And the Winner of That Free Death Reissue Is…

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I asked you to bring the dank. Several of you obliged, but there can be only one. Welcome to Thunderdome.

This obviously isn’t the winner, but I take every chance I can to reference Thunderdome.

You all fought bravely, but at the end of the match, it came down to two fierce gladiators. In one corner, Ann Kvlter’s Adams Apple stood with bare man-throat and ham-sized fists clenched tightly around a prehistoric Spongebob club, blood caked in her freakish red hair and on her oddly broad shoulders. In the other corner, Elegant Gazing Globe waited with lusty green eyes and gaping, smoke-bellowing throat. After an eternity in the span of a breath, the two champions approached each other, murder in their hearts. Only one could stand.

When the dust settled, EGG emerged with more upvotes, but hark! Ann Kvlter had exposed a flaw in his attack, namely the lack of O.C. After careful examination, the gamemasters determined that EGG’s meme had in fact been posted before on the post dedicated to You Will Never Be One of Us Memes. We looked to the mysterious benefactor for a decision.

After all that violence, Ann Kvlter emerges victorious as the dankest in the bowl. Congrats, Ann. Send us an email with your address to receive your prize.

get

The winning meme.

(Photos VIA and VIA)

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  • Lacertilian

    ElegantGlobe’s repost seemed to strike a chord with the lurkers, with no less than 12 late votes from unknown privated accounts (with 0 comments between them) stopping by to “roll coal” and only vote for his entry.

    • I KNEW Todd Jones was a regular reader. He must read all the letters I send him.

      • Edward/Breegrodamus™

        Didn’t he blow you a kissy emoji once?

    • Paddlin’ Rites ov Beargod

      *poor taste*
      *in the Toilet*
      *ov hell*

    • Maik Beninton™

      They will never be one us! NEVER!

    • That’s some fucked up…

      http://i.imgur.com/BCP4b4g.gif

    • “Upvote Dispenser”

      Desperation is not a good look.

    • Stanley

      5/7 for ingenuity. 0/7 for class.

      • Tronc McBeefyBeardloaf

        Yeaaaaaaaah, the whole Ghost Of Boz thing is something I’d expect from the lowest rungs of Reddit or 4Chan. I hope they end up with a debilitating stroke, and end up sucking everything through a crazy straw, letting out incoherent moans of pain, and staring at the pretty little light bulbs for that one.

    • Mother Shabubu

      Not so elegant or globe-like now, are they?

    • i see you’ve got finely sharpened detective skills too!

    • Elegant Gazing Globe

      Busted!

      • Abradolf Lincler

        i approve of this attempted coal roll

        • Elegant Gazing Globe

          I even used email addresses like cheating@qwerty.com , stillcheating@ etc etc. not sure why there was any mystery.

          • Abradolf Lincler

            classic toilet mischief

      • Señor Jefe El Rosa

        The LizardWizardDetective strikes!!!

  • Oh. My. Glob.
    I ain’t never win nothin in my life, shucks!

  • Waynecro

    Congrats, Ann!

  • Well…

    http://i.imgur.com/BCP4b4g.gif

    Guess I’m just going to have to pay for this now. Cuntgrats Ann.

  • tigeraid

    I can respect this decision.

  • Edward/Breegrodamus™

    I’ve always had a soft spot in my heart for … Beyond Thunderdome.

  • Mother Shabubu

    Shit was rigged just like Masterlord’s game.

    • Stanley

      Lots of melody too. This is quite good.

      • Abradolf Lincler

        Agreed, this is p tight. Michigan too

  • Abradolf Lincler

    Still on the hunt for Andy Capps Hot Fries

    #WhatHappenedToAndyCapp
    #HotFriesGate

    • Keep at it. I’m confident in your ability to track down a bag of actual garbage.

      • Abradolf Lincler

        no, whats garbage is the Cheetos replacement that I’m finding everywhere

      • RJA

        How dare you? Now I’ve put up with a lot of your bullshit Joe but this will not stand.

        • Abradolf Lincler

          I’m glad somebody said it

          • RJA

            I haven’t had any Hot Fries in years but I used to buy them on road trips all the time – my wife hated those things.

          • Abradolf Lincler

            ANTI HOT FRIES ILLUMINATI JUST CONFIRMED (rfi)

            Cheddar Fries, BBQ Fries. NO HOT FRIES.

          • Stanley

            They have them on Amazon.

          • RJA

            Obviously I will be checking the gas station on my way home – and purchasing if available.

          • Abradolf Lincler

            i went to three today with no luck. fight the power RJA. purchasing that Agalloch bundle friday

          • Y’all gross. I’m gonna go eat a whole bag of corn nuts.

          • Abradolf Lincler

            GROSSSSSSSS

          • Tronc McBeefyBeardloaf

            Pfffffffffffffffffftttttttttttttt, Inca Corn or bust for me!!!!!!!!! Corn nuts taste like salted boogers.

    • Janitor Jim Duggan

      They have these all over my area.

      • Abradolf Lincler

        No wonder so many bands come to your area JJD

        • more beer

          There used to be much better bands going to his area back in the day. Now not so much. Since he won’t go to NYC, his choices are limited.

          • Abradolf Lincler

            dem Hot Fries doe

          • more beer

            Trust me when I say. That would be the absolute best part of any trip to Poughkeepsie.

          • Abradolf Lincler

            i still liked Buffalo

          • more beer

            like Buffalo more than Poughkeepsie that’s for sure.

          • Janitor Jim Duggan

            The parents don’t want me going down there by myself.

          • more beer

            You’re 21 years old. Do they not consider you an adult?

          • Abradolf Lincler

            no point, mb

        • Janitor Jim Duggan

          Agreed.

    • Tronc McBeefyBeardloaf

      I think Walgreen’s has them. I’ve seen them at a couple of grocery stores around here a while back. Hell, just get some sriracha and pour it on a bag of Cheeto’s, same thing.

      • Abradolf Lincler

        nope. see earlier comment.

        im not going to Walgreens, thats how Prince died.

        • Tronc McBeefyBeardloaf

          He’d be alive today if they gave him some Andy Capps instead of Fetanyl.

          • Abradolf Lincler

            or if they gave me his Fentanyl patches and i smoked a bunch of weed too, and then ate some Hot Fries while listening to Purple Rain

  • J.R.™

    Me too, thanks

  • Elegant Gazing Globe

    Congrats Ann

  • Super Nintendo Chalmers

    Jokes on all of you. I never said what CDs you’re getting in the box. Enjoy your three copies of Gloryhammers latest, you fucking poser.

    Also congrats.

    • Abradolf Lincler

      why wouldnt they want a copy of Gloryhammer’s album?

      anyone who doesnt is the real poser