Brand New Toilet ov Hell Shirts!!!

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Hot dog! Check out this brand new design and help support the Toilet ov Hell.

Buy a Toilet ov Hell shirt right here.

I know you love Toilet. Toilet loves you too. If you’ve ever wanted to support this humble commode, there are three ways to do it: (1) Share your favorite blog posts on social media (2) Write about things you like (hit me up for more deets), or, (3) Buy a TovH shirt! We don’t offer Toilet merch very often, so when we do, we want it to be the coolest thing you can wear. I think you’ll really dig this one.

toilet ov hell shirt

This radical design was created by Rory Blank, an Austin artist who recently helped raise $70,000 for abortion advocacy by creating shirts rightfully declaring that sweaty cave troll Ted Cruz was the Zodiac Killer. I own one. A metal fan himself, Rory agreed to create a Toilet ov Hell shirt after I wouldn’t stop pestering him. This time around, you can purchase a high-quality American Apparel t-shirt OR a mosh-bro approved tank top featuring Rory’s killer TovH artwork. You can also get a beautiful high-res poster of Lauren Gornik‘s amazing OG Toilet ov Hell design.

The Toilet is an ad-free, sponsor-free, bullshit-free website. Each shirt sold helps me pay for data and hosting costs to keep this ship afloat. If you enjoy the content our writers tirelessly create or the community in the comments, please consider picking up a shirt. Or a tank-top. Or a poster. Or just mail me a blank check. Don’t worry, I’ll handle the details.

Buy a Toilet ov Hell shirt right here.

Did you dig this? Take a second to support Toilet ov Hell on Patreon!
  • Lacertilian

    I think I speak for everyone when I say – “Yesssssssss“.

    • Edward/Breegrodamus™

      You time traveling Illuminati lizard you.

  • Eliza

    I’m sorry, I really want one, but

    • Elegant Gazing Globe

      Toilet shirts have been provided to readers on a complimentary basis in the past. 😉

      • Eliza

        Well, that was the past. I didn’t know about the Toilet then. Mt life was empty.

        • My life is now full.

          Full of Disqus emails and weird ass people from capitalist countries wanting to be my friend on social network to tell me I’m awesome. Fucking weirdos.

          • Eliza

            You should be glad people want to tell you you’re awesome. It means you’re awesome.

          • Yeah, it’s cool, I’ve met a lot of great people over here. I was just being a little bit sarcastic 😉

          • Eliza

            Are you on Skype?

          • I still have my account, but I can’t videochat anymore because I don’t have internet at home.

          • Eliza

            That’s awful, video calls are arguably the best thing about it.

          • Yeah, I’ve videochatted with a couple of people over here. But my broken english sometimes is a burden to carry on.

          • Eliza

            The probably understood what you were trying to say. Judging by your comments here, your English isn’t that bad.

          • I do my best, but English pronunciation for me is difficult. I learnt the language by myself, and I sound like a Dominican living in Miami *ugh!*.

          • Dubs
          • ded

          • JWEG

            Not-so-fun fact: I can’t even see a picture of Pitbull without it being accompanied in my head by the ‘Fireball’ trumpet fanfare/riff.

          • Eliza

            Accents can get in the way. I sometimes try to fake an American accent when I speak in English, but I always fail miserably.

          • You understand the pain, Eliza.

          • Eliza

            And I feel it!

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Lol, I’ve always pictured you having a Sofia Vergara kind of accent. Or my ex’s accent, which was Vergara’s accent on hyperdrive.

          • Link has a very deep voice. it matches his soulful personality.

          • Eliza

            How fitting.

          • I have a friend who is synesthesic too, and she told me I have the voice of a wooden cello.

            I would like to enter in singing once again 🙁

          • Eliza

            I can’t imagine someone having a voice that sounds like a cello.

          • Well, I’m a baritone. We had a friend over here that passed away last year (R.I.P. Boz!), he was a bass, I suppose. I loved his voice when we videochatted, way more lower than mine. He sang to me a children song, and he didn’t knew how to sing that much, but he could pull those vibrating lows. I wish he’s still alive so he can sing more, at least joking.

            Randall Thor sings pretty well, he’s more trained and he can be very versatile.

            My range was very poor, but another friend told me that with training I could pull some bass lines in choruses. But, my problem is that I’m too shy. I don’t sing to people. I’ve sang to my wife, only.

          • Eliza

            I see. I’ve always looked up to people who can sing or whose voices sound good when they sing. I sound like a dying robot cat, no matter how much I try.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            I was trained in bass tenor, which I can still do reasonably well. High notes I had to learn on my own though, and that took years to finally get down.

          • Barry White deep?

          • and just as smooth with the malandras!

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls
  • NICE.

    It looks like the toilet is vaping, too. Which is fucking BAD ASS.

