Beer Up, Pinkies Out

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We gettin’ fancy all up in here. While Cybernetic Organism has been kind enough to us humans to give us the rundown on a couple different beer bars of note, let us take a few minutes to dive in and explore what the world of beer has to offer, along with some appropriate beer-metal pairings.

Like the world of metal, the world of beer (actually a place/10, would drink beer at again) is an endless vortex of variety and choices. Some are good, some are great, some are please, please make it stop. Breaking into unknown territory can be daunting, especially when you’ve got an impatient or unhelpful bartender and you’re nervous about asking how to pronounce saison, or what the WTF is a saison. So let’s break down some of the larger beer categories. Then we’ll whittle those down a little more, talk specific beers to check out, and some metal bands that somehow taste like that.

As a brief primer to better understanding beer, it can be helpful to know the main ingredients: grain, hops, yeast, and water. The most commonly used grain is barley, and “adjunct” grains are often added tandem such as wheat, corn, rice, or rye. Hops are a type of flower that are used in brewing to add flavor and aroma, and they most commonly impart a bitter taste (more on that later). Yeast steers these two ingredients, aiding in the fermentation to produce certain flavors, aromas, and most importantly(ish), alchohol. If I need to explain the last ingredient, we’ll have a different conversation later.


Lagers/Light Lagers: 

If you’re a bro, you know a bro, or at one point have been affected by a bro, I want you to know that it’s not your fault, and there is help. This is the beer of choice for frat parties and sports, and the “lite” variety has become synonymous with the large-scale American beer industry. This particular beer uses a higher percentage of adjuncts in the brewing, the big corporations (Anheuser Busch, Coors, etc.) favoring a majority of corn over barley in the brewing. The flavor you get is light, crisp, thirst-quenching, and easy. There is little to no malt heaviness or hop bitterness, which makes it easy to see why it appeals to a very wide consumer base. The more traditional lagers will feature a slightly more prominent malt base, meaning the brewing used more barley than corn/rice/other adjunct, but the goal here is still to make a light, easy drinking beer. Pilsner beers are a variety on this style that originated in the town of Pilsen, Czech Republic, and will lean toward a quality, traditional lager. Overall, expect a lower percentage of alcohol by volume, or ABV (3.2-6%, rarely 6%).

Specifics: We can ditch the cheap stuff without getting too fancy here. Pilsner Urquell is the original pilsner beer, straight out of the namesake town. It’s available in most states and countries, and is a great choice in the lager realm. A little more centrally located, Boulevard Brewing out of Kansas City, MO puts out an imperial (read: beefed up and better) pilsner called Reverb. Get it. Avoid anything with the word “lite” and raise a glass to quality.

Metal Pairing: Easy to consume, sometimes-good-sometimes-bad, and appeals to a wide consumer base. This one is easy, but let’s at least match the traditional lager style with some traditional Metallica. This classic album goes down easy, but still makes for a good time. Lift up a quality lager, gentlemen, and ride the lightning.


Ales:

Well, this is a tough one to tackle. The categories that follow are technically all within the “ale” realm, so it’s hard to pinpoint exactly where an ale ends and another distinction begins. To make things a little easier, let’s just zero in on a general range of American amber ales to English brown ales. These are solid, dependable, middle-of-the-road barley meets middle-of-the-road hops meets let’s-do-this yeast which gives you beer that isn’t too much of anything. That’s not a statement of poor quality; what I mean is that you’ll have a solid malt base without too much heaviness (meaning strong flavor without having to chew), some well-balanced hop bitterness without too much bite, and a manageable ABV (4.5 – 6.2%). This is a good, solid type of beer with notes of caramel or light fruit that won’t throw you for a loop, but will give you a good starting place into more complex flavors. Some common variations here are ESB (extra special bitter – not more bitter per se, but a fuller flavor with a little more hop complexity), Scotch ale (Scottish variety, thicker mouth feel and higher ABV), and strong/dark ale (similar to Scotch ale).

Specifics: Anderson Valley Boont Amber Ale, Fuller’s ESB, Fuller’s 1845, Big Sky Moose Drool, or North Coast Red Seal Ale. The Moose Drool and ESB will be heavier and more complex, but full of flavor and delicious.

Metal Pairing: Solid body of flavor, not too extreme, some complex tendencies. My first thought here is Hessian (A.D.), who surely share the word “Hessian” with about 1,000 other bands and are not confusing at all. However, their 2012 album Manegarmr offers a beefy mix of metal and hardcore without being metalcore, and a dash of punk without straying too far from their territory. This isn’t a wacky new vocal style you need to get used to, or a weird riff system that doesn’t make sense. You’ll dive right in and feel at home as you ruin your neck to this rip-roaring good album, which is “name your price” on Bandcamp (give them a few bucks ya cheapskate, cuz you’d pay for a brown ale!). Raise an ale and headbang!

