Go to One of these Metal Fests This Month

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Peel yourself off that leather couch and hit the road.

We’re in the dog days of summer, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have fun. The festival summer series continues with more metal than you can shake a studded bracelet at. Grab your spritz bottle, double-up on Gold Bond, and let’s go!

 

Brutal Assault 2015
8/5 – 8/8
Fortress Josefov, Czech Republic
www.brutalassault.com

brutalassault

No, Enabler isn’t playing this fest. Neither is Heavy Chains nor Suburban Scum. The brutality is purely of the audio variety, and though it’s not exactly covered in gore and pornogrind bands, there is still a lot of heaviness to go around. Brutal Assault’s appeal is its variety. It has a little something for every type of metal fan. Death, doom, black, drone, the list goes on and on. Also, Emmure is there.

Bands: Mastodon, Agalloch, Candlemass, Katatonia, Dillinger Escape Plan, SUNNO))), Triptykon, Vader

 

Bloodstock Open Air 2015
8/6 – 8/9
Catton Park Walkon On Trent, Derbyshire, UK
www.bloodstock.uk.com
bloodstock

Bloodstock: Three Days Of Peace, Love, and SHITIJUSTHITANARTERY! Billed as the UK’s largest metal festival, Bloodstock has a whole bunch of worthy headliners on one stage. Then there’s a big drop-off on the second, third and fourth stages. Maybe they ran out of money booking Savage Messiah and Pro-Pain and had to settle for Mastiff, Loft, and Victorian Whore Dogs. Nothing against any of those bands, but compared to smaller stages at other fests, there’s not a lot of name recognition going on. Of course, it’s always fun discovering new bands and maybe you’ll catch someone right before they blow up big.

Bands: Trivium, Rob Zombie, Within Temptation, Sabaton, Opeth, Black Label Society, Godflesh

 

Party.San Metal Open Air
8/6 – 8/8
Schlotheim, Germany
http://www.party-san.de/news/
PartySan

Party! Party! Party! Fold a white bed sheet across your body to create a toga for this fest. Reenact your favorite scenes from Animal House by smashing an acoustic guitar or spitting food on people. Wacken may have just ended, but there’s still metal to be had in the land of beer, pretzels, and crushing austerity measures against other nations in the European Union. My one gripe with Party.San? No Party Cannon. Party foul, bros. Party foul.

Bands: Behemoth, Cannibal Corpse, Samael, Asphyx, Melechesh, Mayhem, My Dying Bride

 

Heavy MTL
8/7 – 8–9
Montreal, Canada
http://heavymontreal.com/
heavymtl

This is a big one. Heavy MTL has been around a few years and helps demonstrate that a big metal festival could do okay in North America. We get three days of metal and punk with just a dash of rock and hair metal. There aren’t many festivals where you can see Pig Destroyer, Dokken, Warrant, and Andrew WK all in the same day. Korn is performing their self-titled album, so be sure to bring your cleanest Adidas track suit. 14-year-old you would be excited. Also, if anyone is going, please let us know what B.A.R.F. is all about.

Bands: Slipknot, Faith No More, Korn, Lamb Of God, Iggy Pop, Meshuggah, Coal Chamber, Warrant

 

Summer Breeze
8/13- 8/15
Dinkelsbuhl, Germany
www.summer-breeze.de
summerbreeze

August is hot, humid, and gross. Let the cooling Summer Breeze wash over you like a Bud Light Lime Rita washes down the throat of someone who makes poor life choices on a daily basis. Shut your eyes and bask in the wafting stench of unwashed metalheads. Imbibe the stench of stale beer and even staler piss. The most interesting thing about Summer Breeze is that Kyle Gass from Tenacious D is playing with his new band. Enjoy the Rage Cage in all his glory.

