Brütal Brëws: Amber Smashed Face, Todd the Axe Man, Evil Dead Red and more

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Fill your glass with metal! (do not actually fill your glass with metal)

I’m a simple man cyborg. I like horror movies, metal and beer (preferably at the same time). When brewers acknowledge that there are people organisms out there like me and brew a solid beer with a nod to a favorite band or film, I’m always down to give it a shot.

It’s been far too long since we all sat down together to have a brütal brëw, so let’s do that. Here are five killer beers available now that you should definitely consider bringing to your next gathering of cyborgs people.

Three Floyds | Amber Smashed Face

ambersmashed

Daaamn, check out that artwork. 3F has the talent and know-how to make these band collaboration beers something you’d happily pick up every weekend, and they were in Chicago late last month to personally hand off the beer to the band. This technically-an-amber-beer has a clean, crisp hops punch that may make you think twice about it if you’re not an IPA or pale drinker, but it’s well-balanced enough to allow the malt to sit right alongside it. Pairs nicely with a skull full of maggots in your gallery of suicide. BA score.

Three Floyds | Cimmerian Sabertooth Berzerker

cimmeriansabretooth

Sweet, strong and powerful, like a Valkyrie out of John Milius’ dreams. The 8% ABV gives this beer a noticeable warmth and highlights powerful and pale/fruity hop notes without being too dry or saccharine on the tongue. There’s a slight, subtle fruit flavor aftertaste without it actually tasting like it’s there on purpose; accidental but welcome, like a prayer answered by Crom. Pairs best with a loincloth and James Earl Jones turning into a snake. BA score.

Surly | Todd The Axe Man (US Edition)

toddbeer

Danish brewery Amager collaborated with Surly Brewing to create a beer for the most rock & roll dude in the craft beer world, Surly’s own Todd Haug, because he A) plays in Powermad, B) played with Powermad in David Lynch’s Wild At Heart, and C) played in Vulgaari before their recent breakup. Todd’s namesake beer, which also has a Danish edition, has a great classic IPA flavor with a slight boost in power thanks to its 7% ABV. Hoppy and unfiltered with an uptick in malt and yeast flavors. Pairs brilliantly with a dancing Laura Dern at a 1349 listening partyBA score.

Alesmith | Evil Dead Red Ale

evildeadred

I typically don’t go for red ales often, but this one with its 6.66% looked too good not to try when it appeared on shelves in October. A somewhat simpler flavor compared to the above beers, but with a distinct caramel and wheat (i.e., grain, not ‘wheat beer’) blend that pours a deep, rich amber color. Provides plenty of energy and bravado should you find your mocking deadite girlfriend exhuming herself from her woodland grave. Ideally paired with ancient Sumerian funerary incantations and demon resurrection passages. BA score.

Pipeworks | The Lizard King

lizardking

This one isn’t specifically referencing a band or anything, but it’s a damn fine beer with damn fine artwork: a titular lizard king fighting some sort of skeleton warrior with some seriously long teeth. A notable citrus flavor, strong hop presence and just a hint of basement dankness create a beer that presents a little more taste to discover in each sip. I also want to point out that this brewery’s homepage is “pdubs.net.” Perhaps there’s a an alternate universe ‘PDubs Bro’ out there somewhere who drives a sensible car, has good taste in music & beer and plays lawn darts on the weekends. BA score.

Tried anything good lately? Tried anything mentioned here? Share your thoughts in the comments.

(images via via via via via via)

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  • I have only tasted three brands of beer.

    Two of them taste like pig piss. One of them is decent.

    Killer artwork, Robbro. I liek the Cimmerian Whatever Berzerker and the Evil Dead.

    • Is beer popular down there? or is something else king?

      • Hugely popular, but I never liked the taste of the two brands people tend to drink over here. Only one “premium” that it’s more strong.

        • What is the name? I wouldn’t mind looking them up!

          • I like the green Solera.

            Polar Light and Regional Light are the worse.

          • THOSE NAMES>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

      • Lacertilian

        Malandro dust is the favoured intoxicant I’d imagine.

  • I asked my local liquor store to hook up the Amber Smashed Face but they don’t ship to NJ. This upset me greatly.

  • Dave Vincent’s Perm

    Hopefully gonna get some of that Cannibal Corpse beer for the Invocation of the Sun God. The Iron Maiden stuff is nice but can’t really be drunk cold due to the mix of flavours, it’s kinda hard to drink under some circumstances.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      The Iron Maiden beer is awful, guh. Tried it once because why the hell not, but never again.

