February, 2015

  • Demo/Promo Roundup: Trenchgrinder, Gouge, Vassafor, and Temple Nightside

    Has anyone from the Toilet Ov Hell told you lately that we love new music? Some guy named Joseph something said this thing one time, he said “follow your bliss.” Finding out about new music and sharing it with you, our beloved readers, is nirvana for the writing staff here. In case you were doing stuff at work (like actually doing your work, not reading our toilet site) you may have missed recent roundups from Toilet Ov Hell writers/editors Masterlord, Masterlord again, and Dubya. These were roundups from Nuclear War Now! and Iron Bonehead Productions, respectively. We are excited to bring you new music from a variety of spots today, including a self released demo, a promo from Hell’s Headbangers, and yet another promo from Iron Bonehead Productions. Siqq new music is released weekly. We hope you aren’t still trying to catch up on last year’s releases (I am). As the Buddha said about attachments (he said they are bad), check out these new releases and worry about about the superfluity of 2014 releases you missed later. Continue Reading

    February 3, 2015 • Metal, New Stuff • Views: 1541

  • The Porcelain Throne: The Dear Hunter

    Alright guys, I am almost completely out of bands that I have extensive knowledge about, so I really need your help to keep the Porcelain Throne occupied. Click here to download The Official Porcelain Throne Guidelines, and send submissions to tohthrone@gmail.com.

    This edition, Stockhausen and I teamed up to write about one of our favorite non-metal bands, The Dear Hunter, not to be mixed up with The Deer Hunter (the movie) or the other indie rock band, Deerhunter. The Dear Hunter is the superior of the three. Stockhousen is in blue and I am in black.

    Continue Reading

    February 3, 2015 • Discography, Not Metal, The Porcelain Throne • Views: 1340

  • Photo Chop: 4th Edition

    Congratulations ov hell to MSD for winning the 3rd edition with his violently radikult creation (below):  Continue Reading

    February 3, 2015 • Metal, Nerd Shit, Open Swim, Uncategorized • Views: 2263

  • This Toilet Tuesday (2/3/15)

    It’s a frantic day. You’ve spent the last few hours at work wondering how you’re going to balance your time for the rest of the week. Between friends and family and your job, not to mention the band you’ve been neglecting to practice with, your obligations seem to keep piling up without end. The stress is overwhelming, and your body knows it all too well. You shout for your coworker to cover for you as you make a mad dash for the nearest bathroom. You choose a stall on the far end, away from the other bathroom attendees, in hopes of sparing them from the forthcoming cataclysmic stress-poop emergence. With only seconds to spare, you slam yourself down on the seat. You close your eyes and brace yourself for the worst; this is not how you imagined you would meet your end, but there’s no stopping it now. To your surprise, it comes out without resistance. You hear a single “plop” and your intestines loosen. Endorphins flood your body and you relax, knowing the calamity has been averted and humanity is safe. As you stand up and flush, you hear a faint, soothing voice in the back of your mind: “It is not yet your time, my child.”

    And like that most satisfying of bowel movements, This Toilet Tuesday is here again to offer you relief from your day-to-day stresses. There’s a little something for everyone this week, and it’s all solid. This week also sees the number of bears on our writing team double as Nordling Rites ov Karhu joins in. Have at it!

    Continue Reading

    February 3, 2015 • New Stuff • Views: 1904

  • Periphery – Alpha: A Video Breakdown

    Peripher-you, Peripher-me. Continue Reading

    February 2, 2015 • Video Breakdown • Views: 1310

  • SocioHeavyology Pt. 2 – Why Don’t We Dance?

    In my previous entry of this hard-hitting pesudo-intellectual series on the behavior of audience members at live musical performances, I discussed how I believe that people (especially metal fans) need to learn to appreciate a piece of music in silence. In this piece, I will discuss my contrasting opinion, which is that people at metal shows need to stop being such fucking squares and learn how to shake their ass once in a while.

    Continue Reading

    February 2, 2015 • Metal, Opinion • Views: 1920

  • The Best Band in Minnesota is Noble Beast

    Ahhhh Minnesota, the place from which I receive all of my paychecks. The home of some delicious beer that describes my general temperament. The battlefield on which Fulci levels of blood were shed, and many Tolkien-esque characters sent to their eternal slumber, to bring you this band. Ladies and gentlemen, I present the best band in Minnesota: Noble Beast. Continue Reading

    February 2, 2015 • The Best Unsigned Band in the US • Views: 1474

  • Want to be the new drummer for Behold… The Arctopus?

    You. YEAH YOU. The dingus playing 7/5 drums at 4 AM. Want to play drums with Colin Marston? Get in here.

    Continue Reading

    February 2, 2015 • Metal, News • Views: 1380

  • The Road to the Pooper Bowl: Pooper Bowl Open Swim

    Oh haaaay. Today is the Super Bowl. I probably can’t use those words due to NFL restrictions so I hope any league lawyers reading this keep this in mind: I have no money, eat my butt. If you’re one of those BDubs bros that enjoys watching sportz, this is your open thread to discuss the game. I will be here with you drinking cheap domestic beer and leaving silly comments.

    Continue Reading

    February 1, 2015 • Open Swim • Views: 1070

  • Whiff o’ the Week (2/1/2015)

    “Go, then. There are other worlds than these.”

    Release from life. This is Whiff o’ the Week.

    Continue Reading

    February 1, 2015 • Opinion • Views: 1702