Breaking News: Poser Nerd Running Rampant on East Coast — Open Swim

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Citizens of the east coast are reportedly leaving their belongings behind and evacuating their respective cities in droves in order to avoid the company of a well-known poser who arrived there after he suddenly and unexpectedly removed his ass from his computer chair.

We at the Toilet ov Hell advise all in the area to remain calm and vacate the premises carefully. Those who are at a safe distance are invited to join us in an open thread below.

Thank you.

  • Randall Thor

    Master Control is the best American Power metal album ever. Fight me.

    • Howard Dean

      Disclaimer: I’m not a big power metal fan, and my knowledge is limited.

      Best American power metal album to my ears (which are admittedly more receptive to extreme metal): Satan’s Host – Metal From Hell

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_lUQInRwRdI

      • Randall Thor

        Your aim is true

  • Mr. Bojangles

    Was it me?

    • Randall Thor

      I will slay you with steel, you filthy poser

      • W.

        Slay him with the garden hose of righteousness.

        • Death

          Suffocate him with a fucking plastic bag!

          • W.

            Racist.

          • Death

            Dammit Bush! Stop pulling the race card and show it up your ass with this cactus!

    • No, Bojangles. Even worse…

      • Death

        Can it be worse than fucking Bojangles?

    • Death

      Elite Extremophile is a better and cuter cat than you!

    • Stockhausen

      I don’t think a cat of your girth can truly run rampant. I would be offer to wear a humorous hat and push you in a stroller rampantly, but I’m dead.

    • CÖÄL RÖLL FRÖM THE TÖILET BÖWL

      Not knowing tell us how strong you are for resisting the urge to visit the dark side

  • Tyree
  • Randall Thor

    DEATH TO FALSE METAL! DEATH TO ALL BUT METAL! WIMPS AND POSERS LEAVE THE HALL! http://youtu.be/ug_JdOQDxwY

  • W.

    Good news everyone! My new office has a coffee maker. Free coffee to feed my addiction! I’m a caffiend.

    • Death

      Coffee is black. Racist!

      • W.

        But all of my favorite beverages are black.

        • Death

          I like my women like I like my coffee, filled with semen.

          • W.

            I thought you said you don’t have the functional tools to do that anymore.

          • Death

            It doesn’t have to be my semen…

          • W.

            Sexist. Check your privilege, Death.

          • Death

            Have you been to tumblr recently?

          • I have. I found this.
            http://oldgamemags.tumblr.com/

          • CÖÄL RÖLL FRÖM THE TÖILET BÖWL

            thank you, now I know where to look for the walkthrough of Wizardry 7 Dark Savant that I can’t find anywhere

          • W.

            That is pretty cool.

          • W.

            Nah, just trying to flummox your cankles.

          • Death

            Because you sound like a tumblr person.

    • Howard Dean

      I feel you, Dubya. This is something to be legit excited about. Having worked in jobs that didn’t have coffee makers (or didn’t have offices at all), I was floored when I started working at my current job, and had access to a Keurig with nearly unlimited amounts of K-Cups. It’s cause for celebration! And byahs!
      Byyyaaaaaahhhhhhh!!

      • W.

        BYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! #gloryofjava

        • Negrodamus

          Sing, glory to (cups of) Joe, and peace to his people on Earth.

        • NefariousDude

          BJAAAAAAH
          #ftfy

      • actiondonkey

        I’d be inclined to trade health coverage for unlimited K-Cups.

        • CÖÄL RÖLL FRÖM THE TÖILET BÖWL

          just stay healthy!

          • W.

            Plus, as long as you don’t add a ton of sugar and creamer, coffee isn’t really bad for you.

          • Death

            What about semen?

          • W.

            Ask your mom!

          • Death

            My mom is dead (not a joke).

          • W.

            I’m sorry, Death.

          • Death

            Thank you, W. Sometimes it seems like you have a heart.

          • W.

            Buried beneath all the steel

          • Death

            Beneath all the manuer would fit better.

          • Scrimm

            I’ve been eating coffee jellybeans all day.

          • Negrodamus

            Roughly three cups of coffee per day helps to fight off depression and cancer.

          • CÖÄL RÖLL FRÖM THE TÖILET BÖWL

            Coffee irritates my prostate and makes me pee. As does booze. Best two things in life. Besides life loving of course

          • Death

            I get a massive diarrhoea when I eat spicy food.

      • Not Vincent Bennett

        I have a Keurig machine in my kitchen, so I don’t have to work just to have coffee. K Cups are also very common in stores near me and they are cheap, so I don’t have to worry about limited K Cups either.

        • Howard Dean

          You… kind of miss the point(?)

          • CÖÄL RÖLL FRÖM THE TÖILET BÖWL

            Must be the new Kevin Nash account

          • Not Vincent Bennett

            How did you know? On the other hand I do love coffee and would work anywhere with unlimited k cups.

    • JWG

      I will never ever read “good news everyone” without ‘hearing’ it as Prof. Farnsworth. And that is a wonderful thing, indeed.

      • W.

        I was going for that effect.

        • JWG

          As you should.

    • Not Vincent Bennett

      I need some more K Cups. The ones in my house aren’t that good and I’m running out of them. Any K Cups to recommend W?

