Lists
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  • Five Metal Bands That SHOULD Be Playing The Super Bowl Halftime Show

    The best part about being an American male is having an excuse to do nothing on Sundays (and Monday night, Thursday, sometimes Saturdays), except pound some smooth pilsners, eat at least two pounds of wings, and watch God’s game. Watching large men getting paid to concuss themselves over and over again all day is not only fun, but arguably your duty as a God-loving patriot. Also, you must laugh at the commies who think the game is played only with their feet. HA! Wimps. Of course, as you all know, this coming Sunday is Man Christmas, and we need to have a very serious discussion about the elephant in the room: the halftime show.

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    February 3, 2017 • Lists, Opinion • Views: 1134

  • Five Metal Bands That SHOULD Be Playing the Inauguration

    I’m not going to soften this up for you, the musicians playing at Donald J. Trump’s inauguration are just about as bad as the PEOTUS himself. Just looking at the lineup makes me want to rattle off a whole dictionary of Trump-ian superlatives (SAD! TERRIBLE! LOW ENERGY!). This isn’t even getting to the real issue, which is that the American people elected a functionally illiterate and angry narcissist (not to mention the loser of the popular vote by nearly three million), who is going to lead the free world 140 characters at a time while still earning a profit from his businesses. I’m not going to lie to you, it’s some heavy shit, which is exactly why there should be some METAL bands playing at the inauguration. It’s no secret that the metal world has its fair share of MAGA-shitheads that would kill to perform at the swearing-in of an angry Oompa Loompa, so these are five acts that would be perfect.

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    January 19, 2017 • Lists, Opinion • Views: 2113

  • This Year in Dungeon Synth: MMXVI

    Welcome, once again, to the dungeon! Join Kaptain Carbon and myself as we spin tales of our favorite Dungeon Synth offerings from the highly productive year that was 2016.

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    January 5, 2017 • Listmania, Lists, Nerd Shit • Views: 1182

  • And the Winner of the ToH Community AOTY 2K16 Is…

    You voted for it, and now you’re stuck with it. Here’s Toilet ov Hell’s pick for the best album of 2K16.

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    December 13, 2016 • Listmania, Lists • Views: 1735

  • AOTY 2016 as Chosen by More CELEBRITY GUESTS

    It is my distinct pleasure to wrap up our week of year-end list decadence with some excellent suggestions from AutokratorChthe’ilistÆvangelist, and Slugdge. Let us romp and cavort like the Greeks of Olde as we revel in some great music with our pantheon selects.

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    December 9, 2016 • Listmania, Lists • Views: 2874

  • List Sells… But Who’s Buying? The Best Song from Each Megadeth Album

    LIIIIIIISTSSS… LIIIISTS SEEEEELLS… LIIIIIIISTSSS…

    LIIIISTS… LIIIIIIIISTS SEEEEEEEEEEELLSAAAUHGHGH…

    LIISTS SELLS… BUT WHO’S BUYING?

    LIISTS SELLS… BUT WHO’S BUYING?

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    November 29, 2016 • Lists, Metal • Views: 1098

  • Hardwired to List Construct: The Best Song from Each Metallica Album

    It’s been 8 years since Metallica released Death Magnetic, an album that sounds like if your dad’s old band from college reformed 35 years later but had to pretend to be angry about things because real anger is hard when you’re literally a person made out of money. In the time since its release everyone has forgotten about it and moved on with their lives. Those blissful times are over now though as Metallica are set to release a new album this week, the horribly titled Hardwired…to Self Destruct, and… it actually sounds pretty promising if we’re being honest. As that album quickly approaches us, I thought it would be fun to make a playlist consisting of the best song from each of Metallica’s studio albums. Arguing about Metallica songs is a nice break from arguing about fascism, after all. Continue Reading

    November 16, 2016 • Lists, Metal • Views: 2253

  • What’s In Your Six Disc Changer?

    For decades passenger vehicles sold in the United States have been equipped with a six-disc CD changer to supplement the stock radio unit. There have been other quantity CD changers, as many up to 100, but the most common type will hold SIX. I don’t know why this is, and it sounds like a difficult question to Google so I’m not going to bother, but this seemingly arbitrary number has certainly shaped the way I travel in that I always have to have the best selection of compact discs on hand.

    In this digital age of portable audio devices and services like BandCamp and Amazon MP3, we have the ability to listen to almost anything at any time. But imagine you are confined to having only six albums around for your listening pleasure, for the next couple of weeks. What would they be? I’ll show you mine and explain each one. To prove that I hadn’t altered the selections prior to composing this article, I snapped a photo and obtained evidence that I am in fact, a poser:

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    September 29, 2016 • Lists, Open Swim • Views: 1501

  • An Incomplete List Of Bad Band Names

    Being in a band is hard enough. Don’t make it worse by having a ridiculous band name. Continue Reading

    August 30, 2016 • Lists, Lolbuttz • Views: 8316

  • 5 Songwriting Tips From The Pros

    Looking to write the next album of the year, but you just can’t get your ideas out? Luckily for you, we sat down with some of extreme metal’s best songsmiths for some advice on crafting the perfect tune! Continue Reading

    June 15, 2016 • Lists, Lolbuttz • Views: 1310