      • It was very non memorable if I remember correctly. I guess if you are trying to appeal to many, being bold and tasty is not something they were striving for….

        • CyberneticOrganism

          The UK isn’t exactly a haven for great beer, either

          • That is a fair point

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            If you can’t enjoy Tetleys smooth flow you probably aren’t an actual human being. Do you even live here? I’ll take the average Yorkshire bitter over the piss they call ‘bud light’

          • CyberneticOrganism

            Sorry brah, not trying to make a sweeping generalization, it’s just that most UK beers I’ve had are not so good. I just need better recommendations.

            And yes, Bud Light is pure urine.

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            I mean, I’m not really a drinker at all but, Samuel Smith? That’s good stuff.

          • CyberneticOrganism

            I like Samuel Smith, never even noticed that it hailed from across the pond.

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            I’d suggest you try Tetley’s Smooth Flow then. It’s an acquired taste but it never hurts to try, except with cyanide

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            Also, Hobgoblin.

          • Bud Light is perfectly fine. Y’all too fancy for your own good.

          • Vote for Jeb

            Your taste is wretched and and your palate plebeian.

          • CyberneticOrganism

            Hamms > Bud Light

          • Agreed. It’s cheaper, and the can is prettier.

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            a glass of tepid water >>>>> Bud Light.

          • Disagree. I cannot get a pleasant buzz with a glass of tepid water.

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            pleasant buzz + alcohol = does not compute

          • KJM PLZ!

          • more beer

            Same results.

          • Vote for Jeb

            They aren’t known for good food or dental hygiene, either.

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            Oh so it’s ok to make jokes about British people but whenever I call Americans fat racists who wear baseball caps and stick guns up their arse I get called ‘ignorant’

          • Vote for Jeb

            Hey now! We don’t all wear baseball caps.

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            We don’t all have crooked teeth

          • Vote for Jeb

            Well then, uh, touche.

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            And some of us don’t drink, at all.

          • Waynecro

            True. We’re not all fat, and some of us stick guns up other people’s asses. But everyone’s a little bit racist:

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iC2G7MnJqDk

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            The only true prejudice I have is against right-wing rednecks, and I’m perfectly okay with it.

          • Whoa! I would not get too bent outta shape, friend. Most jokes are not meant to be taken too seriously.

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            Neither is ok.

          • Vote for Jeb

            In case you didn’t realize, I was joking around, but sorry for making sweeping generalizations.

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            I think jokes should be allowed to be made about anything, it’s just sometimes it seems that everything except jokes about the British are off limits with some people.

          • Vote for Jeb

            I don’t think folks mind if you poke fun at Americans. We do it too. I guess I thought we were having friendly banter?

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            Don’t worry about it. The food here may not always be brilliant but at least it doesn’t kill us.

          • This is fair counterpoint, lol.

          • Vote for Jeb

            I’m eating Tex-Mex tonight. Might die.

          • Haha we are eating at a local pizza joint, butchering my doe I killed last night, having a fire, and will attempt to sight my in new scope on my slug gun. Might die!

            How many American-isms did I just touch on? lolz

          • Vote for Jeb

            Not enough. I think you needed something about your mom and a Bible in there too. Oh, also boobs.

          • *strokes my 7 day old beard*

            I will see what I can do!

          • Lacertilian

            I’m not sure that pizza, killing deer or creating fire are things inherently related to the USA.
            The last two activities are not even strictly related to the last 100’000 years of human endeavour.

          • Vote for Jeb

            For real, though, I joke around with Link (Venezuela), Guacamole (Canada), Dagon (Brasil), and Lacertilian (Australia) all the time, and we make fun of each other quite a bit. We don’t actually mean to offend. If I do step over the line, I appreciate you letting me know. Not trying to actually upset anyone.

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            Offence is taken, not given. I guess I’m so used to being told that I’m stepping over the line that it annoys me a bit when other people aren’t. I mean for fuck’s sake I told one of my friends the other day that I’d snort his grandma.

          • Vote for Jeb

            That’s not a sensible thing to do with ashes. You have to sprinkle it into your meals so you get multiple uses.

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            Or make them think it’s cocaine so they feel a short rush of adrenaline then realise they just inhaled one of their relatives.

          • Hard to argue with that assessment

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            Samuel Smith would beg to differ.

      • more beer

        I`m glad I have the Iron Maiden bottle for my collection but I wasn`t Impressed with the contents at all.

    • ME GORAK B.C.™

      OUTTA THIS WORLD BAD???????

      • My second choice is much better, Redhook IPA. Tasty! and inexpensive (for such a excellent beer).

        http://nickdenardis.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/red-hook-3.jpg

        • ME GORAK B.C.™

          GORAK WILL TRY!!!!!!!!!! ME SEE AROUND!!!!!!!!!!