      • W.

        Caribou Coffee makes some good stuff.

        • CÖÄL RÖLL FRÖM THE TÖILET BÖWL

          Have you had Fog Buster?

        • CÖÄL RÖLL FRÖM THE TÖILET BÖWL

          Correction, fog chaser

    • Stockhausen

      pourmeamugbetheresoon!

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Caffeine is god. God is caffeine.

  • actiondonkey
    • W.

      That’s one of my favorite gifs ever.

      • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

        Why do I get a feeling you say that to every gif

        • W.

          Because gifs are magical?

          • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

            As long as it’s for the right reasons…

          • Stockhausen

            Gifs are magifal.

          • Death

            I’m now the person with most comments in the toilet! Bow down!

          • Stockhausen

            May I squat at the toilet?

          • Death

            Only if you hail me as your new führer. Wait, no, don’t call me that.

          • Stockhausen

            Waiting for W to swoop in…

          • Death

            W has already accepted that he’s a dirty peasant scrub. He got shrekt hard.

          • W.

            #Deathisracist

          • Death

            No, W, please! I didn’t mean to!

          • Death

            #WIsAClosetCrossdresser

          • W.

            #youforgotthet

          • Death

            #WHasASecretHomosexualRealtionshipWhitJackBauer

          • Scrimm
          • Death

            Is that some of that hippity hop?

          • Scrimm

            Yes, yes it is. Classic too.

          • Death

            I’m sorry, but I’m not that down with the hips and the hops.

          • Scrimm

            Me either. Just that album.

          • Death

            Immortal Technique has some good hips and death grips have some good hops.

          • Scrimm

            Yes Death Grips is pretty good.

          • NefariousDude

            Check out LIL UGLY MANE 2 hard for a white boi

          • Hahaha, I knew the last part was coming as soon as I read Lil Ugly Mane.

          • Death
      • JWG

        It’s the gif that keeps on giffing.

        …I’m sorry. That was an uncalled for pun…

      • actiondonkey

        Fairly sure I started with the blonde girls expression and then the evil grin. Comedy gold right there.

    • is that Frances in the middle?

  • Death

    I’m not from the US of A, so I propably don’t understand this joke.

    • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

      It’s the man man from metalsucks. One of the very reasons this toilet now exists

      • Death

        I just now read the metalsucks thing.

      • Death

        And I know why this place exists. Don’t you lecture me!

        • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

          I’m sorry plz don’t kill me

          • Death

            Only because you’re Finni… No! I almost became biased!

          • How’s Taxes doing, by the way?

          • Death

            Pretty nice. We have nice healthcare because of the taxes.

          • No I mean… you friend “Taxes.” How is he?

          • Death

            Who is that?

          • Nevermind that death joke sucked. Can’t win ’em all.

          • Death

            You also sucked. (I’m srry bby)

          • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu
          • W.

            No, it was pretty good.

          • Aw, thanks W.

          • Stockhausen

            Heh, I get it. Heh.

          • W.

            #Deathisracist

          • Death

            Noooooo! Stop it or I’ll call your mom!

  • JWG

    It feels like it’s unseasonably hot here, but according to anything I can look up it’s actually on the lower end of the historical temperature range for this day in August.

    I should really should either get some work done (benefit: air conditioned office) or go to the gym with some of yesterday’s STTJ advice in mind. So far my afternoon has been a bust, though. I neither feel like thinking or, well, moving…

    • W.

      Play with your cat!

    • Death

      Going to the gym is for loser and nerds.

  • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

    Jamming that Liege Lord real goood

    • AS YOU SHOULD, METAL BROTHER.

      • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

        Wasn’t Joe Comeau in this band?

        • Indeed!

          • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

            Whatever happened to him? Seems to have disappeared completely and that is a shame

          • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

            I got motivated and checked. Liege Lord is back and he’s on. Also some other not all that good band called duskmachine
            https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=CYBbn1Sq12k

  • JWG

    On a completely different note, I welcome most diversions from the current state of depressing world news. But this might be just a bit too silly:

    http://www.vancouverobserver.com/news/best-cat-videos-web-just-cats-comes-vancouver

    • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

      Well I’m off to Vancouver who’ with me? Anyone?

      • Death

        I can’t. Work.

        • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

          Sheit. Another night under the cold night sky alone. At least those kitties will warm my spirit by the day

          • Death

            You can blame the Finnish school system. They claim that I need to “teach” students.

  • Gorgasm

    For once, The Toilet is ranked higher than pornhub on my browser’s top visited sites.

    Hail the toilet for being better than endless hours of porn!!!

    • Death

      Do you by any chance watch shemale porn?

      • Gorgasm

        More than once.

        I’d give an excuse, by there is no valid excuse for why one is watching shemale porn.

        • Death

          Its target audience is actually straight men.

          • old_man_doom

            Why do you suppose that is? (srs question)

          • Death

            It’s a fact of life. I like shemale porn but I wouldn’t want to have sex with a shemale in real life.

        • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

          One does not need an excuse

          • Death

            Have you also dabbled into shemale porn?

          • Nordling Rites Ov Karhu

            I plead guilty

          • Death

            I’m not ashamed of it.

