2016’s Revenge Of The Riff


In this, the final installment of Riff ov the Week for 2016, we’re commemorating the loss of many of our favourite stars in the only way we know how – voting on which riff hits the hardest in an largely unrelated inconsequential poll!

We missed last week because Krampus threatened to devour the souls of a sect of rogue Texan capybaras living in Joe’s backyard, so naturally we all had to band together and support the resistance against the vile vagrant we all know and love. You’ll be pleased to know he only managed to accost 3 of the pack/colony/horde/retinue/what’s a group of capys called?, leaving the other 481 unharmed. Unfortunately, we didn’t get to riff and/or raff. Subsequently, the “christ” theme was thrown in the traysh (it’s ok, he ded anyway). This week we’ve decided to have our theme tie in with both the release of the latest Star Wars film and the numerous celebrity deaths that have happened throughout the year; we asked for riff submissions from songs with the word “star” in the title. Here are your choices –

Ted Nü-Djent

The last great Danzig album ever released was Danzig IV and that’s a fact, not opinion which is kind of a bummer seeing as it is now 22 years old. The next album he completely shit the bed by disposing of the original lineup and going full-on down the industrial rabbit hole. While each album since then has seen a return to Danzig’s more “classic” sound, the man has never been able to capture the essence of those first 4 albums, but anyway back to Danzig 4. Seeing as this week’s theme is a song with “star” in the title, my mind went straight to this little gem of a track with its soft verses which leads into one kick arse chorus riff which appears in 3 different periods within the song, the first being from 1:20-1:41 then 2:58-3:20 and finally 4:10-4:55. Cheers.


Opening riff and @1:14 if you like more oomph from the rest of the instruments. Some of you may know and adore Astronoid‘s 2016 release Air but nope, I’m looking at their 2013 ep The Stargazer with the song “The Stargazer” (missed the eponymoose band name so dock some points). As a post-black-gaze band who digs their ambience, it’s fitting that this song makes you feel like you’re careening through asteroid fields and jumping into hyperspace, maybe shooting other ships but that’s just extra. I put two times in because I think it’s necessary to hear a riff in as solo of a presentation as possible, so you can better appreciate it more once it melts into the sonic-scape of the song. The riff at 1:17 does just that, presenting itself in that melted atmosphere alongside the reverbed to some nerdshit planet and back vocals, acting as an ultra-melodic foundation to the vocals. Also I’m a sucker for tremolo riffs over pounding bass drums, you’re a nerd if you don’t.


Island has mellowed way out since their earthy crunchy death metal days, but Kolf & Krew are still capable of dishing out the riffs when necessary. The riff here at 0:00 is a twisty one that plays out over several measures, resolving mathily at 0:16 and beginning the cycle anew. So really this is a Voltron riff composed of multiple multicolored tiger-bot riffs. And wasn’t there some dude named Lance who was a main character but didn’t have his own tiger-bot? Yeah, he’s in there too.

This poll is closed! Poll activity:
start_date 14-12-2014 20:22:33
end_date 06-01-2017 23:59:59
Poll Results:
Whose Riff Starred?

Next week, we’re going to be accepting riffs from a simpler time, a time when the global economy was at the mercy some arsehole banker’s fiscal ineptitude, your country was at the mercy of a man named Bush, and the silver screens were at the mercy of a spate of largely unnecessary threequels (Ocean’s Thirteen, Spideyman 3, The Bourne Ultidaemon, Shrek The Turd, Pirates Of The Caribbean: At Wit’s End). Yes, we’re talking about the infamous 2007.

-Write a short description of the 2007 riff you’ve chosen

-Include a link to stream your selection, the time-stamp for your riff, and your screen name

-Email this to toiletovhellriff@gmail.com

(Image via, via)

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  • Kevin Nash’s Jackknife

    Yay, love for Danzig 4! I also liked the fifth one but after that they got worse.

    • Señor Jefe El Rosa

      Not his best album, but decent.

      • Black Unbeard

        will always prefer 1 & 2

        • ME GORAK™✓ᵛᵉʳᶦᶠᶦᵉᵈ


          • Black Unbeard

            3 is ok

          • ME GORAK™✓ᵛᵉʳᶦᶠᶦᵉᵈ
          • Zeke

            3 is the best!

          • Señor Jefe El Rosa


        • Señor Jefe El Rosa


        • KyleJMcBride


      • Ted Nü-Djent ™

        Except Let It Be Captured is one of the greatest Danzig songs ever

    • Óðinn

      First 3 Danzig albums were good. After that, the taste level drops.

  • Black Unbeard

    do wut

    • Señor Jefe El Rosa

      wut it do

  • Ted Nü-Djent ™

    You forgot to mention that I won Riff Of The Year ?

  • Pentagram Sam

    An invite to discuss the new Star Wars you say?

    Saw Rogue One on the 16 and liked it a good bit. There were like a dozen fucking movie previews that took up 35 minutes before the show and almost killed my high.

    As for the movie itself, since I was a nerd and read the Star Wars Extended Universe books as a kid, this movie seemed like one of those books come to life.

    There wasn’t the “magic” of Harrison, Mark, n Carrie, but as a platform for a solder / merc’s tale it was aight.

    Hooray for seeing Vader rip shit up, but I wanna see em go full Force mode. Like he just picks up a squad of troops and crushes all their larynx’s with one fist squeeze, or he throws his light saber and guides it to wipe out a whole platoon and you see heads a poppin. No PCP induced CGI jumping around like a fucking cgi douche Yoda. Since at the time of Rouge One Vader was the only known Jedi / Sith lord, a squad of grunts is basically going up against a goddamn demi god.

