Metal Recipes: Beelzebub’s Butternut Squash and Black Bean Bowel Bomb

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We are the wrath of gods and the desolation of the squash. It is on this day that snow drifts and howls, my workplace cowers in terror, and I concoct a firm foundation of unyielding despair delicious, cheap, and- if you care- healthy and vegetarian bit of comfort food for y’all. To perceive is to suffer, but to perceive while hangry is just stupid. Crack a beer, or as many beers as you like, and follow along for something that will allow you to be, if not proud, at least capable of saying “I did a thing.”


Beelzebub’s Butternut Squash and Black Bean Bowel Bomb

  • Serves: 4
  • Time: ~1 hour
  • “Special” equipment: 12″ cast iron skillet, Dutch oven, or other oven-safe pan
  • Goes well with/as: by itself, an accompaniment to football, nachos/tacos/burritos/taquitos, something to eat an entire pan of by yourself when decidedly not sober

 

Ingredients

  • 2-2.5 c butternut squash, in bite-size cubes
  • 2 c black beans, cooked (i.e. one 14-oz can)
  • 1 yellow onion, halved and thinly sliced
  • 6 small cloves garlic
  • 1 dried chile of choice, e.g. Guajillo, stemmed, seeded, and torn into several pieces
  • 3 medium tomatoes (I used Kumatos, but Romas will do in a pinch), coarsely chopped or in eighths
  • 1.5 t salt
  • 1 t black pepper
  • 1 T maple syrup
  • 1 t Spanish smoked paprika
  • 1 metal album from a Southwest band
  • 1.5 t cumin
  • 1/2 t coriander
  • 1/2 t chili powder
  • 1/4 t cinnamon
  • 1/4 t turmeric
  • 1/2 t oregano or sage
  • Olive oil
  • Splash of red wine
  • Generous swig of red wine, for yourself
  • 1 c chopped cucumber
  • 1/2 red onion, chopped
  • 1.5 c shredded cheese of choice
  • Fresh cilantro, chopped, for serving
  • Juice of 2 limes, for serving
  • Pure evil and hate

 

Instructions

1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Have your skillet in there to heat up along with it.

2. Prep your mise-en-place. In individual bowls: dried chile; onion; garlic; 2 of the chopped tomatoes; black beans; all of the spices except 1/2 t salt, black pepper, and 1/2 t paprika.

mise-en-place

3. Toss the squash in a little olive oil, the maple syrup, and the spices mentioned last in (2). Add to the skillet, then move to oven and roast 25 minutes, tossing once at the 15-minute mark. Remove, transfer to a bowl, and set aside. Note: that burnt-looking shit is the sugar. It’s delicious.

post-roasting

4. Move the skillet to the stovetop over medium heat (keep the oven on). Wipe it out, then add 3 T olive oil. When shimmering, add the dried chile and cook 1-2 minutes, until fragrant.

5. Add the onion, toss to coat, then cook 5-6 minutes, until thoroughly softened and starting to brown.

6. Add the garlic, 2 tomatoes, and remaining spices. Cook 2 minutes, stirring vigorously and mashing the tomatoes with the back of a spoon. You should get a good amount of liquid; if not, your tomatoes are false.

7. Add black beans and wine. Stir thoroughly, bring liquid to boil, then reduce heat to medium-low, layer the squash over the top, and cook 5 minutes, uncovered, until most of the liquid has evaporated.

8. Cover with cheese in an even layer. Transfer to oven until cheese is bubbling and golden brown, about 6 minutes.

9. Remove skillet from oven and set aside, covered, for 15-20 minutes.

post-baking

 

10. Portion out. Top each portion with chopped Persian cucumber, red onion, and the last chopped tomato (see below). Garnish with cilantro and lime juice. Serve with tortillas.

pico-2

 

Tips

  • If someone’s a hardcore teetotaler, swap out the red wine for a splash of apple cider vinegar and Worcestershire.
  • Don’t be put off by all the spices. You should have them in your cabinet anyway. If you don’t, you can spend $15 and get a six-month supply easy. Pro tip: the online vendors like Penzey’s and Savory Spice Shop are not only better, but actually cheaper than the supermarket. Plus, they give you free stuff. Disclaimer: for the record, that’s just me, not a paid endorsement.
  • Save yourself some effort. You can get pre-peeled garlic at the supermarket for dirt cheap. If you have a Trader Joe’s nearby, they sell pre-cubed butternut squash. And if you’re really lazy or in a hurry, just blitz the onion real quick in a food processor or mini-blender. It won’t get you slices, but it’ll work just as well.

Questions? Comments? Shrieks of disgust? Ideas for other recipes? Please share in the comments.

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  • Brutalist_Receptacle

    Mrs. Receptacle and I enjoy butternut squash and habanero tostadas with pico de gallo and queso fresco.

  • Dave Vincent’s Perm
    • ≠ Voidscape Tyree ≠

      Perfection.

      • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

        Second best Immo album imo.

