Metal Recipes: Beelzebub’s Butternut Squash and Black Bean Bowel Bomb

We are the wrath of gods and the desolation of the squash. It is on this day that snow drifts and howls, my workplace cowers in terror, and I concoct a firm foundation of unyielding despair delicious, cheap, and- if you care- healthy and vegetarian bit of comfort food for y’all. To perceive is to suffer, but to perceive while hangry is just stupid. Crack a beer, or as many beers as you like, and follow along for something that will allow you to be, if not proud, at least capable of saying “I did a thing.”


Beelzebub’s Butternut Squash and Black Bean Bowel Bomb

  • Serves: 4
  • Time: ~1 hour
  • “Special” equipment: 12″ cast iron skillet, Dutch oven, or other oven-safe pan
  • Goes well with/as: by itself, an accompaniment to football, nachos/tacos/burritos/taquitos, something to eat an entire pan of by yourself when decidedly not sober

 

Ingredients

  • 2-2.5 c butternut squash, in bite-size cubes
  • 2 c black beans, cooked (i.e. one 14-oz can)
  • 1 yellow onion, halved and thinly sliced
  • 6 small cloves garlic
  • 1 dried chile of choice, e.g. Guajillo, stemmed, seeded, and torn into several pieces
  • 3 medium tomatoes (I used Kumatos, but Romas will do in a pinch), coarsely chopped or in eighths
  • 1.5 t salt
  • 1 t black pepper
  • 1 T maple syrup
  • 1 t Spanish smoked paprika
  • 1 metal album from a Southwest band
  • 1.5 t cumin
  • 1/2 t coriander
  • 1/2 t chili powder
  • 1/4 t cinnamon
  • 1/4 t turmeric
  • 1/2 t oregano or sage
  • Olive oil
  • Splash of red wine
  • Generous swig of red wine, for yourself
  • 1 c chopped cucumber
  • 1/2 red onion, chopped
  • 1.5 c shredded cheese of choice
  • Fresh cilantro, chopped, for serving
  • Juice of 2 limes, for serving
  • Pure evil and hate

 

Instructions

1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Have your skillet in there to heat up along with it.

2. Prep your mise-en-place. In individual bowls: dried chile; onion; garlic; 2 of the chopped tomatoes; black beans; all of the spices except 1/2 t salt, black pepper, and 1/2 t paprika.

mise-en-place

3. Toss the squash in a little olive oil, the maple syrup, and the spices mentioned last in (2). Add to the skillet, then move to oven and roast 25 minutes, tossing once at the 15-minute mark. Remove, transfer to a bowl, and set aside. Note: that burnt-looking shit is the sugar. It’s delicious.

post-roasting

4. Move the skillet to the stovetop over medium heat (keep the oven on). Wipe it out, then add 3 T olive oil. When shimmering, add the dried chile and cook 1-2 minutes, until fragrant.

5. Add the onion, toss to coat, then cook 5-6 minutes, until thoroughly softened and starting to brown.

6. Add the garlic, 2 tomatoes, and remaining spices. Cook 2 minutes, stirring vigorously and mashing the tomatoes with the back of a spoon. You should get a good amount of liquid; if not, your tomatoes are false.

7. Add black beans and wine. Stir thoroughly, bring liquid to boil, then reduce heat to medium-low, layer the squash over the top, and cook 5 minutes, uncovered, until most of the liquid has evaporated.

8. Cover with cheese in an even layer. Transfer to oven until cheese is bubbling and golden brown, about 6 minutes.

9. Remove skillet from oven and set aside, covered, for 15-20 minutes.

post-baking

 

10. Portion out. Top each portion with chopped Persian cucumber, red onion, and the last chopped tomato (see below). Garnish with cilantro and lime juice. Serve with tortillas.

pico-2

 

Tips

  • If someone’s a hardcore teetotaler, swap out the red wine for a splash of apple cider vinegar and Worcestershire.
  • Don’t be put off by all the spices. You should have them in your cabinet anyway. If you don’t, you can spend $15 and get a six-month supply easy. Pro tip: the online vendors like Penzey’s and Savory Spice Shop are not only better, but actually cheaper than the supermarket. Plus, they give you free stuff. Disclaimer: for the record, that’s just me, not a paid endorsement.
  • Save yourself some effort. You can get pre-peeled garlic at the supermarket for dirt cheap. If you have a Trader Joe’s nearby, they sell pre-cubed butternut squash. And if you’re really lazy or in a hurry, just blitz the onion real quick in a food processor or mini-blender. It won’t get you slices, but it’ll work just as well.

Questions? Comments? Shrieks of disgust? Ideas for other recipes? Please share in the comments.

Written by:

Published on: January 11, 2017

Filled Under: Cooking

Views: 722

Tags: , ,

  • Brutalist_Receptacle

    Mrs. Receptacle and I enjoy butternut squash and habanero tostadas with pico de gallo and queso fresco.

  • Dave Vincent’s Perm
    • ≠ Voidscape Tyree ≠

      Perfection.

      • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

        Second best Immo album imo.

        • ≠ Voidscape Tyree ≠

          First is Ctawb.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            CtaWB is unfuckwithable. But DoP, HiA, CtaWB and Unholy Cult are all hard 5/5’s in my book.

          • ≠ Voidscape Tyree ≠

            Wow, yup! I was going to list my top five but you pretty much summed it up!

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            Failures for Gods is damn underrated. But I have to admit I’m guilty of underrating it myself. For some reason I don’t jam it as often as my other faves. Need to rectify that asap. DEATH TO JESUS!

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtfgHlCZ_do

          • ≠ Voidscape Tyree ≠

            Damn straight! Masterpiece!!! Just got a copy on vinyl last week. Only 900 pressed or something I think.

          • RJA

            So I’m a little confused on the Immolation records – Here in After, Failures, and CtaWB are getting re-pressed/re-released by Metal Blade? Right? Where did you pick up that copy?

          • ≠ Voidscape Tyree ≠

            HHB has them all. I just picked them all up. They are selling fast.

          • RJA

            That explains it a bit then – they seem to only have 2 of the 3 and only one of those has the clear! I’ll probably just order all 3 through metal blade as much as I hate to.

          • ≠ Voidscape Tyree ≠

            You missed Failures for Gods though 😉 That’s my number 3 before HiA.

          • you’re not going to mention Majesty and Decay? 🙁

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            Majesty and Decay is a 4.9/5

          • there’s the FrankWhite validation i needed today 🙂

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            Then again, M&D does feature “A Glorious Epoch”.
            Fuck it, 5/5

      • Dave Vincent’s Perm

        I am still heavily tempted to buy one of those probably Mexican bootleg Dawn of Possession longsleeves from etsy.

    • more beer

      I am on their guest list when they play here next month.

  • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

    Looks damn delicious…

    But does it fit my macros?

    http://images.athlonsports.com/d/24707-1/roid-arms-black_001.jpg

    • Oh, whoops. Add 5 scoops protein powder, 2 scoops BCAA’s, 1 lb creatine.

  • Señor Jefe El Rosa

    This looks beyond delicious! I can forsee this in my near future. Great work Vlad!

    What beer do you recommend as a pairing?

    • FrankWhiteKingOfNY
      • Señor Jefe El Rosa

        Belgian beers are the best beers that are not American beers.

        • FrankWhiteKingOfNY
          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            I did try the Satan Gold while I was over there. Good beer but not my favorite I had.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            Lucifer is better than Satan imho.

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            I can’t recall seeing that one, to be honest.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            Most local beer centers over here where I live sell Lucifer. It’s a blonde beer, but it’s good stuff.

      • Or this.

      • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

        I tried a Belgian sour ale one time and it was simply amazing. Alas, I can’t for the life of me remember the name

        • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

          Gueuze?

          • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

            It wasn’t Gueuze. Lambics are hit or miss for me

        • Señor Jefe El Rosa

          Was it actually a Belgian beer or just the style?

          • TheGranulatingDarkSatanicMilfs

            It was an actual Belgian beer. I just looked it up. It was Petrus Aged Pale

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            Solid!

      • more beer

        He can’t get that here. But since the author lives in the same city as me. I know he isn’t hurting for good beers. Plus he lives a block from the best liquor store in town.

    • I’m thinking either a brown ale (on the thicker side), or perhaps a red would do nicely.

      • Señor Jefe El Rosa

        Brown ales are delicious. Noted!

  • Black Unbeard

    one of my customers gave me a butternut squash a couple months back, which i sat next to the pumpkins for fall decor. it and the pumpkins then were used as shooting practice later on.

    thats all butternut squash is good for

    • Space Monster W.

      Nah man. You can slice it up and make a solid pasta out of it. Or I cube it and throw it in pumpkin soup.

      • Señor Jefe El Rosa

        Butternut squash pasta>>>>>>>

        • Space Monster W.

          HAIL

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa

            HAIL

      • Black Unbeard

        i was just kidding. You can also make a casserole out of it it just so happens that’s what we used it for this time

  • nbm02ss
  • Space Monster W.

    Trader Joe’s >>>>

    • Old Man Doom

      TRAITOR JOE

    • I’d wholeheartedly agree if it weren’t for the fact that my local one was playing Smash Mouth when I was in there the other day. Therefore, Trader Joe’s only gets conditional approval.

    • Black Unbeard

      Ingles >>>>>>>>>

    • Stanley

      5 blocks from my house. It is indeed, the tits.

      • Space Monster W.

        We always go to one when we’re in a city that has one. They haven’t built one here yet 🙁

  • Old Man Doom

    Damn, my friend, this sounds excellent. I’ll make it without the cheese for my vegan GF.

    • Does she like Daiya?

      • Óðinn

        Is that anything like Daiyarrhea? 😉

        Just kidding. It’s fake cheese, right?

        • Hahaha! Yeah, vegan cheese. I’ll leave you to explore that route (nothing against vegans whatsoever, but I insist on eating real cheese).

