Born Of Osiris – Illuminate: A Video Breakdown

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Greenscreens. Greenscreens as far as the eye can see!

When you have an Egyptian god in your band name and you’re on a label called Sumerian Records, it makes sense that your music video would be all about those ancient civilizations. Unfortunately, Egypt may not be the best place to shoot a video, what with all the military coups, accidental murders of tourists, and terrorism. So what do you do if you’re Born of Osiris and you need a video for your song “Illuminate”? You bring Egypt to you. Of course, that’s really expensive, so what do you do if you’re Born of Osiris and are working on a budget? You green screen the ever-loving shit out of everything. It always works out. Always.

 

0:02: It’s like an interactive menu from a DVD circa 1998.
0:04: Sorry, Ben Carson. Even those pyramids aren’t filled with grain
0:10: The machines have become self-aware and are trying to glitch out this video to save us.
0:19: Come on, these are just recycled shots from Scorpion King 4. Yes, there’s a 4th one apparently.
0:26: What, no dinner first? Just straight to uncomfortably close vocals?
0:29: Sumericancore Merol Face.
0:32: Man, you can barely tell that he’s not in an architecturally impossible space pyramid.
0:37: These gods designed Ken dolls in their image. Completely dongless.
0:42: This video has more panning than Guy Fieri at a Caligula-themed orgy.
0:45: Sorry, no grooving while playing the keyboard. It’s a rule. I hope.
0:48: Lens flare has nothing on supernova flare.
0:50: Dude, was that the Flying Spaghetti Monster?
0:55: His noodley appendages are all over the place.
0:58: The vocalist has a serious dandruff problem.
1:03: Llllllllllllllllllladies…
1:07: So who exactly is projecting the band onto the walls?
1:12: That god has got some serious wiggle.
1:18: A little junk in the god trunk.
1:27: The “What’s the deal with airline food” pose is not very divine.
1:29: Starving aliens or deathcore fans? You decide.
1:35: It’s like someone accidentally left a container of Oreo crumbs next to a fan.
1:42: Can’t tell if video is really vain or…or…yeah, I’ve got nothing.
1:46: Now that is a Sumeriancore Face.
1:52: I appreciate that they included the instruments with their monoliths. It’s like they knew we’d have no clue who was who.
1:55: This video has more twists and turns than M. Night Shyamalan driving in NASCAR.
2:01: His noodliness knows no bounds.
2:04: Can I get a R’Amen?
2:06: “And what’s the deal with those little things on the end of your shoes?”
2:13: “Oh hai!”
2:20: How is there so much shaking in this video? It’s almost all digital!
2:24: Maybe the poor down-on-his-luck graphic designer who made this had a few too many Red Bulls.
2:31: They really have to do something about this floating Oreo crumbs problem. They’re going to get space ants.
2:37: It’s a full-blown noodle attack. Duck before you get a piece of linguine in your eye!
2:43: Born Of Osiris borrowed the cheesy flame effects from the Firespawn video.
2:51: Personal space isn’t brutal enough for this band.
2:57: Couldn’t they at least include some digital milk for these cookie bits?
3:01: Whoa, whoa whoa. This song is about love?
3:05: Psst. Your cracks are showing.
3:12: Born Of Osiris: Always twirling, twirling towards freedom!
3:16: You just know he bleeds Ragu.
3:23: So no one is going to address those little alien thingies forced to watch the band?
3:27: Insidious 4: This time it’s chuggity-chug.
3:32: Anubis? What about the old bis?
3:34: Huuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
3:40: Thank you Anubis! Bless your sweet dog face.
3:48: That man is way too happy for someone being engulfed by a computerized sun.
3:54: It’s like an ancient alien field goal.
4:03: Seriously? Love? Does the band have the hots of Anubis?
4:08: What about Set or Horus?
4:10: I feel the same way.
4:16: You got that right.
4:21: I guess the video exceeded its “Crumbling” budget.
4:29: In a thousand years, an explorer will discover this temple and take funny pictures of himself humping the Born Of Osiris statues.
4:40: This concludes your Windows 98 point-and-click adventure game.