 


Pale Ales/IPAs:

We started with adjuncts, moved toward malt/hop balance, and now we’re tipping the scales toward hops. Maybe you’ve had a beer that started off all right at first taste, but then moved to a full-on bitterness attack as the flavor developed in your mouth. That, my friend, is the work of hops. All beers have them, but the way they are used is a delicate art. Throughout the 18th and 19th century, English brewers were shipping ales to India that contained various levels of hops. At some point, a heavily-hopped variety caught on in that market, and the India Pale Ale, or IPA, was born. Of course, I’m skimming over plenty of specific history, and it has grown and developed considerably over the years, but you can always depend on an IPA to deliver a rich, spicy, up-front bitterness that will either please or disgust you. Pale ales are a more mellow variety of ale that deliver a tempered, yet distinct, hop punch. I used to cringe at these beers, but nowadays I can’t get enough. They have a solid and respectable ABV (5-7.5%), with pale ales coming in closer to the lower end of the range. English IPAs will offer a more malty take, with toffee, biscuit, and bready-like flavors surfacing with slightly less hop bite, while American IPAs will feature bright, citrusy hops with a little more of a subdued malt body. A friend once told me to think of a grapefruit while drinking an IPA; there’s plenty of bitterness, of course, but there’s also a world of great flavors to be discovered if you can wade through the bite.

Specifics: You will not go wrong with the Sierra Nevada Pale Ale.  It helped in my transition to IPAs, but my ultimate gateway here was the Caldera IPA. Bright and citrusy in flavor, this one provides a great hop balance that won’t make you wince. For the classic English style, I’d suggest Samuel Smith’s English IPA or the Brooklyn East IPA. For an imperial (again, beefed up and better with a higher ABV) IPA, hit up the Boulevard Double Wide IPA or the ever-coveted Russian River Pliny the Elder, if you can find it.

Metal Pairing: Prominent bitterness, a wide array of complexity, and a like-it-or-you-don’t quality. This is a tough one, as there is a really wide range of pale ale/IPA flavors to be had. I’m going to go with the earthy complexity of Cormorant to represent the malt-bodied English style, and the abrasive, sludgy harshness of Secret Cutter to represent the bitter, hop-front American style. Raise a glass to the bitter bite of these 2014 releases!

 


Porters and Stouts:

Here we come to the pinnacle of malt body, the thick, heavy madness that captivates the taste buds of the extremists, and the appetites of the fanatics. Sure, we have the entry-level stuff, but let’s move past that into the heavy-hitting business. Originally, a chocolatey, roasty style of dark English ale (4-6% ABV) appealed heavily to porters, the manual laborers and dockworkers of England. These types of beers would eventually be known by that name, and would give way to several variations on the style such as robust porter, coffee porter, etc. Eventually the stout was born, the grand daddy of all beers in my opinion. Lower, dark hop profiles, massive malt body, higher ABV, and varying levels of artful flavors (caramel, dark chocolate, coffee, toffee) make up the identity of this beer. You’ve heard me recommend imperial versions of beers before, and in the realm of stouts, that can push the ABV up to 12% and turn a beer into thick, black, liquid void. This is no sports bar stout, this taste is crafted with care, carefully aged, and then slammed into your face with all the fury of the ages.

Specifics: If you can get it, pick up Tallgrass Zombie Monkey Porter. This one is full of flavor without being overbearing, and doesn’t have the thin finish that some porters fall victim to. If not, the Fuller’s Porter from England is always a winner. For a regular old stout, you have several options. Or you can man up and go for an imperial stout like North Coast Old Rasputin, Boulevard Imperial Stout, or the awesomely appropriate Black Metal Imperial Stout from Jester King Brewery. Some of my all-time (but harder to find ) favorites include BrewDog Tokyo from Scotland (coming in at 18% ABV), Avery Mephistopheles from Colorado (16%), and Prairie Bomb out of Oklahoma (14%) [W.: These are the only beers on the list. The other beverages are lifeloving water.]. Those higher ABV beers aren’t simply grabs for higher alcohol content; the highly skilled brewing process that produced those numbers also yields incredibly complex, fantastically deep beers.