    GL

  • Edward/Breegrodamus™

    I need more tank tops.

  • Elegant Gazing Globe

    I thought you were done with Teechip?

    • They’ve made promises that their services have improved. Also, in the process of uprooting my life so printing and shipping on my own is just not gonna happen right now.

      • oooo did your home purchase go through then???

        GL

        • ummm…. it’s complicated right now, but kinda.

          • >>>>>>house buying process

          • Edward/Breegrodamus™

            Mine wasn’t horrible but I had an awesome realtor.

          • Elegant Gazing Globe

            me too

          • We have a great one too but there’s still bullshit that happens

          • Elegant Gazing Globe

            we had septic test failure, and high radon levels after the offer and before closing that the previous owner had to fix

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            SEPTIC TEST FAILURE is the name of my new sludge/grind/noise project out now on peaceville records

          • I’m your man for the drum position.

          • Dave Vincent’s Perm

            Brutal.

          • You might be the only person in the world that has used the word awesome to describe a realtor.

          • Edward/Breegrodamus™

            He was a dude I knew from AA, in fact after he was my realtor he was my sponsor for a couple of years.

          • now that is awesome!

          • Edward/Breegrodamus™

            It was p cool.

          • Waynecro

            My Realtor is awesome. He plays in a popular Foo Fighters cover band. So hip in middle age.

          • i don’t know if this is serious or not, nor do i want to. i still love this comment more than most things in this world…

          • Waynecro

            Before he was in the Foo Fighters cover band, he was in a Stone Temple Pilots cover band. In fact, as I understand it, he was Dean DeLeo’s guitar teacher for a while back in the day.

          • and he used to be the bass player for the Pretenders! (RFI)

          • Waynecro

            That wouldn’t surprise me, but he’s never mentioned it.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            Maybe he went through these guys:

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6nd4vy5TPQI

          • samesies. it IS possible.

          • Hang tough. Working with crooks is a terrible thing, but required, unfortunately.

          • Elegant Gazing Globe

            congrats?

      • Edward/Breegrodamus™

        Joe I got on your boy’s email list if they ever redo the Ted Cruz Zodiac Killer shirt.

  • Aaaaaaaaaaaaand…hard.

  • A.P.

    I must find a way to own one this time…

  • Elegant Gazing Globe

    I would like a poster for my cube, where can they be purchased

    EDIT nevermind I see it

    • Click the dropdown tab. It’s the last item

    • Joaquin Stick

      Step 1: Buy T-shirt
      Step 2: Cut design off T-shirt
      Step 3: Frame the cut off portion and hang in cube
      Step 4: Wear the rest of the shirt on casual Fridays

  • RJA

    Shirt looks awesome! Font looks similar to font on new Aesop Rock record:

    • Edward/Breegrodamus™

      New Aesop Rock record is so many flame emojis.

      • RJA

        Haven’t listened to it yet – but he usually amazes.

    • roryblank

      Woah dang. Thanks. It’s my handwriting.
      Taking notes in school was difficult.

  • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

    I approve of this. It is now approved.

    • BOSSTHEBASTARDROSS

      DOOM NIPPLE APPROVES!!!

  • When can we get a you will never be one of us parody version?

    • Never, because you will never be one of us o/o

      • new fallujah is completely growing on me.

        teh riffs are so hot they could melt steel beams.

        • It’s so good. They blew past TFP in terms of songwriting.

          • oh hai, this looks like a conversation i could join…
            it’s definitely more progressive than TFP. those whose minds wander may become lost (i.e. me). but it is VERY GOOD.

      • Shrekt

      • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

        ….

  • My t-shirt’s a little dated; I need this!

    • megachiles

      Beast Wars-era transformer or prog-thrash song?

      • Dubs

        Depth Charge or gtfo.

        Dinobot is also an acceptable answer.

        • megachiles

          Rhinox, bruh.

          • Dubs

            gtfo

          • megachiles

            🙁

          • megachiles

            For the record, I owned a Depth Charge transformer because manta rays >>>>>>

          • Dubs

            You may stay.

        • Ratatrampa masterrace!

          • Dubs

            This is almost the worst possible answer. Cheetor would have been the only worse one.

          • 🙁

          • Möthër Shäbübü

            Oops.

        • Möthër Shäbübü

          Tigatron, Cheetor, and Scorponok were pretty rad, too.

      • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

        “Michael Bay era Transformers or GTFO!” -JJD

    • tertius_decimus

      AWESOME! One of my favorite in few last years. It’s worth to notice that I am passing on 99% of releases that potentially may be interesting for me. Had anyone this tendency? I feel like I don’t want to listen 20 new albums a week anymore. And that automatically means I pass on many great bands. Bummer.