      • Not Vincent Bennett

        No Death. No I do not. The only porn I watch is straight porn.

        • Death

          Wait, what happened to Kevin?

          • Not Vincent Bennett

            He has been called away on business. He’ll be back at some point, just not soon.

          • Death

            I was good friends with Kevin, but I don’t know about you.

          • Not Vincent Bennett

            Don’t worry about it Death. He’ll be back when he wants to come back but for now he wants to settle down with Torrie and live his life.

          • Death

            I hope that he has good time with her. I swear, if she breaks his heart!

          • Not Vincent Bennett

            I’m sure he will. They love each other and that is what will keep them going. He’s my brother, so I’m happy for him that he got married.

          • CÖÄL RÖLL FRÖM THE TÖILET BÖWL

            Upvote

  • Bob

    Axl sucks

    • Death

      This is a fact!

    • Stockhausen

      Capital B Bob, how’s it Bobbin?

  • jamming new Flayed Disciple EP hard:
    http://flayeddisciple.bandcamp.com/
    (p.s. it IS the rocket)

    • Death

      It’s pretty nice. I could take a shit to this.

    • I do like this.

    • W.

      That is some seriously brutal artwork

    • Gorgasm

      I just started a pit with my office equipment.
      Yelled at my filing cabinet to “Open the bitch up”

      Then the drawer flew agape, and I did some filing.

      • Death

        When I yell in my house, my dogs just stare at me like I’m insane.

        • Rhonda Pearlman

          Are you insane? We could probably build a case against it.

          • Death

            I’m not denying that I’m not insane. I might just be.

        • Gorgasm

          My dog just looks at me like I’m some immature weirdo, who he’d rather not be seen with in public.

          • Death

            What breed is your doge?

          • Gorgasm

            Shih’tzu

            He looks like an Ewok, from Star Wars.

          • My mother has a small army of these quadruped Ewoks…

          • Death

            My cousin has a pug army.

          • All dogs are good dogs. But pugs are the best dogs.

          • Death

            I like corgis the best (totally not beign biased). My older corgi loves pugs and other dogs with smushed faces.

          • Gorgasm

            I’m surprised at how awesome my shih’tzu is.

          • Pagliacci is Kvlt

            Mine’s OK, when she’s not eating poop anyway.

          • Death

            Wait, you have a mother?

          • Death

            It’s one of those lil cute doggies.

  • Not Vincent Bennett

    I want to watch the Wire. I’ve heard good things about it. Also, here is an article about 36 cheap beers ranked in order from worst to best.

    http://deadspin.com/36-cheap-american-beers-ranked-638820035

    • Bunk Moreland

      Motherfucker hasn’t seen The Wire? Shiiiiiiiiiit.

      • Death

        I haven’t either.

        • Not Vincent Bennett

          Death, here is some advice. Do not drink the beers in this article. As you can guess they are terrible, though I do have a soft spot for three of them.

          http://www.collegehappenings.com/college/25-cheap-beers-to-avoid-at-all-costs/

          • Death

            I don’t drink alcohol at all.

          • Not Vincent Bennett

            That’s a shame. It’s good even though it kills your body. I don’t drink much because money is tight and when I do drink it is usually cheap beer.

          • Death

            I don’t like the idea of beign drunk.

          • Rhonda Pearlman

            Then I recommend staying away from Jimmy McNulty. Far away.

          • Death

            But he’s my best friend.

          • ಥ_ಥ

          • Death

            Jimmy, this is for you. #nohomo
            https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=OTvhWVTwRnM

          • Not Vincent Bennett

            I love this song non ironically. I also love the album Odyssey and Oracle by the Zombies. They’re coming near me with the current lineup that has Rod Argent and Colin Blumstone of the classic lineup.

          • Death

            I like the song as well. Only bad thing about it is that it reminds me of never beign in love.

          • Death

            Jimmy, have you been drinking again?

          • Not Vincent Bennett

            Yes he has. Also, Kevin wanted me to tell you that he’s going to be gone for a while, probably until next year because he got a job with the WWE as a higher up with their online store. When he and Torrie get settled there he’ll be back on here. Until then he has to find a house near Titan Tower in Stamford. I guess he’s lucky that he still has a bit of money in his bank account and that Torrie still has most of the money she made with the WWE. I’m sure they’ll manage to do fine.

          • Death

            Well, send Kevin my best regards.

          • Not Vincent Bennett

            I gave him your regards and he’s happy that you sent them. He said he’s going to be back around New Year’s and he’ll tell you about the Christmas party he’s going to have had by then. He and Torrie are excited for it because he got an advance from his WWE job which he said will cover booking not only the classic lineup of UFO, but Uriah Heep and if Torrie agrees the classic lineup of 10cc. He enjoyed 10cc in his youth as well as Primal Scream and the Stone Roses. He was into 70s art rock and pop back then as well as 90s britpop and he’s excited about booking 10cc. I’m proud of him. He’s going to be making serious amounts of money working for them as he negotiated his contract today and he said they’re giving him an insane salary and a corporate credit card that he said the WWE will be covering the bills for. He’s lucky and I’m very happy for him.

          • Not Vincent Bennett

            I wonder if he read the links I posted. They’re very informative yet short reviews of cheap beer.