Metal Pairing: Incredibly complex, fantastically deep, and thick and heavy as tar? With porters on the lighter end of that dark spectrum, I’d say that Mephistopheles (man, I wish they fit the imperial stout description more) nails that on the head with their fascinatingly eccentric edge and rich complexity without forcing excessive heaviness into their sound. Their 2013 album is a brilliant mix of flavor, nuance, and dark energy. Venturing into the imperial stout world, however, there are only a few bands that fit this bill. The 2012 release from Dodecahedron should have been on everyone’s mind, and I have no qualms about playing into expectations here. These guys do nothing less than shake the earth with their crushing, furious, limit-shattering brand of black metal that incorporates a laundry list of outside influences. This self-titled release will surely leave any listener full and maybe a little woozy after consumption, and avoiding the operation of heavy machinery is probably wise.

 


If you’re still with me, then let’s have a beer. Raise a glass to better beer, better metal, and +20 snob points. Keep in mind that this is just an introduction; I never even mentioned barrel-aged beers, lambic/fruit beers, sour ales, or the massive world of Belgian beers. I hope you guys enjoyed this and learned a little, let me know in the comments if I was way off on my pairings, what other bands or beers should be up there (beer distribution varies greatly by region), and some of your favorite brews. In closing, let us all remember these immortal words: beer is good, beer is good, beer is good, and stuff.

(Image VIA)

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  • Dodecahedron/12.

    • Metaphysical Edward

      There’s something to love even for the non-drinkers here!

    • STAY SKRONK

    • Stockhausen

      THIS FRIGGIN’ ALBUM. THIS. FRIGGIN’. ALBUM.

      Probably will be my top album of 2014.

  • Pagliacci’s Nordling EdPants

    Pretty much the only beer(s) I’ve had all year and I love it: http://www.berwickbrewing.com/beer/

  • I read that as “Beers Up, Pickles Out”.

  • Paris Hilton

    Bud Light: Easy to find. Cheap. Like having sex in a canoe. Fucking close to water.

    Pairs Best With: Call of Duty™ on Xbox One™ with Doritos™ and Mountain Dew™ (FUEL UP FOR BATTLE WITH DORITOS AND MOUNTAIN DEW POINTS™). Beer Pong Tournaments, Paintball, and lifted F-350s.

    Metal Pairing: Five Fingered Death Punch

    • Metaphysical Rites ov Rectum

      I do not apreciate the pairing of 5FDP and Monty Python, but I cannot deny your statement.

    • Mr. Bojangles Team FapALot

      bias confirmed

    • Tyreeeeeeeal
    • Stockhausen

      Nailed it.

      • Mr. Bojangles

        nailed ur mom

        • Stockhausen

          Nailed it.

          • Mr. Bojangles

            nailed your dad.

            don’t wanna be homophobic and/or leave people out.

          • Stockhausen

            Racist.

          • Mr. Bojangles

            I nailed your black uncle.

          • Reported.

            GL

          • Mr. Bojangles

            reported for not checking your privilege fast enough

          • BLVCKBEVRD’S FLESH WOVND

            Multiple identity troll spam flagger

            #JimGordonLessons

          • Janitor Jim Dvggan is #teamedw

            #TeamJimGordon

          • Gvrp

            #SolarRoll

          • more beer

            For the trifecta only because of the beer!

          • more beer

            Only because of the beer once again!

        • more beer

          Only because of the beer!

      • more beer

        Fuck yea Trve brewing fuckin rules! There is also Black Sky brewery in Denver. 1 city 2 metal breweries. What more could a metal head ask for?

        • Stockhausen

          I was there on tour last summer, and we unfortunately weren’t able to check out Black Sky. We went to Trve twice, and I really miss that place. Since we were a touring band, our first round was free.

          • more beer

            Both brew good beer. If i`m not wrong you are Oklahoma City? I have a few friends there very good metal brothers!

          • Stockhausen

            Indeed! There’s a pretty decent metal scene here, maybe I’ve even moshed with them.

          • more beer

            That`s what I have heard I may be up that way next month my buddy asked me to come up. It all depends on how busy my job is.

    • Janitor Jim Dvggan is #teamedw

      Did you know that they’re making Dorito flavored Mountain Dew now?

      • Paris Hilton

        It’s the only thing I drink. #teamdew #dewthedew #callofdutyadvancedwarfare

      • Pagliacci’s Nordling EdPants
    • Video game pairing: GAME OF THE YEAR: 420BLAZEIT

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9v4Gzm5Gwa4

      • Paris Hilton

        GAME OF THE YEAR! 10/10 IT’S NOT BAD!! -IGN

      • Paris Hilton

        I also can’t wait for “Ubisoft Presents: A Ubisoft Production with Ubisoft Montreal, Ubisoft Thailand, Ubisoft South Africa, Ubisoft Antartica, Ubisoft Wales, Ubisoft England, Ubisoft Devon Island: Open World Straight White Tough Guy Doing Manly Shit. Featuring Ubisoft Ethopia.” Now available for NEXT GEN! BUY EXCLUSIVE CONTENT WITH MICROPURCHASES EDITION!