Born Of Osiris’s album Soul Sphere (not to be confused with the band Secret Sphere) is out now via Sumerian Records. Read our review of it here.

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  • Salvador Dalí Lama

    “This video has more panning than Guy Fieri at a Caligula-themed orgy.” deserves some kind of literary award.

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      It sure does.

    • I try to paint with all the colors of the wind.

      • CyberneticOrganism

        *colors of the fieri beard

  • They have beat the style of music to fucking death. Who would have thought they would have overdone their own style of music?

    Pass.

  • Salvador Dalí Lama

    This is the lamest shit. Like near Dream Theater levels of lame. It’s like mindless chugging with some classical ringtone going off the entire time.

    EDIT: gotta love the non sequitur, anthemic, clean vocal chorus thrown in there. Fucking songwriting, how does it work?

    • 100% PURE BLACKBEARD

      It appears that Dream Theater is the new Hate of the Month around here

      • more like dweeb theater

      • Salvador Dalí Lama

        I’ve always hated them, but now that they are the easy target my hatred is now blossoming and festering in hate-filled bliss. It has been freed after years of being caged.

      • Dubs

        I really enjoyed stuff up to Systematic Chaos. Everything after that has been a snore.

      • I’ve had a pretty longstanding “No Dream Theater” rule ’round these parts.

        • Maik Beninton™

          Never heard of it.
          Also you brought it up today, so it don’t matter.

          • Sometimes… you’ve got to break the rules to follow your heart.

            That’s probably a lyric in Dream Theater’s new album.

          • ¡Ayy el miau!

          • Salvador Dalí Lama

            DON’T LOSE FAYTHE, JOE.

          • How Faythe Got Her Groove Back

          • Salvador Dalí Lama

            She boned Emperor Whocaresyus? probably

        • Abe Vigoda’s Ghost Farts

          Apparently not, since we can still type their name.

          • Reminds me: Disqus updated it’s moderation panel and I now have no idea how to change the spam settings.

          • Abe Vigoda’s Ghost Farts
          • …things you shouldn’t say aloud

          • ChuggaChuggaDeedleyDoo

            That’s a bummer, because I just made $30,000 last month working from home for EmperorNafaryusD0tcom and you can too!

          • Max

            You beat me to it!

          • CyberneticOrganism

            Moms Hate This One Weird Dream Theater Trick

        • 100% PURE BLACKBEARD

          At this point, theres only so much that isnt on that list

          • Ain’t no first amendment in this shitter. Gotta keep your dad rock and Mexican fast food to yourself.

          • 100% PURE BLACKBEARD

            I dont think im the one you gotta worry about

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I’m extremely worried now.

          • 100% PURE BLACKBEARD

            Shhh, tapir!

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            This is not good is it?

          • 100% PURE BLACKBEARD

            We should all be worried

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            I don’t want to get banned again.

          • 100% PURE BLACKBEARD
          • finally saw the first episode of this, and laughed. keep watching?

          • 100% PURE BLACKBEARD

            Is this a joke, too? Have you seen kjm, more beer, and I fawning over it. It only keeps getting better.

          • srs. some shows start out funny and go downhill, ya never know. i’ve seen you guys mention it a time or two, didn’t know the magnitude.

          • more beer

            But can people really use as a standard for funny. As we all prescribe to the better living thru chemicals lifestyle.

          • BobLoblaw

            Absolutely. There are some very dark moments later in the season (end of Cronenberg episode). Good stuff.

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            YES. It gets MUCH better.

          • cool, will do. it’s just strange because aside from you guys, i wouldn’t know it existed.

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            Really? I was under the impression that it was fairly popular.

          • BobLoblaw

            I remember seeing tons of articles on well travelled sites after the first season.

