard 2. Except everyone who watched it are the ones saying no mas.

          • Dubzlinger, Malandro

            I’ve only met one or two other people in real life who’ve seen Cabin Boy.

          • Heroic Iron Boogers Of Doom

            Saw it in theaters actually.

          • more beer

            They should have paid you to walk into the theater.

          • Heroic Iron Boogers Of Doom

            Oddly enough, there were only a couple other people in the theater.

          • more beer

            I wonder why?

          • Heroic Iron Boogers Of Doom

            People have bad taste.

          • more beer

            I don`t argue that fact. But that was a movie which I`m sure lost a lot of money.

          • Heroic Iron Boogers Of Doom

            That it did, sadly. $6.7 million in box office losses. Not sure if it made the money back in VHS sales though.

            Definitely not the titanic bomb that was Zyzzyx Road, which only made $30 at the box office.

            https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zyzzyx_Road

          • more beer

            A career killer. I never heard of the other movie.

          • Heroic Iron Boogers Of Doom

            Chris Elliot still has a career to this day, actually.

          • more beer

            Doing what? Collecting cans or saying would you like fries with that?

          • Heroic Iron Boogers Of Doom

            He just starred in the Eagleheart cartoon, and is doing Tostitos commercials nowadays.

          • more beer

            The Hollywood versions of would you like fries with that.

          • more beer

            KJU being one of them. Anything Chris Elliot has been in has starred in has been horrible.

          • Heroic Iron Boogers Of Doom

            Even There”s Something About Mary and Get A Life?

          • more beer

            Yep. I never thought either of those were that funny.

          • Waynecro

            I actually own that movie on DVD. I was still drinking when I bought it, though I still enjoy it now that I’m sober. It’s so fuckin’ weird.

          • Heroic Iron Boogers Of Doom
    • If you own or have ever owned a Rhapsody shirt, you’re lying through your teeth.

      • Heroic Iron Boogers Of Doom

        Never have, sadly.

  • Vegglampe

    Some bastards tricked into buying this thing.

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    I have a good one. I’ll post it when I get home.

  • EsusMoose

    I remember getting multiple in high school that were awful when I tried to be cool (and failed cause I’m a nerd), but a Bullet for my Valentine one sticks out. I don’t have it so I had to find this picture but back then I saw it in hot topic and thought “oh this is cool”, so I bought it and went home. I decided to wear it one day but looked in a mirror before leaving for school and saw a stupid fucking idiot staring back with fluffy adolescent hair and visual vomit on his hairless chest. It lay in my closet for years being slowly dragged into its depths by a ruthless but just convection process. High school was an awkward time. http://www.rockworldeast.com/dimage/zoom/5700.jpg

    • EsusMoose

      Also is my first time contributing in like 2 weeks, job and no internet kept me from the toilet

      • Mxxk Bxnxntxn™© :]

        I also haven’t been so active lately on the comments because of exams and college.

        • EsusMoose

          My usage spikes during my semesters due to not paying attention and having access to internet more often. Even exams don’e deter it much as I need it as an escapism

    • Mxxk Bxnxntxn™© :]

      Is it me or the skull has a closing eye on the right?

      • EsusMoose

        yeah I never noticed till I grabbed the picture, I don’t remember if mine had it or not. It really just makes it worse

      • Heroic Iron Boogers Of Doom

        Might be that Italian cyclist who got his eyeball damaged (and about to be removed).

        http://ll-media.tmz.com/2015/08/21/0821-vittorio-brumotti-twitter-4.jpg

        • Óðinn

          Shit. What happened to him? Did he get poked in the eye while cycling?

          • Heroic Iron Boogers Of Doom

            Nah, he got attacked while riding.

    • Óðinn

      Ouch, it’s bad. Like Affliction bad.

  • ..

    • Mxxk Bxnxntxn™© :]

      Oh man how did that happen?

      • I won a caption contest

        • Mxxk Bxnxntxn™© :]

          Can you take a better picture of it?
          I can’t see what is going on very well.

          • ..

          • Mxxk Bxnxntxn™© :]

            So it’s a chewbacca ripping off the arms of what looks to be Obi Wan.

