How do some of your most revered records stack up when put through the ultimate test? Featuring quintessential gems from Metallica, Death, Bathory, Slayer, Sleep, Iron Maiden, Emperor, Meshuggah, Testament, Pestilence, Opeth, Sepultura, Ulver, Lamb Of God, Panopticon, Autopsy, Nile, Drudkh, Morbid Angel, Agalloch, Decapitated, and more!
HOT TAKE ALERT! Tom Araya, bassist and vocalist for acclaimed meathead thrash-metal band, Slayer, has some piping hot takes that he thinks are worth listening to. They really aren’t, but I’m writing about them anyway because it’s 2017 and there’s no better time to get angry on the internet. A picture is worth a thousand words and an advertisement for Pepsi is worth countless overly-intellectual think pieces, so a few quotes from an aging rock star are certainly worth a blog post on our favorite toilet-themed place on the web. Don’t like it? Too bad. Continue Reading
Jari Mäenpää, formerly of Ensiferum, now the creative driving force behind majestic melodic metal band, Wintersun… it’s about “Time” somebody stopped making all these terrible time-related puns and finally called you the fuck out.
Eleven years. Eleven long years of setbacks, broken promises, excuses, dead silence, and we have yet to receive exactly what we expected of you. It’s over, you scheister. It’s time you start answering this question, once for all, to all of your fans who keep asking you over and over…
So it’s come to this. Despite the best intentions of your parents, you’re a metalhead. Despite a decent public school education, you’re a record collector. Somewhere along the way you’ve made some extremely questionable decisions with your life and now you find yourself on a toilet-themed metal blog, reading about the exclusive records that will drop on Record Store Day. No one can truly help you now, but at the very least I can guide you to make the best purchases possible on this annual day of collector culture gone wild. These rankings are highly scientific, and as such, not open to debate. For further enlightenment, please see the 2015 and 2016 editions of this handy guide.
I was six years old when I got my Nintendo 64. I had all the classic games: GoldenEye, Banjo-Kazooie, Star Fox, Donkey Kong 64, every single game with Mario or Bros in the title, and way too many more to list. You name it and I pretty much had it. That’s the console that got me hooked on gaming for the rest of my life, and I know I’m not the oldest gamer here on the Toilet. I’m sure many members of our community remember getting hooked on the SNES, the original NES, SEGA consoles, or even various arcade cabinets from the “Golden Age.” I’m not ignorant of history. I’ve done my research and even gone back and played many of those classic games. For me, however, it’s the Nintendo 64 that started my obsession with vidya. Slight problem: at six years old, I was pretty shitty at most of the games.
It’s impossible not to notice the dramatic shift in the way the United States has started to govern since on or around January 20th of this foul year of 2017. Some guy, let’s call him Don, got a job as a civil servant and he’s been anything but thus far. His orange glow is the opposite of an aura, it’s more like the Earth sans an ozone layer and it’s trying to melt everyone down with impunity. As luck would have it, some of the world’s best and brightest in the metal and hardcore arena saw this coming. Gazing into their crystal ball, they rightly predicted the decay of our democratic institutions by way of Idiocracy. So here’s some songs from the past that tackled some relevant issues of the present and give us all a glimpse into where we are today. Continue Reading