          • yeah i read the one about the cheap beers. they all taste the same to me! i typically drink Miller Lite or Busch Light… that is when i’m not drinking Shiraz or Malbec (yup, wino here)

          • Not Vincent Bennett

            I hate Busch Light. Compared to Busch I like Milwaukee’s Best Ice, Icehouse and Red Dog as well as King Cobra when it comes to malt liquor. I love the retro Miller Lite cans though. They also have this beer called UFO in the supermarket near my house. Have you ever heard of this UFO beer McNulty? I’d never seen it until the last time I was there.

          • never seen UFO beer, but i do enjoy the hefe’s!
            malt liquor? good man! there’s a lot of that being drank in downtown St. Louis!

          • Not Vincent Bennett

            I saw a ton of boxes of it in the Price Chopper near me and I had never seen it before. It must be new as I’ve never heard of it. I do like malt liquor but only Olde English 800, Colt 45 and King Cobra. All other malt liquors are not worthy of my consumption.

          • Scrimm

            FUCKING RED DOG!!

          • Not Vincent Bennett

            You remember Red Dog too? That was one of the beers I had a soft spot for as well as Milwaukee’s Best and Icehouse. I’m not specific about what type of Milwaukee’s Best I drink but I do prefer the Ice kind. I also LOVE Labatt Blue, which is obvious because I’m part Canadian and Canadians love their Labatt Blue.

          • Scrimm

            Hell yes. I put many down in my army days.

          • Not Vincent Bennett

            I don’t get why people hate it. I drank it often when I was 23 with my brother who at that time turned 21. We were born on the same day two years apart. I’m 27 now and I haven’t had it since I turned 25 but it reminds me of a simpler time when I was still in college working for my degree in communications. I’m more partial to Icehouse and Milwaukee’s Best Ice though but I do love all three. Milwaukee’s Best makes me nostalgic l because it was the first beer I ever had.

          • Scrimm

            I don’t get the Red Dog hate either. One of my good Army buddies had a coffee table he wanted to fill the top with beer caps and put glass over it so we drank nothing but the dog until we filled it. It was so cool the middle had the caps right side up so the dog was showing and the were in the shape of a hand flipping the bird while the rest were upside down so you could see the quotes n the inside.

          • Not Vincent Bennett

            That’s a funny story. I wish it were easier to find near me. One grocery store near me has it. No others have it. It is convenient that the one with Red Dog is the one I go to primarily. Once I wanted to create a shed out of White Castle burger boxes. That never happened. I did create a table out of cans of Milwaukee’s Best though. I made the legs out of empty cans and fashioned the boxes into the base of the table with a support made of steel bars,

          • Scrimm

            That’s a lot of work. Sounds cool as hell though.

          • Not Vincent Bennett

            It was.Here’s a story about the first beer I ever had. I was in high school and I was at a party. The party was held by a friend of mine who was extremely popular. I was also popular, more so than my friend. So, I was talking to the ladies who were very attractive in my 17 year old opinion but that opinion has since changed and I was offered a Milwaukee’s Best Ice. i had never tried alcohol before that so I did accept the can. From what I remember of that night, that was the night I lost my virginity. I forgot what the girl’s name was as I haven’t seen her since I graduated but I did have a thing for her at one point. She was attractive in my eyes back then, brunette with a nice rack. She has since died of an overdose because she got into heroin and there’s some bad heroin being sold near me. She died last year. She was 26.

          • I have never seen Red Dog in my life. And I seek out gross mass-produced beer. What part of the country is it native to?

          • Not Vincent Bennett

            I live in New York specifically Poughkeepsie and we have it in specific gas stations and the one supermarket I go to. Poughkeepsie is a dump that gets absolutely no concerts of worth and half of it is a ghetto so I don’t recommend coming here to get it. Probably the most common cheap beer near me is Natty Light. Even though it’s disgusting even the smallest gas stations and supermarkets have it.

          • Scrimm

            I am not sure I haven’t seen in myself of years but I have had in in both Virginia and Arizona.
            Edit: According to google it is made by Miller.

          • Not Vincent Bennett

            If you like cheap beer you haven’t lived until you had Narragansett. It’s only sold in New England and at one point it was their number 1 most sold beer. Now it’s cheap crap though but I have had the original kind from right before the original company folded in 1981, My uncle had a 12 pack of it from 1980 and he somehow kept it fresh and not disgusting until 2010. He gave the 12 pack to me when I turned 21 and it was finished in one weekend. I still don’t know how he kept it from becoming flat and disgusting for all these years.

          • I have heard bad things about that brew. That is straight gross.

          • Not Vincent Bennett

            The ones he had from 1980 weren’t half bad. You must only know about the current formula which is garbage. I have a recipe for the original formula somewhere in my kitchen but I don’t know where. Also, the current Schlitz brew is disgusting. I have a recipe for the original brew of that as well and it was amazing. Probably the best beer I ever made with my beer maker.

        • yes, but all you like is Monty Python and shemale porn.

          • Death

            Yes. And my dogs

          • Death

            And music.

          • Not Vincent Bennett

            Who doesn’t love music on here? If someone didn’t love music on here they’d be so out of place and confused by our comments.

