BEST BOOZE RIFF? Tankard vs Municipal Waste

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Today in RIFF or RAFF, I’m not drunk. YOU’RE drunk. Also, we’re deciding once and for all the best alcoholic riff in metal. The combatants are Tankard and Municipal Waste. One riff will riff, the other will raff. Let’s do this.

HOO BOY. I am drunk irl as I write this introduction, so bear with me. What is metal if you take away all the guitars and drums and brutal vocals? What do you have left? Probably a few studded jackets several cases of low-quality beer. We’ve gotta celebrate booze, the true backbone of metal today. Fortunately, you guys submitted the two strongest booze-themed acts in the genre: Tankard and Municipal Waste. Let us thrash and/or kill and/or vom. I’m buying the winner of this week a gift from their Bandcamp wishlist.

Joe said that this week’s theme was to submit an alcohol themed riff, so who better submit than the granddaddies of beer metal themselves, Tankard? Tankard got the ball rolling at the tail end of the eighties with hard banging albums about drinking, partying, and various metal stuff but it was mostly the alcohol, okay? And while sure, you can point to any number of thrash bands today who celebrate similar themes, Tankard have an advantage over the pizza thrash flunkies of the now because they manage to both have a sense of humor and take their riffing deadly seriously. I’d easily put Tankard alongside Kreator, Destruction and Sodom in terms of sheer quality German riffcraft and songwriting.

“Ice-olation”, being the album opener, begins with a dramatic clean intro that segues into a groovy riff/drum bounce combo guaranteed to get the head bobbing and moisten the palate for sweet riffs and sweet hops. The verse builds on this previously, and then we hit our RIFF at 1:08 when the chorus kicks in. ICE-OLATION, Gerre snarls, bemoaning the fate of a beer trapped in the freezer after being thrown in there for a quick chill before a party and forgotten. Truly, a cautionary tale for the ages. Pop a cool one, flushers! –Gurp


Riff at 1:37. 230 words: Raging to a level of inebriated bliss. Pounding to the speed of the metal with our fists. Relentless is the force crushing through the earth’s domain. Beer shoots down your throat while it’s punishing your brain. Can you survive the ultimate chug? Or will you choke then puke on the rug? Or will you last this beer-bonging task? Intoxicate! For the final blast Inebriate it’s the way to go we never want to drink it slow!Fucked up at top speed we got us a tool. Leaving you pissed in a puddle of drool. It’s claimed many lives but not yours yet. One step in its path you’re going to be next. Now drop to one knee, your mouth to the tube. Just tilt your head back and just wait for the spew! Blast’s through the chest It pounds through your gut. It rips through your skin. You’re getting tore up! Your stomach flies open. It splat’s to the floor. Another victim. The Inebriator! Inebriate it’s the way to go we never want to drink it slow! Inebriate it’s the way go! Raging to a level of inebriated bliss. Pounding to the speed of the metal with our fists. Relentless is the force crushing through the earth’s domain. Beer shoots down your throat while it’s punishing your brain. You can’t survive one thing is for sure. Another victim! The Inebriator! –Elegant Gazing Globe


This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 01-10-2016 09:00:00
end_date 07-10-2016 12:00:00
Poll Results:
Best Booze Riff?

Last week, my Iron Reagan riff beat Boss The Ross’ M.O.D. riff by a a respectable 31 votes. As a prize, Boss created this excellent shitty MS portrait of me. It is glorious. Joe Thrashnkill MS PaintNEXT WEEK I want you to send me your best RIFF FROM A SONG ABOUT DRAGONS. Want to be the riff wizard? Here’s what you do:

  • **I have heard your protests and I will meet you halfway. From now on, I will require a mere 100 words for your RIFF or RAFF submission.
  • Submit your riff at toiletovhell@gmail.com
  • Put “RIFF or RAFF” in the subject line
  • Include a link to a place where we can stream your song
  • Include the timestamp when the riff kicks in
  • Write 100-500 words about why you love this riff, and why we should love it too
  • BobLoblaw

    Couldnt seem to write anything worthwhile about it but definitely the pinnacle of booze songs.
    https://youtu.be/uDYmZ0X2ZhQ

    • more beer

      Toxic Narcotic rules but they aren’t metal. Just like these guys who were doing the beer thing before anyone. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=elqREC_N_O8

      • BobLoblaw

        “NEXT WEEK I want you to send me your best RIFF FROM A SONG ABOUT ALCOHOL. Want to be the riff wizard? Here’s what you do:”
        The metal criteria wasnt introduced until after the fact. That would have been another worthwhile submission.

      • MORE BEER!!!

        • more beer

          That is what I was listening to when I set up my account. So it just made sense.

          • Ayreonaut

            That’s what I figured. I’ve been a huge fear fan for a long time. I made a stencil of their logo and spray painted it on my first truck

          • more beer

            Yea I have been listenig to them since I was a kid. That was a long time ago.

      • Damage_Inc89

        That is a great song. Love the ballad-ish part about 2/3 of the way through haha.

  • God

    Tankard! The champions of alcohol riffs!…and god awful hard to look at embarrassing album art.

  • God
    • Eliza

      Clearly the winner here.

  • Eliza

    I love the drawing at the end, especially the eyes, so expressive.

  • more beer

    So Mastorlord wins by default next week.

    • EsusMoose

      Or #banRandall

      • more beer

        I stand corrected. I am still half asleep.

        • EsusMoose

          I got you, being up for a few hours helps

          • more beer

            Yes it does I am not even through my first cup of coffee.

    • Señor Jefe El Rosa

      more beer plz! Give me a chance!

      • more beer

        Sorry boss!