  • RustyShackleford

    FUCK YESSSSSSSSSSS

  • Joaquin Stick

    American Apparel is weird at sizing. Like a medium fits well enough, but is pretty tight. Large is too big. I need an extra medium. Oh well, guess I’ll just have to keep looking super ripped in a tiny shirt.

    • Joaquin “RIPPER” Stick

      • Joaquin Stick

        Stick, being the most important word. Like a really ripped twig.

    • megachiles

      My buddy and I discussed the extra medium years ago. Glad to see there’s other bros out there with weird proportions. <3

    • or u could look super ripped in a tank top!

      • megachiles

        Ugggggh, I can’t decide which I want more.

        • BUY BOTH

          • do these come in north carolina sized?

          • megachiles

            One for me, one for the wife.

            If you had child sizes I’d buy one for the cat too.

          • CyberneticOrganism

            *buys both*

    • “i want a medium, but it’s too small”
      – do moar cardio
      “i want a large, but it’s too big”
      – get swole

      • get swole, like bob dole

      • Haha, nothing fits me anymore. My pants, shorts, and now my shirts. I’m down to a medium shirt now. All my metal T-shirts looks so gangsta on me now. Need some more metal shirts.

        • …or keep wearing the big shirts and combine with baggy jeans and wallet chain to complete the circle.
          “McNulty plz! i like nu-metal.” (JJD)
          “i used to like it too, i’m not knocking it!” (McN)
          “Korn is coming to my area…………

    • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

      Last I heard, they were teetering towards bankruptcy.

  • awesome. i can has

  • EsusMoose

    I know what I want to be pooping in next. I mean wearing while I poop.

  • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

    Sweet, I’ll try getting one as soon as my budget permits. Is there a deadline to buy one, like the last two?

  • This design is awesome. It’s Joe, Dubs and Masterlord in the same design with a ToH.

    #Approved!

    • Dubs

      Not Masterlord. Lacertilian.

      • R.I.P. in pedacitos, Amo Maestro.

      • where am I?

        • In our hearts (?)

        • EsusMoose

          Being flushed?

        • Dubs

          You are the toilet.

          • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

            That’s now my new official pickup line.

        • Lisa Ling: Devourer Of Souls

          Disneyland?

      • Elegant Gazing Globe

        I’m going to go ahead and pretend that it’s BOZLINGER.

  • More liek toilet of smell
    high five plz

    • Lo five at best.

      • CyberneticOrganism

        *high fives your disembodied arm at the bottom of the Mars pyramid*

    • EsusMoose

      You get a like for the attempt but you definitely tripped getting out of the portapotty

  • Only four more designs to go and I’ll have one Toilet shirt for every day of the week. The design on this one is killer and is also my favorite style – black with white print.

  • Spear

    On one hand, I definitely don’t need any more shirts. On the other, I definitely need more Toilet ov Hell shirts. This is a conundrum.

  • It is true that the father of Ted Cruz is Cubano? And Marco Rubio too?

  • The Tetrachord of Archytas

    I’m waiting for a power metal themed poser slayer shirt. These old fashion helmets already look like toilets, jobs halfway done

    • Fuck yes. I’m totally sold. Hope it looks like those old-school D&D illustrations 😀

      • The Tetrachord of Archytas

        Posers would be slain before they even could look upon such a thing

    • dude i’m on it

      • The Tetrachord of Archytas

        I’m pretty sure I saw the last shirt design(the red one) and immediately saw this image and put two and two together

    • CyberneticOrganism
  • I’m glad that there is a view of the back design. Looks good and black.

  • CyberneticOrganism

    Great idea on the poster, you can see all the dark gray shading that was lost on the tshirt.

  • ORDERED AGGRESSIVELY

  • srs question: can guys wear the canvas tank? or is that 4 girls?

  • Waynecro

    I’ve never owned a tank top, but summer’s coming. Thank you for giving me an opportunity to contribute to this awesome website by taking my sleevelessness to the next level.

    • i bought a tank as well, my first one. we can photoshop pictures of us together sipping Capri Suns on a hot summer day

      • Waynecro

        Fuck yes, bro!
        *initiates manly fist bump that triggers a massive explosion*

      • Scrimm

        Nobody wants to see me in a tank top.

  • BOSSTHEBASTARDROSS

    done and done.

  • Pentagram Sam

    Pissed I missed out on the Lolbuttz one last year, (damn has it really been that long) so on Monday’s deposit day, I’ll order a XL. I ain’t no slim fit youth… in a good way

    • Dubs

      I can vouch for this.

  • J.R.™

    Dude if that poster deal was on like a bigass banner/flag…I would have to make with the purchasing of things

  • Hans Müller

    $6 shipping cost for getting this thing all the way to Germany?
    It’s not normally that low for international shnim shnamz. Is PayPal lying to me?

  • OOH! WANT!

  • This is so awesome