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            Unfortunately, you have a very long time to play catch up. I wouldn’t expect season 3 to drop anytime before 2017. Happy to be wrong.

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            Twitter post from me circa November 27th, and I quote.
            “Never fear, in 25 years the jams you think are so hardcore now will be called “Dad Rock” too.(smiles, finger guns) #ItllHappenToYou”

          • Abe Vigoda’s Ghost Farts
          • Dubs

            Keep Calm garbage should definitely be banned.

          • Abe Vigoda’s Ghost Farts

            And ban Garbage too (unless it involves hot pics of Shirley Manson).

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            Nah, they have a couple of decent songs.

          • brokensnow

            and a great producer.

          • RJA

            On my list of “THINGS THAT SHOULD BE BANNED” that probably falls at #1 … top 3 for sure.

          • Abe Vigoda’s Ghost Farts

            #KeepCalmAndSendDubbyaToTheHague

          • more beer

            Yes it should.

          • CyberneticOrganism

            Send that shit back to the chive or whatever garbage site got it and Bill Murray tshirts on the backs of America’s nerds

          • Abe Vigoda’s Ghost Farts
          • Sir Tapir The Based

            What?

          • Abe Vigoda’s Ghost Farts

            My god, you are so sexy when you lay down the law! Crack that whip, daddy!

            http://static.celebuzz.com/uploads/2013/10/03/Britney-Spears-Work-Bitch-Whip-Christina-Aguilera.gif

          • Ehhh…

        • more beer

          It is a good rule.

    • Maik Beninton™

      Gotta agree with you on being a bunch of chugs with electronics.
      I’m loving it though, it’s catchy and, admittedly, easy to digest.

      • Salvador Dalí Lama

        It’s not catchy. The random chorus, a little catchy, but the rest of this shit heap is not catchy.

        • Maik Beninton™

          We agree to disagree.

          • lelz, look at your “About Me” blurb

          • Maik Beninton™

            Oh yeah, I forgot I have that.

          • KJM, Shake Zula

            ^_^

          • Maik Beninton™

            Changing since we already calmed our nerves.

          • Salvador Dalí Lama

            I don’t agree to that

  • “Born Of Osiris borrowed the cheesy flame effects from the Firespawn video”.

    Ohh, boy, it’s like those flames in the The Threat Is Real Megadeth video, jajaja. One low res gif all the way.

  • Maik Beninton™

    I seriously read that song as Illuminati.

  • frozengoatsheadupanunsarse

    Born of Ostriches!

    • Abe Vigoda’s Ghost Farts

      Born With Arthritis

      • Salvador Dalí Lama

        Bored of Osiris

        • Abe Vigoda’s Ghost Farts

          Boner Of Miley Cyrus

        • Abe Vigoda’s Ghost Farts

          Born Of Gingivitis

  • 100% PURE BLACKBEARD

    How fuckin old are these mooks?

    • Lacertilian

      Old enough to know better.

  • Dubs

    Born of Osiris are one of those bands that friends tried for years to get me to like. Never took.

    • 100% PURE BLACKBEARD

      Thats because youre one of the few people ive talked to with a brain

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Suburbcore

  • KJM, Shake Zula

    Lasted 27 seconds.

  • Man, these guys went downhill.

  • Abe Vigoda’s Ghost Farts

    The guy in that first pic looks WAAAAAAAAAAAY too happy. Maybe he’s excited that his unibrow finally grew in?

  • Abe Vigoda’s Ghost Farts

    In other news, Galneryus just released a trailer for their new one. And apparently they’ve been rummaging through Manowar’s garbage for the new album cover.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=txIpoRr4kHE&feature=em-subs_digest-g

    • 100% PURE BLACKBEARD

      Galneryus is the jam, but what the hell does under the force of courage mean. And why are the japs the only ones who use crazy ass characters in their youtube titles

      • Abe Vigoda’s Ghost Farts

        And why are the………….. woah, hey now, there’s a classically racist term! Is that you, Archy Bunker?