    • more beer

      Hahahaahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • JWG

    Speaking, tangentially, of cybernetic organisms actually inspiring beer names, the Vancouver Island Brewery has a range of speciality and holiday beers released between November and December which includes this Ice Bock (9.5% ABV) riff on their regular “Herman’s” (a dark ale):

  • Metaphyßical Extremöphile

    Root beer: Yummy. Not actual beer.

    Pairs best with: Being 10-15

    Metal pairing: slipknot

    • Old English 40 Oz. – Cheap, not actually beer, will get you tore up.
      Pairs best with: doing hood rat shit

      Music Pairing:
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I-IcHLiGB7g

      • BLVCKBEVRD’S FLESH WOVND

        If i’m gonna drink a 40, its gonna be King Cobra, scurb.

        • more beer

          What about Colt 45 could Billy Dee Williams have been wrong?

          • BLVCKBEVRD’S FLESH WOVND

            Colt 45 is acceptable if you have 2 Zig Zags

          • more beer

            I always have Zag Zags I like to taste the good weed I`m smoking. We can get old skool geto and get down with the Crazy Horse that malt liquor offended everyone!

          • BLVCKBEVRD’S FLESH WOVND

            I’m down. I offend everyone inherently. We can #blastoff and then we’ll #shinebrightlikeadiamond

          • more beer

            As do I! We are metal heads, if we aren`t offending and leaving a trail of destruction were doing something wrong! paused to re-pack bowl- that would be cool the blasting off!

      • Stockhausen

        I’m working through the beer menu at a bar in OKC, with prizes and all that after getting through certain numbers of beer. Old English is on there, so one of these days I’m going to have to do it.

        • more beer

          DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON`T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

    Beer me and fuck off!

    • Paris Hilton

      Here to serve ya straight out the toilet! m/

    • Tyreeeeeeeal

      Bartender: What can I get for you this lovley evening good sir?

      KSOFM: Beer me and fuck off cunt!

      • more beer

        Well what`s the point without beer!

        • Tyree-Argo Fuck Yourself

          Indeed!

          • more beer

            Keep the beer tips coming and I will do the same.

  • Metaphysical Rites ov Rectum

    Really enjoying all this here beer talk at this here toilet. Makes this here beer taste better with this here music too.

    • Metaphysical Edward

      Nordling you’ve gone metaphysical.

      • Metaphysical Rites ov Rectum

        Aye! There come a time in every man’s life when he has to get
        1. Metaphysical
        2. That latter part

        • YourLogicIsFlushed
          • Metaphysical Rites ov Rectum

            Is it wrong to love this song?

          • Dennis the Peasant

            No wonder you were banished.

          • Paris Hilton

            Conan has got to have some good pics of Olivia

        • Rectal? Nice.

          • Metaphysical Rites ov Rectum

            GetRekt! And Get yerself some Rektal!

        • Dennis the Peasant

          Now I feel insulted. The banished one uses a part of my former name.

  • YourLogicIsFlushed

    First, Cybo posts an article about a brewery in Naperville, then you mention World of Beer (which has a location in Naperville) and I am starting to think that this whole website is a figment of my imagination, using only things that I know about.

    • Metaphyßical Extremöphile

      WE WILL ALWAYS TRICK YOU.
      WE WILL ALWAYS TRICK YOU.
      WE WILL ALWAYS TRICK YOU.

      • Metaphysical Edward

        JOKE IS ON YOU, ASSHOLES.

        • Metaphyßical Extremöphile

          THANKS FOR SUPPORTING OUR MUSIC, YOU FVCKING CVNTS.

          • Metaphysical Edward

            if you reviewed that fake record positively, thank you. We’re just THAT good.

            WE WILL ALWAYS TRICK YOU.
            WE WILL ALWAYS TRICK YOU.
            WE WILL ALWAYS TRICK YOU.

            JOKE IS ON YOU, ASSHOLES.

          • Dennis the Peasant

            Both of them are fucking great albums, though.

          • BLVCKBEVRD’S FLESH WOVND

            This. I was gonna post about this the other day. Has anyone gotten their (actval) copies? The album(s) dope.

          • Dennis the Peasant

            I got them last monday. Really grrrreat.