          • Not Vincent Bennett

            I love Monty Python James, but I do not love shemale porn. Does that mean I am like Death too?

          • Death

            I wouldn’t say that I love shemale porn, but I enjoy it.

      • Not Vincent Bennett

        No worries, I’m having a copy of the complete series ordered off Amazon. It will be here in two days thanks to Amazon Prime. Did you read the link at the bottom? It’s very useful for drinkers of beer.

  • Gorgasm

    Revisited some Oxbow after reading some of Eugene’s work. Found my promo copy of this little bastard hiding between In Flames and Drowningman.

    Totally forgot I had this CD.

    http://youtu.be/MjOmBzaQOu0

    • Death

      Is this song written by business majors?

      • Gorgasm

        I don’t think so.

        But the whole album is great as far as experimental/noise.

    • Not Vincent Bennett

      I’ve never heard of these guys. What genre are they?

      • Gorgasm

        Noise/experimental

    • Mother Shabubu III

      What an odd place to find an Oxbow CD in between.

      • Death

        I found a King Crimson album between my ass cheeks once.

        • Not Vincent Bennett

          What one was it? Was it the one that shall not be named?

          • Death

            It was Islands, I don’t really like that one. I don’t even own the one that shan’t be named.

          • Not Vincent Bennett

            The one that shan’t be named was one of the worst prog albums I’ve ever heard. In my opinion it was worse than ELP’s Love Beach and Yes’ Tormato. The one that shan’t be named made the ELP reunion albums from 1992 and 1994 look like classics of the genre and they were terrible albums. I own all the King Crimson studio albums but the only one I don’t own is the one that remains nameless. I had a copy but then I listened to it and smashed that thing into a million pieces. I will never listen to that abomination ever again.

          • Death

            How could King Crimson do it!

          • Not Vincent Bennett

            I know, right? Even the worst Uriah Heep album Equator which had one good song wasn’t as bad as the nameless one. That album makes the new Yes album look good and I’m listening to it wondering what the hell happened to Yes. This is not Yes in any way shape or form.

          • Death

            Yes should just quit now.

          • Not Vincent Bennett

            I agree. It feels like it will never end. If they even put in one shred of effort maybe I’d hold it in higher regards than Tormato and Union but there is no effort being shown here. This album makes me say no to Yes. This is the Tormato of the 21st century, the worst Yes album of this century and in my opinion the worst Yes album not named Tormato or Union and I fucking hated Union. Yes could have done something great by combining Anderson, Bruford, Wakeman and Howe with the 90125 lineup and making a kick ass album but Union just sucked. I regret buying the cassette of it, and it was a sealed copy for a dollar.

          • Death

            Bruford is a great drummer, but I prefer his work in King Crimson. I read a Chris Squire interview, where he said that they might make something with Jon Anderson next year.

          • Not Vincent Bennett

            They’d better. I hate this album and if this is their final album I will be pissed. I like Bruford’s work in King Crimson but his work with Anderson, Bruford, Wakeman and Howe is great even though they only had one album which was self titled.

          • Death

            There was one guy on sputnikmusic that was a yes fanboy. He gave this one 5/5 and started compalining about a 1/5 reviwe. Best thing he said was “this site doesn’t deserve Yes music.” He made me laugh.

          • Not Vincent Bennett

            That guy is an idiot. I was excited for it when it was announced and now I feel it was a letdown.

          • Death

            I really wanted to hope that it would be a good album, but I couldn’t.

          • Not Vincent Bennett

            I wish they would just get a reunion of the classic lineup going. They should just make an album with the Squire, Howe, Wakeman, Anderson and Bruford lineup and that would probably make Yes fans happy.

          • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

            As far as shitty albums go Black Oak’s ” i’d rather be sailing” is a nice companion piece to love beach. They could both share an award for worst album cover too. Here the ELP boys are channelling pablo cruise by way of the bee gees.

          • Not Vincent Bennett

            I hate Love Beach about as much as Tormato and the new Yes album which is a lot of hate. Those three albums I just listed are absolute garbage.

  • Not Vincent Bennett

    I’m very excited for the Pooper Bowl. I’m going to annihilate everyone and win that trophy!

  • Scrimm

    Badass I just got an email with the unmixed, un eq’ed drums for two of the songs of our cd. They already sound really good, exited to finish this thing.

    • Death

      Wait, you have a band?

      • Scrimm

        Yes, but no one knows of us lol. I didn’t want to have an online presence until we had something recorded. this is the only place i’ve mentioned it.

        • Death

          What kind of music do you guys play?

          • Scrimm

            Death/Black metal.

          • Death

            I like Death/Black metal.

          • Scrimm

            Me too, but I hate recording. I am not a patient man.

          • Death

            What instrument do you play? I play drums and percussion, but nowadays I mostly play jazz.

          • Scrimm

            Vocals/guitar. Looks Like I will be doing bass for the record as well. Don’t think I’m good enough to play jazz lol.

          • Death

            Everyone can play Kenny G level of jazz. I mostly play free jazz and avant-garde jazz.

          • Scrimm

            I bet that shit is fun on drums.

          • Death

            Oh believe me, it is. Also fun with the marimba.

          • Scrimm

            I have more than enough fun trying to scream my head off and beat my guitar at the same time.