Bands: Nightwish, Kreator, Sodom, Destruction, Paradise Lost, Death To All, Kyle Gass Band

 

NYDM Annual Metalfest
8/14 – 8/15
Providence, RI
https://www.facebook.com/events/338000959657897/
nydmfestivalprovidence

Yeah, I know. The NYDM Metalfest is taking place in Providence which is not, in fact, in New York. That’s ok, though, because that means New Englanders get to enjoy some brutal death metal in Misery Index and Pyrexia. There’s even a little doom as the cherry on top. While there really isn’t enough for this to be stretched out over two days, there’s also a preshow the night before featuring Pilgrim. Still not enough? You can go to the kickass Armageddon Shop while in town which is run by the guys from Dropdead. Providence is just the best, isn’t it?

Bands: Misery index, Pyrexia, Solstice, Monrach, Unearthly Trance, Churchburn, Thrash or Die

 

Motocultor Festival
8/14 – 8/16
Saint Nolff, France
www.motorcultor-festival.com
motocultur

Motocultor sounds like either a Gwar villain or a terrible Megadeth song. Maybe it’s the name of a Motorhead-inspired car shop. Luckily for us, it’s actually a French metal fest with a stacked lineup. There are plenty of big names and some that I don’t recognize that may tickle your fancy. Judging by the promo photo for Sticky boys, something will definitely be tickled. Shudder.

Bands: Opeth, Carcass, Sepultura, Pentagram, Sick Of It All, Madball, Orange Goblin, Eluveitie

 

Ieper Hardcore Fest
8/14 – 8/16
Ieper, Belgium
www.ieperfest.com
ieperfest

Adjust your mosh shorts, tie-up your bandana across your face, and properly stretch for this hXc fest. Seriously, you don’t want to pull a muscle during Sick Of It All. You can’t stay true and represent the scene with a pulled hamstring. Despite being a haven for sleeve tattoos and spinkicks, Ieperfest also has a decent amount of metal acts including Pentagram, Psycroptic, Brujeria, and Rosetta. Props to the organizers for having a green policy, something that more fests should take part in. Heck, they even have their own garden, and all of the food sold is 100% vegan. Think of that the next time you shell out $11 for a burger that tastes like an old shoe.

Bands: Judge, Caliban, Biohazard, Walls of Jericho, Less Than Jake, All Out War, Slapshot, Doom

 

Kaltenbach Open Air
8/20 – 8/22
Spital am Semmering, Austria
www.kaltenbach-openair.at
kaltenbach

This fest for the heavy metal fans that take the “heavy” part very seriously. Lots of death, black metal and grind here. I can practically smell the puddles of blood and pus. Also, there’s something called Scarecrow NWA. which better be a bunch of anthropomorphic killer scarecrows doing “Straight Outta Compton”. Also, there’s bands named Rectal Rooter and Progeria Buffet. It’s probably a good idea not to Google them at work.

Bands: Marduk, Dark Funeral, Krisiun, Anaal Nathrakh, Rotting Christ, God Dethroned

 

 

Obscene Extreme America
8/20 – 8/23
Montreal, Canada
www.obscene-extreme.com
obsceneextreme

Canada is certainly part of America, but really, this should be called Obscene Extreme Canada. I can’t hate the name too much, though, because this fest also has a great poster. Hockey is brutal and extremely tough, no question. What Obscene Extreme America lacks in slashes and icings, it excels in sheer awesomeness. Bring your ear plugs and prepare your neck for some serious shredding and slamming. +1 if you wear a Quebec Major Junior Hockey League jersey to the show. I suggest Bae-Comeau Drakkar or Acadie Bathurst Titan. You can’t go wrong with Viking-related jerseys.

Bands: Fuck The Facts, Dropdead, Full Of Hell, Immolation, Gruesome, Jig-Ai, Noisem, Rumpelstiltskin Grinder

 

Got any more August metal festivals people should know about? Post them in the comments section!

  • Dubzlinger, Malandro Slayer

    The Teutonic Thrash bands are all playing Summer Breeze.

    • “SIX STRING SAAAABBBEERRRR!!!!!!!!”

      You dig?

      GL
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=req-oDf2ZRc

      • Dubzlinger, Malandro Slayer

        I do like Accept, amigo.

      • Stanley

        The last 3 Accept albums combined are one of the best comebacks in history.

        • Cosigned, buddy.

        • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

          I’ll go as far as to say it’s more consistently awesome than any three albums they did with Udo.

  • CyberneticOrganism

    Damn you, Europe.

  • nope
    nope
    nope
    nope
    nope
    nope
    nope
    nope
    nope
    nope

  • Dang, Trivium is nailing some high spots on those shows! I surprised that they are ahead of some of the older bands. Weird.This is in no way a criticism of them, either.

    Their new song tickles me the right way. Flush the posers.

    GL

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PcIlZ3luYHc

  • Herr Schmitty

    I kinda like that Heavy MTL lineup. Too bad the mounties would surely cast me right out of Canada as soon as I tried to enter.

    • KJM

      Banned in Canada, much like King 810?

      • Herr Schmitty

        Oh no… I have more in common with them than I wanted to be aware of.

  • Tyree

    I just want to point out that there is a band named Cliteater. Party.San Metal Open Air looks pretty solid.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ALfJV5-83p0

    • The Fish Boz

      “Maybe they’re not gay. Probably bisexual though.”

      – Seth Putnam

      • KJM

        “You Named Your Band ‘Cliteater’ But We Know You’re Gay Anyway” – A.C. outtake found in the bottom of a locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying ‘Beware of the Leopard’.

  • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

    Hells Headbash 2, next month.

  • Gillmanfest in Caracas will be free and bring Ratos de Porao, from Brazil.

    Sadly, I’m too far away of Caracas and I only heard one song from Ratos de Porao.

    *preparing for the tomatoes rain D:*

    • The Fish Boz
    • TheCheezFace

      Really? I didn’t know Ratos de Porão still existed. Huh.

      • Yeah, they still tour, I think I saw them playing in another city here last year.

  • The Fish Boz

    Your posts usually bring a smile to my face, except for the festival stuff. That just makes me sad.

    • ¯_(ツ)_/¯

      • The Fish Boz

        This little dude makes me smile. You win again.

    • KJM

      Even though we get a decent amount of regular shows, we get shit for festivals in New England.

  • Herr Schmitty
    • #lolhue

      • Herr Schmitty

        Hey man, you gotta #OWNTHEMOMENT.

        • or #CHANGETHECHANNEL

          • it’s better than baseball

          • To hell with teh St Louis Cardinals. That is all I have to say.

          • i’m god damn surrounded by it. that and budweiser/bud light commercials/ads

          • I so srry. Srs.

          • BEST FANS IN BASEBALL

          • CyberneticOrganism

            WATCH SPORTS BUY SHIT BEER
            OBEY CONSUME
            SLEEP

          • In the only sport that Venezuelans don’t suck is in baseball, jejejeje.

          • Herr Schmitty

            After watching Pablo Sandoval for about 100 games this year, I feel like Venezuelans are bad at baseball too. He’s killing us. He was good for a different team last year, but all he has done since we paid him is eat. A lot. http://www.bostonherald.com/sites/default/files/styles/full/public/blog_posts/sandoval_0.jpg?itok=9R3jdzmF&c=fe3322161c9d4f5172ed14409f478d28

          • I was being kinda ironic because I don’t like baseball.

            Well…

            Time to die.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MUwfRa-VDhE

          • Stanley

            Ha ha!

          • more beer

            He should have gone on the A-Rod plan. Juicing instead. But I don`t think it matters since you guys are 13 games behind the Yankees anyway.

          • My blood pressures rises just reading the word “Yankees”.

          • Yankee fan here, fight me.

          • more beer

            Same here! I got your back!

          • YOU AND EVERYONE ELSE!

            <3 u RD

          • To be fair I’m not your typical obnoxious entitled fan and I can have a civil baseball discussion with a Boston fan.

          • more beer

            Sorry man. But I did grow up in New York pretty close to Yankee Stadium. Just like bands I like I stay loyal to my teams.

          • “All he has done since we paid him is eat. A lot”.

            That’s what you get when you contract Venezuelans. They’re lazy and only think in eat fried food and sleep in an hammock.

          • Herr Schmitty

            You know I’m joking, Link!