    Wasn’t too keen on the CGi Tarkin and Leia but it didn’t make me rage quit.


    There appears to be a Han Solo movie and I think this might be the one that stalls out the Star Wars mania.

    Han Solo = Harrison Ford = Rogue (no pun intended) merc who shoots hitmen in the face. I’m worried that we’ll see a young, Abercrombie looking motherfucker, who probably has angsty man pain and cries, and then he “becomes” Han Solo.

    I’m worried they’ll turn Han into a teenage pussyboy and remove some of that mystique he has.

    What they should do is have a 25ish or 30 year old Han, with Chewie, just doing a cool ass smuggling mission where cool shit happens. No origin story, no “what dark past does he have” shit, or anything like that.

    Kinda like how the 2012 Dredd was a “day in the life of” movie.

    • Señor Jefe El Rosa

      I agree with all points made here. Nothing to add really, hahaha

    • mother☆shabubu

      Like he just picks up a squad of troops and crushes all their larynx’s with one fist squeeze, or he throws his light saber and guides it to wipe out a whole platoon and you see heads a poppin.

      It’s Vader here, not Starkiller…though he isn’t canon anymore.

    • Ted Nü-Djent ™

      I saw Rogue One the other day. Not one preview, just straight to the action

      • atchdav

        I saw it in Imax 3D. One of the best films I’ve seen in a long time.

        • Ted Nü-Djent ™

          Yeah I thoroughly enjoyed it. I’m planning on seeing it again soon

    • mother☆shabubu

      Also I still need to see Dredd. Heard many good things.

      • Señor Jefe El Rosa

        DUDUDUDUDEEEE!!!! Seriously one of the best films ever.

      • The Mighty Thorange

        Dredd is pure distilled fucking awesomeness. Karl Urban is perfect for Dredd and it will wipe away all memories of the Stallone abomination

        • Eliza

          I’ve seen the Stallone Dredd movie when I was a kid and even then I knew I was stupid. In a funny way at times, but stupid nonetheless

    • Eliza

      Regarding the Han Solo movie, my biggest concern is the actor that they chose to portray the character. I don’t think there’s anyone who’ll manage to match Harrison Ford’s performance, but I really wish it won’t be a disappointment.

      • Edited: I don’t think there’s anyone who’ll match Harrison Ford.

        But at least they can try … and maybe not make it nauseating.

        • Eliza

          I wish they’ll go for someone who’s a good actor and not just someone who looks like Ford.

          • KyleJMcBride

            Agreed, acting ability over looks.

      • KyleJMcBride

        Harrison Ford is one in a million, like pretty much all of the original Star Wars cast.

      • OldMetalHead

        At least they didn’t pick Shia Labeouf.

    • Max

      I enjoyed Rogue One. But the one issue I have with it is the same I had with the prequels (though less so in Rogue One’s case): I still have a hard time believing that it’s set right before Episode IV because of the way it looks.

      Essentially what they’d have to do is make a film that looks like it’d been shot in the ’70s, the way Episode IV was. That’s very difficult to do because production methods have changed so much (this despite the fact that they made a conscious effort to minimize CGI use). In fact, Hollywood actors themselves have changed a lot since the ’70s – they have different diets, fitness regimens, hairstyles and broader ethnicity.

      I found the film most mitigated in that regard during the scenes set on the Death Star and other Imperial bases, where the decor reverts to the grey panelling (with those good ol’ oval grill backlighting lines) and the characters are all ageing white men with the bearing of Nazi commandants in grey or black uniforms. That’s the Star Wars I remember.

      One other thing: Did they really need to make Vader’s stronghold look like Mordor?

    • Dave Vincent’s Perm

      I like how they showed how the rebels were basically terrorists

  • Butts4Gutts

    Did you intend to say rouge or were you going for rogue? Either option paints a hilarious scenario in my mind.

  • Eliza

    Really good selection of riffs here. Happy new year everyone!

    • Señor Jefe El Rosa

      Happy New Year Eliza!!!

  • KyleJMcBride
    • Eliza

      Luna has wonderful eyes.

    • Black Unbeard


      • KyleJMcBride

        I’m sure I’ll get roped into playing “chase the laser” a few times today.

        • Black Unbeard

          i always feelbad playing laser with fuzz because its something she can never catch

          • KyleJMcBride

            Luna doesn’t care. She just likes having an excuse to run around like a nut.

    • Lookin’ good! One of my old cats was named Luna.

      • KyleJMcBride

        Happy New Year!

        • And to you, bud! Toasting you with a porter over here. I’ll let you know next time I’m in Beantown.

          • Black Unbeard

            Happy New Years everyone! We’re playing board games, listening to vinyl, and i even have some beer tonight

          • KyleJMcBride

            Watching Italian horror movies and living the #RoxyLyfe

          • You still living in Somerville?

          • KyleJMcBride

            Yep. I’ll be here when they “turn out the lights”, so to speak.

  • James


  • EsusMoose

    Happy New Years yea posers

  • tertius_decimus

    Happy New Year, ToH!

  • KyleJMcBride

    There’s gonna be great movies, music, TV and books, but don’t fool yourselves. 2017 is gonna be just as “bad” if not worse than 2016. Have fun and be ready, my friends.

    • more beer

      Exactly. Things only get worse.

      • KyleJMcBride

        Let’s just do our best to have a good time and stick together.

        • more beer

          It’s all we can do.

  • KyleJMcBride
  • The Mighty Thorange

    Happy Fucking New Year! Bit late I know but I just recovered from the mother of all hangovers. Feel like a caveman is using my skull as a kick drum and my shin bones as sticks.