A Selection of Bawdy Iron Bonehead Limericks: Chthonic Cult, Slægt, Khthoniik Cerviiks

Iron Bone(r)head sent me some awesome promos. I  was so aroused at the prospect of covering these releases that I decided to pen some colorful limericks that accentuate the heights of impropriety found on these albums. Enjoy, you uncouth philistines.

Chthonic Cult – I Am the Scourge of Eternity (2015)

There once was a cult born from the Earth
Whose raunchy riffs reek like afterbirth
They’re all covered in blood
With drums slick like the mud
Behold the band of enormous girth

Slægt – Beautiful and Damned (2015)

If Thin Lizzy died and went to hell
And hung out with Quorthon for a spell
The most righteous of leads
And most unbridled speeds
Would ne’er more your mortal unit swell

Khthoniik Cerviiks – SeroLogiikal Scars (Vertex of Dementiia) (2016)


Lady chaos her cervix did spread
Summoning all fiends unto her bed
Drink deep of her acid
Be shamed, all you flaccid
Or your thrash boner will lose all cred

(Photos VIA, VIA, and VIA)
(Khthoniik Cerviiks Stream VIA)

Written by:

Published on: January 13, 2016

Filled Under: New Stuff

Views: 1102

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    heh heh, cervix

    • Dagon

      enormous girth


  • High on Vallenfyre

    Ha! Boner.

    • Hail Boner!


      • High on Vallenfyre


    • XXXX Atomic Tongue Hair

      If it be boners ye seek, you have come to the right place!

  • Yes! Glad that Chthonic Cult album is getting some recognition in these parts. I’ve tried to snag a physical copy from a few U.S. distros, but they are sold out. Great shit!!!

    • Dubs

      It’s grown on me with each listen.

      • Yeah, there aren’t many death metal albums right that ooze the amount of dread as this one. One of the most evil sounding death metal album I’ve heard in a good while.

    • I just heard Sacrocurse for the first time thanks to your FB post. Going to buy all the things.

      • Better late than never. Unholier Master is a mean son of a bitch!


        • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

          Apparently these guys are from Nuevo Leon, Mexico. They can provide the perfect soundtrack for Los Zetas when they’re going off on a raid again.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            The vocalist/guitarist, Zolrak technically lives in Texas.

          • FrankWhiteKingOfNY

            Unsurprisingly, Nuevo Leon is only a stone’s throw away from Texas. This album is really good shit.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            Yeah, it’s a mean motherfucker.

          • Pretty sure his wife/girlfriend plays bass live too.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain


          • Adorable. Covering goddamn Freezing Moon together. Romantic as fuck.


          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain

            So cunting precious. Makes my heart fucking weep.

          • Cum everywhere.

          • King Shit of Fuck Mountain


    • Stockhausen

      I’m loving that snare drum.

  • Dagon

    Slaegt is mighty riffing got damn this shit is rad I cant even use a comma

    • Dubs

      It’s really, really, really good. For just an extended play, it rips.

      • Dagon

        I can see it getting tiresome after too many minutes. But for the right amount of minutes, it rips.

      • XXXX Atomic Tongue Hair

        Pretty damn good! It’s riff after riff after riff, all without getting overly widdly diddly with it. #RiffsAhoy

  • Boss the Stoutdrinker Ross

    That Slaegt limerick had me sold.

    • Dubs

      I just listened to their full-length this morning. This EP is way better.

      • Boss the Stoutdrinker Ross

        I will be checking them out after work today for sure.

      • Bossicus thee Rossicus

        Finally getting around to actually listening to Slaegt, it’s good, really good. Thanks Dubs!

  • My wife asked me if I knew of the artist Jon Bon Bowie last night, because he recently died.



  • High on Vallenfyre

    I’m liking all of these. Thanks dubya!

    • Dubs



      Whatever happened to Vallenfyre?

      • Saw them live last year. Other than being active, no clue.


          Were they gud?

          • They were pretty crusty and heavy.

          • Would you say they were on “fyre” ?

          • It was pretty hot out and they looked out of shape and sweaty so… Yeah.

      • High on Vallenfyre

        Apparently I can watch them with queensryche in a few weeks. I’ll ask ’em what’s up.

  • Here’s the new Sacrocurse EP from Iron Bonehead as well:


    • Stanley

      Did you check out Hostium yet? I’m listening now. It’s pretty vile.