          • You can get it at Meijer for next to nothing, $7.99 I think.

          • ME GORAK B.C.™

            MEIJER HAVE LOTS GOOD BEER!!!!!!!! MEIJER SMASH WALMART!!!!!!!!!!

          • I love Meijer far more than you can imagine. They have a rocking selection.

        • CyberneticOrganism

          Never tried that one

          • For the money, you cannot beat it. Bold, hoppy, and it gets you buzzed. Win, win, and win. Give it a try!

        • BEARD-SPLITTER

          I call this middle to bottom shelf

      • Naturally.

        • ME GORAK B.C.™

          NASTY LITE CANT BE BEAT THEN!!!!!!!!!!

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      BDUBS Bro approves your beer choice.

      • EsusMoose

        Surprisingly no one has made a bdub bro character for the comment section, or at least that I remember

        • CyberneticOrganism

          I own the copyright

          • and trademark?? BdubsBro™ ?

          • EsusMoose

            Hope you’re an active sue-er

        • COAL ROLL

          bro we been done rollin coal long before Bdubs bro tasted his first Natty Ice

          • EsusMoose

            Coal Roll may roll with three 24 packs of miller lite but bdubs bro has carried his bravado with the energy only someone with obvious alcoholic tendencies and a lacking of social graces can muster. Okay maybe they are about the same but there’s a little bit of difference, one has gym shorts instead of overalls.

    • COAL ROLL

      Once you start paying for day care that’s all you’ll be able to afford. Bro

    • CyberneticOrganism

      SPACE BEER BRAH HA HA WOOOO
      *slams beer*
      *crushes can against face*
      *attempts to throw can into orbit*

      • IMA TRY AND SCORE IN ZERO-G

        • CyberneticOrganism

          DUDE YOUR SPUNK WOULD FLOAT OUT TO JUPITER *high five*

  • Vote for Jeb

    Any recommendations for those of us who like things of a slightly more imperial persuasion?

    • Salvador Dalí Lama

      *insert Tyree Imperial Stout picture here*

      • Vote for Jeb

        Oh shoot, I need to look at that picture again.

    • I think this one is well known, but this is my favorite beer

      http://www.neatryte.com/wp-content/uploads/new-holland-dragons-milk-review.preview.jpg

    • COAL ROLL
      • Vote for Jeb

        That looks tasty, but I tend to lean more toward stouts and porters.

    • Boss the “Philthy Animal” Ross

      Have you had Sierra Nevada’s Narwhal?

      • Vote for Jeb

        Haven’t been able to find that one down here yet.

        • Boss the “Philthy Animal” Ross

          Where is here?

          • Vote for Jeb

            West Texas.

          • Boss the “Philthy Animal” Ross

            Hell yeah.

            Do you have a Central Market or Total Wine around you? Sometimes HEB will have it as well.

            Also, have you had Real Ale’s Coffee Porter? It is one of my favorite beers.

            A few more Texas stouts and porters for you:

            Lakewood’s Temptress, holy shit this beer is amazing, its an Imperial Milk Stout

            Deep Ellum’s Double Brown Stout and Oak Cliff Coffee Ale

            Southern Star’s Buried Hatchet Stout

            Saint Arnold’s Stout and Pumpkinator

            512 Brewing’s Pecan Porter

          • Vote for Jeb

            I’ve had the Real Ale, Deep Ellum, and Saint Arnold Beers. Unfortunately, I don’t have any of those stores near me. My main sources are Pinkie’s, Specs, and Market Street.

          • Boss the “Philthy Animal” Ross

            Right on! What did you think?

            Dang, that sucks. It’s kinda hit or miss with those.

          • Vote for Jeb

            That Deep Ellum brew is especially good. I’d like to visit the St. Arnold’s brewery again. That was a lot of fun. Real Ale make some great beers. I actually catch a fair number of Colorado brews here, and one of my faves is the Breckenridge Vanilla Porter.

          • Boss the “Philthy Animal” Ross

            I like the way you think.
            Breckenridge Vanilla is definitely a good one. Four Corners makes a good Porter as well, called Block Party.
            Deschutes out of Oregon has a good porter and stout, Black Butte and Obsidian, respectively.

            Do you get any Revolver Brewing where you are?

          • more beer

            I really like the Deschutes especially the Obsidian.

          • Boss the “Philthy Animal” Ross

            It is a solid brew.