          • Heroic Iron Boogers Of Doom

            Quick, call George Lucas’ sue happy lawyers!

          • more beer

            What could he profit off of those clowns? You know their alleged mansion is a studio apartment on the Lower East Side. That they share. If they didn`t get comped into shows because they have a metal blog they would never be able to go to them. Half of nothing is still nothing.

          • Heroic Iron Boogers Of Doom
          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I wish Billy Preston was still alive. His role in the Sgt Pepper’s movie was one of three good parts in the movie, the other parts being Earth Wind and Fire and Aerosmith.

          • KJM

            WE HATE JOY
            WE HATE LOVE
            WE LOVE MONEY

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            That was a good line. I hated the movie except for those three parts.

          • KJM

            I liked Alice Cooper.
            Mt Everest sized mountains of cocaine were involved in the making of that movie.

          • more beer

            That was a very popular thing back then. Not that it isn`t today. But the perception of the drug was different.

          • KJM

            Back then it was a rich person’s drug. But since the 80s(Thank You CIA!), everybody can afford it and, if you can’t, there’s crack!

          • more beer

            It was also all over the pages of high times. I think in the long run crack is actually more expensive. Due to the almost instant addiction. Either way I stay away from that shit at this point in life. The 80`s were a whole different ballgame though.

          • KJM

            That’s how smack gets you too, cheap at first but then you buy more and more and more…

            I’ve done coke about 5-6 times in my life,half of those were only because I legit needed to stay awake. I don’t care much for speedy drugs.

          • more beer

            I really don`t like speedy things either. Back then it was more staying awake to party more. Both crack and heroin will sneak up and wreck your life.

          • Óðinn
          • more beer

            I never liked speed. It`s a dirty drug. Plus there really wasn`t any of that shit in New York back then. But there was cocaine everywhere. But now I just stick to beer and weed.

          • Óðinn

            tl-horizontal_main

          • more beer

            That rules!

        • EsusMoose

          So then why didn’t you ritualistically kill yourself? That’s the real question here

          • Óðinn

            It’s a fair question. 😉

        • more beer

          Worst prize ever!

        • Heroic Iron Boogers Of Doom
          • Óðinn

          • you are the master at this

          • Heroic Iron Boogers Of Doom

            *takes a bow, and cuts a fart that sends me flying backwards*

        • JWEG

          For a very short while I actually tried to win one of those.

          I was unable to modify my style from ‘witty’ to ‘poop jokes’ though, so I never even came close.

    • Heroic Iron Boogers Of Doom
    • Óðinn

      I have a Chewbika t-shirt, but I like it. It doesn’t say MetalSucks on it, which is great.

      http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/82/b4/22/82b42204e31ec742097f259b9c1e0428.jpg

      • more beer

        That`s because you didn`t have to give your hard earned money to those alleged metal bloggers.

        • Óðinn

          True.

        • KJM

          “Alleged”. Perfect.

    • Stockhausen

      Yeesh.

    • J.R.™

      delete this immediately.

    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      OMG

    • Óðinn

      Comments automatically get flagged on Metal Injection of you Mention the Toilet ov Hell.

      • This makes me want to visit the site for the first time ever just to flood their comments with ToH references.

        • Óðinn

          I’ve figured out what it was. In my original message, I typed at the bottom…

          toiletovhell(dot)com

          …even though it wasn’t a direct link, my comment got flagged. I guess they don’t want people linking (even indirectly) to the Toilet.

          • I am subtly disappointed that the bigotry was not more unambiguous. 🙁

  • Dubzlinger, Malandro

    Entry the first: lopsided, across-the-chest Whitechapel logo. Like an MMA shirt for a wimp.

  • D. Lee

    I actually really like this shirt (The Ocean). The only reason I’m submitting is every time someone BRUH sees it I get asked “Excuse me, is that a penis? Oh…. Never mind.” EVERY. TIME.

    • Mxxk Bxnxntxn™© :]

      I’m looking far from my computer and, well, they are probably referring to the whale.

      • D. Lee

        …. Well now I wanna wear it even less

        • Mxxk Bxnxntxn™© :]

          Truth be told it doesn’t look that much once you know it’s a whale.

          • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

            I’m pretty sure that’s a graphic depiction of interspecies sex

      • Heroic Iron Boogers Of Doom

        *pick scrapes play in the distance*

    • Heroic Iron Boogers Of Doom

      Quick, the Gojira flying whale is being eaten by rabid calamari!

      • D. Lee

        See. Now if someone made a comment like THAT to me in public, why, then I’d be smitten!

    • Mother Shabubu 4

      I thought it was a Mastodon shirt at first. Then I thought it was a penis.

      • D. Lee

        I do have a Leviathan shirt, it’s one of my favorites

      • Óðinn

        Yeah, kind of looks like the album art for Leviathan.

      • Heroic Iron Boogers Of Doom
    • There is something undeniably sexual about that print . . .

  • This is my old band Gouge’s shirt. I currently have 4 or 5 of these that are being used to cover up a box of porn. Note the awful green color that looks more like a landscaping company than a band shirt. To top it all off, we have the tramp stamp death metal logo on the back. I did not design this shirt so I cannot accept full responsibility for its awfulness.

    • more beer

      But you have put them to good use.

      • I really should get rid of it before my kid finds it. It’s not exactly under lock and key.

        • more beer

          But things like that are hard to part with. Just find a better place for them.

        • Heroic Iron Boogers Of Doom

          You could always use it as an oil rag when you’re working on your car.

    • That tramp stamp really ties the whole thing together though!

      • Thankfully none of us were stupid enough to tattoo that on our skin.

    • Óðinn

      People might wonder why it says “Gouge” right near your ass Ron. 😉

      • I just wonder why this shirt was made.

    • Óðinn
      • Here’s what we sounded like if you are interested. Death metalish hardcore.

  • Janitor Jim Duggan

    Here’s mine.

  • ChuggaChuggaDeedleyDoo

    I’ve had this atrocity for years, and actually wore this to summer slaughter yesterday, figuring that people would actually understand it there.

    Legator guitars had a demo booth there, and while I was noodling around on one of the guitars, the guitarists from Beyond Creation (who if you don’t know, are phenomenal players) came up to the booth. They saw my shirt, heard my shitty playing, and just shook their heads.

    • Óðinn

      I wouldn’t worry too much. Beyond Creation is pretty douchey band.

      • Haha yeah, look at them and their snapbacks and their popped collars and their bro shades.
        https://f1.bcbits.com/img/0001178678_10.jpg

        • Óðinn

          Because snapbacks, popped collars and bro shades make you an asshole, amirite? Especially if you’re in a band. 😉

          They’re kinda douchey, but it’s relative I guess. From where I sit, they’re douchey. It’s not about they’re clothes. You’re free to think they’re cool.

      • ChuggaChuggaDeedleyDoo

        I think most people would have been a little off-put by my tasteless wankery, regardless of their level of musicianship 🙂 BC’s set absolutely RIPPED, so they can certainly walk the walk even if they are a little arrogant about it.

        • Óðinn

          Yes. I think wankery can be a bit off-putting, but Beyond Creation are the biggest offenders.

    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      Oh I get it, shredding guitar.

    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      Also excuse the dodgy photoshop but your shirt just inspired me to make this

  • CT-12

    This is definitely the worst shirt I own and I know it is. May Howard have mercy on my soul. https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0872/8416/products/Summer_Slother_1024x1024.jpg?v=1432240433

  • Halloween came early this year . . .

  • Stockhausen

    Turns out all my shirts are perfect. Luna helped me look through.

    • KJM

      Awwww, such a good helper.

      • Stockhausen

        She’s great at helping me tie my shoes and vacuum.

    • more beer

      Yes one`s eyes should work in unison with their brain. So they don`t have this problem.

    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      The fact that you hang them all on coat hangers tells me you’re a tremendous nerd

      • Lacertilinger

        Next-level shit indeed

      • Boom:
        Not Roasted _
        Roasted ✓

      • more beer

        I hang mine too. I have more closet space than drawers.

        • KJM

          Much more drawer space at my place.

          • more beer

            I live in a big turn of the 19th century house. Everything is pretty big in it.

          • KJM

            Top floor of a 3 unit house. I share it with a disabled parent and a cat.