            Really though, this Venezuelan right here is one that I would want on my team, Senor Ozzie Guillen! http://cdn0.sbnation.com/imported_assets/1883973/ozzie-guillen-choke.jpg

          • I thought the Sox would be decent this year but they shit the bed real bad. I also thought the Yankees would be mediocre but they’re in 1st. You just can’t predict baseball or any other sport for that matter.

          • more beer

            The Yankees are kicking some serious ass so far this year.

          • Herr Schmitty

            This conversation is killing me inside. Killing me.

          • this conversation must be how heavy metal discussions sound to normal people.

          • Stanley

            this conversation must be how video game discussions sound to normal people.

          • KJM

            I’ll go with this.

          • Herr Schmitty

            I think that’s actually a pretty safe bet!

          • more beer

            That`s how I feel when the Red Sox are winning.

          • I’m suprised, I thought they’d be middle of the pack. I do like that they have promoted younger players rather than trade for older veterans.

          • more beer

            So am I. Sometimes getting that new blood in, is the best thing that can happen to a team. Hopefully they can keep this up through September. Without any major slumps. Also Boston being in last place doesn`t hurt either.

          • True 4/5 games is a nice lead but one bad week can fuck your shit up. Toronto’s been good since they made the trades for Tulo and Price. We’ll what happens this weekend.

          • more beer

            There is still a lot of season left. But Boston being 13 out puts a huge smile on my face.

          • It’s fun watching them be the laughing stock of baseball but it’s also fun when both teams are competitive. 2003 ALCS was a good time.

          • more beer

            That was some series in 2003. I think with that rivalry even if one of them is sucking it doesn`t matter. Both teams always bring their A game.

          • Sir Tapir The Based :]

            Every sport that includes a spherical object is horrible (except for bowling).

          • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

            I broke my thumb bowling once. A hörrible sport.

          • Sir Tapir The Based :]

            How horrible do you have to be to break your thumb while bowling?

          • Dimmadarn horrible, to be exact.

          • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

            ‘Twas my first time. So probably terribly bad.

          • Stanley
          • Herr Schmitty

            Pro Bowlers: They’re just like us!

          • *Sir Tapir The Bowler :]”

            GL

          • Böwling is fün.

          • more beer

            Bowling is more of a game than a sport. Kind of like golf. It`s something old fat guys do. Who have no athletic ability.

          • Yeah Ok Kerry King.

          • It’s a dangerous game! Karhu broke his thumb!!!

          • more beer

            Or you can drink too much beer and drop the ball on your toe.

          • i’d bowl with you, Tapir!!

          • Sir Tapir The Based :]

            I’d love to bowl woth you Jimmy!

    • CyberneticOrganism
    • DCLXVI

      Bruins are gonna blow again this year.

      • Herr Schmitty

        I’m… cautiously optimistic. The defense corps doesn’t look great, but the forwards should actually be pretty good! And Tuukka Rask is the ultimate equalizer.

        • DCLXVI

          Tukka Rask is just a figment of your imagination

  • Not gonna lie, I would like to see that Heavy Montreal lineup.

    GL

  • Obscene Extreme looks like it’d be a lot of fun aside from all the French people.

    • Poutine and sweaty denim vests.

    • Super Nintendo Chalmers

      Montreal is full of gorgeous women. You might find someone who has their “shit” together.

      Then again, you’re Texan. They’ll hate your guts anyways.

      • I don’t think Canada will let me bring my six-shooters in : (

        • Herr Schmitty

          Montreal is a city that calls the police after Bruins players hit Canadiens players on the ice. I say this to point out that your judgment of the French of Montreal is valid and fair.

          http://www.stanleycupofchowder.com/2011/3/9/2041027/habs-fan-tie-up-police-emergency-line-with-calls-for-charas-arrest

        • Do you shoot revolvers?

          • I live in the city so I don’t own a gun. I like revolvers when I go the gun range for birthdays and such tho.

          • Gotcha. I didnt know if you were speaking hypothetically or not.

          • Stanley

            Oh, of course. I can’t imagine a good birthday party without some six shooters. What the WTF!