          • Metaphysical Edward

            I may actually go back on my line of thinking cause of your thoughts here. Remember, I was not butthurt lol

          • Dennis the Peasant

            I do bae. The Ape of God is shorter and has faster songs (some punky stuff) and The Ape of God is longer and has slower songs.

          • BLVCKBEVRD’S FLESH WOVND

            In fact the Ape of God has like 4 or 5 songs, and the Ape of God has 8 or so songs. Ape of God.

    • Stockhausen
  • Leif Bearikson

    I bought a sixer of Sierra Nevada’s Celebration Ale and that stuff currently has a death grip on my heart. Will be stocking up for the holidays/10

    • BLVCKBEVRD’S FLESH WOVND

      That is definitely a decent winter beer choice. Blue Moon (gross) actually makes a decent winter ale. Seasonals go like this Fall > Winter > Spring > Summer (gross)

    • Stockhausen

      I really like that one, it was another gateway beer into being able to handle the hoppiness of IPAs. I had to fight my way through the first time I had it a couple years ago, and now I bathe in it.

      • Lacertilian

        STAY IPA

    • Lacertilian

      I love their Southern Harvest.

      • Leif Bearikson

        Had this at a beer festival a few weeks back and it was quite tasty! I think their Torpedo still tops everything for me. Narwhal is pretty damn close, though

        • Lacertilian

          Haven’t even heard of the Narwhal but yeah, Torpedo is my go-to IPA these days. Brew Dog have a couple of nice ones though.
          Over here Matilda Bay’s Alpha Pale Ale is pretty damn good too, the hop-profile is much more akin to an IPA. Not sure if you’ll be able to find it easily though.

  • Mr. Bojangles Team FapALot

    should I have sex with someone who self identifies as a witch?…and if the answer is yes, will you guys come save me if I get locked in a basement?

    • Metaphysical Edward

      Absolutely.

      Anything else?

      • Mr. Bojangles Team FapALot

        How does your mom feel after last night?

    • Seems like a poor idea. If she’s an actual witch she might turn you into poop or something.

      • Mr. Bojangles Team FapALot

        well, that’s better than being a 70lb cat that can’t get up or touch his own weiner…right?

      • JWG

        But do Wiccans hold grudges more or less than do women without potential mystical powers?

        Frankly, the ‘research’ may be worth the consequences.

      • Mr. Bojangles

        what about if she’s polyamorist and wants her submissive husband to watch. joe I trust your advice don’t let me down

        • Then run away. Politely but quickly.

          • Mr. Bojangles

            how does one run away politely

          • Stockhausen

            On your toes, arms firmly stuck to your side, finger wiggling optional.

          • more beer

            Good advice there are some things you can`t unsee

        • BLVCKBEVRD’S FLESH WOVND

          Voyeurism has never been my thing. Pics or it didn’t happen, trvthfvlly

          • Mr. Bojangles

            meh, they were all sent via snapchat. I wish they were via text, cuz it totes would have no beef

          • BLVCKBEVRD’S FLESH WOVND

            The only polyamorist chicks I’ve met have been whales.

          • Mr. Bojangles

            she was far from a whale.

            by that i mean she lived on land

    • Paris Hilton

      “Pussy put a spell on me. I call that bewitched.”

      -Lil Wayne

    • Metaphyßical Extremöphile

      witches have no beef with our kind, so I vote yes

    • Dennis the Peasant

      Have sex with her and then have her burned.

      • BLVCKBEVRD’S FLESH WOVND

        I was going to post something to this effect. The Peasant has it right. HAVE AT HER, then HAVE AT HER!

        • Dennis the Peasant

          You lose again!

          • BLVCKBEVRD’S FLESH WOVND

            No i’ve not! it’s just a flesh wound!

          • Dennis the Peasant

            I was waiting for you to make that joke. I am pleased.

      • Mr. Bojangles

        what kind of fire burns hot witches

        • Dennis the Peasant

          First we have to know if she’s a witch. Does she weigh the same as a duck?

          • Mr. Bojangles

            it’s hard to tell, I’m so far that when she sat on me I couldn’t feel a thing. it’s totally possible.

            it’s cause im fat

          • Dennis the Peasant

            We need a large scale for this.

          • BLVCKBEVRD’S FLESH WOVND

            So, if she weighs more than a duck, then . . . she’s a witch!

          • Dennis the Peasant

            And then we BURN HER!

          • BLVCKBEVRD’S FLESH WOVND

            BURN HER!!!!