          • more beer

            I have two roommates. I have a huge space in the basement. Which I have been sharing with my friend for a couple of months. She ran into a rough patch so I`m helping her out. She is very sweet and very beautiful. Too bad she`s half my age. So I`ve been nothing but a gentleman.

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            That’s what she said huehuehuehue

      • Stockhausen

        Dude, it’s way easier than folding, srs.

        But they are alphabetized by band…so…nerd.

        • Ted Nü-Djent ™

          I find it’s easier to let them stay in the clean clothes hamper right up until the mrs has nagged me to the point of inducing her to a homicidal rage. Then I stuff them into my drawers and then expect to get laid because I’ve done my chores.

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            But alphabetized is next level nerd

          • more beer

            So you have it down to a science.

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            Everything except the getting laid part

          • more beer

            That is the tricky part.

          • Stockhausen

            That’s a flawless plan, one that I have carried out quite often.

      • Dubzlinger, Malandro

        I wear big boy clothes most of the time, so I hang them up to avoid having to iron my shirts constantly. I side with Stocky.

  • Dubzlinger, Malandro

    Entry the second. I’m going for a hat trick with this one.

    1. All-over print.
    2. Purchased from Hot Topic.
    3. I was over 21 when I purchased it.

    • KJM

      Despite having seen them 7 times over the course of decades, I’ve never owned a Slayer shirt.

    • Stockhausen

      You are an enigma, Dubz.

      • Dubzlinger, Malandro

        We all make mistakes

        • more beer

          You can always blame it on youth mixed with alcohol. Which is acceptable in the metal world.

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            Metal would cease to exist without youth and alcahol

          • more beer

            I agree. I`m friends with a bunch of young metal kids.

    • Where’d I put my darn shaming bell?…

    • Heroic Iron Boogers Of Doom

      Is that the skeleton from the Brisk Iced Tea commercials?!?!?

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X6tQsfm0hbA

    • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

      your cred is waning here dubs

      • Dubzlinger, Malandro

        Well, I am listening to Spock’s Beard right this moment. I don’t think I have any kvlt kred left today.

        • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

          I have a pig destroyer trucker hat.

          • Dubzlinger, Malandro

            I have a Metal Blade trucker hat.

          • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

            We could do one of these to see who has the best/worst tattoos

          • Dubzlinger, Malandro

            That would be fun.

          • Dagon

            100% backed

        • KJM

          Plenty of stoner cred though.

      • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

        What cred?

  • CT-12
    • Lolbuttziness confirmed.

    • Shirt rules would wear/10.

    • lol the pumpkin is so stock, like someone just clicked and dragged it from a clip art folder. “hehe this looks halloween enough”

  • JWEG

    My one and only band shirt is one I got from Spires and is therefore awesome by association – regardless of design, which also happens to be excellent. it’s one of very few ‘album art’ shirts I’d NOT consider to be worthy of submission to the Shirt Stain series.

    I have no real entry. Anything truly Stain-worthy has long since shrunk, frayed or faded enough to be Goodwill-bound.

  • Found this piece of shit at the bottom of my closet. (The Static X shirt, not the kitty.)

    • Dagon

      It doesn’t look so bad. Maybe the band is what makes it worse? I never listened to them.

      The thought of you calling your kitty a piece of shit reminds me of how grandma used to lovingly called me that when I was little. Good times.

      • I always found the logo kind of stupid–too gimmicky. My buddy bought it at a Fear Factory show and gave it to me because it didn’t fit.

      • KJM

        That’s what I call Luna when she wakes me out of a sound sleep just to play.

    • Sir Tapir The Based :]

      “What the fuck is this idiot doing now?”, thought the cat.

      • “The fuck is this idiot doing admitting he hasn’t thrown this shirt away yet?” wondered the cat.

        • more beer

          He truly looks disgusted.

          • He is a wise kitty with impeccable taste.

    • Óðinn

      The cat looks appropriately disappointed by the shirt.

  • Cunt Cunt

    it was cheap and i was young and impressionable. Still tho shame . . . ,shame . . .