          • Have you never gone to a gun range with friends? It’s a lot of fun.

          • KJM

            I’m not a gun person and I can see how that would be fun.

          • It is a lot of fun until your buddy gets hit in the head by a pigeon thrower and ends up in the hospital with 18 staples in his head.

            #DarwinAwardWinner

          • Herr Schmitty

            I’m curious to know if this is a real story from your life now!

          • Totes real. We shoot sporting clays every other Sunday. It was a vertical thrower. He was un cocking it and it let loose, whipped around, and clocked him right on the top of his head. Mad blood. He was lucky it didnt catch him on the face, nose, eyes, teeth, etc. He just finished shooting when he yelled out he needed help. Crazy lucky.

          • Herr Schmitty

            Holy fuck! Cool story after the fact, but probably not very fun in the moment; I would have been worried that my buddy shot himself if I were in your shoes!

          • Pretty stressful day, for sure. Hopefully this weekend goes off without a hitch!

          • Stanley

            Yeah. I have. When I first moved to the states we went to the range down near the airport. It’s gone now due to tech company take over, but it was a lot of fun. Of course I had to shoot a Magnum 44 as Dirty Harry is my man. It almost “took my head clean off”.

          • My dad has one of those. It’s monstrous. I’m way too chickenshit to try it out.

          • Stanley

            I’m not gonna lie. My arm was shaking as I held it out and I closed my eyes when I squeezed the trigger the first time. POW!

          • My friend has a vid of us shooting a huge can of pudding with one of those dirty harry guns on a camping trip. It’s on youtube somewhere, I’ll post in FB later.

          • Aren’t you from Europe, Stan?

          • Stanley

            Yep.

          • If I didn’t have this gun, the king of England could walk right in here and start pushing you around. D’you want that? Huh? Do ya?

          • #Don’tTreadOnMePardner

          • Stanley

            The King of England doesn’t exist!

          • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

            …for now
            *rubs hands together*

          • Lacertilinger

            Further reaffirmation that this is indeed Joe
            https://simpsonswiki.com/w/images/2/2d/The_Rich_Texan.png

  • Pagliacci is Kvlt

    Agalloch is working hard this month.

    • Someone needs to pay all the incense, my tree hugger friend.

  • Super Nintendo Chalmers

    Rectal Rooter opened up for Spastic Twat back in the day.

    • Herr Schmitty

      15 year old Schmitty referred to his dong as ‘The Roto Rooter,’ among other things. I used to offer to clean my friends’ pipes.

      I’m a horrible person and that’s not a new development.

      • That’s the worse #ToiletConfession this month e_e)

        • Herr Schmitty

          No way, there’s gotta be worse than that!

  • The Battle Born NDN

    Waynestock.

  • Angry Ghosts In My Boogers

    And not a goddamn one coming here to Hampton Roads. And the best one is in Baltimore. GAH!!!! (tosses a quarter in Cybernetic’s coin jar)

    • more beer

      It`s not exactly a place known for metal. The only band I can think of off the top of my head. That came from around there is At War. Even they are from across the bay in Virginia Beach.

      • Angry Ghosts In My Boogers

        Norfolk has a metal scene. Nothing to speak of though. Not much of any music scene here in Hampton or Newport News. VA Beach definitely has some of the all time hip hop artists though.

        • more beer

          They kind of had a scene when I was there. It was very small and not very good. I remember one particularly horrible hair band there called Hooker. Yes that was their name I shit you not. They were terrible but all of the locals loved them. They were like the big fish in a small pond. They actually bitched to me about how they played Lamour in Brooklyn. But they got fucked because they didn`t get paid what they were worth. So I told them they were lucky to even get to step foot on that stage. Which they were. Since some the biggest metal bands ever had played there. I had to explain to them. You make okay money for shows in the Tidewater area because there aren`t many bands here. There they can pay you whatever a completely unheard of band makes, and that how it is. If you don`t want the show 100 other bands want it. So tough shit. Those guys didn`t really like me.