          • no, no.. you have to put mustard seeds on a used underwear near her to see if she transform into a creepy bat/duck/turkey. If that happens, the fat cat can’t have sex with her! #VenezuelaFacts #HowToTrapWitchesInVenezuela

          • BLVCKBEVRD’S FLESH WOVND

            Leonhart wins.

            #HowToTrapWitchesInVenezuela should be trending right about now.

          • the weird fact is that is the real technique here. Another day I will share that histories

          • Lacertilian
          • more beer

            Does she float?

    • depends. do you have to keep talking to her? cause i’ve known a Wiccan or two and, like vegetarians, they don’t shut up about their beliefs.

  • George Clarke

    Batman recommends Horny Goat from Milwaukee, specifically the Horny Blonde

    • VV.

      Just looked it up. They’ve got some good lookin beers.

    • I dig the Horny Goat. Where you from GC?

      • George Clarke

        the SF obvs

        the batman usually prefers darker beers btw but that blonde tho

        • Metaphysical Edward

          George Clarke >>>>> all other commenters

          • Incorrect. @linkleonhart:disqus >>>>>>>>> anything

          • Metaphysical Edward

            I’m going to have disagree but we can work this thing out.

            George Clarke > Link Leonhart > all commenters.

    • George Clarke

      btw i recommend listening to sunbather while drinking the horny blonde thats the “metal” pairing

      hehehehe #shamelessselfpromotion

      • BLVCKBEVRD’S FLESH WOVND

        Sunbather >>>>>>>>>>>>

      • Stockhausen

        omg i luv sun bathing by death haven, it are go good w/ beer!

      • Pagliacci’s Nordling EdPants

        “It’s like a dream…”

    • Janitor Jim Dvggan is #teamedw

      It’s the guy from Deafheaven! I loved Sunbather!

  • Tyreeeeeeeal

    Cheers to the Void. Hail Beer!

    • more beer

      HAIL BEER!!!!!!!!!!

  • not sure if any of you Midwesterners have access to Urban Chestnut Brewing Co. beers, but Count Orlok Black Pumpkin Ale:

    http://blogs.riverfronttimes.com/gutcheck/orlok.jpg

    • (the only pumpkin-related food or drink i can tolerate)

      • BLVCKBEVRD’S FLESH WOVND

        There are so many good Pumpkin ales around here I can’t even

      • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

        I’ll do you one better. 17.22 CUNTING PERCENT!!!!!!!

        • shit son! i’d be calling Rhonda after a few of those

          • Tyreeeeeeeal

            I’d imagine you’d fuck anything after a few of those Jimmy.

        • Tyreeeeeeeal

          Jesus fuck! I’m not much of a Pumpkin beer dude but I’d like to try this.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            It wasn’t even that pumpkiny to be honest. A sipper for sure. Fucking ruled!

        • more beer

          Those are fucking great like every Avery I have had. Try the Beast, the Reverend, The Czar Imperial Stout, Hog Heaven, Out of Bounds Stout, The White Rascal, and their IPA all outstanding. There are still a few I haven`t tried but I can`t imagine any of them suck. Awesome brewery!!

        • I’ve got one of those and an Uncle Jacobs from 2013. Can’t wait to cunt the fuck out of life with those.

    • George Clarke

      is that my homeboy nosferatu??

    • Scrimm

      Jesus Christ McNulty I WANT THAT.

  • Tyreeeeeeeal

    My local micro brewery here in town has this tasty imperial stout on tap now. Keep it dark. 10.00% ABV

    • Stockhausen

      MMM. I like the looks of that.

      • BLVCKBEVRD’S FLESH WOVND

        +1

      • Tyreeeeeeeal

        It’s an ass kicker.

    • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

      Fucking nice!

      • more beer

        Keepin it dark right now. Lefthand Brewing Fade to Black Winter Seasonal another killer one from them!!

    • ParallaxativeHyperStool

      Straight droolin’ homie.

    • #goodGenesisReference

    • CT-12

      Looks chewy

  • BLVCKBEVRD’S FLESH WOVND

    Our local HIGHLANDS BREWING CO Cold Mountain Winter Ale. This thing only comes in deuce and a quarters, and it a little pricey. http://www.highlandbrewing.com/ee-images/beer-images-main/_main/CMWA_litre.jpg

    Metal Pairing: PANOPTICON http://youtu.be/fDswlTV0Vhg

    • Stockhausen

      More like MANOPTICON.

      • Mr. Bojangles

        nailed it

    • more beer

      Where are you? I`ve never seen those. Always intrested in a new beer.

      • BLVCKBEVRD’S FLESH WOVND

        Highlands Brewing Co is in Asheville. I’ve seen Highlands beers in all the surrounding states.