  • D. Lee

    Give it a few weeks and I’ll be a proud owner of this little guy

  • Ted Nü-Djent ™

    In the 90’s I bought a Fear Factory hockey jersey. I think I wore it once before I realised what a doofus I looked like. I sold it to a mate

    • Mxxk Bxnxntxn™© :]

      It doesn’t look so bad.

    • Oh holiest of holy fucks, that is taaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaacky.

    • Real talk: I’d wear that.

      • Ted Nü-Djent ™

        That’s all well and good because ice hockey is a popular sport in the U.S. Down here I just looked like an arsehole wigger.

        • Lacertilinger

          A juddalo

      • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

        Of course you would.

        • Ted Nü-Djent ™

          While eating at B Dubz

  • Pagliacci is Kvlt

    I always appreciate the “Dad rock” jokes. Meanwhile how many of posers are about to become Dad’s yourself? On the brightside, you all are dispelling the myth that metal heads don’t get laid.

    • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

      Dats some hair bro. Dad hair

    • more beer

      That`s a total myth. Just like there are no girls at shows. Anyone who thinks that just lacks the confidence to talk with these metal ladies.

      • KJM

        The High On Fire show was about 65% guys, 35% women. I predict more like a 60/40 split at the Scorpions/Queensryche show on Sept 10th.

        • more beer

          I think it depends on the show. But here there are always a lot of ladies. I think that guys who think that are just lacking social skills. They would have the same issues no matter what type of event they are at.

          • KJM

            I don’t think you’re as likely to see as many at a Death or Black Metal show, but Stoner, Doom, Goth, and Traditional shows tend to be more diverse.

            I go to most shows by myself these days. I show up as close to curtain time as I can, enjoy my show then boom, out the door once the lights go up.

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            Opeth had a heap earlier this year as did Carcass/Napalm Death.

          • more beer

            There were a ton at both of those shows here.

          • more beer

            I`m the opposite I have a lot people I go to shows with. I`m very social I know a lot of people.

          • KJM

            Up until 10-15 years ago I was more likely to see shows with other people, especially yearly stuff like Ozzfest. Now almost all my friends are married with children and have careers rather than just steady jobs. The few left are either too busy, too broke, or too disabled.

          • more beer

            I know all of that life stuff gets in the way. I do have some younger friends also. But almost every show I go to someone asks me to go. A lot of my friends are married with with children. But most of their wives are pretty cool and let them go out and play. I guess it all depends on the persons situation.

          • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS
          • more beer

            I don`t need that shirt as I will never get married.

          • KJM

            In my circles, the wives aren’t the issue. It’s just that they have no time, especially my friends who are self-employed or even own their business and have other employees they have to worry about, just no time.

          • more beer

            The no time thing does suck. I`m self employed. But I can`t bring my work home with me. So when I`m off I`m off. It gives me flexibility with my social life.

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            Again in the wonder years the concert used to be the beginning of the night and you’d be there with 5-10 mates and you’d hit the piss all night long. These days I’m lucky to hit up more than 2 mates to go and if myself or someone isn’t driving then I’m not all that keen to go.

          • more beer

            I really try not to drive. Since I like to drink a few beers when I go out. I live right near the train here and it`s only 3 stops to downtown. So I go that route often. Or I will park my truck at my friends and walk to shows he lives a few blocks away from the venues here and drive home in the morning.

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            Yeah but when you have this distance in front of you the train becomes tedious after a while. Plus if you miss the last train it’s a the 4.55am train and getting home at 6.30 (or sleeping past your station and spending an extra 2-3 hours getting home) or a Taxi bill for $150-$200

          • more beer

            A taxi for me is like 15 bucks. In reality I could walk home if need be.. But I can see why that doesn`t work for you. My station is also the last stop on the train line. But that`s about to change next year. After that the train wlll go To Denver International Airport which is in the middle of nowhere.

          • KJM

            I have a subway stop and 5 bus routes within 2 blocks of my place. Hooray.

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            Boo

          • KJM

            The best way you can afford to live here is not owning a car.

          • more beer

            So that’s like me going to Colorado Springs. Which I don’t do very often.