        • ≠ Voidscape Tyree ≠

          First is Ctawb.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            CtaWB is unfuckwithable. But DoP, HiA, CtaWB and Unholy Cult are all hard 5/5’s in my book.

          • ≠ Voidscape Tyree ≠

            Wow, yup! I was going to list my top five but you pretty much summed it up!

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            Failures for Gods is damn underrated. But I have to admit I’m guilty of underrating it myself. For some reason I don’t jam it as often as my other faves. Need to rectify that asap. DEATH TO JESUS!

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtfgHlCZ_do

          • ≠ Voidscape Tyree ≠

            Damn straight! Masterpiece!!! Just got a copy on vinyl last week. Only 900 pressed or something I think.

          • RJA

            So I’m a little confused on the Immolation records – Here in After, Failures, and CtaWB are getting re-pressed/re-released by Metal Blade? Right? Where did you pick up that copy?

          • ≠ Voidscape Tyree ≠

            HHB has them all. I just picked them all up. They are selling fast.

          • RJA

            That explains it a bit then – they seem to only have 2 of the 3 and only one of those has the clear! I’ll probably just order all 3 through metal blade as much as I hate to.

          • ≠ Voidscape Tyree ≠

            You missed Failures for Gods though 😉 That’s my number 3 before HiA.

          • you’re not going to mention Majesty and Decay? 🙁

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            Majesty and Decay is a 4.9/5

          • there’s the FrankWhite validation i needed today 🙂

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            Then again, M&D does feature “A Glorious Epoch”.
            Fuck it, 5/5

      • Dave Vincent’s Perm

        I am still heavily tempted to buy one of those probably Mexican bootleg Dawn of Possession longsleeves from etsy.

    • more beer

      I am on their guest list when they play here next month.

  • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

    Looks damn delicious…

    But does it fit my macros?

    http://images.athlonsports.com/d/24707-1/roid-arms-black_001.jpg

    • Oh, whoops. Add 5 scoops protein powder, 2 scoops BCAA’s, 1 lb creatine.

  • Señor Jefe El Rosa

    This looks beyond delicious! I can forsee this in my near future. Great work Vlad!

    What beer do you recommend as a pairing?

    • FrankWhiteKingOfNY
      • Señor Jefe El Rosa

        Belgian beers are the best beers that are not American beers.

        • FrankWhiteKingOfNY
          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            I did try the Satan Gold while I was over there. Good beer but not my favorite I had.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            Lucifer is better than Satan imho.

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            I can’t recall seeing that one, to be honest.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            Most local beer centers over here where I live sell Lucifer. It’s a blonde beer, but it’s good stuff.

      • Or this.

      • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

        I tried a Belgian sour ale one time and it was simply amazing. Alas, I can’t for the life of me remember the name

        • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

          Gueuze?

          • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

            It wasn’t Gueuze. Lambics are hit or miss for me

        • Señor Jefe El Rosa

          Was it actually a Belgian beer or just the style?

          • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

            It was an actual Belgian beer. I just looked it up. It was Petrus Aged Pale

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            Solid!

      • more beer

        He can’t get that here. But since the author lives in the same city as me. I know he isn’t hurting for good beers. Plus he lives a block from the best liquor store in town.

    • I’m thinking either a brown ale (on the thicker side), or perhaps a red would do nicely.

      • Señor Jefe El Rosa

        Brown ales are delicious. Noted!

  • Black Unbeard

    one of my customers gave me a butternut squash a couple months back, which i sat next to the pumpkins for fall decor. it and the pumpkins then were used as shooting practice later on.

    thats all butternut squash is good for

    • Space Monster W.

      Nah man. You can slice it up and make a solid pasta out of it. Or I cube it and throw it in pumpkin soup.

      • Señor Jefe El Rosa

        Butternut squash pasta>>>>>>>

        • Space Monster W.

          HAIL

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            HAIL

      • Black Unbeard

        i was just kidding. You can also make a casserole out of it it just so happens that’s what we used it for this time

  • nbm02ss
  • Space Monster W.

    Trader Joe’s >>>>

    • Old Man Doom

      TRAITOR JOE

    • I’d wholeheartedly agree if it weren’t for the fact that my local one was playing Smash Mouth when I was in there the other day. Therefore, Trader Joe’s only gets conditional approval.

    • Black Unbeard

      Ingles >>>>>>>>>

    • Stanley

      5 blocks from my house. It is indeed, the tits.

      • Space Monster W.

        We always go to one when we’re in a city that has one. They haven’t built one here yet 🙁

  • Old Man Doom

    Damn, my friend, this sounds excellent. I’ll make it without the cheese for my vegan GF.

    • Does she like Daiya?

      • Óðinn

        Is that anything like Daiyarrhea? 😉

        Just kidding. It’s fake cheese, right?

        • Hahaha! Yeah, vegan cheese. I’ll leave you to explore that route (nothing against vegans whatsoever, but I insist on eating real cheese).