          • Death

            I have also done some experimental/noise stuff, but those are found deep in my ass crack, never to see the light of day.

          • Scrimm

            I wouldn’t mind dabbling in that myself someday.

          • Death

            It was very fun, but my inner perfectionist took control. It took so long to work on one piece. To quote some rapper: “dat shit cray.”

          • Death

            Wait, did you mean that you wouldn’t mind dabbling in my ass crack?

          • Scrimm

            Sorry, no crack dabbling for me.

          • Death

            Dammit, no girl wants to dabble in my crack.

          • Death

            Here’s one shit that I managed to find. It’s probably pretty bad, I don’t dare to listen to it. I think I made it 3-4 years ago

            https://soundcloud.com/kakkakaali/lovely-song-for-lovely-people

          • Scrimm

            That’s not bad at all. Especially for an improvised piece.

          • Not Vincent Bennett

            I listened to it too. It was pretty good considering it was improvised. Better than anything off the new Yes album that’s for sure.

          • Death

            I think that it’s around 5 years old.

          • Death

            Well, thank you Mister. I don’t know if I’m brave enough to listen to it.

  • Gorgasm

    Anyone else losing their shit over this?
    New Electric Wizard single for those who care…or don’t
    http://pitchfork.com/reviews/tracks/17051-electric-wizard-sadiowitch/

    • Death

      Maybe I should start listening to electric wizard.

      • Gorgasm

        Perhaps….

        Consider it….

        Sleep on it….

        Could be…

        • Death

          Maybe…

          I’ll think about it…

          Wanna make love?

          Where’s my pokemon game?

      • Not Vincent Bennett

        Let’s just say that Electric Wizard is what Black Sabbath should have done sound wise after Master of Reality. Had they taken that route I would love the rest of the Ozzy era albums more.

        • Death

          I’ll buy their album the next time I go to a record store. Which album would you recommend?

          • Not Vincent Bennett

            Dopethrone and Black Masses. I love their catalog but I recommend those two.

          • Death

            I have to get those two. I was just downloading some Coil albums, because it’s either impossible or fucking expensive to get a physical copy of their albums.

          • Not Vincent Bennett

            Never heard of Coil. Are they good?

          • Death
          • Not Vincent Bennett

            I’m not really an ambient person. I do like the album The Holy Bible by Manic Street Preachers which is extremely dark and experimental shit.

          • Death

            Coil has also some more folky stuff.

          • Not Vincent Bennett

            I see. You should give the album a chance though. The band is from England and the album was mostly written by a man named Richey Edwards who disappeared in 1995, the year after this album came out. He was declared legally dead in 2008, but there is rumors that he is alive because they never found a body.

          • Death

            I think I’ve heard of the band. I have to check them out.

          • Not Vincent Bennett

            You should.

    • Not Vincent Bennett

      You couldn’t have said it any better. I am indeed losing my shit over this as well as flipping my lid. I must buy this album.

  • Not Vincent Bennett

    Did anyone hear about this? I really can’t forgive Gene for it. I really wish I could, but it’s just too offensive to me personally. Go back to fronting your cover band Gene and leave us who like everything up until and including Psycho Circus with our memories of your band being good.

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/08/15/gene-simmons-depression_n_5681477.html

    • Death

      I heard from this. This made me mad. Nikki Sixx is angry at him as well.

      • Not Vincent Bennett

        It really angers me because I liked him as a kid. I really loved Kiss as a kid but this is really offensive to me. He doesn’t deserve my money. I won’t give him my money. I will find his stuff for free and take it because I don’t want to give him one penny.

        • Death

          I never liked kiss. This annoys me as a person that has suffered from depression.

          • Not Vincent Bennett

            I’ve suffered depression as well. I also loved Kiss as a kid up until now. I have all their albums on MP3 and I have a lot of concerts of theirs from different tours that I got off Youtube. Now I’m not so happy with Gene and I am truly sorry that Ace and Peter are associated with this money hungry, corporate disgrace.

          • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

            i have been on medication for depression for ten years and an on and off kiss listener for 30 years. They have not put out anything good since revenge in 92 ( unholy, i just wanna, the hits, BOTH written by Vincent) Last good album before that was animalize. Before that lick it up and creatures. The vincent influence is immeasurable on these making the band credible in the eyes of metal fan. Let’s face it before creatures all the band had played was pop rock bordering on hard rock. From 74 to 78 they deserved their success. But dynasty, unmasked, the elder, asylum, crazy nights, hot in the shade, psycho circus, carnival, sonic boom & monster are all horrendous. Have you ever heard of anyone screaming for any songs from these albums at a kiss show ? Neither have I.
            This is a band running on the fumes of a vehicle that stalled and died in 78. The fact that they are stilling making the amount of money they are off this dead horse is frankly miraculous. The only other band i can think of that has had a bad discography is aeorsmith. I mean cmon steven & joe, its been 32 years since rock in a hard place. And joe was’nt even on it. A couple of bands i have no respect for. But kiss is the lowest of the low, and trunk says paul stanley is the real power in kiss so i have no doubt he shares genes hatred for his own audience. Be careful when you bite the hand that feeds you kiss, next time the hand might be missing. I have heard of LONG time 70’s fan throwing out their large kiss collections. This is bad for kiss. And now they have that fucking football team, i really hopes that tanks.