          • BEARD OV GREAT DAWKINS

            Shows here are very much a mixed bag, I’d call it close to 50/50. I do live in hipsterville tho

          • KJM

            The hipster is strong in the Boston area, especially Somerville, Cambridge, and Allston. There are 4 bicycle shops 5 minutes walking distance from my place.

          • more beer

            They are everywhere. Like cock roaches.

        • Pagliacci is Kvlt

          The girls were there for some sweet shirtless Matt Pike.

          • KJM

            I saw him wandering around the club beforehand with some ridiculously hot chick.

      • Ted Nü-Djent ™

        Back in the day maybe. These days you see some smokin’ hot women at gigs and I’m all like “where you all back in the day”. Then I remember that I wouldn’t have had a shot with them anyway and then I cry into my beer a little bit.

        • more beer

          In Denver there are still a lot of ladies that go to shows. I`m going to DRI on Friday with all ladies none of my homies. You have to play the percentages my friend. If you flirt with all of them, one of them is going to end up liking you.

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            It’s all irrelevant now anyway. I was put out to stud a long time ago.

          • more beer

            That does drop the percentages a hell of a lot!

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            Now me and my mates just give each other subtle elbows to the ribs and a nod of the head.

          • more beer

            I do that with some of the ladies I know also.

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™
          • KJM

            I do much better in small gatherings than large parties/functions.

          • more beer

            I can do either. Show wise I prefer smaller venues. I don`t really like really large crowds. I can`t remember the last time I did something that involved a big arena.

          • KJM

            Rush was nosebleed heaven with 15,000 other people. Weedeater was a small club with about 200. I’m good with both. I get there, see my show, and jet back home.

          • more beer

            I always end up out for drinks or eating with friends after shows.

    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      I’m a dad. I just got the new Secrets Of The Sky, Scythian and Cattle Decapitation. That can only mean that Secrets Of The Sky, Scythian and Cattle Decapitation are now “dad rock”

      • more beer

        Trumps JJD`s dad rock!

  • Give Me Your Dole… Please

    In my defense, I thought I had the ballz, so I took that one step closer… turns out there was nothing but an increased sense of shame to be found…

    Shirt Stain Fact: The back features the exact same picture, but in black and white. I’m assuming the reason for this is to reduce the chance of being (rightfully) attacked from behind.

    • This shirt is heavily faded; you must have gotten a lot of kilometerage out of it, huh?

      • Give Me Your Dole… Please

        Yeah, it’s probably a decade old and doesn’t fit anymore. It became my default dirty work shirt

        • “Dirty work.” Heh. Hehehe. Hehehehehehehehe. Heh. (Don’t you have socks for that?)

          • Give Me Your Dole… Please

            I put this shirt below even the oldest, grimiest sock, it’s that embarrassing

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            I had this shirt for that (not because of the picture). It got so used that water beaded off it when I tried to soak it once.

          • Nu-Djent Brand Shellac.

            (You’re kind of gross.)
            ((Although I fully condone using a Pantera shirt for this purpose.))

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            #toiletconfessions

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            Totes gross. 16 year old me was a bit of a grub.

          • The Voice of Reason

            I had this when I was 16 too! I bought it and wore it for months without realizing what the actual picture was. I had no idea. I was/am still so embarrassed.

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            Oh I knew the picture because I already had the ceedee with this cover. I don’t think the chain retailer I bought it from knew what they were selling.

    • omg. Underrated entry. BALLZ.

      • Ted Nü-Djent ™

        There is no defense

        • Give Me Your Dole… Please

          All I’ve got is the young, angry, white boy defense, which probably doesn’t hold up in Poser Court…

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            “Poser Court” LOL. What’s the sentencing like?

          • KJM

            I shudder to think who the judges would be.

          • more beer

            Probably those clowns who run that other alleged metal blog.

          • Give Me Your Dole… Please

            Kind of like Guntemeo Bay, but with more trve kvlt black metal sessions and figurative butt hurt rather than literal…

          • more beer

            No that doesn`t hold up.

      • Give Me Your Dole… Please

        Dragon Ball Z was pretty big at the time. Coincidence or deliberate crossover appeal attempt?

    • Lacertilinger

      lots of the bootleg market knock-offs had the old black & white version of the front image for some reason. I have a couple of old Sepultura and Pantera ones like that.