        • more beer

          North Carolina ok my uncle lives there we may get to have a beer together i have to visit once in a while. thanks for the beer tip I will look for that. I`m in Colorado a little far for a local brewery.

          • BLVCKBEVRD’S FLESH WOVND

            Lots of great beers in this part of the state.

          • more beer

            I will tell you the same thing i just told Tyree keep the good beer tips coming and I will do the same!

          • more beer

            All over Colorado it`s awesome plus the weed thing.

          • Metaphyßical Extremöphile

            Weed isn’t technically legal in asheville but it IS a liberal college town so I’ll just let you fill in the blanks there.

          • more beer

            Before I moved to Colorado I smoked Illegally my whole life no blanks to be filled in. But the way it is strain specific here rules.

  • I don’t really drink beer because I’m 12 and I don’t like the taste and it gives me the poopies and tummy rumbles 🙁

    • Mr. Bojangles

      *shits on face in sleep*

      that’ll help you man up

  • Dennis the Peasant

    Beer is for pussies! Heroin for life!

  • Xan

    Milk up, dick out.

  • Xan

    On an unrelated topic, I had the band My Dick sitting in my music folder so that it was the only band there. I had to get a new hard drive put in my computer because mine decided to take a shit (though all the data was saved, thankfully). The dude who repaired my computer totally saw that A) My screen name is Dillhole B) My picture is a photo of a guy who looks like he is ejaculating and C) The guy saw that I had a band called My Dick. My life is complete.

  • Brock Samson

    Anyone see the Game of Thrones beer Ommegang did?

    • BLVCKBEVRD’S FLESH WOVND

      There was more than one. We have two unopened ones on the window to our kitchen.

      • Brock Samson

        I had the Valar Morghulis and it was rather tasty. Its a Dubbel and I recommend it, still need to try the other ones

        • BLVCKBEVRD’S FLESH WOVND

          Ooh I didn’t get to try the Dubbel

        • Simon PhoenixKing

          The Valar Morghulis was really good. Really smooth.

          The Three Eyed Raven is supposedly their next one. I’m not sure if that is an ale or a porter though.

    • Stockhausen

      Oh yeah. That Take the Black Stout was fantastically dry-hopped and heavy. I haven’t tried the red or the other one, but I’ve been meaning to pick them up.

  • Scrimm

    You fuckers it’s early and now I really want a drink.

    • Tyreeeeeeeal

      1 more hour and it’s beer O’clock for Tyree.

      • Gvrp

        A WHOLE HOUR?

        • Metaphysical Rites ov Rectum

          You’re entering a world of pain! (Larry)

          • Gvrp

            Still haven’t seen that whole movie…

          • Scrimm

            That is a horrible shame

          • Gvrp

            QUIT SHAMING ME, YOU SHITLORD

          • Scrimm

            I”M SORRY!!!

          • Tyreeeeeeeal

            That’s fucked.

          • Metaphysical Rites ov Rectum

            Heresy! My heart… I think I… Agh!

          • Gvrp

            Oh shit! DOES ANYONE KNOW BEAR CPR?!?!!

      • Scrimm

        About 6 here.

  • BLVCKBEVRD’S FLESH WOVND

    Did anyone ever get to try the Clutch beers that New Belgium made? We had to travel all around raleigh to find them. They were delicious (at about 13$/ea if i recall)
    http://www.thrashhits.com/wpress/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/clutch-beer-bottle.jpg

    • more beer

      We almost consider New Belgium a big brewery around these parts! There is much better shit here!

      • BLVCKBEVRD’S FLESH WOVND

        Well they kind of are? They still make great beers! the 1554 black ale is my favorite new belgium beer, by far and wide.

        • more beer

          I drink the 1554`s alot when I go to shows as they are the best beer in a couple of venues unless it`s a brewery sponsored show.

        • more beer

          Also keep in mind that Left Hand, Great Divide, O`Dells, Upslope,Averey, Breckenridge,and Wynkoop all make killer beers here. Thats not even counting the places that only brew pub. Like Trve and Black Sky that are also metal brewery’s.

          • BLVCKBEVRD’S FLESH WOVND

            I’ve had Great Divides and Left Hands (these are available around NC), but I dont think i’ve had any of the others

          • more beer

            Look for the others they all brew awesome beer!

          • more beer

            Left Hand rules drinking their winter stouts right now!!