          • Death

            Why the fuck is Los Angeles Kiss a thing?

          • Not Vincent Bennett

            I honestly do not know. They have more money than most of us will ever make and I don’t get why they need more. They could live off their money for the rest of their lives.

          • Death

            #MoreMoneyForGene #KissTheMoney #NeverEnoughMoney

          • Not Vincent Bennett

            I couldn’t agree more. That is why I don’t buy anything of theirs. I don’t want them getting any more money than they already have.

          • Death

            Doesn’t Kiss have all kinds of shit for sale? Lunchboxes, toys etc.

          • Not Vincent Bennett

            More stuff than you can imagine. They have their own coffins that they sell which Gene gave his to Dimebag when he got killed, which I considered an act of kindness because Dimebag loved Kiss.

          • Scrimm

            Fucking nostalgia acts, It is ridiculous. Especially when they think they are still as relevant as Gene obviously does. Also, nice hair assclown. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rq_x6bFyWao

          • Not Vincent Bennett

            I agree with that statement. That’s all they are. A nostalgia act and in my opinion a cover band. The only albums I own of theirs are Asylum and Crazy Nights and they’re both unlistenably bad. I’ve tried to listen to them multiple times and they are just terrible. It’s even worse considering the Crazy Nights album I have is a picture disc. The bootlegs I have of performances from the Asylum tour and the Crazy Nights tour also suck. Even though the footage is great quality the setlists are songs from the albums and they are not performed well. Even the hits when they were performed on the Asylum and Crazy Nights tours were uninspired and they sounded like they didn’t want to be there.

          • Not Vincent Bennett

            Their football team apparently did terribly this season. It really pisses me off how much they hate their fans now. I’m sure Ace and Peter hate Gene and Paul as much as Gen and Paul hate their fans. I refuse to buy any of their crap now as they don’t deserve one penny from me. If I want their stuff, I will get it through means that won’t entail me spending money. I hated the albums that you listed as being terrible. The only good Kiss album post Vincent was Animalize and I can make an exception for Hot In The Shade because Forever is a great ballad. I’m ashamed of them and what they’ve become. I’m ashamed that I own anything of them and I have a pretty large collection of bootlegs of their concerts that span from the Destroyer tour to the Reunion tour. Hell, I have concert bootlegs from every album they did in the 1980s! The only one I do not have concert footage of is Elder and that is because they didn’t tour that. I don’t want to watch them ever again and I feel bad for everyone that has ever had to be in the band with them. Gene and Paul do not care about anyone and the only thing they care about is money.

          • KJM

            I was 10 in 1977, perfect age/time to be a KISS fan.

    • Gorgasm

      Another dumb old fossil, who doesn’t get it.

    • Mother Shabubu III

      I prefer when S.O.D. told people to kill themselves through the power of song.

      • Not Vincent Bennett

        I’m not happy with Gene. I have a ton of concerts of Kiss live going from the Destroyer tour all the way to the Reunion tour. I have concerts on video from every Kiss album of the 1980s that was toured, but it’s going to be hard to watch those awesome shows because Gene ruined them by saying what he said.

        • Mother Shabubu III

          You mean the fact that he sold caskets with his band’s logo didn’t already do it?

          • Not Vincent Bennett

            Nope. I liked that he gave his to Dimebag and I respect him for doing that, I just don’t forgive him for these comments.

        • KJM

          Seen them 3 times between 1998-2000. I stopped caring during the 80s and when Peter and Ace left again, don’t care about Copy Cat or Replace-Ace.

          • Not Vincent Bennett

            I agree. I never saw Kiss though they did come to my area for the Lick it Up, Animalize, Asylum and Crazy Nights tours. I’ve tried to find bootlegs of those dates but I have had no luck. I don’t want to find them now.

      • KJM

        At least Billy Milano didn’t expect me to take him seriously.

    • W.

      Gene Parmesan. How ya doin?

    • old_man_doom

      What a dildo. (For some reason I’ve been calling a lot of people dildos recently.)

      • Scrimm

        It’s a great word, not used nearly enough as an insult.

        • Not Vincent Bennett

          He is a dildo. Him and Paul are the biggest dildos you can imagine. I would say more of why they are dildos but I have a raging hangover and it’s killing me. I drank too much beer last night. Way too much Icehouse and Red Dog.

    • KJM

      I had to stop myself from throwing out all my KISS vinyl after reading that.

      • Not Vincent Bennett

        I already threw out the 1 Kiss CD I had which was Rock N Roll Over. I almost threw out the concert bootlegs I have of them but I couldn’t do it as I loved them as a kid. I am going to throw out my copies of Asylum and Crazy Nights though, but that’s because they suck. If you want to get rid of the albums, just sell them to a record store or something. Hell, I’d take them and sell them to the record store near me as they have a lack of used Kiss vinyl. It’s basically all of the vinyl reissues from this year along with a sealed copy of Animalize from 1984.

        • KJM

          I won’t get rid of them because Paul, Ace, & Peter were a part of those albums as well. Besides, even though mine are vintage and playable, they aren’t mint which means I would get next to nothing for them.