          • Óðinn

            I don’t have anything against vegans either. I’d be willing to try the fake cheese, but I doubt I’d prefer it.

          • Pretty hard to top cheese with any sort of imitation. You can make a pretty good imitation of feta or Cotija if you coat pressed tofu in miso, wrap it up, and let it sit in the fridge for a few days, then crumble it. But it’s still just an imitation.

          • more beer

            It is fake. Tofu is disgusting. You only live once. So don’t waste your time eating fake foods.

          • more beer

            I also insist on eating dead animal flesh. .

  • Pentagram Sam

    This looks delicious and while I like squash, it always looks like shit until its aten.

    Cast iron skillets 4 lyfe.

    Get outta here w all that fancy pants teflon this, and non stick that business you sissy city folk. The iron skillet is a goddamn testament to the rugged 1800’s American frontier. If my great great grandmammy cooked beans n beef in a skillet on the Oregon Trail, then it’s good enough for me.

    For real, all I have to cook with are a skillet, a pasta pot, and a baking tray for oven. That skillet gets used every day. If you don’t have a cast iron skillet in your kitchen, you’re kinda fuckin up.

    • Señor Jefe El Rosa

      BACKED
      Do you want to start a band called IRON SKILLET with me?

    • Black Unbeard

      cast iron is great, especially if you have a wood burning stove or gas range. for electric ranges i do prefer copperware. we do have a few iron skillets, as they are still heavily favored in the appalachians

      • Copper’s awesome. Definitely on my wish list. Carbon steel pans are the shit, also.

    • KyleJMcBride

      I have a cast iron skillet passed on from Grandmama. I’ll never get rid of it.

    • more beer

      They also make a good weapon if the need for busting someones skull arises.

  • This looks spectacular, my Russian friend! (I just learned the word teetotaler last week…)

  • tigeraid

    dis reel gud.

  • This looks good! But it also looks like it requires effort…

  • Óðinn

    Looks good. Thanks, Mr. Poutine.

  • Óðinn
  • Stanley

    I reckon if you rolled up this concoction up with some scrambled egg in a monstrous flour tortilla you would have a breakfast burrito that would incapacitate you for the rest of the day. I’m all in.

    • Challenge accepted.

      Also, there’s a place in Denver that offers a 7-lb breakfast burrito.

      • more beer

        A friend of mine who you have probably met. Was working at that place. He said working there was a real shit show.

        • I believe it. I do not miss working in foodservice at all.

          • more beer

            There is way too much being nice to people. Doing that kind of work. I like having the option of telling someone t fuck off. If I have to.

    • ≠ Voidscape Tyree ≠

      That’s a marathon burrito.

      • Stanley

        Exactly. When my long runs start building up over the next few months, I’m going to give this a go.

        • Space Monster W.

          I think I’ll try it too. Planning to do another half in May.

          • Stanley

            Nice! I’ve just started running again this week. Had some time off after the Chicago Marathon to see if I can finally get rid of the PF. I have some big races this year so I’m taking the softly softly approach right now.

          • Space Monster W.

            Was the off-time successful for getting you healed up?

          • Stanley

            Maybe. Not sure yet. Sun – 1m, Mon – 2m, Tue – 1m. Off today. See how it is tomorrow.

            Problem is I went to a Strength and Sculpt class with a bunch on grannies on Monday, and after about 600 plie squats, my lower extremities are in tatters. I don’t know whats causing the most pain. Right now, all I can think about is my buttocks and how I’ll never be able to sit down again.

          • Space Monster W.

            Hahahaha, may the constitution of your ragged glutes be restored quickly.

          • Stanley

            I having a whole 2lb canister of Muscle Milk for lunch.

        • ≠ Voidscape Tyree ≠

          Speaking of which, I developed IT Band syndrome. It sucks man. So painful.

      • Stanley

        Did you see that this finally got released on vinyl?

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CKHXCM9Mf0&t=1180s

        • ≠ Voidscape Tyree ≠

          No I didn’t! Thanks for the info. I’m unfortunitly trying to save money for the next month so no more music purchases for a while. Maybe only one record a week now. Had to spend a lot of money the past month. Will add this one to my shopping cart though. Wholes selling it?

  • KyleJMcBride

    Hope these guys release a new one this year, nothing since 2014.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3-Q-x90HJ-8

  • Count_Breznak

    Oh, turns out Butternut is some kind of pumpkin, that makes it a whole lot less disgusting than the initial impression.

    • BobLoblaw

      Butternut squash soup for lunch today. Its the tits.

      • Count_Breznak

        Yeah, it most certainly seems to have potential…might try it with some substitutions here and there, depending on availability.

  • Elegant Gazing Globe

    Cast iron is metal AF

  • Waynecro

    That cucumber-onion-tomato-lime-cilantro mixture looks great. I might try using that to spice up the bland-ass chicken I eat every night.

  • Óðinn
  • Óðinn
  • Óðinn
  • more beer

    Hey Vlad you can make this next time you come over for a barbecue.