Buer – Impérium: A Video Breakdown
Rhymes with “sewer?” You be the judge.
Buer is a black metal band hailing from Pardubice in the Czech Republic, well-known producer of Semtex and, uh… gingerbread. Sayeth the video description:
Single Empire (Impérium) is the omen of the forthcoming album of the band BUER. Great president of hell awakes, 50 legions of demons starving for ages now invite you into their empire, into a world that is not for alive!
That’s a lot of starving demons, too bad the president of hell can’t afford more pig heads to feed them. It’s nice of them to invite us into the empire and everything, but since’s it’s a world that is not for alive, we’ll just have to turn around and go home right away and then we made a trip for nothing.
0:02 – Sweet, I love schweinekopf!
0:03 – “Before we begin, a moment of silence for our missing drummer who forced our hand into using this awful drum machine.”
0:08 – R.I.P. Luděk the cameraman, 1988 – 2016.
0:13 – “This one goes out to the sexy senior birthday party in the back!”
0:19 – “Sorry I completely forgot the verse lyrics to our song, I’ll stab my hands on these pointy things as punishment.”
0:36 – Hetfield HA HA OOH YEA-HYEAH face.
0:58 – “Whaddya mean you didn’t press record?! Ah fuck we’re gonna be here all night!”
1:06 – As Luděk shows signs of life, the band rush over to finish him off.
1:14 – “Kryštof ┼x┼x┼x Serpentborn” sets his new Facebook profile pic.
1:19 – Zdeněk receives a time-out for ripping some rancid pig’s head farts.
1:27 – Dude you gotta change those Elixir strings or they start to fray like that.
2:07 – “FUCK YEAH I GOT PROMOTED AT THE SEMTEX FACTORY!!!”
2:19 – *ascending slide whistle*
2:27 – “Alright get ready this one’s gonna be fucking huge, seriously watch out, here we go… *fwip*… shit, okay that sucked but the next one is gonna be fucking huge I swear.”
2:30 – We have silverware for the pig’s head right over there, no need to use your hands.
2:44 – After Sataning for an hour or so, Zdeněk needs a good sit.
3:07 – Kryštof Serpentborn knows this would make an inferior profile pic, but considers posting it to Instagram with the Inkwell or possibly the Moon filter to convey his distorted view of the world.
3:23 – Hey man you want this last hunk of pig’s head? Sorry I used my hands again but they’re clean I promise.
3:31 – *descending slide whistle*
3:45 – “Nah… nah man I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m good, I’m totally good… *hic* I just wanna lay here for like 2 minutes *hic* then I’ll get up and drive home… pr*hic*promise… … oh man that pig’s head was good… zzzzzzzzzzzzz…”
Thanks to 365DaysOfHorror for letting me steal (and ruin) his format