Bring Me The Horizon – Throne: A Video Breakdown

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Throne is just another word for toilet.

Say what you will about Bring Me The Horizon (seriously, please do!), but they are pretty popular for a young band by today’s standards. They headline tours, play large festivals and are on a major label (whatever that means anymore). I don’t really think of the band all that much beyond “they’re that sort of heavy band with the stupid tattoos that got popular when I wasn’t looking”. Granted, that describes a lot of bands these days (Hi, Of Mice & Men!). I can’t recall really listening to their music, but then again I am not in the main demographic, what with being older than 17 and all. I suppose it’s time to make that same mistake all us old bastards do and see what’s “cool”. Do kids still say cool? No? Stupid kids. That’s why you’re still kids because you’re stupid. Assholes.

0:01: Varg, is that you? More like “Burzum Me The Horizon” am I right?
0:03: I get the same chest-burning feeling when I eat too much pizza.
0:08: Ugh. Cosplayers.
0:11: Sauron! Cast the ring into the fire, Frodo!
0:14: Steampunk/Skyrim mashup.
0:18: See, this is why you knock before going into Mommy and Daddy’s room at night.
0:22: That’s what happens when you pick your nose too much.
0:30: Linkin Park Jr.
0:34: He says “I was an ocean” and then an ocean appears on his face. Deep. Deep like an ocean. Deep like an ocean on your face.
0:37: Who wants bomb pops?
0:41: Fuck, what button did you just push?!
0:49: Hey, a cameo by Christopher Robin. Where’s Piglet?
0:57: X means “Kisses”!
1:02: Cough too much patchouli cough
1:09: You’d think with all their popularity, they would be able to afford a shirt with sleeves.
1:13: “Cry me a river” and the kid cries. FUCK, this video is good. No thinking for me!
1:15: “Cry me a river ’cause I forgive ya”. I hope that line buys some record executive a new boat. And then that boat crashes.
1:23: So when does Mike Shinoda come out to rap a verse?
1:28: There’s some 100% feathering going on here.
1:35: That’s what the Kool-Aid Man looks like before adding water to him.
1:37: Random karate kick!
1:41: I spit hot fire.
1:48: Time won’t heal this damage anymore
1:50: Don’t turn your back on me
1:52: I won’t be ignored!
1:58: This one’s for the tween ladies.
2:04: Video concept provided by someone explaining Game of Thrones while high on mescaline.
2:05: Stranger danger!
2:10: Is everyone else lost? Good.
2:15: “I’ll leave you choking”, grabs throat. I need some Advil.
2:18: He’s having that dream where he’s running backwards through the woods completely naked.
2:22: We couldn’t think of anything to match the lyrics, so here’s some stock footage of an owl.
2:34: Kind of hard to play your instrument when it’s off to the side, isn’t it?
2:40: Hope you like quick shots of random shit because we’ve got plenty!
2:45: So what does the skeleton represent? Bones? Boning? Calcium? Help me out here.
2:49: Power stance!
2:53: Bring Me The Horizon: Putting the “fun” in fungus.
2:58: Tiger Moms are the worst.
3:01: “Guh! I hate you, torch! You never let me do anything!”
3:09: The song is called throne and there was a throne. It aaaaallllll makes sense now. I think.

That was, uh, different. I wasn’t sure what to expect, but it wasn’t Linkin Park Part Deux. I guess kids need to angst-dance to something. “I’m angry, but I still need electronics!”

Bring Me The Horizon’s album That’s The Spirit is out on September 11 (yes, really) on Columbia Records.

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