November, 2014

  • Red Shoes, Pink Fur, and White Rock: The Unauthorized Biography of Sonic the Hedgehog

    It was the beginning of the 1990s. America was on the cusp of a new social revolution. Gone were the days of wholesome entertainment. Technological progress marched forward, leaving stolen innocence and broken childhood in its wake. The youth of the remaining world superpower, disillusioned by the triumph of Capitalism and craving a dark foil to the new, shiny Silicon World Order, cast the banal epitomes of adolescent naiveté aside, seeking a grittier reflection of the frightening realization of reality. Old familiar faces, such as the jovial plumber Mario slipped into the cracks of obscurity. Riding a quicksilver bolt of media lightning, a new, sophisticated, and edgy hero stampeded onto the scene. Enter the hedgehog. With his cocky attitude, rebellious demeanor, and mercurial temper, the blue blaze captured the hearts of disenfranchised youth seeking escape from the suburban sprawl. He was gritty, slaying robots and portly educator-types in a digital effigy of youthful resistance. He was environmentally aware, eschewing the shiny industrialism of the clueless American masses. But most importantly, he was fast. Sonic was his name, and speed was his game.

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    November 30, 2014 • Nostalgia Boners, Not Metal • Views: 4943

  • RIFF OV THE WEEK: 11/29/14

    It’s time for Riff ov the Week. Click through to hear me complain about last weeks results just because I didn’t win, crank this week’s riffage, and learn about what we’re doing next week. Continue Reading

    November 29, 2014 • Riff of the Week • Views: 1808

  • Black Friday is for Assholes

    Thanksgiving is an American holiday in which we are encouraged to celebrate our friends and families. We are encouraged to take stock of the many blessings in our lives and to be grateful. We are encouraged to show our appreciation for the people that better our lives. We are encouraged to display the best human qualities. We are encouraged to consume alcohol and pumpkin pie. It is a very good holiday.

    Black Friday is an American tradition in which consumers are encouraged to immediately forget about the lessons of the previous day and go out to purchase useless bullshit. Black Friday is the antithesis of Thanksgiving, and participating in it is akin to pissing on the best elements of human nature. In short, Black Friday is for assholes.

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    November 28, 2014 • Not Metal, Opinion • Views: 2906

  • Happy Day Before All the Sales!

    Ah, Thanksgiving. A time of family. A time of reminiscing. A time of questionable t-shirts. Truly, there is no other time of year like it. Seeing as how this is the mighty Toilet’s first Thanksgiving, I thought it would be appropriate to share with you all how thankful I am for this magical gift that has united us all in this delightful bowl we call home: Music.

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    November 26, 2014 • Open Swim, Uncategorized • Views: 2381

  • Review: AuditorxCrowhurst – Suppression

    Auditor’s sound is one entrenched in several musical worlds without neatly fitting into any one in particular; at once too rooted in metal to be cast as “drone” or “noise” and too electronic-oriented to be called any “metal” derivative. Crowhurst occupy a similar nether region between genre boundaries. Since 2011, Jay Gambit’s obscenely prolific project has put out dozens of releases in nearly as many styles—Crowhurst’s Bandcamp page boasts sixty full-lengths, EPs, splits and collaborations, each showcasing a wildly different sound. Needless to say, the results of the two working together were certain to be unpredictable from the outset.

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    November 26, 2014 • Not Metal, Reviews • Views: 1353

  • The Best Band in Louisiana is Withering Light

    Back in August we asked you to help us find the best unsigned bands in America. After listening to hundreds of submissions, we finally narrowed down our pick for the most gumbo-est state in the union. The best band in Louisiana is Withering Light. Continue Reading

    November 26, 2014 • The Best Unsigned Band in the US • Views: 1875

  • Ghost Chorus Among Old Ruins: A Baring Teeth Triumph

    In the late 1880s, a man named Herman Webster Mudgett moved to Chicago and obtained a position at a pharmacy. Under his better-known alias of H.H. Holmes, he eventually bought the pharmacy, as well as a vacant lot across the street. Holmes then constructed a large hotel on the property with the intention of housing guests of the World’s Fair of 1893, which was held in Chicago. This hotel, a giant, squatting structure known as “the castle” by nearby residents, was much more sinister than its exterior suggested. Continue Reading

    November 26, 2014 • New Stuff, Reviews • Views: 1861

  • Shirt Stains: “Extremely Bad Shirts For Extreme People” Edition

    Oops. Wrong Extreme.

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    November 25, 2014 • Metal, Opinion • Views: 2863

  • Mutilation and Its Discontents

    The state of metal fandom is indeed one of extremity. Fans of the genre live in constant fear of two dichotomous yet equally horrific fates: ineffable dread and abject boredom. Rationed out in the form of metal lyrics, fantasy allows many to cope with these twin specters of evil. In the case of the latter, fantasy allows audiences an escape into exotic worlds. As to the former, this escapism carries with it the unfortunate byproduct of desensitization to the truly heinous. Fantasy can beautify the horrendous, but it can also neutralize it, dulling the impact of real world terror.

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    November 25, 2014 • Nerd Shit, Opinion • Views: 1716

  • Raven: The Pack Is Back

    It’s not often that Ravenone discovers a band in the new millennium that has been around since the 70’s, especially one as important to metal as Raven. I’ll be honest, I’m ashamed of myself. I’m ashamed of the fact that I had no idea who Raven was until very recently, when I heard John Gallagher’s duet with Nina Osegueda in A Sound of Thunder’s album, Out of The Darkness. I thought to myself “Who the hell is that dude and why don’t I know who he is?”

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    November 25, 2014 • News, Opinion • Views: 5187