      • Dubs

        I sent that one to Bearikson.

      • Saw the email. Haven’t checked it out though. Good?

        • Stanley

          I’m only 4 songs in, but I dig it. I like the production and the songs are quite varied. I’ve been listening to Memoria Vetusta II on repeat since I mentioned it yesterday and haven’t played it in a while. Hostium is quite the contrast.

          • Blut Aus Nord is very hit or miss for me. I can’t remember if I liked that album or not.

          • TrickleDownOvTacoKvltRiff

            I like Forhist!

      • CT-12

        Have you checked out Nordwind? All the dudes from Hostium are in the band, and they’re badass. https://nordwindvinland.bandcamp.com/

        • Matt Pike’s Sweaty Left Nipple

          This is one of those bands (and labels) I’ve kinda steered clear of due to their apparent association(s) with NSBM.

          • CT-12

            Fuck, that sorta sucks. Would’ve maybe looked into alternative means of obtaining their music if I had known otherwise. Ah well…

        • Stanley

          I’ve not heard of them. Thanks for the recommendation, I’ll check them out.

      • Lacertilian

        I was surprised when my mention of Predatory Light didn’t lure you in back in mid-December when I covered it. http://www.toiletovhell.com/upcoming-releases-from-iron-bonehead-productions-hostium-dakhma/

    • 365ChaosRiddenDays

      It’s a total ripper, short but killer!


    Mortal unit lolol

    This Slaegt rips

  • Chthonic Cult is really doing it for me.

    Hump day!


  • I think the same artist that did the Ignivomous – Contragenesis artwork did the Chthonic Cult artwork too.


  • Just bought Panopticons’s Autumn Eternal. FUCKING STOKED, SON.


    • Maik Beninton™

      I got Party Cannon this weekend, great jam.


      Tite work. I think Kentucky might be my fav of his

      • After several listens (prior to purchase) I am confident it would have made my 2015 EOTY list. Oh wells.

    • Waynecro

      Excellent purchase, dude. That’s one of my favorite releases of 2015 for sure.

  • Spear

    Behold the band of enormous girth
    With grating tones, destroy the Earth.
    They hold us all within their mind;
    A dark disdain for humankind.

    • Stockhausen

      Well done
      Pointy one
      You are good
      Like food

      Wait. Dang it.

  • So begins the deterioration of my 2016 wallet via metal.

  • The new Dakhma EP from Bonehead is pretty killer. Hells Headbangers has it. Resisting the urge…


  • It’s fair to say that Iron Bonehead Production is one of the most consistent metal labels out there. Always keeping it Evil.

    • Sumerian is really consistent too. Always keeping it shitty and overproduced.

      • Not familiar. Probably not for my tastes.

        • Definitely not, not mine either. I think they have periphery and the thousand clones they spawned.

          • Oh that sounds horrid. I think my top ones are…

            Hells Headbangers
            Darker Than Black
            Tour de Garde
            Drakkar Productions
            Vault of Dried Bones
            Dark Adversary Productions
            World Terror Committee
            Moribund Records
            Fallen Empire
            Terratur Possessions
            Forever Plagued Records
            Satanic Skinhead Propaganda
            Graceless Recordings
            Profound Lore
            Iron Bonehead
            Nuclear War Now!
            Dark Descent Records
            Analog Worship

          • Debeur Morti and 20 buck spin drop some bangers too

      • Early Sumerian (i.e 2007) was good!

  • XXXX Atomic Tongue Hair

    Loving the Slaegt stuff (you had me in the bag with the Bathory and Thin Lizzy comparisons)! I vaguely remember hearing some of their stuff a little while back.

    • Dubs

      Glad you dig!

  • Waynecro

    W, very clearly you are a high-level wordsmith.

    • Dubs

      Upon me do not lavish much praise
      Delicate thing you’re likely to raise
      My wording is flabby
      My tongue oh so grabby
      So don’t tempt its impotent ways

  • RustyShackleford

    Iron Bonehead is delicious. Yup.

  • Lacertilian

    Loved reading these so much. If the music is even half as good, everyone wins.

  • Óðinn

    Thanks W. I enjoyed Slægt’s LP Ildsvanger In 2015 as well. Kind of an old school Black Metal vibe. Worth checking out.