          • more beer

            I was in the Breckenridge Brewery across from Coors Field on Halloween. Their beers are excellent. The Vanilla Porter is very good. I`m not a huge porter drinker so thats`s saying something.

  • Nativian Taco

    All of those beers look delicious.

    *fills cup with metal*

    • Boss the “Philthy Animal” Ross

      Mercury kills man.

  • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UG1leWoVXOo

    I’m out, gotta go to harvest some souls in the classes of the Master. See ya, Toiletters.

    • tertius_decimus

      Beautiful and very emotional composition, thanks for sharing!

      • Tertius! How are you doing?

        • tertius_decimus

          Hey, GL! I’m very low these days. The mood is so crappy that I’ve got nothing to contribute to the toilet bowl.

          What about you?

          • I am quite fine. Glad to hear from you. Are you still living with your friend? In Belarus (was it Belarus)?

          • tertius_decimus

            Physicians keep stating that nothing can escape from the Black Hole for a reason, LOL! Still in Ukraine.

            Here’s the citation from “One flew over the cuckoo’s nest”:

            “I discovered at an early age that I was-shall we be kind and say different? …I indulged in certain practices that our society regards as shameful. And I got sick. It wasn’t the practices, I don’t think, it was the feeling that the great, deadly, pointing forefinger of society was pointing at me-and the great voice of millions chanting, ‘Shame. Shame. Shame.’ It’s society’s way of dealing with someone different.”

          • Keep hanging in there, buddy!

          • Great book, my friend.

          • you can always contribute! the toilet will raise your low moods.

          • Concurred!

  • BEARD-SPLITTER

    THIS YEARS HIGHLANDS COLD MOUNTAIN COMES OUT MONDAY

    STRAIGHT FROM THE SURVIVAL SCROLLS BIOTCH

  • sweetooth0

    Hoping there is some way for me to import me some Amber Smashed Face. As a Cannibal Corpse fanatic I must have at least one bottle of that to add to my CC collection.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      I know there’s beer trading groups out there that organize trades between regions; not sure where you’d look for that but it could be an option.

      • more beer

        We should just make our own toilet beer trading group. There are many of us who like good beer. We all live in different places that brew great beers. The only time I get to see any of the Three Floyds is when they do collaborations with Trve. I know Trve can only be gotten in Denver. This might be something worth trying.

        • Boss the “Philthy Animal” Ross

          Seconded.

          • more beer

            I`m in a great place for beer. But I always want to try other beers from different places.

          • Boss the “Philthy Animal” Ross

            As you should, trying new beers is detrimental to life.

          • more beer

            I`m more beer for a reason.

          • Boss the “Philthy Animal” Ross

            And more beer you shall remain! Never falter!

          • more beer

            Never!

  • COAL ROLL

    BUD LIGHT LIME BRO

    • Known synonymously as BLL’s in Southwest Ohio. lol

      • COAL ROLL

        here too bro. the motocross and landscaper trailer bro’s drink it more than monster.

        • I don’t quite understand it, myself

          • COAL ROLL

            buy a dirt bike and/or get into landscaping/construction and you will

          • more beer

            I work in construction. I would never drink one of those!

      • ME GORAK B.C.™

        THAT WEIRD CUZ IN NORTHWEST OHIO, IT KNOWN AS “FUCK THAT”!!!!!!!!!

        • Boss the “Philthy Animal” Ross

          Gorak right.

        • more beer

          The caveman Knows!

  • D. Lee

    Speaking of Evil Dead, I looked up Ash VS. The Evil Dead on the PlayStation store earlier, as I don’t have Showtime, but it’s not up yet :(. So I’m making up for it by stuffing my body with a calzone as big as my head, then picking up the new Intronaut album later to hold back the pain

    • torrents bro

    • more beer

      You can watch it here. This site is pretty bad ass.http://thewatchseries.to/

      • D. Lee

        Thanks man!

        • more beer

          No problem man that site rules. Fuck the cable companies.

  • ┼yree

    Welp. Systems have been down all day at work so they sent us home. Going to go to the brewery here and drink some fine motha-fucking beers.

  • Waynecro

    Amber Smashed Face makes me wish I could still drink. To be fair, existing makes me wish I could still drink.

  • JWEG
  • Boss the “Philthy Animal” Ross

    Personal favorite when it comes to Heavy Metal inspired suds.

  • Boss the “Philthy Animal” Ross

    Blakkr, the collaborative effort between 3Floyds, Surly and Real Ale was really good. Grim dark malts and citrusy bitter hops makes a good beer.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Indeed, that was a good one

  • Lacertilian

    I want an IPA so fucking bad right now but it’s only 8am and I have to drive later.