          • Óðinn

            I don’t have anything against vegans either. I’d be willing to try the fake cheese, but I doubt I’d prefer it.

          • Pretty hard to top cheese with any sort of imitation. You can make a pretty good imitation of feta or Cotija if you coat pressed tofu in miso, wrap it up, and let it sit in the fridge for a few days, then crumble it. But it’s still just an imitation.

          • more beer

            It is fake. Tofu is disgusting. You only live once. So don’t waste your time eating fake foods.

          • more beer

            I also insist on eating dead animal flesh. .

  • Pentagram Sam

    This looks delicious and while I like squash, it always looks like shit until its aten.

    Cast iron skillets 4 lyfe.

    Get outta here w all that fancy pants teflon this, and non stick that business you sissy city folk. The iron skillet is a goddamn testament to the rugged 1800’s American frontier. If my great great grandmammy cooked beans n beef in a skillet on the Oregon Trail, then it’s good enough for me.

    For real, all I have to cook with are a skillet, a pasta pot, and a baking tray for oven. That skillet gets used every day. If you don’t have a cast iron skillet in your kitchen, you’re kinda fuckin up.

    • Señor Jefe El Rosa

      BACKED
      Do you want to start a band called IRON SKILLET with me?

    • Black Unbeard

      cast iron is great, especially if you have a wood burning stove or gas range. for electric ranges i do prefer copperware. we do have a few iron skillets, as they are still heavily favored in the appalachians

      • Copper’s awesome. Definitely on my wish list. Carbon steel pans are the shit, also.

    • KyleJMcBride

      I have a cast iron skillet passed on from Grandmama. I’ll never get rid of it.

    • more beer

      They also make a good weapon if the need for busting someones skull arises.

  • This looks spectacular, my Russian friend! (I just learned the word teetotaler last week…)

  • tigeraid

    dis reel gud.

  • This looks good! But it also looks like it requires effort…

  • Óðinn

    Looks good. Thanks, Mr. Poutine.

  • Óðinn
  • Stanley

    I reckon if you rolled up this concoction up with some scrambled egg in a monstrous flour tortilla you would have a breakfast burrito that would incapacitate you for the rest of the day. I’m all in.

    • Challenge accepted.

      Also, there’s a place in Denver that offers a 7-lb breakfast burrito.

      • more beer

        A friend of mine who you have probably met. Was working at that place. He said working there was a real shit show.

        • I believe it. I do not miss working in foodservice at all.

          • more beer

            There is way too much being nice to people. Doing that kind of work. I like having the option of telling someone t fuck off. If I have to.

    • ≠ Voidscape Tyree ≠

      That’s a marathon burrito.

      • Stanley

        Exactly. When my long runs start building up over the next few months, I’m going to give this a go.

        • Space Monster W.

          I think I’ll try it too. Planning to do another half in May.

          • Stanley

            Nice! I’ve just started running again this week. Had some time off after the Chicago Marathon to see if I can finally get rid of the PF. I have some big races this year so I’m taking the softly softly approach right now.

          • Space Monster W.

            Was the off-time successful for getting you healed up?

          • Stanley

            Maybe. Not sure yet. Sun – 1m, Mon – 2m, Tue – 1m. Off today. See how it is tomorrow.

            Problem is I went to a Strength and Sculpt class with a bunch on grannies on Monday, and after about 600 plie squats, my lower extremities are in tatters. I don’t know whats causing the most pain. Right now, all I can think about is my buttocks and how I’ll never be able to sit down again.

          • Space Monster W.

            Hahahaha, may the constitution of your ragged glutes be restored quickly.

          • Stanley

            I having a whole 2lb canister of Muscle Milk for lunch.

        • ≠ Voidscape Tyree ≠

          Speaking of which, I developed IT Band syndrome. It sucks man. So painful.

      • Stanley

        Did you see that this finally got released on vinyl?

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CKHXCM9Mf0&t=1180s

        • ≠ Voidscape Tyree ≠

          No I didn’t! Thanks for the info. I’m unfortunitly trying to save money for the next month so no more music purchases for a while. Maybe only one record a week now. Had to spend a lot of money the past month. Will add this one to my shopping cart though. Wholes selling it?

  • KyleJMcBride

    Hope these guys release a new one this year, nothing since 2014.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3-Q-x90HJ-8

  • Count_Breznak

    Oh, turns out Butternut is some kind of pumpkin, that makes it a whole lot less disgusting than the initial impression.

    • BobLoblaw

      Butternut squash soup for lunch today. Its the tits.

      • Count_Breznak

        Yeah, it most certainly seems to have potential…might try it with some substitutions here and there, depending on availability.

  • Elegant Gazing Globe

    Cast iron is metal AF

  • Waynecro

    That cucumber-onion-tomato-lime-cilantro mixture looks great. I might try using that to spice up the bland-ass chicken I eat every night.

  • Óðinn
  • Óðinn
  • Óðinn
  • more beer

    Hey Vlad you can make this next time you come over for a barbecue.