  • Mother Shabubu III

    So…uh…anyone here watch the Tokyo Ghoul anime yet?

    • Death

      I don’t really like anime. Only animes I’ve watched have been dbz, pokemon and moomin.

      • KJM

        Three words: Space Battleship Yamato

        Three more words: Getter Robo G

    • Death

      If you like anime, you should check out boku no pico…

      • Not Vincent Bennett

        Goddamnit Death, why did you bring that forsaken thing up?

        • Death

          Shhhhhhh…

          • Not Vincent Bennett

            Oh, I see. You should watch it Shabubu. It’s amazing.

          • Death

            Well, the clock is 1:45 and I need to be at work eight in the morning. I should get some sleep.

      • Mother Shabubu III

        I’m not totally into anime, but I like a handful of them.

  • Not Vincent Bennett

    Do any of you remember this band? I found one of their albums at the record in their dollar bin and I was wondering if it was good. It was called Deceptive Bends and here is a song from it.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cgptvsHHYK4

    • CONAN THE MOTHERFUCKING KING

      Yea, they had a number of top 40 hits over several decades.

      • Not Vincent Bennett

        I’ve heard that people consider them art rock. Why would anyone consider these guys art rock? Even their Wikipedia page has them classified as art rock, though they also gave them the classifications of pop rock and soft rock.

    • KJM

      Yep, they were big when I was in grade school.

      • Not Vincent Bennett

        Really? You were in grade school when these guys were big? I didn’t really know about them until my little brother started liking them. He was and still is big into that kind of stuff from the 1970s. He thought that it was cool that I found the album for a dollar.

        • KJM

          I’m a 47 year old fossil.

  • JWG

    So it has come to my attention that Conan has been added to the final lineup (poster) for MDF (via their Twitter @HailConan, not The Site Which Shall Not Be Named).

    I was really very intrigued by the excellent lineup, but I’m now pretty much sold.

    So I’m wondering if you fine gents (or any ladies hiding amongst you) who either live out that side of the continent and/or have been to MDF could tell me – if I’m keen on MDF but unsure of my availability/finances how long do I have left to make a final decision (basically “how early must I commit in order not to miss out”)?

    • old_man_doom

      Conan makes me want to slaughter my fucking enemies, put their heads on stakes in my front yard, and drag their women back to my living room (read: great hall).

  • Pierre Generic

    Oh shit, Vince Glitter’s in charge over there and of course one of the first things he posts is Babymetal U.S. tour dates. Well, the feds should be shutting the site down in 3…2….

    • Not Vincent Bennett

      I haven’t been back since the Ground Zero thing. I refuse to support those who would exploit 9/11 for their own gain and that is exactly what they did.

  • Not Vincent Bennett

    I got some shocking news from a friend of mine from high school who I still talk to. Apparently my ex girlfriend from high school died of a heroin overdose earlier today. I feel terrible because we broke up on the worst possible terms. Even though she drove me to the heart of darkness and really has a lot of my hatred, I feel terrible because when we broke up I dragged her name through the mud. From what one of my friends told me a few years ago what I did really destroyed her soul. She starting getting into drugs after our whole falling out and now this happens. I have a feeling that what I did caused this and it’s not sitting too well with me. We went out for two years and had the falling out right before graduation. She was 27.

    • Scrimm

      That sucks.

  • Sponge Of Mystery

    i just got my first Mammoth Grinder cd today!!! happy birthday 2 meee

    • *Sniff* I am proud of you, kid.

      • Sponge Of Mystery

        I illegally downloaded the album a long ass time ago and have been meaning to pick it up and finally did. UNDERWORLDS RULES

        • It’s a killer record. I would feel bad if I didn’t plug my favorite thing ever, this Hatred Surge/Mammoth Grinder split that came out a couple of years ago.
          https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLr3ViTcgePdhCXnaF4u-CmxjFwzvAikTN

          • Justin von Grav

            i love when you can hear the noise from the string, that high pitched schoooo noise

          • Sponge Of Mystery

            please don’t verbally attack me for saying this, but who’s Hatred Surge?

          • They’ve been around a while – it started out as a powerviolence band before becoming something closer to death metal. They’ve also shared members with Insect Warfare and Mammoth Grinder, if I’m not mistaken. They get the Joe-recommendation.

          • Sponge Of Mystery

            well then they must be good!

          • Death

            Your favourite butt plug?

        • Death

          I have had to download all of Coil’s albums because you can’t find them anywhere in Finland. If you happen to find one on the internet, it will cost so fucking much.

  • Justin von Grav
    • Death

      It’s pretty nice. I could fap to this.

  • CyberneticOrganism

    I’ve been away too long. I miss you Flushketeers. http://tinyurl.com/mcdyywp

    • Scrimm

      Welcome back. Nice link too.

    • Death

      Welcome back, friendo! I am now the person with most comments here. Bow down to me!

      • CyberneticOrganism

        m/

    • Not Vincent Bennett

      Where have you been? Have you been at the site that shan’t be named?

      • CyberneticOrganism

        Searching for Sarah Connor. I mean working.

        • Not Vincent Bennett

          I see. Have you found her yet?

  • TrickleDownTacoRiff

    Im confused (as usual) but I dug that track!