Cane Hill – True Love: A Video Breakdown (NSFW)

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Nü Love.

Cane Hill are a nü metal band from New Orleans, Louisiana. Yes, they openly say that they are a nü metal band. There has been a small but noticeable uptick in new bands drawing from the tank top-and-Jncos crowd of the late 90’s/early 2000’s. I wouldn’t say that the new bands sound exactly the same as, say, Static-X or Spineshank, but the general style and sentiments are there. I’ll give Cane Hill some credit for readily admitting that they are part of the often-maligned subgenre. Just saying that you are a nü metal band is a guarantee that a large swatch of people will not listen to you. Some readers here won’t even click the video below just because of that fact. You guys have the right idea.

0:02: Feces: It’s what’s for dinner.
0:05: “I’m a pretty, pretty princess!”
0:09: Pull harder on the string of your weirdo.
0:14: Shit goes in here.
0:20: I guess when you’re a fecophiliac, all your manners go out the window.
0:25: Nothing says “fill up some time in our video” like public domain video clips.
0:28: Or just straight up taking other people’s work.
0:32: I can only hope he contracted tetanus from sitting on that floor in his nut smugglers.
0:38: It’s the truth. I ain’t lion.
0:45: Urge to vomit rising.
0:52: So is no one else in this band or could they not get someone to cover their shift at Staples?
0:59: It couldn’t be because they were embarrassed or anything.
1:03: “Paint me like one of your French girls.”
1:12: I don’t know where Cane Hill is, but I hope the government nukes it soon.
1:18: Nice tattoo, but you were supposed to get that on your lower back.
1:27: For all of you struggling independent musicians out there, just remember: this band is signed to a real label.
1:33: And they were part of Rock AM Ring.
1:42: I feel the same way about this video.
1:46: This works better if you’re holding a pillow over your face.
1:51: This is more uncomfortable than the Dustin Diamond porno.
2:01: Someone, somewhere approved all of this for public consumption.
2:08: Those… those aren’t edible undies.
2:11: I mean, yeah, you could technically eat them, but…
2:19: I wonder if his parents proudly show this video to the neighbors, over cups of Mountain Dew Baja Blast and and Hostess Orange Cupcakes.
2:28: Welcome To Olive Garden!
2:32: Girls Gone Wild meets Cannibal Holocaust.
2:40: Money shot provided by the Kool-Aid Man.
2:47: Butt!
2:58: These guys are about 16 years too late for the Tattoo The Earth tour.
3:07: Come on, blood-borne illnesses. Do your worst.
3:11: More like Cane Hepatitis, amirite?
3:21: Maybe he can get someone to whip his patchy beard into shape.
3:25: Now I know why Suicide Boys never took off like Suicide Girls.
3:33: “Tastes a bit nutty.”
3:43: I think we all learned a very important lesson from this video: nu metal was meant to stay dead.

Cane Hill’s album Smile is available on July 15th via Rise Records.

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  • Maik Beninton™

    I won’t click on the video because of that header image.

  • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

    Nu metal edge is the edgiest edge.

  • Waynecro

    This is the worst thing I’ve seen/heard in quite some time. I think the folks in the band need to sit in a quiet, well-lit corner that isn’t covered in blood and shit and seriously think about what they’ve done.

    • Or just kill them selves.

      • Waynecro

        This band will make Hot Topic an easy $175.

        • Tronc McBeefyBeardloaf

          And if they mention that they’re a nu metal band, they’ll probably get to nail the 300 lbs, pimply faced gothic Kelly Osbourne clone that works the register.

          • Waynecro

            “Yeah, I’m just picking up this new studded belt for a concert my band is playing. Yeah, I’m in a band. You should come check us out. Our drummer’s 13-year-old cousin is celebrating one month sobriety from meth, so his parents are having a BBQ in their backyard. I can get you on the guest list if you want.”

          • CyberneticOrganism

            “Yep right next to Green Trails Trailer Park… no not a venue, in a big empty field… yeah we do it all the time and the cops don’t care… some girl got pregnant there last year… this one weirdo gives everyone beer for free it’s kinda freaky but he passes out in an hour.”

          • -Ricky

          • CyberneticOrganism

            “Julian what the fuck is moon metal?! Why are all these cocksuckers wearing these enormous pants? HEY DON’T TOUCH MY WEED!”

            https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/69/91/1e/69911e68527ab988446464ecda1d0d23.jpg

          • Waynecro

            “You know, I just think traditional venues are played out. After all, our band has sort of transcended the kind of live performance that works indoors. We need space and freedom to roll around in whatever excretions we produce and our fans throw at us. One of our MySpace friends has described our live show as ‘a grimdark evolution of Yves Klein’s happenings,’ so we really are performance artists. You have to see it to believe it.”