        • 100% PURE BLACKBEARD

          As one of the biggest weebs here, i believe im allowed to use such epithets.
          http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=wJoaNDPWC0g

          • Abe Vigoda’s Ghost Farts

            I need to watch more of that show sometime.

          • 100% PURE BLACKBEARD

            If you havent binged and watched all of it by this time next week, youre wasting your life

          • Abe Vigoda’s Ghost Farts

            It’d have to wait until I finish Breaking Bad. I’m starting up season 4 sometime this week.

          • 100% PURE BLACKBEARD

            Yeesh, your life is a travesty

    • Waynecro

      Thanks, man! Galneryus is one of the few power-metal bands I like. “Shining Moments” is my number-one cheer-up tune.

      • 100% PURE BLACKBEARD

        We’ll turn you one day, Wayneswole

        • Waynecro

          I can appreciate the cheese, man. It’s the singing that usually kills it for me. For some reason, the vocals in Galneryus just bother me less than those of most other power-metal bands.

          • 100% PURE BLACKBEARD

            Maybe you have a hidden weeaboo inside you.

          • Abe Vigoda’s Ghost Farts

            We all do. Even Tapir!

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            There is no weeb in me. My blood is poison to weebs.

          • Abe Vigoda’s Ghost Farts

            How can you have blood if you don’t exist?

          • Waynecro

            I do not deny my interest in Japanese history, culture, martial arts, philosophy (Bushido is the shit, man), movies, music, and some anime. Hell, for all you know, I’m Japanese. Protip: I’m probably not Japanese.

          • this is who i typically picture when conversing with you
            http://img2.timeinc.net/people/i/2007/database/ryangosling/ryangosling6_240.jpg

          • BobLoblaw

            GITUMMM

          • Waynecro

            That guy is way studlier than I am, but I have him beat in upper-body strength for sure. Also, none of my sweet sleeveless shirts have V-necks.

          • Abe Vigoda’s Ghost Farts

            This is what I picture when I converse with you:

          • Waynecro

            You’re surprisingly close.

          • Abe Vigoda’s Ghost Farts

            The shorts aren’t short enough?

          • Waynecro

            I don’t have long hair.

          • more beer

            But is your hair purple?

          • Waynecro

            No. I think the shorty shorts and skates attract enough attention.

          • more beer

            Yea that makes sense.

          • Waynecro

            I’d hate to go overboard.

          • more beer

            Yea you would probably be getting groped a lot in public

          • Waynecro

            I know. It’s like, “Jeez, guys, my outfit is not an invitation.”

          • more beer

            But most men are dogs.

          • Waynecro

            As long as they still respect me for my mind.

          • more beer

            Come on you know that will never happen.

          • Sir Tapir The Based
          • Abe Vigoda’s Ghost Farts

            Sure you’re not thinking of Axl Rosenberg?

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            No, Blackbeard.

          • Abe Vigoda’s Ghost Farts

            Nope, that’s Axl if I’ve ever seen it. Man tits aren’t big enough, though. When I picture you:

            http://orig06.deviantart.net/1c9e/f/2007/330/5/1/nightwish__tuomas_xiii_by_jhonnah.jpg

          • 100% PURE BLACKBEARD

            OT: back on my cut, as discussed previously, ive already dropped about 10lbs since last mentioned. Still need to up cardio game. My bench still not what it was, but ill get it back there before winters thru

          • Waynecro

            Fuck yeah, dude. That’s awesome. I decided to stay on my cut because I’m still seeing results. Gettin dem abs back after my last bulk. I fucking hate cardio, though. All the uphill sprints definitely take a toll on squat weight, but I can live with that. I’m surprised my lifts haven’t suffered more because of extreme carb/calorie restriction.

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            Wait, you’re a weeb? This is a sad day indeed.