  • Gvrp

    BEER! WHOO! Thanks Stockhausen, I’m still very new to alcohol in general. Not sure how to develop a palette for it, or even where to look for good information. Like mead. What’s a good mead for someone who’s never had it before? I’ve been wanting to try it ever since I played Skyrim, but I’ve never really seen it stores or heard it talked about too much.

    • I’ve only ever had it homebrewed but I bet they serve it at ren fairs and the like.

      • Gvrp

        That’s actually a pretty good bet, now that you mention it. But then I’ll have to wait until July.

    • i’m more of an Alto Wine drinker.

      • Tyreeeeeeeal

        Alright Paul Giamatti.

      • Gvrp

        MORE LIKE A MILKDRINKER!
        #SKYRIMFORTHENORDS

        • BLVCKBEVRD’S FLESH WOVND

          #WHOLEMILKORDIE

    • BLVCKBEVRD’S FLESH WOVND

      I’m not sure what sort of area you’re in, but any metropolitan area will have a wine shop. They will carry Meads from locally and all over. Ask the managers about locally brewed meads. Mead is kinda like drinking wine but it is very polarizing, it can either be too sweet (easily) or too dry. There are also Melomels (meads with fruit) and sparkling meads (like the wine).

      • Gvrp

        I do live in a metropolitan area, and there is indeed a decent size liquor store down the street that carries a big selection of beer and wine. I’ll have to ask them, I guess, because I kind of wanted a ‘baseline’ mead to judge against, and was pretty sure just picking a bottle and going for it wouldn’t be a great introduction. Thanks, Blackbeard!

        • BLVCKBEVRD’S FLESH WOVND

          As with beer and wine: Small Batch > Mass Prod. I honestly dont know enough beyond the small batches i’ve made, as far as producers and quality goes. All the meads i’ve had that weren’t homemade have been bad, just to be real with you. Europeans made mead because grapes were too expensive. Wine > Mead still.

    • more beer

      I will try to help you out a little with the beer thing I am more beer after all. First of all there is never enough beer! Start with a lager(but not one of the national brands bud, coors, miller pbr or any of the lesser shit beers. Most of the local breweries no matter where your from make a good one. From there you can move up to your ambers which are a little heavier but very tasty.(or in my case a really hot stripper friend of mine)opps sorry different Amber. After that you have your IPA`S, Stouts, and Porters. Practice before you get to these and good luck young metal head.

  • Tyreeeeeeeal

    May I just say that Pumpkin mixed with any stout or porter is a fucking terrible idea.

    • Scrimm

      I have had both a Pumpkin stout and porter that I liked.

      • Tyreeeeeeeal

        Eh, I’ve had a couple awful ones that left a bad taste. I’m sure there are some out there that I’d like. The beer that KSOFM posted looked pretty damn good.

        • more beer

          Ksofm knows his beer just like his metal!

          • Tyree-Argo Fuck Yourself

            He’s the fucking King. He has great taste in metal and beer for certain.

          • more beer

            Yes he is.

  • nbm02ss

    Off work in an hour and a half and heading straight to the local liquor store for some tasty brews.

    • Tyreeeeeeeal

      Already made my purchase during lunch. I just need get home and drink it. I got a six pack of The Muddy Imperial Stout by Goose Island Beer Co.

      • …what you got when that’s finished?

        • Tyreeeeeeeal

          You know Jimmy 😉

      • nbm02ss

        I read that Lagunitas Brown Sugga will be available again this year. I’m hoping they’ll have some in stock. If not, I’ll probably grab some Old Rasputin and maybe a Belgian of some kind.

        • Tyreeeeeeeal

          Nice! Can’t go wrong with Old Rasputin.

        • more beer

          All good choices!

  • I’ve been drinking lots of brews from Epic in SLC, Utah. They make a raspberry Belgian ale that has become a personal favorite. It’s 9.3% alcohol and not tart like a lot of raspberry ales. It’s called Brainless Raspberries or something.

  • Simon PhoenixKing

    Even though it’s kind of lifeloving in terms of ABV I want to try this.

    • Lacertilian

      I’ve had it but in a different bottle.
      Good for breakfast on Sundays/Mondays/Tuesdays/Wednesdays.

  • Tankard! That is all that needs to be said.

  • Coolstorybro

    No discussion of West Coast v. East Coast IPAs? For shame, sir. We could get a NYC v. Bay Area thrash thing going, but noooooo

  • Hail and Kill

    Not a fan of the upcoming beer season, x-mas beers. Too much spice, I like to taste the malt and hop.

  • Stan Laurel

    This will make you fall over.

    “Fly throughout the sky… set fire to the land
    Fly throughout the sky… Suds of Northern Darkness”.

    Austin, Tx.