          • CyberneticOrganism

            *17 minute set with no bassist, a borrowed drum kit and a barely functional PA*

          • Hans Müller

            *singer spends all the time crouching or sprawled on the floor cause HE HAS ISSUES MAN*

          • Tronc McBeefyBeardloaf

            Or bending over like he’s having a Taquer Bell related ulcer.

          • Hans Müller

            Wrapping the microphone cord around his neck.

          • Tronc McBeefyBeardloaf

            While the rest of the band crouches over their instruments and synchronize crabwalk.

          • Hans Müller
          • Óðinn

            *Nu-Metal dude pretending to play bass

          • Tronc McBeefyBeardloaf

            Looks like he’s trying to get some loose food out of the frets. Or maybe he’s trying to wipe the Donkey Sauce off the strings.

          • CyberneticOrganism
          • Hans Müller

            Verily, I hath cringéd.

          • CyberneticOrganism

            Thy cringe be done.

          • Waynecro

            “We don’t need a bunch of percussionists like the posers in Slipknot, but we have a guy who fires a T-shirt cannon almost constantly and a guy who tattoos himself during our third encore song.”

          • CyberneticOrganism

            *buys ticket immediately*

          • Tronc McBeefyBeardloaf

            “Who’s the opening act?”
            “Our uncle’s pornogrind band, Vagina Strangler. They don’t have a website, since the courts told him he can’t use the internet after he got outta jail. There is some info on him in the local sex offender registry, and he’s been on ‘Cops’ a couple dozen times”.

      • Óðinn

        Seconded.

  • CyberneticOrganism

    Oh man these dudes are so fuckin’ craaaaaazy, son! *vapes*

    http://goetiamedia.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/nu.jpg

  • EsusMoose

    The worst part of the revival of nu-metal is they have all the deathcore and metalcore to draw additional influences from, no one needs that.

    • Óðinn

      There’s a Nu-Metal revival? Please no.

  • i have to wait to watch it, so without the video portion i shall nominate the funniest line… “Now I know why Suicide Boys never took off like Suicide Girls.”

  • Tronc McBeefyBeardloaf

    I made it a whole minute into the video. I am now going to the garage to knock a hole in my head with a brick, pour bleach in there and hope that erases my memory of this. My reaction to this after 5 seconds:

    https://cdn.meme.am/instances/500x/68714634.jpg

  • CyberneticOrganism
    • Hans Müller

      Sure, I might offend a few of the bluenoses with my cocky stride and
      musky odors – oh, I’ll never be the darling of the so-called “City
      Fathers” who cluck their tongues, stroke their beards, and talk about
      “What’s to be done with this Homer Simpson?”

      • CyberneticOrganism
      • Max

        “Now it’s clear to me why God portions it out in those little packets. And why he lives on a plantation in Hawaii.”

        • CyberneticOrganism

          I’d kill men to live on a plantation in Hawaii. Damn gorgeous state.

          • Max

            Plus, it’s where Magnum PI lives.

          • CyberneticOrganism

            OH DUDE

  • Hans Müller

    Trying hard to put myself in the mindset of 14-year-old me watching this on TV at night, wondering if I’d have called this “sick” and attributed artistic merit to it… but I’m at least fairly certain I would’ve called it shite even then.

    Please, past me. Please call it shite.

    • Tronc McBeefyBeardloaf

      I definitely would’ve. I hated nu metal growing up, and thankfully it flew over my head for the most part.
      People and friends around me: Korn, Limp Bizkit, Crazy Town, Taproot, etc.
      Me: Samael, Project Pitchfork, X Marks The Pedwalk, Skinny Puppy, Wumpscut, Haujobb, Fields Of The Nephilim, Cocteau Twins, Fektion Fekler, Love Like Blood, Evil’s Toy, etc. (I was definitely in a hardcore industrial phase in high school, thankfully)

    • Dave Vincent’s Perm

      When I was 14 I was one of those gobshites who talked shit on anything that wasn’t ripping off megadeth.

  • Tronc McBeefyBeardloaf
  • Abradolf Lincler

    i can just tell already that somebody from Hendersonville is going to tell me they love this band

    • Abradolf Lincler

      unrelated note: what the fuck kind of gas station doesnt carry Andy Capps Hot Fries?

      • Tronc McBeefyBeardloaf

        The ones that carry that dry, stale, styrofoam sushi.

      • more beer

        Dude I don’t even think I have seen those since I moved out west.

        • Abradolf Lincler

          Hot Fries are the jam

          • more beer

            I used to eat them all the time. Haven’t seen them at all out here.

  • Tronc McBeefyBeardloaf
  • CT-12
    • it says Geoff Rowley is in this band?? That’s… odd.

      • CT-12

        Had to look the dude up, had no clue who you were talking about.

  • Rowsdower

    It was so very predictable when the heavy parts were going to kick in.

  • Óðinn

    Korn imitation. No thanks.