      • Give Me Your Dole… Please

        I should have added that it’s a knock off. I guess it’s cheaper to make them that way

        • Ted Nü-Djent ™

          Silver lining is that you did not contribute financially to Linkin Park for this shirt. I had a cheap knock off Bon Jovi shirt that my dad bought for me when he took us to see them on the New Jersey tour. I wish I had a picture of it. It was terrible.

          • Give Me Your Dole… Please

            Good glass half full thinking there, but I’m sure LP and BJ (lol) are doing alright for themselves selling slightly less shit official merch…

          • Lacertilinger

            you could say the glass is half-way there
            http://media.giphy.com/media/y9z5G3Ji9st5C/giphy.gif

            livin’ on a YYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAA

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            Did lol. Never watched CSI but the one episode of CSI Miami was enough for me and a mate to send up David Caruso many-o-time

  • Lacertilinger

    First submission: I bought this shirt during uni a long time ago and while I may have only worn it a handful of times, I still like it. I know you people won’t, it’s called the Face-Rip tie-dye apparently.. The outrageous combination of the tie-dye, rainbow swirl, the inverted cross on the tooth, the weed leaf nose and the pentagram eye will surely induce a wretched cringe in some of you with better taste.
    Hallucinogens, man.

    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      *Madly presses F5 to refresh image

    • Leif Bearikson

      I’d wear the shit out of that.

      • Lacertilinger

        You’d cut the sleeves off though, you fucking animal you

    • JWEG

      Aw man. I have the perfect GIF response, and it’s so far beyond NSFW I don’t dare.
      (if you’ve seen WolfCop, you’ll know what I mean)

      • Leif Bearikson

        WolfCop >>>>>>>>>>>

        And I know exactly what you’re talking about.

  • Leif Bearikson

    Yea, that’s a purple, sleeveless Iwrestledabearonce shirt featuring a robotic Steve Urkel. NO SHAME….okay, moderate shame.

    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      Iwrestledacrayolacaddysetonce

    • Give Me Your Dole… Please

      The lack of sleeves mange to make it so much worse

    • more beer

      That is heinous you are giving JJD a run for his money.

      • Ted Nü-Djent ™

        more beer plz!

        • Give Me Your Dole… Please

          Ted plz! You know I love heinous things!

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            Give Me Your Dole… Please plz! You know I love anus things

        • Lacertilinger

          I feel like you’ve said “more beer please” many times in your life

          • more beer

            Haven`t we all?

          • Lacertilinger

            I always forget the please

          • more beer

            There is no time for manners when you need more beer!

          • Ted Nü-Djent ™

            You know it.

        • more beer

          Okay it goes well with the pig mask.

    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      “Did I wear that?” (in Urkels voice)

    • Stockhausen

      If this was posted earlier, it would be in the lead.

      • Leif Bearikson

        Give it time. It’s the perfect combination of awful.

    • Heroic Iron Boogers Of Doom
  • Lacertilinger

    Second Submission: SALE: One unworn Pantera Texas cartoon skeleton-face shirt, replica Pantera logo featured in black & white on the back. Unwanted birthday gift. Getcha fucking pull.

    Meat pie not included, that’s my damn lunch.

  • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

    Bought when I was 17. The shirt is long gone.

  • Waynecro

    I bought this shirt at an Anal Blast show. I was drunk as shit, and it was really dark in the venue. The front of the shirt is the band’s logo, which I’m totally fine with. I had no idea this content was on the back of the shirt (I have censored this shit for the sake of decency). This shirt is probably grounds for divorce in most states. Chris Hansen still calls me and asks about this shirt from time to time. If my girlfriend knew I owned this shirt, she’d probably kill me in my sleep. To be fair, this shit would probably be classifiable as cunt art if a feminist artist had created it instead of, you know, a bunch of disgusting metal dudes.

    • Holy fucking shit. By far the worst right here.

      • Waynecro

        Seriously. It’s probably the one thing I’m ashamed to own. I dig the band, but this shit is just too much.

    • Vote for Jeb

      Good lord.

      • Waynecro

        Dude, I know. So messed up. I’ve never worn it. I just wanted to sport the band’s logo, goddamnit.