    • Abradolf Lincler

      i believe i could take a shot at it, as well

      • more beer

        Give it a shot.

  • Abradolf Lincler

    I think Joe might be suffering from delusions of grandeur

    • Eliza

      I see nothing wrong with fantasising a little bit.

      • EsusMoose

        Especially when there’s dragons

        • Eliza

          Dragons are indeed the best.

    • Kevin Nash’s Jackknife

      I’m just pissed that no one thought to submit a track off either of my Mr. In Your Liver albums. If I was able to type up a long enough explanation I would have submitted.

      • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

        They have 0 riffs. Wouldn’t ‘ave made the lot.

        • I adore how you’ve omitted the “h” yet taken the time to replace it with an apostrophe.

          • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

            Dedication to the craft, above all else.

  • more beer

    While there isn’t a whole lot of love for American Oi! here. But Beer Run going right into DWI are pretty tight.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FPZRta5HMFY. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bLVzL8Dijw4

    • Señor Jefe El Rosa

      Oi! Is cool

      • Howard Dean

        Agreed. I like a bit of Oi! and RAC. It’s especially good when metal bands write those type of riffs into their music. Gives it that kind of bouncy, “no fucks given” flair.

        • more beer

          Good songs are good songs. Plus Oi! Is great drinking music.

        • Freedom Jew

          I’m not a huge fan of RAC bands, personally.

          • Óðinn

            I prefer anti-fascist bands personally. I like a lot of Punk music, but I’m not down with fascism.

        • more beer

          knew you were going to get someones panties in a bunch wit those three capital letters.

          • Abradolf Lincler

            someones panties always get bunched up

          • more beer

            I know, and Howard Dean is really good at being the cause with the PC crowd.

          • Can’t imagine why people would get upset when someone brings up white power bullshit.

          • more beer

            All I said was I knew someone would get upset at that comment. I wasn’t the one who made the original comment. so maybe your argument isn’t with me. I have never posted any white power anything here.

          • Abradolf Lincler

            i try and keep a lid on mine for the most part

          • more beer

            As do I.

      • more beer

        Yes it is. But most here just aren’t into it.

        • Ayreonaut

          I am!

          • more beer

            There are a few of us.

  • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

    LOve Tankard, not a fan of MW. But ’tis the riff it all comes down to and Ice-olation isn’t the best of the riffiest of the best. I still like it though. And the submitted MW riff is jammable. Will be a tough decision.

    • Honestly I submitted Ice-olation mostly because the concept was fun.

  • “hey dad, this looks like a fun obstacle course! im finna squeeze through this opening and sit on yer lap”
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/0e191b91e361f2d1ee144fb5239cee8619acebf72c85165b4e564d74f1b375d1.jpg

    • Abradolf Lincler

      daw

      • Sandrasloveland4

        Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! !dh376f:
        On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
        !dh376f:
        ➽➽
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      • Normamperson4

        Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! !ch502f:
        On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
        !ch502f:
        ➽➽
        ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialJobsCash792ShopScoutGetPay$97Hour ★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★::::::!ch502f:….,……

  • Kevin Nash’s Jackknife

    No one submitted a track off Mr. In Your Liver? Have you not heard my classic albums of beer reviewing?

    • Señor Jefe El Rosa

      Unfortunately, no riffs duder.

      • Kevin Nash’s Jackknife

        🙁

    • more beer

      Dude you have to drink beer. In order to review it.

  • 4 months with out beer. I’m so ready for one.

  • JWEG

    Couldn’t be bothered to write so many words on a weekend morning, or would have submitted this:

    https://youtu.be/Nph2yx4QDl8

  • Dragons? C’mon, give me something I can work with.
    *dejected gesture of planned abstention*

  • Stanley

    Every time that I think of metal and alcohol, I think of the Gang Green cover.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H1oHgM2ZNNI

    Then I realize that I hate this fuckin’ song, and go searching for the Gang Green song that I really like. This rrrrrrips!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qdqfbR9cJDY

  • Count_Breznak
  • BigTasty

    ahem
    Every single riff in this song
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s0cRQHRy1Rg

  • Guppusmaximus

    This’ll be a cover for all Memberberries to come:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rChfMZbRuKM

  • The Unicorn

    Waste cannot be defeated in this match. Hey how about that new D.R.I. ep? Im sorta bummed its def not as juicin’ as I had hoped. Cheers cocks.

  • Waynecro

    This was a tough decision to make. Nice work, dudes! Also, excellent work on that Microsoft Paint portrait of Joe, Boss. That shit’s most definitely suitable for framing.

    • or for being a passport photo

      • Waynecro

        Customs agent: “Do you have anything to declare?”
        Joe: “Yes. I declare that my passport photo is the shit.”
        Customs agent: “I agree, sir. May I please have your autograph?”

        • “Of course!”
          *Hands Customs agent a Toilet ov Hell bidness card*

          • Waynecro

            Customs agent: “Actually, sir, I was hoping you’d sign my chest. I want your name tattooed over my heart.”

          • Joe: “you too? fine”

          • Waynecro

            I am swooning from the power of this story.

          • that little exchange was fun. let’s do it again sometime!

    • Señor Jefe El Rosa

      Haha, thanks Mr. Prez!

  • Sandrasloveland4

    Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! !dh376f:
    On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
    !dh376f:
    ➽➽
    ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialJobsCash656DigitalActionGetPay$97Hour ★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★::::::!dh376f:….,…..

  • Elegant Gazing Globe

    bandcamp gift is a trill prize

  • Normamperson4

    Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! !ch502f:
    On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
    !ch502f:
    ➽➽
    ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialJobsCash792ShopScoutGetPay$97Hour ★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★✫★★::::::!ch502f:….,…….