Adrenaline Mob – King Of The Ring: A Video Breakdown

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Burger King Of The Ring

Adrenaline Mob are a “supergroup” featuring singer Russell Allan of Symphony X, Mike Orlando, who has worked with the likes of Zakk Wylde and Bumblefoot, and Dave Z from Trans-Siberian Orchestra. Though the band was only formed 6 years ago, they’ve gone through a number of other members from well-known bands such as Mike Portnoy (Dream Theater), A.J. Pero (Twisted Sister), and John Moyer (Disturbed). They’ve also had Rich Ward from our friends in Stuck Mojo. Yay. Clearly the term “supergroup” is stretched to the absolute limit in this case. I mean, if I was starting a supergroup of metal musicians, the starting lineup would not include these guys. Of course, to each their own.

The band will be releasing their third album next month entitled We The People. It doesn’t instill me with confidence when your album title reminds me of a 40 Below Summer song. Oh, and the Constitution and stuff. It’s probably all just a distraction from the world’s cringiest album art.

Oof. As our own Link Leonhart said, “ivanka-trump-n-megan-fox-hugs-metal-skeleton-in-a-sexy-way.png.“ Maybe their new music video is better.

0:03: So far, it’s better than the album art.
0:06: Jerking off your guitar? STILL better than the album art.
0:10: He’s going to feel all chaffed in the morning.
0:14: Use some lotion or at least spit on it first if you’re going to be that rough.
0:19: We call this one “The Dads Are Back In Town”.
0:24: Please buy the new Adrenaline Mob album so they can finally afford sleeves.
0:29: The “Gently Hop From Side To Side” move never really took off.
0:35: It’s like Axl Rose’s closet threw up on Russell Allan.
0:38: The sunglasses say “Let’s quietly party so we don’t wake the kids up.”
0:41: And the hat says “Read my blog to find out why feminism is bad.”
0:45: The shirt says “Look at my arms and not anywhere else, please.”
0:49: Worst. Pac-Man. Ever.
0:54: Those chains say “Yeah, I had an extra 50 cents leaving the super market so I decided to get myself something fun.”
1:02: As if professional wrestling didn’t have enough things to be embarrassed about.
1:10: The lights are used to blind the viewers, much like the Scot’s full-length ballgown covered in sequins.
1:21: This is one of those situations where the band would have been better off with a lyric video.
1:26: Normally, I’d say they should just have the audio playing over a picture of the album cover, but the less people see that unholy union between bad Avenged Sevenfold and Iron Maiden album covers, the better.
1:35: Hard Nipple Mob would have been a more accurate band name.
1:43: And moving.
1:49: Allan’s facial hair provided by “passing out drunk in a frat house.”
1:58: Past King Of The Ring winners “Stone Cold” Steve Austin, Brock Lesnar, Booker T, and Kurt Angle hang their heads in shame.
2:09: So this is what it’s like being inside a can of Java Monster Mean Bean Energy Drink.
2:14: I just got massive douche chills hearing him say “I will make you crawl.”
2:25: I would be so happy if they just cut to the audience and it was completely empty.
2:30: And if they admitted that this was a live video.
2:41: Have absolutely no ideas for a music video? Just flash a lot of lights and zoom the camera in and out a lot.
2:47: It’s like being in a Guitar Center on a Saturday afternoon.
2:55: Call the police. Someone is mugging for the camera.
3:02: There are less ridiculous faces in porn.
3:10: I hope the editor was paid very well for this. They clearly worked very, very hard.
3:17: The only thing you’re the champion of is “Most Bud Lights Consumed In Uncomfortable Silence.”
3:26: He doesn’t make love to the camera. He just kind of lays on top of it and wiggles around for a seconds until he’s finished.
3:35: This is the longest 4 minute video ever.
3:46: He reminds of the guy that keeps throwing up in Machete.
3:54: This song will be played at many a demolition derby, monster truck show, and tractor pull for the next decade.
4:02: Sure, they leave the most interesting part of the video for the very end.
4:09: Adrenaline Mob are sponsored by buffets at strip clubs, earrings on middle-age dads, and missed alimony payments.

Adrenaline Mob’s new album We The People is out on June 2nd via Century Media Records.

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