Alice Cooper – He’s Back (The Man Behind The Mask): A Video Breakdown

Jason Takes The 80’s.

Halloween is only a week away. I hope you’ve gotten your super cool and totally original Joker or Harley Quinn costume ready. No one else will have those! You will have the last laugh when you’re a god amongst all the sexy Minion costumes. Halloween victory will be yours! Many a like and retweet will be had once the internet sees your costume dominance! Will you celebrate by shotgunning tiny bottles of Fireball whiskey? Filling your cheeks with as much candy corn as possible like some sort of sugar-addicted chipmunk? Drunkenly grinding on everyone dressed as Donald Trump? No way. You’ll celebrate by making all the Halloween losers watch this Alice Cooper music video for the theme song to Friday The 13th Part VI: Jason Lives. Make ’em suffer.

0:05: You can just smell the spandex and hairspray.
0:08: Leather Daddy Alice Cooper
0:13: The least special special effects of all time.
0:16: Yeah, let’s linger on the crotch as long as possible.
0:21: They couldn’t do this shot on an actual street?
0:29: Alice either just made love to a wedding cake or decided to smash his face into a pile of coke.
0:35: Every song should have this synth sound. Every. Single. Song.
0:43: He’s going to put a tiny Jason mask on his wang when he sticks it through the popcorn box.
0:47: That way it’s scary and sexy.
0:50: Look out! It’s second-hand embarrassment!
0:53: Oh, wait. It’s just golf-enthusiast Alice Cooper. Phew!
0:57: Sure, why not?
1:05: *gags violently*
1:13: This style of music should have been known as “nope-wave.”
1:21: Little known fact: That throne is made entirely out of Go-Bots and Atari 2600 E.T. Cartridges.
1:33: The Wikipedia entry for this song is much longer than I expected.
1:41: I agree.
1:50: I wonder if this was the moment when Alice Cooper decided to become born-again.
1:58: *dry heaves*
2:07: Jason Takes Manhattan was less destructive to the franchise than this video.
2:12: Phallic Cooper.
2:20: The only 80s thing missing from this video is puffy paint, Swatch watches, and Madonna.
2:24: And no, I didn’t accidentally leave out crack.
2:28: Clearly, crack was involved in the making of this video.
2:34: So he couldn’t grab them in the cage (the cage he dropped on them, by the way), so he stabbed the door, which then opened the cage less than a second after he walks away. Curse my 2016 logic!
2:42: *throws up in my mouth*
2:53: Yay! Out of context movie clips!
2:58: That’s the last time I let Vince Neil drive.
3:05: Looks like A Nightmare On Elm Street lucked out with their metal theme song.
3:11: Of course, 80’s music videos weren’t kind to Freddy either.
3:16: It’s fun watching these older videos with sexy dancers and realizing that most of these people are now parents and grandparents.
3:20: Some are possibly teaching your kids or are elected officials.
3:29: Jason is the hero we need and deserve.

You can find the Alice Cooper album Constrictor wherever dad rock lives.

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Published on: October 24, 2016

Filled Under: Video Breakdown

Views: 745

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  • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

    Alice Cooper sucks, I don’t give out candy, and fuck wearing costumes.

  • Joaquin Stick

    “You’re deep in love but you’re deeper in the woods” A+ lyrics.

    • Joaquin Stick

      “You had a chance to be all alone, but you’re not alone”

  • Waynecro

    I was going to buy a bunch of candy corn the other night, but the supermarket didn’t have any. I’ve just been eating an orange scented candle instead.

    • Joaquin Stick

      Does it taste like orange too? Also did you light it first?

      • Waynecro

        The candle’s scent is “Hopeful Harvest,” but it actually tastes kind of like bug poison. Its texture is pretty close to that of candy corn, though, so I consider it a win.

    • Óðinn
      • Waynecro

        would totally eat/10

  • JWEG

    It’s been a very long while since I last saw any of the F13 films. I don’t know if it’s good or bad that I don’t remember the tunes from 80’s horror films unless I’ve (re)watched them recently.

    Was this prominently in the film somehow, just in the credits, or only on the music-inspired-by-the-motion-picture soundtrack?

    • Joaquin Stick

      At one point it looks like Cooper is reading the lyrics off cue cards, so my bet is on it just being a money grab that shouldn’t have been published by anyone.

      • JWEG

        Well. At least this explains two of the shirts in the Fright Rags AC Collection.

        Great company. Excellent quality shirts. Definitely a Swing-and-a-Miss for me, though I bet it’s selling well comparatively.

  • Brock Samson

    Random posting from me here but I just chased down a guy in my car who took off running from Zia records from stealing shit.

  • AeonsOvChaos

    Hey Alice, Halloween is coming, witches, zombies and ghosts have a message for this video and song:

    • JWEG

      I can almost bet that’s a shirt print, available in ladies sizes, so that the hands are strategically placed in the most edgy (head-desk-worthy) way possible.

      • AeonsOvChaos

        You could be right.

  • Kevin Nash’s Jackknife

    Is it bad that I like this song? I know it’s incredibly cheesy and it’s embarrassing to hear Alice Cooper sing this but goddammit it’s catchy.

    • The Mighty Thorange

      Gotta agree with you there. I’ve got a soft spot for that extremely cheesy 80’s synth sound. Reminds me of a montage from an 80’s film or maybe that’s just because I just watched Stranger Things and played through Far Cry: Blood Dragon.

      • Kevin Nash’s Jackknife

        I love my 80s synth pop. I’m also a big proponent of the New Romantic sound such as Adam Ant.

        • The Mighty Thorange

          I’m not really into the New Romantic stuff myself. Just the cheesy 80’s rock stuff. E.G, this masterpiece.–FKUQgU

          • Kevin Nash’s Jackknife

            I do love this song.

  • ¡Jajajaja! Alice Cooper is poopy 😀

  • Guppusmaximus

    The only 80s thing missing from this video is puffy paint, Swatch watches, and Madonna.

    Don’t forget L.A. Gear Hi-Tops with the double fat laces, rubber bracelets & New Edition 😛