Athorn – Another Day In Hell: A Video Breakdown


Athorn For Every Heart.

Videos that are over 8 minutes long. Don’t do it. Videos that have an extensive story. Don’t do it. Videos that cast the band as action stars. Don’t do it. Green screens in videos. Don’t do it. Using special effects in your video when you don’t have the budget to make them look good. Don’t do it. Why didn’t you listen, Athorn?

0:01: This video is almost 9 minutes long. Holy Heimdall, Batman!
0:07: If you touch Athorn, you get Aprick on your finger.
0:13: A meteor shower? But I didn’t even sweat today!
0:30: Oh, so we’re in Des Moines, Iowa?
0:38: No! Not the Pornhub satellite!
0:43: “Look! It’s Andre The Giant’s sperm!”
0:46: Not Seattle! Where else will we get our stupid 12s shirts and cargo shorts?
0:53: None were spared from the Sepiapocalypse.
0:58: Is that racist? It kind of feels racist.
1:07: “Well, first of all, it’s not a jacket. It’s a duster. It’s like a jacket only it’s longer, thicker, and far more bad-ass.”
1:11: M’lady.
1:19: Hey, no one told me Geoff Tate was in this band.
1:22: The heat waves really make me believe that Athorn is in a raging post-apocalyptic inferno.
1:25 It didn’t work for Firespawn and it’s not working for Athorn.
1:31: He is jerking Armageddon completed raw.
1:34: Sure everyone is dead and there’s no food or water, but he still has time to pain his nails.
1:37: Hey, Joel from accounting survived!
1:47. The world is on fire and this guy lights a match.
1:51: This guy has definitely read The Art Of Seduction
1:58: Still better than drinking Cel-Ray.
2:11: He’s going to give that to his mutant sweetie.
2:17: It’s science’s fault! Let’s kill science!
2:25: “Maybe I can pawn this for some sweet brass knux.”
2:36: The teddy bear was then put into the Witness Protection Program for its own safety.
2:39: Unnecessary tumble! Weeeeeeeee!
2:45: Y’know, you’d be able to run fasted if you didn’t have a giant duster creating wind resistance.
2:50: Granted, you wouldn’t look as cool. Tough call.
2:54. Steampunk Winston Churchill!
3:02: Joel is rocking the fuck out of those year-end reports.
3:03: If only that digital fire could burn off his chin merkin.
3:11: “Silent Lucidity, motherfucker!”
3:14: *HEADSH*-uh, I mean *NECKSHOT*
3:25: Nice to see Hot Topic is still open during Doomsday.
3:31: Is that sword digital? Really?
3:39: He learned all his sword moves from Youtube.
3:42: “I once ate a sandwich this big!”
3:51: The Never-Kissed-A-Girl Squad is ready for action!
4:07: I hope that dance move never, ever, ever becomes popular.
4:16: Shredding like he’s about to get kicked out of the mall by security.
4:27: Joel will have those tasty licks on your desk by 5 today!
4:41: Welcome to the Pleasure Dome.
4:45: Where…where did they get the world for that fire?
4:49: Maybe we’ll get a re-enactment of the campfire scene from Blazing Saddles.
4:58: Now to find a bush to hide behind for 2 1/2 minutes.
5:11: As clammy as the day she met him.
5:19: The end of the world is about to get funk-ay *bow-chicka-wow-wow*
5:26: Dude, you hugged her too hard! What the lump?!
5:32: Oh, hey Kratos.
5:46: That’s real solid battle plan you guys have there.
5:54: It he finds a heart container from Zelda, all is forgiven.
6:07: A box of pharmacy-grade chocolate to appease the gods.
6:15: Um. What?
6:22: They were skeletons this whole time! I knew it!
6:43: I’m really trying to piece this all together in my head and it’s giving me a migraine.
6:56. Oh, wow. 2 minutes of credits.
7:47: Vicky doesn’t get a last name?
8:30: Athorn will return in “Another Day In Hell 2: Heck To The Future”

Athorn’s album Necroplois is out now via Dr. Music Records.

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  • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

    I hate music.

  • Mother Shabubu is fucking dead

    Looked at the video screen cap and all I could see is LIVING MY LIFE’S NOT HARD ENOUGH! TAKE EVERYTHING AWAYYAAAAAY!

  • Waynecro

    Dear Athorn:

    Thank you very much for featuring the DB-Z Desert-Ready Canteen from Canteen Co. in your epic new music video. We certainly appreciate the publicity! However, we are concerned that your depicting the canteen as full of sand portrays our fine product in a negative light.

    We make the DB-Z Desert Ready Canteen 100 percent sand resistant. In fact, we are so sure of our canteen’s ability to resist sand that we offer a full refund to any customer who, while using the product properly according to the guidelines established in the 100-page DB-Z Desert-Ready Canteen manual, finds sand in his or her canteen. Clearly, such a large amount of sand finding its way into our sand-resistant DB-Z Desert-Ready Canteen is the result of user error/product misuse/sabotage and not the result of our product’s inability to resist sand. Perhaps you could add some sort of disclaimer to your video to prevent viewers from getting the wrong idea about the DB-Z Desert-Ready Canteen from Canteen Co.

    Jim from production fancies himself a bit of a film expert, and he suggested that the canteen full of sand in the video is a visual device to show how devoid of water the environment is; however, I spoke to the scientists in our Canteen-Technology Research Lab, and they assured me that water never turns into sand–no matter how hot and dry a climate is (and especially not if the water is in our DB-Z Desert-Ready Canteen).

    Anyway, thank you again for featuring out product so prominently in your music video. Will you please add a disclaimer as I suggest above? Or perhaps you could add a vignette that shows the canteen’s previous user trying to fill the canteen with sand for some reason. Maybe he went crazy in the desert, or maybe he’s the villain, which would explain why he would misuse a high-quality product like the DB-Z Desert-Ready Canteen (thereby voiding the warranty and eliminating the possibility of claiming a full refund for finding sand in the DB-Z Desert-Ready Canteen). Sorry! Those were just some ideas I had, but I’ll leave the art to you artists!

    Looking forward to hearing from you,
    Vicky Smith, Marketing Director, Canteen Co.