          • Waynecro

            No, not a weeb. But I don’t hate everything that weebs love.

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            That’s weeb talk!

          • Waynecro

            No it’s not! I didn’t end all my words with desu!

          • 100% PURE BLACKBEARD

            ^_^

          • Abe Vigoda’s Ghost Farts
          • Sir Tapir The Based

            I’ve no secrets

          • just the one… (RFI)

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            December 2nd, 2015
            I was afraid it would come to this. McNulty is also on to me. My mission is in danger as long as he is alive.

          • Abe Vigoda’s Ghost Farts

            Alove? You two are having a fling?

          • is this your first time meeting us?

          • Abe Vigoda’s Ghost Farts

            As a couple, yes.

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            Welcome to the Toilet! You must be new here!

          • Abe Vigoda’s Ghost Farts

            Why, yes! You are legendary over here. You’re that Finnish guy who loves Coil and Kyary Pamyu Pamyu (it’s a side project/collaboration they had)!

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GivkxpAVVC4

          • Sir Tapir The Based
          • Abe Vigoda’s Ghost Farts
          • Abe Vigoda’s Ghost Farts
          • Sir Tapir The Based

            Here’s some not dark not folk
            https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8mmzhkvwneQ

          • Abe Vigoda’s Ghost Farts

            Nice! I remember hearing them a little while ago.

          • Sir Tapir The Based

            My favourite band with Coil. Circle is amazing live.

          • Abe Vigoda’s Ghost Farts

            Hook me up with a live video.

          • Abe Vigoda’s Ghost Farts

            Not so much dark stuff I’m listening to.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ly6JDo8o1I0

          • Abe Vigoda’s Ghost Farts

            I’m sorry Tapir, but it’s only business………………

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d30Y0n1nDH4

          • Abe Vigoda’s Ghost Farts

            Besides the fact that you’re really an anime character. Exhibit B:

            https://abandonedfactory.files.wordpress.com/2011/08/memo-chou-5-1.png

          • Abe Vigoda’s Ghost Farts
          • Waynecro

            I don’t think watching anime from time to time and frequently consulting Musashi’s The Book of Five Rings makes me a weeb. Neither does appreciating the haiku of Basho. Digging Galneryus and Dragon Guardian might be pushing it, though.

          • Abe Vigoda’s Ghost Farts

            I love all those, but I think of weeb, I think of someone cosplaying and getting a little too much into pretending to be Japanese. Marty Friedman is a weeb, for example. Perhaps the lord of all weebs.

          • Waynecro

            Marty Friedman is definitely the Weeblord; however, if I could make a ton of money doing something I was passionate about by moving to Japan and assimilating, I’d probably do it.

  • Waynecro

    I love a good Anubis joke. Kudos, 365 Days of Horror.

  • Stockhausen

    I enjoyed hating listening to this, and then going back to read Lacertilian’s review again. Pretty deep and not at all mind-numbingly generic concept that came to you in a dream, keyboard brah: life was all like, you know, whatever, then you, like, broke out of it, man, then life was all, you know, different.

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Exactly bro, shit was like all, y’know, like all up over everything only like in another reality or some shit, like Egypt & shit.

    • Lacertilian

      You know I was just pondering the complexity of this concept the other day, and after what seemed like the best part of an hour..
      Hold on, no, I was doing a shit.
      That’s right, I took a dump and then I flushed it.

  • Abe Vigoda’s Ghost Farts

    In other news, part 2: Chthonic’s frontman is now running for office over in Taiwan.

    http://www.blabbermouth.net/news/chthonic-frontman-freddy-lim-running-for-political-office-in-taiwan/

  • Abe Vigoda’s Ghost Farts

    Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand, got the new interview done, and sending that over to Papa Joe tomorrow. Not saying who, but I think you’ll like it. And waiting back on the answers from a few others (already been giving the green light on them). And working on a Groundbreakers in the meantime.