          • Farty Codpiece Poopoo Warrior

            Las, we have Lamb Of God (who I do like), but there from Richmond, which is about 100 miles from here.

          • more beer

            That’s why I didn’t include them. They are too far away from the Tidewater area.

          • Undead Karate Poopoo Samich

            BTW, this is my new name. After more than a year of it, giving the Kim Jong Un thing a break for a while.

          • more beer

            Right on. I don`t know what Best Korea will do without KJU. That is a very creative name I will say.

          • Undead Karate Poopoo Samich

            Lol, thanks! I’m still ruling Best Korea, just going undercover as a hard drinking, anime loving metalhead sandwich

          • more beer

            Hahaha!! Ruling with an iron fist and bug eyes!

          • Undead Karate Poopoo Samich

            And hairy, greasy palms!

          • more beer

            It couldn`t be any other way.

  • Hubert

    There’s a free festival coming 19 September to my hometown with Vader and Venom among others. CAN’T WAIT DSDQFWRRYM
    http://baroegopenair.nl

    • KJM

      A free Venom show? Jeez…

      • It’s Venom Inc.

        There are two Venom?!

        • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

          Yes. Venom Inc. has Mantas, Abbadon, and Demolition Man. Basically Venom before Cronos came back.

        • Hubert

          It’s regular venom but they’re called venom inc. For reasons, legal issues probably

          • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

            Venom without Cronos.

        • KJM

          I’ll go with Cronos.

        • Pagliacci is Kvlt

          I think Marvel is up to 3 Venoms now.

          https://i.imgur.com/d88xbP0.png

    • Tyree

      Fuck, I want to see Vader. They seem to avoid North America like the plague.

      • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

        They haven’t toured over here in years. I saw them twice in the early ’00s. Don’t think they’ve been back, obviously.

        • Tyree

          It’s fucking strange. They must do better over in Europe.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Maybe, though when I saw them, the crowds were average size.

          • Herr Schmitty

            Probably. A lot of bands just hate coming through customs and shit with all their gear too, though; the US has been making that shit more and more difficult since 9/11, and I wonder if the reason KSOFM could see ’em in the aughts (and now they don’t come back) has something to do with the hassle of travel.

            Lots of risk for a metal band. They’re not exactly banking, then you see what happens to bands like Obscura when shit doesn’t go well… http://www.metalinjection.net/latest-news/bummer-alert/obscura-forced-to-drop-off-the-summer-slaughter-tour

          • Tyree

            Solid point. I think that’s the big problem for most bands that play MDF. That’s why a good portion of them drop off last minute.

          • Pagliacci is Kvlt

            On the super-secret Shadow Woods attendees FB page they are soliciting ideas for bands for next year, and they as much said keep the list to US bands because of the cost factor.

            I also found out on there that the original PA location (Fannettsburg) was scrapped because of protesting Christian nut-bags, and they’re worried that they may show up at the new location.

          • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

            To you, @tyreegearhart:disqus and @MFOSK:disqus
            Every European band loses money when they tour the US, most have never made a dime touring it. You gotta be big to bank on it.
            To say the least the money gained is usually small change.

          • *Non-US band.

            FTFY.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            I’m sure that’s something to do with it, hassle, cash, visas, etc.

          • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

            The other day Vader announced a gig for yesterday about 30 minutes from my place. Shame it turned out to be a ruse 😛

    • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

      Going to Netherlands Deathfest?

      • Hubert

        Probably, lineup looked great.

        • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

          I was seriously thinking about buying a ticket. Been wanting to see Netherlands for a long time. Then I looked at my sorry-add wallet and cancelled the damn flight-tickets.

          • Sir Tapir The Based :]

            Walk or swim there

          • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

            Hmm, not a bad idea. Although the fastest route does go through Denmark and I won’t risk that journey. So I’d have to swim through Sweden to Germany and walk from there…
            You know what, doesn’t sound so bad. Maybe I will.

          • Sir Tapir The Based :]

            I’ll give you 23 dogecoins if you’ll go through Denmark and survive.

          • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

            That many? Tempting, tempting…

          • Bah, I thought you were using tapircoins. I’m going to invest on those to buy a car in Venezuela.

          • Sir Tapir The Based :]

            I’m gonna be real with you because I like you. Do not get tapircoins. Even poop is more valuable. You’ll be investing your entire life and what you’ll get is a small piece of a car tire.

          • As always, Venezuela is a bad place for everything. Thanks, Tapir. I’m going with Dogecoins, then.

          • Sir Tapir The Based :]

            Venezuela is not the worst. They have this one cool dude called Link.

          • Yay!

          • Stanley

            What have you Fins got against Denmark? You no like bacon?

          • Sir Tapir The Based :]

            One reason is that they’re the happiest country in the world. You can’t trust happy people. Well, you can’t trust people, but happy people are even more likely to betray you.

          • Stanley

            You’re supposed to be saving for UTBS 2016.

          • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

            That I need to do.

    • OldMetalHead

      This one looks good and not too far away.
      http://eindhovenmetalmeeting.com/2015/

  • Stanley

    This is the festival (Under the Black Sun) that I would most like to attend. Going to try and make it happen next year.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byH-wn70SL0

    • Tyree

      That’s a pretty solid line-up. Grim as fuck.

      http://www.utbs-festival.de/running.php

      • Stanley

        And 2014….

        • Tyree

          I’d like to see Voidhanger.

          • Stanley

            What we need is a North American Polish Tour. Here is the line up: Mgla/Infernal War/Voidhanger/Furia/Morthus

          • Tyree

            That’s a good start. Add Cultes des Ghoules, Kriegsmaschine, Plaga, and Szron.

          • Stanley

            Yes, you could just take the Polish stage at UTBS from 2014 and I’d be happy.

    • I can see that headline now…

      “TENS OF BLACK METAL FANS DESCEND INTO GREATER GERMANY”
      “LOCAL RETAILERS CLAIM “BLACK” COLORED MERCHANDISE SALES UP 666%”

      GL

    • CyberneticOrganism

      Several years ago I saw posters for a pagan metal festival held in the middle of a forest somewhere in either Europe or the Pacific Northwest US. It looked amazing.

      • Stanley

        Lluvia announced that they are playing in the woods in Santa Cruz. You can only find out the time and location, by sending an e-mail.

        “Rituale Arcana

        22nd eve of Augustus MMXV

        Black Metal Ritual in the forest preservation of Santa Cruz in commemoration of the 2nd Lluvia LP ‘Eternidad Solemne’

        Location details and hour of congregation will only be disclosed via e-mail.

        For initiation contact lordvast666@gmail.com

  • Not really related, but I’ve been jamming this non-stop lately. I know it got mentioned a couple times on here, but I feel like it deserves more attention. This shit is fucking fire.

    https://sulphuraeon-vanrecords.bandcamp.com/album/gateway-to-the-antisphere

  • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

    The Green Policy on that HxC fest inludes: – Be Quiet: No radios, speakers, shouting, loud singing, or anything else that makes too much noise.
    So damn them. Damn them all to hell.

  • DCLXVI

    the leather couch is the coolest spot in the house when it’s hot.

  • That fest in Belgium looks dope. The going green aspect and vegan food is a nice touch. Suprised Rise and Fall isn’t playing, they are from there. Obscene Extreme looks good too.

  • Offtopic: Chipotle sounds so good right now.

    GL

  • Waynecro

    I often wish these kinds of festivals came to my neck of the woods. Then I remember that I’m old and crappy and probably wouldn’t be able to summon up the energy necessary to drag ass out of the house and go to them. When I was a minor, I used to stand outside of all the local 21+ clubs where metal bands played, just hoping to hear or catch a glimpse of my favorite bands. Now I’m hesitant to go to a show on a work night. I can’t even stay awake late enough to order the Late-Night Munchie Meals at Jack in the Box.

  • Max

    “Shirenc Plays Pungent Stench.” That sounds very genteel.

  • Akerskronks ov Steele

    Cocksucker! I won’t be able to go to any of these 🙁 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6QbEzCoTafU